Would God prepare someone a "next" wife?

Bac81

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Note: I'M NOT LOOKING FOR AN AFFAIR or attempting to justify one!!! Just saying that up front. But I'm in a strange situation right now and I'd love to hear some advice from fellow believers.

Some background first:

I've been married for 17 years, but 10 years in, my wife had a brief affair. She confessed it to me two years later, and it broke me. I spent two years in depression, attempting to fight to save our marriage, something she seemed to want as well. After two years, I discovered that she was having a second affair. That began before I learned about the first. These affairs were both mental and physical. I loved my wife wholeheartedly, but while I was desperate to save my marriage following the second affair, I admit that my love for her has greatly waned as a result. I was struggling with my faith at that point in my life, but I refused to give up on God, and I prayed for Him to save my marriage and help my wife and I to find love again. We found a new home church a year ago and my faith as greatly rebounded (thank the Lord), and while things on my wife's side seem okay now, lately I've been really struggling to find that love for her. I don't know that I ever felt it like I had prior to the affairs. It comes and goes, but it feels like it's been gone for a long while now. All that said, I continue to pray that God helps me love her like I did before.

Now, with all that in mind, let me remind you... I am not looking for another woman!

Okay, so I work as an evening custodian at an elementary school. There are often a plethora of pretty young teachers, and I tend to not have a problem ignoring that. I have pretty good control over wandering thoughts. My focus is on my marriage. But something strange happened about a year ago.

First, let me backtrack a second. I had a strong relationship with God in my teens, and I think I had a pretty good knack of recognizing His voice. And when I acted on that, it often worked out that His voice was correct. I lost that when I lost my faith, and I'm still trying to rediscover His voice again.

Okay, so back on track. I changed school buildings and met a whole slew of new teachers. Then I met a teacher who I will call Abbie (not her real name). She is a Godly single woman who has that Christian glow about her. A lot of the other male employees state that something radiates about her, but I think I'm the only one who recognizes it as Christ. I'll admit to being attracted to her, but as always, I can shut that out.

However, maybe a couple weeks into that school year, I saw her in her classroom, and I swear I heard that old voice that I used to recognize as God's. It simply said, "It'll be okay". I got the impression that something was going to happen, something in my marriage, and that it'll be okay because of "Abbie".

That hit me hard and I immediately rejected it as my own voice speaking out. As I said, I'm definitely attracted to the woman, though I kick those thoughts out asap. But that moment has stayed with me. I've gotten to know Abbie more over the year, simply as co-workers, and while we do not flirt in any way, I can't help but to feel closer to her. We talk about God, and as a defense mechanism, I constantly bring up my wife and kids. She shows no sign of interest on her side, which is good, but I keep feeling "wife" type of emotions toward her. It's extremely frustrating, and I keep praying for God to take that away. But lately, over the past two weeks or so, I feel that it's escalated. I'm praying hard core for that to leave, but it just won't. I don't and won't act on it, but it's dominant in my mind even when I'm not in her presence.

So here are my questions that maybe some of you guys can help me out with. I'm a newly returned Christian (though I never fully left, I just struggled to believe) and I'm struggling to understand this situation.

1) When a spouse has an affair, does the Bible demand divorce? I know God hates it, but was I wrong to work it out after two affairs? Is it possible that the spiritual breaking of our marriage as a result of infidelity has created a permanent spiritual separation, and that's why I struggle to love her? The affair is in my head every day and I do feel that it would almost be a relief to start over new with someone else, but I've already committed to a new future with my wife. I just don't know how to handle this. Should I have left three years ago?

2) If so, is it possible that God is somehow calling me to a new wife? I don't want to divorce my wife, but I also don't feel for her as I once did. Am I wrong to stay with her post-affair?

3) If neither of the above is true, have you heard of any situation where God provides premonitions (something I don't claim to have ever experienced) of preparing a new wife for a husband due to the upcoming passing of their current spouse. I don't want this to be true, but the possibility is locked in my head to the point where I'm just waiting for it to happen. I'd like to hear other people's thoughts on this, but I obviously can't bring it up with anyone I actually know.

4) If none of the above is true, do you feel this is more so the work of the enemy? I have not and will not act on my affection with this teacher or the leading I feel toward her. I know the damage an affair can do, and I love God too much to hurt Him like that. And I don't want to hurt my wife either. Despite what she's done, she's a fantastic person. I refuse to ever go down that path. Do you think this could simply be a test? I'm treating it like one, but it feels so genuine that I can't help but think that there's more to it.

Anyway, I'd just like some advice from my fellow believers. This whole matter has broken and confused me.

Thanks.
 
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Albion

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So here are my questions that maybe some of you guys can help me out with. I'm a newly returned Christian (though I never fully left, I just struggled to believe) and I'm struggling to understand this situation.

1) When a spouse has an affair, does the Bible demand divorce?
No, but it is allowed.

I just don't know how to handle this. Should I have left three years ago?
No. It's admirable that you tried to make it work. And you had every reason to think it had a chance.

2) If so, is it possible that God is somehow calling me to a new wife?
Maybe, but I doubt it and I wouldn't put any stock in that "Heard God's voice" thing.

3) If neither of the above is true, have you heard of any situation where God provides premonitions (something I don't claim to have ever experienced) of preparing a new wife for a husband due to the upcoming passing of their current spouse.
Many things are possible with God, but I don't recall ever hearing of him doing this.

4) If none of the above is true, do you feel this is more so the work of the enemy? I have not and will not act on my affection with this teacher or the leading I feel toward her. I know the damage an affair can do, and I love God too much to hurt Him like that. And I don't want to hurt my wife either. Despite what she's done, she's a fantastic person. I refuse to ever go down that path. Do you think this could simply be a test?
It's all possible, but we cannot take one position or another with any certainty.
 
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And I don't want to hurt my wife either. Despite what she's done, she's a fantastic person. I refuse to ever go down that path. Do you think this could simply be a test? I'm treating it like one, but it feels so genuine that I can't help but think that there's more to it.

Feelings can be so deceptive. If you are still with your wife, then you should put that first, as it seems you are. The rest isn't a factor while you are still married. If you have forgiven your wife for her past infidelity, then you should go forward based on that forgiveness.

Divorced is allowed under the circumstances of adultery, but not demanded. If you have reconciled with your wife, it would not be right to back out now (and it doesn't help you to entertain the possibility). Probably the best thing to do is focus on your wife, and your walk with Christ. Don't entertain thoughts of "what if" since those are not really "live" options unless you were already divorced due to infidelity. Maybe you should consider it a test and be prepared to pass. Try to resist thoughts about what can't be.

I am sorry for your struggles. I know they are real. But, their reality is partly what reality you give them by consent of your thoughts.
 
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tturt

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Sorry you are going through this. Glad y'all have found a church home and your faith is rebounding!

God wouldnt give you the go ahead with another woman. Repent and asks our Heavenly Father to remove the feelings you have for the teacher is what I encourage you to do. You're going to have to replace those thoughts about her with some favorite Scriptures that puts your focus on Him.

Urge you to asks The Lord to give you back the love for your wife In fact you want to love her like He does (John 15:12) and forgive her. when you do, think you'll be in love and at peace with her.
 
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mina

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If you are still with your wife and don't want a divorce ; then you should try to make your marriage work. If other women are distracting you; then you need to get that under control. Personally I don't think God would show you a way with another woman while you are currently in a marriage . I don't think that does much good and just makes someone discontent in their situation . You are not free to be looking so stop.
 
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In the ultimate sense, every Christian marriage is ordained by God and every divorce is not. Why God permits divorce, He permits it in only certain cases – continuous unfaithfulness that includes all kind of abuse (physical or non-physical). I cannot see it anywhere in the scripture where divorce is commanded or commended, divorce is only permitted.

I think if your wife is willing to repent and honour your manage vow, then you fight to save your marriage. I personally think you should keep away from this other woman if you really intend to save your marriage as you are already developing strong feelings for her.
 
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I'm very sorry for what has brought you here.

You'll get a lot of "should"-ing advice on this board with a question like that.

First thing is you need to decide about your marriage. Do you want to stay in it or not? Do you have children?

According to Scripture you may leave that marriage due to your wife's unfaithfulness, and seek a different one. You just can't seek a different one while in your marriage.
 
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Emmylouwho

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Note: I'M NOT LOOKING FOR AN AFFAIR or attempting to justify one!!! Just saying that up front. But I'm in a strange situation right now and I'd love to hear some advice from fellow believers.

Some background first:

I've been married for 17 years, but 10 years in, my wife had a brief affair. She confessed it to me two years later, and it broke me. I spent two years in depression, attempting to fight to save our marriage, something she seemed to want as well. After two years, I discovered that she was having a second affair. That began before I learned about the first. These affairs were both mental and physical. I loved my wife wholeheartedly, but while I was desperate to save my marriage following the second affair, I admit that my love for her has greatly waned as a result. I was struggling with my faith at that point in my life, but I refused to give up on God, and I prayed for Him to save my marriage and help my wife and I to find love again. We found a new home church a year ago and my faith as greatly rebounded (thank the Lord), and while things on my wife's side seem okay now, lately I've been really struggling to find that love for her. I don't know that I ever felt it like I had prior to the affairs. It comes and goes, but it feels like it's been gone for a long while now. All that said, I continue to pray that God helps me love her like I did before.

Now, with all that in mind, let me remind you... I am not looking for another woman!

Okay, so I work as an evening custodian at an elementary school. There are often a plethora of pretty young teachers, and I tend to not have a problem ignoring that. I have pretty good control over wandering thoughts. My focus is on my marriage. But something strange happened about a year ago.

First, let me backtrack a second. I had a strong relationship with God in my teens, and I think I had a pretty good knack of recognizing His voice. And when I acted on that, it often worked out that His voice was correct. I lost that when I lost my faith, and I'm still trying to rediscover His voice again.

Okay, so back on track. I changed school buildings and met a whole slew of new teachers. Then I met a teacher who I will call Abbie (not her real name). She is a Godly single woman who has that Christian glow about her. A lot of the other male employees state that something radiates about her, but I think I'm the only one who recognizes it as Christ. I'll admit to being attracted to her, but as always, I can shut that out.

However, maybe a couple weeks into that school year, I saw her in her classroom, and I swear I heard that old voice that I used to recognize as God's. It simply said, "It'll be okay". I got the impression that something was going to happen, something in my marriage, and that it'll be okay because of "Abbie".

That hit me hard and I immediately rejected it as my own voice speaking out. As I said, I'm definitely attracted to the woman, though I kick those thoughts out asap. But that moment has stayed with me. I've gotten to know Abbie more over the year, simply as co-workers, and while we do not flirt in any way, I can't help but to feel closer to her. We talk about God, and as a defense mechanism, I constantly bring up my wife and kids. She shows no sign of interest on her side, which is good, but I keep feeling "wife" type of emotions toward her. It's extremely frustrating, and I keep praying for God to take that away. But lately, over the past two weeks or so, I feel that it's escalated. I'm praying hard core for that to leave, but it just won't. I don't and won't act on it, but it's dominant in my mind even when I'm not in her presence.

So here are my questions that maybe some of you guys can help me out with. I'm a newly returned Christian (though I never fully left, I just struggled to believe) and I'm struggling to understand this situation.

1) When a spouse has an affair, does the Bible demand divorce? I know God hates it, but was I wrong to work it out after two affairs? Is it possible that the spiritual breaking of our marriage as a result of infidelity has created a permanent spiritual separation, and that's why I struggle to love her? The affair is in my head every day and I do feel that it would almost be a relief to start over new with someone else, but I've already committed to a new future with my wife. I just don't know how to handle this. Should I have left three years ago?

2) If so, is it possible that God is somehow calling me to a new wife? I don't want to divorce my wife, but I also don't feel for her as I once did. Am I wrong to stay with her post-affair?

3) If neither of the above is true, have you heard of any situation where God provides premonitions (something I don't claim to have ever experienced) of preparing a new wife for a husband due to the upcoming passing of their current spouse. I don't want this to be true, but the possibility is locked in my head to the point where I'm just waiting for it to happen. I'd like to hear other people's thoughts on this, but I obviously can't bring it up with anyone I actually know.

4) If none of the above is true, do you feel this is more so the work of the enemy? I have not and will not act on my affection with this teacher or the leading I feel toward her. I know the damage an affair can do, and I love God too much to hurt Him like that. And I don't want to hurt my wife either. Despite what she's done, she's a fantastic person. I refuse to ever go down that path. Do you think this could simply be a test? I'm treating it like one, but it feels so genuine that I can't help but think that there's more to it.

Anyway, I'd just like some advice from my fellow believers. This whole matter has broken and confused me.

Thanks.
This Christian woman is platonically being nice to you. You need to stop fantasizing about her as your new “wife”. You HAVE a wife!
 
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1) When a spouse has an affair, does the Bible demand divorce? I know God hates it, but was I wrong to work it out after two affairs? Is it possible that the spiritual breaking of our marriage as a result of infidelity has created a permanent spiritual separation, and that's why I struggle to love her? The affair is in my head every day and I do feel that it would almost be a relief to start over new with someone else, but I've already committed to a new future with my wife. I just don't know how to handle this. Should I have left three years ago?
It's not demanded, just optional.

2) If so, is it possible that God is somehow calling me to a new wife? I don't want to divorce my wife, but I also don't feel for her as I once did. Am I wrong to stay with her post-affair?
No. I do not believe that was God leading you to Abbie.

3) If neither of the above is true, have you heard of any situation where God provides premonitions (something I don't claim to have ever experienced) of preparing a new wife for a husband due to the upcoming passing of their current spouse. I don't want this to be true, but the possibility is locked in my head to the point where I'm just waiting for it to happen. I'd like to hear other people's thoughts on this, but I obviously can't bring it up with anyone I actually know.
I have never heard of God being confirmed to do something like this. In view of his standard for faithfulness and his demand for righteousness, if he were to do anything of the sort, it would be so subtle that you wouldn't notice it when the current spouse is still living. It wouldn't be seen in the present, only in retrospect after the spouse has died.

4) If none of the above is true, do you feel this is more so the work of the enemy? I have not and will not act on my affection with this teacher or the leading I feel toward her. I know the damage an affair can do, and I love God too much to hurt Him like that. And I don't want to hurt my wife either. Despite what she's done, she's a fantastic person. I refuse to ever go down that path. Do you think this could simply be a test? I'm treating it like one, but it feels so genuine that I can't help but think that there's more to it.
It's a definite temptation.
 
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Emmylouwho

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Note: I'M NOT LOOKING FOR AN AFFAIR or attempting to justify one!!! Just saying that up front. But I'm in a strange situation right now and I'd love to hear some advice from fellow believers.

Some background first:

I've been married for 17 years, but 10 years in, my wife had a brief affair. She confessed it to me two years later, and it broke me. I spent two years in depression, attempting to fight to save our marriage, something she seemed to want as well. After two years, I discovered that she was having a second affair. That began before I learned about the first. These affairs were both mental and physical. I loved my wife wholeheartedly, but while I was desperate to save my marriage following the second affair, I admit that my love for her has greatly waned as a result. I was struggling with my faith at that point in my life, but I refused to give up on God, and I prayed for Him to save my marriage and help my wife and I to find love again. We found a new home church a year ago and my faith as greatly rebounded (thank the Lord), and while things on my wife's side seem okay now, lately I've been really struggling to find that love for her. I don't know that I ever felt it like I had prior to the affairs. It comes and goes, but it feels like it's been gone for a long while now. All that said, I continue to pray that God helps me love her like I did before.

Now, with all that in mind, let me remind you... I am not looking for another woman!

Okay, so I work as an evening custodian at an elementary school. There are often a plethora of pretty young teachers, and I tend to not have a problem ignoring that. I have pretty good control over wandering thoughts. My focus is on my marriage. But something strange happened about a year ago.

First, let me backtrack a second. I had a strong relationship with God in my teens, and I think I had a pretty good knack of recognizing His voice. And when I acted on that, it often worked out that His voice was correct. I lost that when I lost my faith, and I'm still trying to rediscover His voice again.

Okay, so back on track. I changed school buildings and met a whole slew of new teachers. Then I met a teacher who I will call Abbie (not her real name). She is a Godly single woman who has that Christian glow about her. A lot of the other male employees state that something radiates about her, but I think I'm the only one who recognizes it as Christ. I'll admit to being attracted to her, but as always, I can shut that out.

However, maybe a couple weeks into that school year, I saw her in her classroom, and I swear I heard that old voice that I used to recognize as God's. It simply said, "It'll be okay". I got the impression that something was going to happen, something in my marriage, and that it'll be okay because of "Abbie".

That hit me hard and I immediately rejected it as my own voice speaking out. As I said, I'm definitely attracted to the woman, though I kick those thoughts out asap. But that moment has stayed with me. I've gotten to know Abbie more over the year, simply as co-workers, and while we do not flirt in any way, I can't help but to feel closer to her. We talk about God, and as a defense mechanism, I constantly bring up my wife and kids. She shows no sign of interest on her side, which is good, but I keep feeling "wife" type of emotions toward her. It's extremely frustrating, and I keep praying for God to take that away. But lately, over the past two weeks or so, I feel that it's escalated. I'm praying hard core for that to leave, but it just won't. I don't and won't act on it, but it's dominant in my mind even when I'm not in her presence.

So here are my questions that maybe some of you guys can help me out with. I'm a newly returned Christian (though I never fully left, I just struggled to believe) and I'm struggling to understand this situation.

1) When a spouse has an affair, does the Bible demand divorce? I know God hates it, but was I wrong to work it out after two affairs? Is it possible that the spiritual breaking of our marriage as a result of infidelity has created a permanent spiritual separation, and that's why I struggle to love her? The affair is in my head every day and I do feel that it would almost be a relief to start over new with someone else, but I've already committed to a new future with my wife. I just don't know how to handle this. Should I have left three years ago?

2) If so, is it possible that God is somehow calling me to a new wife? I don't want to divorce my wife, but I also don't feel for her as I once did. Am I wrong to stay with her post-affair?

3) If neither of the above is true, have you heard of any situation where God provides premonitions (something I don't claim to have ever experienced) of preparing a new wife for a husband due to the upcoming passing of their current spouse. I don't want this to be true, but the possibility is locked in my head to the point where I'm just waiting for it to happen. I'd like to hear other people's thoughts on this, but I obviously can't bring it up with anyone I actually know.

4) If none of the above is true, do you feel this is more so the work of the enemy? I have not and will not act on my affection with this teacher or the leading I feel toward her. I know the damage an affair can do, and I love God too much to hurt Him like that. And I don't want to hurt my wife either. Despite what she's done, she's a fantastic person. I refuse to ever go down that path. Do you think this could simply be a test? I'm treating it like one, but it feels so genuine that I can't help but think that there's more to it.

Anyway, I'd just like some advice from my fellow believers. This whole matter has broken and confused me.

Thanks.
What makes you think this godly young Christian woman would be interested in getting involved with a married man? With children.
 
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Bac81

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What makes you think this godly young Christian woman would be interested in getting involved with a married man? With children.

Nothing actually. Trust me, I'm not much to look at :) Remember the first line in my original post, I'm not looking for an affair. I don't want one. She's shown no sign of interest and I've done nothing to relay what I'm going through to her or anyone else besides God and the above post where I just needed some advice. My main concern was that weird "voice" regarding everything going to be alright possibly meaning something bad would happen to my wife or two our marriage. I didn't know if anyone had ever heard God working like that, because I didn't want it to be true. And of course, my uncertainty on what the Bible teaches on what to do following an affair.
 
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Emmylouwho

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Nothing actually. Trust me, I'm not much to look at :) Remember the first line in my original post, I'm not looking for an affair. I don't want one. She's shown no sign of interest and I've done nothing to relay what I'm going through to her or anyone else besides God and the above post where I just needed some advice. My main concern was that weird "voice" regarding everything going to be alright possibly meaning something bad would happen to my wife or two our marriage. I didn't know if anyone had ever heard God working like that, because I didn't want it to be true. And of course, my uncertainty on what the Bible teaches on what to do following an affair.
Why would “everything’s going to be all right” mean something bad is going to happen to your wife?
 
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Emmylouwho

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This part of your post is disturbing:

“...have you heard of any situation where God provides premonitions (something I don't claim to have ever experienced) of preparing a new wife for a husband due to the upcoming passing of their current spouse. I don't want this to be true, but the possibility is locked in my head to the point where I'm just waiting for it to happen.”
 
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Bac81

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That said, I did want to relay what I think was a ground breaking moment in all this that happened tonight. I was sick all night with all this confusion as I worked. I didn't speak with "Abbie" before she left as she headed out quickly (she was being honored as a teacher of the year nominee at a local hotel, which is awesome). Still, I was having a really bad evening over my worry about what I was feeling toward her, worried about what I wasn't feeling toward my wife, struggling with the pain of her affairs, worried what the message I may or may not have received that could mean the end of my marriage somehow... which I don't want.

Well, toward the end of the night when I had two rooms left to clean (long after I cleaned Abbie's room) I just stopped because of the weight of it all. I've been praying about all this for days and started doing so again, not really feeling like I was getting anywhere. Well, this time felt a little different. I felt like I needed to go into Abbie's classroom and pray for her. This felt inappropriate at first, but it occurred to me that I needed to see her as a person and as a sister in Christ again and not as a potential future wife, and praying for her would humanize her. So I finished the final two rooms and waited for my final break. Then I went into Abbie's room, sat in her chair and began to pray.

I didn't really know what to pray for, so I prayed for Abbie and her health. Her walk with God. I saw a picture on her desk of her siblings, so I prayed for them as well. I prayed for the students in that classroom. Then I began to pray for my wife and for myself and our struggles. I put it all in God's hands and begged for him to removed any draw I have toward Abbie and to help me love my wife like how I used to. It was somewhere in there that I began to feel the nudge to pray for the man she had an affair with. That hit me hard. I forced myself to and it was like a flood. I broke down as I prayed for God to forgive him and to help me forgive him. I prayed for his wife, who was also hurt by the affair. I know that at some point in his past he'd been a Christian, so I prayed for his faith and redemption. I prayed for God to take away the hate I had for him in my heart. After that, I started praying for Abbie, for me, and for my wife again, and this time I felt like it was helping. After about thirty minutes, I felt good but worried that everything would return the moment I left that classroom. I stood and looked down at Abbie's desk calendar and saw a Bible verse printed on it. I don't remember the verse off hand but it was the one in Psalms about God being a strong tower (there's a song about it). Something about that hit me hard and reminded me that God is bigger than all this. It reminded me that He isn't just someone who might answer a prayer for me, or be mysterious in His ways, but that He's someone who is in control if I just trust Him to work. So I prayed for everyone again with that in mind, including the man my wife had the affair with, and it felt right. I was at peace, like I took a step in the right direction. I wrote a little note thanking Abbie for having that verse on her desk. Though I won't ever tell her why the verse helped me tonight, as a Christian, I know it can be nice knowing that you've had a positive affect on someone's spiritual walk.

And as if to confirm that there had been a break thru tonight, I left her room and went to clean the bathroom, and I heard something very uncharacteristic. My boss only ever listens to audio books at night, and while I know she has some faith, she's not overly outward or obvious about it. Well, as I was putting on my gloves, I heard her mopping the steps with Amazing Grace playing over her phone. It sounds cliche, but man did that hit me hard. I dodged into my janitorial closet before she saw me and thanked God. I just got home from work and feel good about all this. It's the calmest I've felt in days.

If you guys can keep me in your prayers, I'd appreciate it. I don't feel like this is over entirely, but I at least feel like the right step has been made.

Thanks
 
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Bac81

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Why would “everything’s going to be all right” mean something bad is going to happen to your wife?

Because I don't see us getting a divorce. I feel that we're past that despite the issues I'm still feeling. It made no sense to me that I would feel any need to "be okay" that would involve someone else. That then got me worrying that God was warning me about something to come... either my wife revealing another affair, or her passing away somehow. I really don't think she'll have another affair as she's been painstakingly open about everything for three years now. I don't mistrust her. The possibility of God warning me for something bad happening is terrifying to me, and I don't want it. That's why I wanted to get other believers' opinions, to see if something like that had ever happened before either in the Bible or in some "real world" story.
 
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Bac81

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This part of your post is disturbing:

“...have you heard of any situation where God provides premonitions (something I don't claim to have ever experienced) of preparing a new wife for a husband due to the upcoming passing of their current spouse. I don't want this to be true, but the possibility is locked in my head to the point where I'm just waiting for it to happen.”

I agree completely, which is why I've been sick about it. I hate that thought badly and have been praying for God to remove that idea since it happened. It's horrifying.
 
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DLovingBrother

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I have been a Christian for 24 years and I have learned that no matter how terrible a situation is, there are “unnegotiables”. Divorce is actually forbidden. It was only allowed by Moses because of the people’s pressure. God’s principles are higher than Moses’ interpretation.

I agree with mina, keep working on your marriage. And on your original post, I choose no. 4. My suggestion to you is go to a Christian church, not where you worship, but a church away from where you normally go and arrange for a counseling with the pastor. Then mention to him everything that you wrote here.

I would also strongly suggest that you attend “A Weekend to Remember” by Family Life at Weekend to Remember | FamilyLife®. It strengthened my marriage though we never really had problems but for some of my friends, it worked wonders. One couple have already separated but it was restored. Infidelity was involved in another and it stopped. Sometimes, being told certain things change people and some people change when they hear it from others instead of a spouse or friend. These seminars ar held at different weekends at different cities all over the US.
 
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