Losing a baby through miscarriage..My sister said God was punishing me?

Personally, I tend to think that it is a rare occurrence that God punishes someone in this life for something that they did or did not do.

Hannah66 said:

October 15. is the day for remembrance for pregnancy loss and infant death which includes, miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS or the death of a newborn.

I was thinking about the only baby that I lost in miscarriage back in 2000. I still think about him/her.

My husband and I had endured long-term infertility and it had taken us two years to conceive this baby we had lost. We saw a fertility Endocrinologist who gave me some fertility drugs to help me conceive.

When I lost the baby, my older sister told me that God was punishing me for not trusting him and using fertility drugs. But they only helped me ovulate.

She never apologised to me and it does hurt me somewhat that she took this view.

We never had any living children and my marriage ended last year when my husband left me. She also was holding me accountable for my husband's actions.

We did pray and did trust God in our fertility journey but I don't think we lost our baby because God was punishing us.

What do you think?

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Of course that’s not why you lost your baby. What did the doctor say was the reason?

Absolutely not. God was not punishing you, that is not now it works at all. Unfortunately I've seen others take the attitude your sister has, and all they do is leave a wake of destruction in their path. Does that sound like Jesus?

Forgive her, but don't waste another second feeling condemned or confused because of her poor behavior.

I think those words are simply cruel. There can simply be no truth to that kind of thinking. If that were the case, how are woman out of wedlock having children? Or those in adulterous relationships, for that matter? It's faulty logic.

This is not how life works. And it's not how God works. Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good. And sometimes good people behave badly and vice versa. God knows our hearts. People should never pretend to.

I am sorry you didn't receive the emotional support you required during such a difficult time. She should have embraced you, loved on you and helped you through it.

I am sorry this happened to you. May you heal in every way possible, in Jesus's name.

God bless.

.

Hannah66 said:

We did pray and did trust God in our fertility journey but I don't think we lost our baby because God was punishing us.

What do you think?

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Hannah66 said:

When I lost the baby, my older sister told me that God was punishing me for not trusting him and using fertility drugs. But they only helped me ovulate.

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No. Trying a medicine (if the medicine itself is ethical) is not a sin. Being a human invention, it is not 100% safe, though, and may contribute to a miscarriage, but that is a roll of the dice, not God judging you (for seeking a medical solution).

Hannah66 said:

We never had any living children and my marriage ended last year when my husband left me. She also was holding me accountable for my husband's actions.

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We can do things to drive our spouses away, but I have no way of knowing if that applies to your situation. Your break-up certainly has causes for it, but if your sister is blaming your miscarriage on you, her assessment on the second matter may be equally unreliable.

I think that was an awfully cruel thing for your sister to say to you. She was flat out wrong, in every way. No it's not a punishment.

God bless you for giving her grace and keeping a relationship with her all these years despite that cruelty.

Hannah66 said:

What do you think?

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Your baby is in heaven waiting for you. They do not age very fast so you can raise them when you get there. I lost a daughter around 40 years ago. Recently I had a dream about her in Heaven and she was very small and maybe only around 3 years old by earth standards. When we get there then they will start to grow faster. Also there are parents that never make it to heaven so there are alot of children that need to be adopted there. Heaven is all about children.

Hannah66 said:

October 15. is the day for remembrance for pregnancy loss and infant death which includes, miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS or the death of a newborn.

I was thinking about the only baby that I lost in miscarriage back in 2000. I still think about him/her.

My husband and I had endured long-term infertility and it had taken us two years to conceive this baby we had lost. We saw a fertility Endocrinologist who gave me some fertility drugs to help me conceive.

When I lost the baby, my older sister told me that God was punishing me for not trusting him and using fertility drugs. But they only helped me ovulate.

She never apologised to me and it does hurt me somewhat that she took this view.

We never had any living children and my marriage ended last year when my husband left me. She also was holding me accountable for my husband's actions.

We did pray and did trust God in our fertility journey but I don't think we lost our baby because God was punishing us.

What do you think?

Click to expand...

God does not punish Christians. He's already punished Lord Jesus with what was due to us. We are already forgiven. Our behaviour does have consequences. The law of sowing and reaping applies to all people. Most problems we suffer are self-inflicted.

God does discipline us. I Don't know that losing a baby would come under that category. One woman I used to know suffered greatly from her loss. The Lord showed us that the embryo was not viable, hence the miscarriage. It helped her to know that.

Lord Jesus can and will comfort us in our afflictions. You can ask Him to heal the wound and sense of loss. I'm one of many who believe that infants who die are taken straight to heaven. You will meet your child again.

Marriage break up is terrible (As I know well) but apportioning blame is futile. It takes two. You can and should ask the Lord what you need to learn from the breakup. As long as you learn something, it is not a loss. God works all things together for the good of those who love Him..... (Romans 8:28).

your sister sounds like some of Lot's friends.

I am so sorry for all your losses; your baby, your marriage, any further possible children.

What a terrible thing for her to say, both about your baby and your marriage. Your sister sounds like a cruel judgmental person. In fact is she has nothing nice to say I would consider cutting her out of your life. Not vindictively, just separate yourself. Nobody needs that, especially from the very person who should be your biggest support.

I pray that you will find closure and that you will find supportive people who will uplift and encourage you.

Isaiah 61:3
3 To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”

joshua 1 9 said:

Your baby is in heaven waiting for you. They do not age very fast so you can raise them when you get there.

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That is nice. Some scriptural reference for that ?

Hannah66 said:

We never had any living children and my marriage ended last year when my husband left me.

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Hannah66 said:

We did pray and did trust God in our fertility journey

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I notice how you say "We" did pray and trust God.

But if your husband left you . . . I am curious if he prayed and trusted God with your marriage.

Possibly, we will not know what was really going on with him.

But I think we now can pray and trust God. "What do You want me to do?"

gym_class_hero said:

your sister sounds like some of Lot's friends.

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(I think you mean Job's friends...)

Your sister has a serious problem, and I'm not saying he will, but if God was going to punish anyone, she would be the prime deserving candidate, not you.

If it weren't for the fact it was not Christian like, the next time your sister had a terrible moment, you can make it worse by telling her it was God punishing her for going to work and not having faith enough in God to meet all her needs.

IOW, anyone, at any time, can come up with such a nonsensical accusation as she had for you.

Hannah66 said:

October 15. is the day for remembrance for pregnancy loss and infant death which includes, miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS or the death of a newborn.

I was thinking about the only baby that I lost in miscarriage back in 2000. I still think about him/her.

My husband and I had endured long-term infertility and it had taken us two years to conceive this baby we had lost. We saw a fertility Endocrinologist who gave me some fertility drugs to help me conceive.

When I lost the baby, my older sister told me that God was punishing me for not trusting him and using fertility drugs. But they only helped me ovulate.

She never apologised to me and it does hurt me somewhat that she took this view.

We never had any living children and my marriage ended last year when my husband left me. She also was holding me accountable for my husband's actions.

We did pray and did trust God in our fertility journey but I don't think we lost our baby because God was punishing us.

What do you think?

Click to expand...

I think that is incredible mean for your sister to say.

No. And your sister sounds mean and not mature in her own faith. If God was handing out Earthly punishment for lack of faith; all of us would be living constantly in fear and turmoil and punishment. It's just not how life or God works though. I'm so sorry for your loss.

If the theology of punishment that your sister laid on you were true, then it must be applicable to anyone anywhere, including herself.
ie. God didn't make spiritual laws just so he could beat one person over the head with them.

So an interesting question to ask is, has your sister suffered any calamity, illness, work or family problems, or has everything been completely perfect all her life?
It doesn't matter how small, an ingrown toe nail, a common cold, does she need specs, has she pranged her car?
Whatever the problems in her life, according to her beliefs, they must have happened because she sinned in one way or another.

How did Jesus view such accusations.-
Jesus constantly slapped the Pharisees down because they were so fond of pointing the finger at the sin or failure in others, but invariably whitewashed over their own sin.

Its called hypocrisy.

I'm saying all this, not so you can call your sister out, but so you can quietly forgive her in your heart, cast off that yoke of bondage she laid on you, and start afresh with your life.

The enemy comes to kill steal and destroy, but Jesus came to give life and give it abundantly!
Your baby died because this world is fallen and ruled by Satan, and he loves to bring death and destruction.

Hannah66 said:

my older sister told me that God was punishing

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God is not going to take the blame for the mess that man and the devil has made out of this world. He does cause good to come out of everything that he allows to happen to us: "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." (Romans8:28) In everything we are to give thanks. This shows us that God is a good God and He wants what is best for us. If God is for us then who can be against us?