Marriage
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Isilwen
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Not sure if this helps, but, ultimately how he handles his daughter is his choice. It is his daughter. Should he listen to what you have to say and acknowledge what you're saying? Yes, I do believe so. However, ultimately it is his daughter and his decisions on how he handles her.
My girlfriend will voice her opinion about my little ones and how we should do this or that and I do go to her for advice at times, however, and these are her own words to me, the choice is ultimately yours. She has no expectations that I am going to listen. Not because it's a pattern, but rather, they are my children and I am going to make a decision that could go along with her or contrary to her and she's alright with that. They are my kids and she expects nothing less. I am the same with her kid. She has ultimate say in how she handles him. I voice my opinion and either she takes it or leaves it.
I don't know. Maybe the difference is that we at least acknowledge each other's opinion, even if we're not going to listen to it and put it into action.
My girlfriend will voice her opinion about my little ones and how we should do this or that and I do go to her for advice at times, however, and these are her own words to me, the choice is ultimately yours. She has no expectations that I am going to listen. Not because it's a pattern, but rather, they are my children and I am going to make a decision that could go along with her or contrary to her and she's alright with that. They are my kids and she expects nothing less. I am the same with her kid. She has ultimate say in how she handles him. I voice my opinion and either she takes it or leaves it.
I don't know. Maybe the difference is that we at least acknowledge each other's opinion, even if we're not going to listen to it and put it into action.
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mama2one
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woman are often the social co-ordinator in families
make reservations, buy tickets, or whatever you need to do to get husband and you out of house on Saturday to have fun and spend time together
then soon he'll look forward to your Saturdays together & he can watch his show another evening on an ap
you've got to take action & not let yourself feel ignored
do something about it
make reservations, buy tickets, or whatever you need to do to get husband and you out of house on Saturday to have fun and spend time together
then soon he'll look forward to your Saturdays together & he can watch his show another evening on an ap
you've got to take action & not let yourself feel ignored
do something about it
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Endeavourer
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Tammy, did you discuss the articles I linked for you? If he refuses to engage in mutual decisions about how to treat his daughter then your marriage will always be what it is now unless you put some boundaries in place that incent him to change his behavior.
The way he interacts and prioritizes his daughter is functionally the same as his carrying on an emotional affair. It is another woman that he prioritizes above you, and he's willing to let you suffer while he sees to her needs and has his emotional needs met by her. He is addicted to his emotional needs exchange with his daughter. Addicts will never put their spouse ahead of their substance.
You would need to take steps to break up this emotional affair. The steps are difficult and take a lot of courage on your part.
Let us know what he thought about making mutual decisions according to that article. Anything I would advise you next depends upon his agreement or refusal to make mutual decisions regarding the things in your marriage that affect both of you.
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aiki
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Okay. So, what does God say in His word about married people separating and divorcing? In the book of Malachi, right at the end of the Old Testament, God says that those who forsake their marriage vows are "dealing treacherously" with their spouse. He also says through the prophet Malachi that He HATES divorce. (Malachi 2:13-16)
Have you spoken plainly and directly to your husband about this situation? Or are you just steaming about it secretly? If you are, do you expect your husband to be a mind reader? Anyway, have you been talking to the Lord about these issues? In His word, how does He direct you to act? You might read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Hebrews 12:3 and Matthew 18:15-17.
Is your husband a Christian, a follower of Christ?
Have you asked him why? Have you told him you feel distanced from him? Have you made any effort to bridge the distance, or are you expecting him to initiate in this regard? He should, actually, be the one to do so, but clearly he is not going to; will you love him God's way and move toward him even when he is not moving toward you? Or is your love the human kind that only loves when it is loved?
1 John 4:7-11
7 Beloved let us love one another, for love is from God and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.
8 The one who does not love, does not know God, for God is love.
9 By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world that we might live through him.
10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.
How is it that you came to be married to a man who shows so little care for you? How did you not see your husband's passivity prior to your marriage to him?
If I were to ask your husband's version of things, what do you think he would say?
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Endeavourer
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Sir, you might want to re-read that passage. God hates the treachery that causes divorce:
10 Have we not all one father? hath not one God created us? why do we deal treacherously every man against his brother, by profaning the covenant of our fathers?
11 Judah hath dealt treacherously, and an abomination is committed in Israel and in Jerusalem; for Judah hath profaned the holiness of the LORD which he loved, and hath married the daughter of a strange god.
12 The LORD will cut off the man that doeth this, the master and the scholar, out of the tabernacles of Jacob, and him that offereth an offering unto the LORD of hosts.
13 And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand.
14 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.
15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
16 For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.
17 Ye have wearied the LORD with your words. Yet ye say, Wherein have we wearied him? When ye say, Every one that doeth evil is good in the sight of the LORD, and he delighteth in them; or, Where is the God of judgment?
It is a profound disgrace to the Christian community that many have taken a sentence fragment out of context to badger abused women into staying enslaved to a husband who deals with them treacherously.
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aiki
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No, he hates the treachery that is divorce.
Verse 16 clarifies this very well:
Malachi 2:15-16
15 ...let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth.
16 For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel...
The treachery in view is not bad behaviour causing divorce but, as verse 16 indicates, divorce (or, putting away) itself.
Oh, please. Get off your virtue-signaling high horse. And take better care to understand Scripture. No one is encouraging anyone to remain "enslaved." That's just silly, overblown rhetoric born of emotion rather than the example of Christ set for us in Scripture.
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Endeavourer
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Is that what one would call a Frankenquote? You put fragments from two different sentences together to make up the concept you want.
A text without a context is a pretext.
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Emmylouwho
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Tammy, do you think of the baby as your grandchild?
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aiki
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I have not put two fragments together. They run together in the chapter, verse 15 into verse 16, just as I presented them. How is this "putting them together"? They are together, verse 16 qualifying and clarifying verse 15 in exactly the way I said it did.
Yes, and the immediate context of verse 15 is verse 16 which explains what "dealing treacherously" is referring to: divorce. There is, then, no pretext in what I've pointed out, just your unwillingness to acknowledge the plain declaration of Scripture.
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Endeavourer
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ROFL
Yes it is just silly to remain enslaved in a bad marriage. On that we agree.
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You feel that you are not valued as the most important person in your husband's life. You feel that your daughter in law is invading your boundaries and disrespecting you at the same time. No you are not being selfish. Your feelings are perfectly understandable.
However, I do agree that you do not have grounds for divorce and that a good marriage counselor might help. And, if you have not done so already, after praying for wisdom and tact, you do need to tell your husband how you feel.
However, I do agree that you do not have grounds for divorce and that a good marriage counselor might help. And, if you have not done so already, after praying for wisdom and tact, you do need to tell your husband how you feel.
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KimberlyH
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Hi Tammy!
From what you described, marriage counseling may be an alternative, but before you do here are two articles to get you started with:
Should I Give Up or Fight for My Marriage? - Marriage Helper
How to Fix Your Marriage: The Do's and Don'ts - Marriage Helper
Hope this helps!
From what you described, marriage counseling may be an alternative, but before you do here are two articles to get you started with:
Should I Give Up or Fight for My Marriage? - Marriage Helper
How to Fix Your Marriage: The Do's and Don'ts - Marriage Helper
Hope this helps!
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