Doubts of salvation coupled with inability to clearly believe

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My understanding of salvation is that to believe in Jesus is to look to Him and trust in Him for salvation, essentially.

I had been a false convert for 2/3rds of a year, thinking I knew the Gospel and was saved, but I had twisted it in my mind, and fell into secret sin of a magnitude that I know I wasn’t really saved.

A little later, I thought for a little while that I had blasphemed the Holy Spirit, and so suddenly forgiveness of my sins became precious to me (before, it had just been academic), and I found out that because of my worries, I could know I hadn’t, essentially.

I then started doubting if I was saved and about what the Gospel was, and got really confused, but things worked together for me to piece together what the Gospel really is, and I had some assurance of salvation for a while.

Then a bit later, the doubts came back, and a friend asked me, if I got into Heaven, why that would be.

I replied that it would be because God gave me saving faith at some point.

He said that no, it was because Jesus died for our sins and rose from the dead. That statement struck me like a lightning bolt.

So then I started having assurance, not by knowing I had believed, but by telling the Gospel to myself again, trusting that Jesus saves me, and being assured-seemingly.

But then, I started having trouble doing this-I would try to trust in Jesus for salvation, and fail.

People have told me you can’t try to trust, that you do or you don’t, but I know-I have made a mental exertion to try and be confident in Jesus that He gives me forgiveness and eternal life through His death and resurrection, and have ended up with zero confidence.

I would sometimes be able to, and sometimes wouldn’t, and increasingly would ask questions when I seemingly could believe, that I couldn’t answer.

Then finally, about a year after my first worry, I stopped ever being able to be confident in Jesus-it’s like putting a key into the ignition of a car, turning it, and the engine coughs, splutters, and spits out smoke. My attempts to tell myself that Jesus saves me just descend into confusion and bleakness.

Furthermore, I’ve been getting worse about basically everything on the side, getting lazier, not doing as much of spiritual things, and getting angry a lot, mostly at God about my problem(and since fits of rage are one of the deeds of the flesh Galatians lists, this makes me just worry that I’m not saved, and what hope do I have of being saved if I’m not, after knowing what to do and trying to do it for over half a year now? God could help me, but if He hasn’t so far, what hope do I have of Him helping me then, unless what He wants from me is the humility to say I’m not saved? And I don’t have enough information, seemingly, to be sure I’m not saved-there are too many questions, and I’ve shown what seems to be fruit, and I think I repent and confess after my anger).

What should I do? How can I deal with flat inability to do exactly what I know should solve this-to just turn to Jesus and trust Him? That’s the answer to any other question! But inability to do it is the one thing it can’t solve! Or is it? And what is it that God wants or knows better about, that explains this? He doesn’t just leave people on the dark without hope, but I can’t see this not being that, unless I am saved already and this is a big trial, which is exactly the question at hand!
 

anna ~ grace

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Trust in Christ and follow Him. He will give you the strength to do this, too. You will have bumps in the road, though. We all fall into sin. Read your Bible daily, pray, spend time with Christ in prayer, and ask for His help and strength daily. It's a journey, friend.
 
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spiritualchristian7

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Jesus became our righteousness
He fulfilled the law for us
we, as believers are already covered by His blood

(not my words, but a file I saved from someone somewhere)
What defines a Christian is the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. God will never leave or forsake us. For us to lose salvation, His Spirit would have to un-indwell us, which is no where in scripture. With that said, confessing Christ and repenting of our sins doesn't mean we're perfect and sinless, that doesn't happen until we receive our glorified bodies (1 Corinthians 15:50-57). True followers of Christ are still capable of sinning, but because our hearts have been changed and the Holy Spirit guides us, we hate sin. The believer sees the world through different eyes once we are saved. We can recognize sin a mile away and we hate it, so if we sin, we are full of regret and shame, we repent and pray for strength to do better next time.

If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. For “whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.” Romans 10:9-13

Galatians 5:1
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not be encumbered once more by a yoke of slavery.

John 8:36 (but you need to have 'faith first in order to be free)
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

The gospel is about Jesus Christ dying on the cross for your sins.
 
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2PhiloVoid

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My understanding of salvation is that to believe in Jesus is to look to Him and trust in Him for salvation, essentially.

I had been a false convert for 2/3rds of a year, thinking I knew the Gospel and was saved, but I had twisted it in my mind, and fell into secret sin of a magnitude that I know I wasn’t really saved.

A little later, I thought for a little while that I had blasphemed the Holy Spirit, and so suddenly forgiveness of my sins became precious to me (before, it had just been academic), and I found out that because of my worries, I could know I hadn’t, essentially.

I then started doubting if I was saved and about what the Gospel was, and got really confused, but things worked together for me to piece together what the Gospel really is, and I had some assurance of salvation for a while.

Then a bit later, the doubts came back, and a friend asked me, if I got into Heaven, why that would be.

I replied that it would be because God gave me saving faith at some point.

He said that no, it was because Jesus died for our sins and rose from the dead. That statement struck me like a lightning bolt.

So then I started having assurance, not by knowing I had believed, but by telling the Gospel to myself again, trusting that Jesus saves me, and being assured-seemingly.

But then, I started having trouble doing this-I would try to trust in Jesus for salvation, and fail.

People have told me you can’t try to trust, that you do or you don’t, but I know-I have made a mental exertion to try and be confident in Jesus that He gives me forgiveness and eternal life through His death and resurrection, and have ended up with zero confidence.

I would sometimes be able to, and sometimes wouldn’t, and increasingly would ask questions when I seemingly could believe, that I couldn’t answer.

Then finally, about a year after my first worry, I stopped ever being able to be confident in Jesus-it’s like putting a key into the ignition of a car, turning it, and the engine coughs, splutters, and spits out smoke. My attempts to tell myself that Jesus saves me just descend into confusion and bleakness.

Furthermore, I’ve been getting worse about basically everything on the side, getting lazier, not doing as much of spiritual things, and getting angry a lot, mostly at God about my problem(and since fits of rage are one of the deeds of the flesh Galatians lists, this makes me just worry that I’m not saved, and what hope do I have of being saved if I’m not, after knowing what to do and trying to do it for over half a year now? God could help me, but if He hasn’t so far, what hope do I have of Him helping me then, unless what He wants from me is the humility to say I’m not saved? And I don’t have enough information, seemingly, to be sure I’m not saved-there are too many questions, and I’ve shown what seems to be fruit, and I think I repent and confess after my anger).

What should I do? How can I deal with flat inability to do exactly what I know should solve this-to just turn to Jesus and trust Him? That’s the answer to any other question! But inability to do it is the one thing it can’t solve! Or is it? And what is it that God wants or knows better about, that explains this? He doesn’t just leave people on the dark without hope, but I can’t see this not being that, unless I am saved already and this is a big trial, which is exactly the question at hand!

You've got a long laundry list here, Waitingforgood, I'll give you that. But, even so, there are steps you can take to help, even if all of these steps won't in and of themselves solve ever jot and cranny of individualized sin that you may be wrestling with.

One step is: Get some professional, preferably Christian, psychological counseling.

A second step is: Become better educated about the world in which you live, by which I mean the sociological and legal frames that are imposed upon you by your culture.

A third step is: Fully contemplate and realize the dysfunction that may and can very well manifest in your life if you "keep on keeping on" with whatever sin it is you so have a proclivity for.

A fourth one is: Since you're obviously single, seek out strong but intelligent and emotionally balanced men of Christ who will be able to partner with you in personal growth and friendship.

And Fifth (although more could be added, all of which I'll just leave open for others to add): Realize that your own healthy social needs in life might not be being met and you'll have to learn to accept moments of silence and loneliness and use these to positive ends rather than as idle time for idle hands and idle sins.

In sum, you'll need to take some practical steps such as those above to move forward on your own journey in making Jesus Lord of your life and fully harnessing the truth of your Salvation, because while the Truth really will set you free, some of that truth requires your participation with other Christians in order to achieve and maintain your "freedom" in Christ and "freedom" from the Devil.

So, maybe consider these things.

Peace.
 
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eleos1954

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My understanding of salvation is that to believe in Jesus is to look to Him and trust in Him for salvation, essentially.

I had been a false convert for 2/3rds of a year, thinking I knew the Gospel and was saved, but I had twisted it in my mind, and fell into secret sin of a magnitude that I know I wasn’t really saved.

A little later, I thought for a little while that I had blasphemed the Holy Spirit, and so suddenly forgiveness of my sins became precious to me (before, it had just been academic), and I found out that because of my worries, I could know I hadn’t, essentially.

I then started doubting if I was saved and about what the Gospel was, and got really confused, but things worked together for me to piece together what the Gospel really is, and I had some assurance of salvation for a while.

Then a bit later, the doubts came back, and a friend asked me, if I got into Heaven, why that would be.

I replied that it would be because God gave me saving faith at some point.

He said that no, it was because Jesus died for our sins and rose from the dead. That statement struck me like a lightning bolt.

So then I started having assurance, not by knowing I had believed, but by telling the Gospel to myself again, trusting that Jesus saves me, and being assured-seemingly.

But then, I started having trouble doing this-I would try to trust in Jesus for salvation, and fail.

People have told me you can’t try to trust, that you do or you don’t, but I know-I have made a mental exertion to try and be confident in Jesus that He gives me forgiveness and eternal life through His death and resurrection, and have ended up with zero confidence.

I would sometimes be able to, and sometimes wouldn’t, and increasingly would ask questions when I seemingly could believe, that I couldn’t answer.

Then finally, about a year after my first worry, I stopped ever being able to be confident in Jesus-it’s like putting a key into the ignition of a car, turning it, and the engine coughs, splutters, and spits out smoke. My attempts to tell myself that Jesus saves me just descend into confusion and bleakness.

Furthermore, I’ve been getting worse about basically everything on the side, getting lazier, not doing as much of spiritual things, and getting angry a lot, mostly at God about my problem(and since fits of rage are one of the deeds of the flesh Galatians lists, this makes me just worry that I’m not saved, and what hope do I have of being saved if I’m not, after knowing what to do and trying to do it for over half a year now? God could help me, but if He hasn’t so far, what hope do I have of Him helping me then, unless what He wants from me is the humility to say I’m not saved? And I don’t have enough information, seemingly, to be sure I’m not saved-there are too many questions, and I’ve shown what seems to be fruit, and I think I repent and confess after my anger).

What should I do? How can I deal with flat inability to do exactly what I know should solve this-to just turn to Jesus and trust Him? That’s the answer to any other question! But inability to do it is the one thing it can’t solve! Or is it? And what is it that God wants or knows better about, that explains this? He doesn’t just leave people on the dark without hope, but I can’t see this not being that, unless I am saved already and this is a big trial, which is exactly the question at hand!

We are all tempted to sin (by satan) .... it is our nature to bend towards sin ... and ... we do sin. This is the work of satan. Satan is the one placing doubt ... has been doing this from the beginning.

Genesis 3
New International Version
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?"

When doubts come into your mind ... Go to God and ask Him to remove doubts about Him from your mind ... casting out these thoughts in the name of Jesus. Do this every time it happens.

The devil is relentless in trying to draw people away from God. Believe the truth of God and not the lies of the devil.

Continue to study Gods word and especially spend time studying His words of encouragement ... daily.

Philippians 1:6

New Living Translation
6 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

May the Lord help you to be strong in Him without any doubt. Amen.
 
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You've got a long laundry list here, Waitingforgood, I'll give you that. But, even so, there are steps you can take to help, even if all of these steps won't in and of themselves solve ever jot and cranny of individualized sin that you may be wrestling with.

One step is: Get some professional, preferably Christian, psychological counseling.

A second step is: Become better educated about the world in which you live, by which I mean the sociological and legal frames that are imposed upon you by your culture.

A third step is: Fully contemplate and realize the dysfunction that may and can very well manifest in your life if you "keep on keeping on" with whatever sin it is you so have a proclivity for.

A fourth one is: Since you're obviously single, seek out strong but intelligent and emotionally balanced men of Christ who will be able to partner with you in personal growth and friendship.

And Fifth (although more could be added, all of which I'll just leave open for others to add): Realize that your own healthy social needs in life might not be being met and you'll have to learn to accept moments of silence and loneliness and use these to positive ends rather than as idle time for idle hands and idle sins.

In sum, you'll need to take some practical steps such as those above to move forward on your own journey in making Jesus Lord of your life and fully harnessing the truth of your Salvation, because while the Truth really will set you free, some of that truth requires your participation with other Christians in order to achieve and maintain your "freedom" in Christ and "freedom" from the Devil.

So, maybe consider these things.

Peace.

Thank you for the advice; it feels like I’ve heard a lot of what people are saying before, but it is always important to be encouraged to leave sin, even the millionth time.

I’m going to counseling already, with a Christian.

I’m not sure how to get a grip on step two; how should I go about it?

Finally, I do try to have time with other believers, and talk with them; I live with 5 other guys in my church. I’m not sure sometimes how to best get advice from people sometimes.
 
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Jesus became our righteousness
He fulfilled the law for us
we, as believers are already covered by His blood

(not my words, but a file I saved from someone somewhere)
What defines a Christian is the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. God will never leave or forsake us. For us to lose salvation, His Spirit would have to un-indwell us, which is no where in scripture. With that said, confessing Christ and repenting of our sins doesn't mean we're perfect and sinless, that doesn't happen until we receive our glorified bodies (1 Corinthians 15:50-57). True followers of Christ are still capable of sinning, but because our hearts have been changed and the Holy Spirit guides us, we hate sin. The believer sees the world through different eyes once we are saved. We can recognize sin a mile away and we hate it, so if we sin, we are full of regret and shame, we repent and pray for strength to do better next time.

If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. For “whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.” Romans 10:9-13

Galatians 5:1
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not be encumbered once more by a yoke of slavery.

John 8:36 (but you need to have 'faith first in order to be free)
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

The gospel is about Jesus Christ dying on the cross for your sins.

I know! But it’s being actually confident in Him for salvation through His dying for my sins that’s so difficult. Maybe it’s weak faith, maybe it’s a wall of unbelief, and I don’t know how to tell the difference, or if there IS a difference.
 
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spiritualchristian7

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I know! But it’s being actually confident in Him for salvation through His dying for my sins that’s so difficult. Maybe it’s weak faith, maybe it’s a wall of unbelief, and I don’t know how to tell the difference, or if there IS a difference.
I think you should pray to God about your problem
same thing happened to me, but I prayed to God for guidance and for Him to show me the truth
took a while, be he answered my prayers.
 
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I think you should pray to God about your problem
same thing happened to me, but I prayed to God for guidance and for Him to show me the truth
took a while, be he answered my prayers.

Would you mind telling me more? Hearing how God helped someone else with my problem could be really helpful for me, and lines up with what Paul said about how God “comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (Part of 2 Corinthians 1:4)
 
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spiritualchristian7

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It's not comfort you need but more of encouragement.

I takes a lot of 'you' to actually surrender to, believe in, and accept Jesus Christ
You're in a bottleneck of unbelief->belief, I understand. That was me 2 years ago and it feels just like yesterday. Logical mind vs. Faith (believing without seeing)
So what I did at the time was, to go to the bathroom (somewhere secluded) and prayed sincerely to God to show me the truth eventually in my walk.
I was religiously struggling because I didn't know what or who I should believe in regarding salvation&theology. And yes, I wanted to hold onto my family's religion (less conflict/fuss when I marry)
But now that I look back, that prayer worked. God eventually showed me the truth I was looking for.
If you just pray sincerely and ask God, He will show you.
maybe not instantly, but gradually and eventually.

Matthew 7:7-8
7Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened
 
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