I just don’t get it

biblicalbro said:

Wouldn’t this count as one?

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no

rules for Christian Advice- posters to ONLY respond to OP
so Christian Advice could not serve as a Fellowship thread

biblicalbro said:

Ok how can I make one?

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Christian Clubs.

~Bella

biblicalbro said:

So basically, be like Christ. “Not my will, Yours be done”

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You got it. And some of the best Christian fellowship can happen among people who have little to nothing in common naturally and who wouldn't even be around each other if they weren't seeking the Lord together.

biblicalbro said:

No matter what, I can’t shake this feeling of loneliness and insignificance when around ppl. It’s one thing to not be of this world and be rejected but it’s bad when you feel this way around beloved believers.

It’s not that I don’t try to connect. Been pushing myself more lately to talk, etc. But the end result is always the same. It’s agonizing to see other ppl have fun together and sharing a close bond.

Or how ppl have a significant other. Now for a while none of these things bothered me as I was more content in my own. Yet at the same time I knew I had to connect. I don’t know. It’s like establishing significant relationships become a rarity but the day. Especially as you get older. Most of the time it’s down to just small talk and nothing more. You reach out to hang out, Ppl are busy. You text to say hi, ppl take forever and a day to respond. And then when you’re actually around ppl to talk, you just don’t want to be there because you feel like you don’t matter, and are of no contribution to anyone.

Just wanted to share my thoughts for your prayers. I realize that this has been a pattern for a long time in my life. Never been a people person, hard to build new relationships and those I do build don’t last. And it’s usually me trying to hold such relationships together. But even in those relationships, there are times where I don’t want to be around as I feel like I don’t belong.


Nevertheless, I feel lonely whether or not I am around people. Thanks for reading.

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Will pray for you, and ask you to do the same for me. That we can both open up more around others and that God will bring some friends and companionship into our lifes. I am the exact same way as you

biblicalbro said:

You’re so smart Bella

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Thank you.

I shared the group link in the Singles forum. God bless.

~Bella

biblicalbro said:

No matter what, I can’t shake this feeling of loneliness and insignificance when around ppl. It’s one thing to not be of this world and be rejected but it’s bad when you feel this way around beloved believers.

It’s not that I don’t try to connect. Been pushing myself more lately to talk, etc. But the end result is always the same. It’s agonizing to see other ppl have fun together and sharing a close bond.

Or how ppl have a significant other. Now for a while none of these things bothered me as I was more content in my own. Yet at the same time I knew I had to connect. I don’t know. It’s like establishing significant relationships become a rarity but the day. Especially as you get older. Most of the time it’s down to just small talk and nothing more. You reach out to hang out, Ppl are busy. You text to say hi, ppl take forever and a day to respond. And then when you’re actually around ppl to talk, you just don’t want to be there because you feel like you don’t matter, and are of no contribution to anyone.

Just wanted to share my thoughts for your prayers. I realize that this has been a pattern for a long time in my life. Never been a people person, hard to build new relationships and those I do build don’t last. And it’s usually me trying to hold such relationships together. But even in those relationships, there are times where I don’t want to be around as I feel like I don’t belong.


Nevertheless, I feel lonely whether or not I am around people. Thanks for reading.

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It takes a while to build relationships, even at church. I would say trying to build relationships on a Sunday alone is quite hard, and takes time. If you could get involved in a church home group, or small group, you will find that people open up a little more, and you may find what you are looking for.

biblicalbro said:

No matter what, I can’t shake this feeling of loneliness and insignificance when around ppl. It’s one thing to not be of this world and be rejected but it’s bad when you feel this way around beloved believers.

It’s not that I don’t try to connect. Been pushing myself more lately to talk, etc. But the end result is always the same. It’s agonizing to see other ppl have fun together and sharing a close bond.

Or how ppl have a significant other. Now for a while none of these things bothered me as I was more content in my own. Yet at the same time I knew I had to connect. I don’t know. It’s like establishing significant relationships become a rarity but the day. Especially as you get older. Most of the time it’s down to just small talk and nothing more. You reach out to hang out, Ppl are busy. You text to say hi, ppl take forever and a day to respond. And then when you’re actually around ppl to talk, you just don’t want to be there because you feel like you don’t matter, and are of no contribution to anyone.

Just wanted to share my thoughts for your prayers. I realize that this has been a pattern for a long time in my life. Never been a people person, hard to build new relationships and those I do build don’t last. And it’s usually me trying to hold such relationships together. But even in those relationships, there are times where I don’t want to be around as I feel like I don’t belong.


Nevertheless, I feel lonely whether or not I am around people. Thanks for reading.

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I can relate. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. I was the one everyone took out their spite, anger, pain, etc... on. It left me feeling very isolated and lonely. I won't bother you with all the story as it really doesn't apply to this thread. However, I will tell you what has always helped me the most. That's to get involved in working for God. Doing what He tells us is love for our fellow man. Get involved in leading people to Him. Get involved in helping others as Jesus did. Get involved in things bigger than yourself. Lay all of this out before our heavenly Father and ask Him for healing and guidance. Ask Him what He would have you do. He will heal you if you stick to Him and just keep on asking and believing. Jesus said, it will be done unto us according to our faith. Thus, like the blind man Jesus told to go wash his eyes in the pool of Siloam, just believe Him and do what He lays out for you to do. He will answer the prayer of faith.

When you do the above self disappears in service to others and in seeking to do God's will. And when self disappears God shines through both to you and to others. His love will become very real to you, and when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God loves you that will cause you to accept yourself and allow God to heal your hurts and pains. That is what God has done for me, and I have no doubt He can do the same for you. As screwed up as I was and the healing I've experienced from Him leaves no doubt in my mind that God can heal any amount of psychological pain and suffering. We just need to turn to Him and trust Him to heal us. He is the answer to what you are experiencing.

Jesus became a human being to do these kinds of things for us. He is reaching out to us, we just need to recognize that and respond to it in a positive way.

biblicalbro said:

No matter what, I can’t shake this feeling of loneliness and insignificance when around ppl. It’s one thing to not be of this world and be rejected but it’s bad when you feel this way around beloved believers.

It’s not that I don’t try to connect. Been pushing myself more lately to talk, etc. But the end result is always the same. It’s agonizing to see other ppl have fun together and sharing a close bond.

Or how ppl have a significant other. Now for a while none of these things bothered me as I was more content in my own. Yet at the same time I knew I had to connect. I don’t know. It’s like establishing significant relationships become a rarity but the day. Especially as you get older. Most of the time it’s down to just small talk and nothing more. You reach out to hang out, Ppl are busy. You text to say hi, ppl take forever and a day to respond. And then when you’re actually around ppl to talk, you just don’t want to be there because you feel like you don’t matter, and are of no contribution to anyone.

Just wanted to share my thoughts for your prayers. I realize that this has been a pattern for a long time in my life. Never been a people person, hard to build new relationships and those I do build don’t last. And it’s usually me trying to hold such relationships together. But even in those relationships, there are times where I don’t want to be around as I feel like I don’t belong.


Nevertheless, I feel lonely whether or not I am around people. Thanks for reading.

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Rejoice! God isn't demanding that we 'get it' all the time.
Your profile doesn't say anything about age or marital status, and I'm guessing 'bro' means male. I think marital status can have a lot to do with it. If you are single, and live in a larger metro area that is likely to have a church singles ministry designed just for singles, try it and see if it helps. I've been in churches big and small and married couples have other married couples as their friends. The singles in small churches are pretty much on their own. Married people will say hi, but them being a friend outside the church environment is very unlikely. That's only happened to me once over many years. I'm male, and it was the husband who reached out in a very small church that ended up closing it's doors years ago and I haven't seen him but once since then and we never talk or email. I could be dead for all he knows, and vice versa.

One thing I've discovered from being in groups that welcome both singles and marrieds is that being married is a totally different world, much more than I would have ever guessed, regardless as to the age of the kids, including so-called 'empty nesters.' (yes, we actually had a class for 'empty nesters'....kids out of the house but not as much gray hair as the seniors classes, mainly 40s to 50ish.) In fact, the longer they've been married, the more detached they are to anything 'single' cause it's been decades since they had to even think about it. They never go home to an empty house if they have kids, a dog, or the spouse never travels with their jobs. They're more outgoing and sociable, and it's not with singles, it's with other marrieds. When I'm in a singles group, I feel like I have much more in common with them. It's a common denominator that everyone in the room shares. This may or may not make a difference as far as your willingness to talk to people, but it's worth a try. I realize that even large churches in large towns have cut out their singles ministries for people over 30 and eliminated the single's pastor position in favor of 'Pastor to College and Young Singles.' You may have to drive a long distance.

If you like seniors, there may be widows and widowers you can hang out with. They are effectively single and rely on others in the church to know if they're literally dead, alive, in the hospital, or homebound. You may be able to get involved in that ministry, but if you're 'marriage minded' it's a dead end if you want to find a mate, the way most singles under 50, (both divorced and never marrieds) are wanting to do.

I can say that singles who choose a small church with no singles ministry whatsoever (while living in a large city with large church options with singles ministries) are very, very, few and far between. Either they don't have any desire to 'meet someone,' or they've sworn off marriage and don't care, of they may figure that if God has someone for them, he'll direct them to that smaller church for them to meet. Or they may have just gotten tired of the megachurch 'singles scene,' or just given up on any chance of marriage at all, so it doesn't matter. (If it sounds like I believe that most singles in churches are there mainly to find a mate, it's because they are). But try different sizes and types of fellowships and see if that helps.

I find churches to be quite cliquish regardless, and it starts with having things in common, including how friendly people are. You may even find a small church where they 'love on people' to such an extent, they won't let you be a wallflower, so keep looking if you have choices. That's happened to me, where one or two married people are clearly friendlier than everyone else, but they have a church 'cafe' where people fellowship, making it conducive to be that way, like sitting down at your table for food or coffee. But such people and situations are rare. You have to look for them. Church websites can help you do that before you even walk through the door.

One more suggestion is to join multiple fellowships tied to multiple churches throughout the week. I heard of a widow who is always running to stuff without being committed to just one. She loves to talk in small groups, and I think she just wants to get out of the house. She has a home church on Sunday, but that is not enough. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. You'll find yourself saying, "I have this group of (church) friends over here, this group over here, that group over there" etc. And no one has to know they aren't the only group you go to. If they ask, just say "I'm a floater" or "I rotate around depending on what's being taught" or some such response without saying where. Again, visit websites and see who has stuff going on mid-week. During the weekdays it's going to be mainly retired people, but aim for evening stuff. Even if you don't talk a lot, it helps to fill the void more than just once on Sundays. It's like a numbers game. The more people you associate with, the more will talk to you without you having to take the outgoing initiative. But when they talk to you, talk back if you can. I let people pick a topic and ask them questions to learn more about the thing they know more about than I do. They generally like sharing their interests. Today at church, a guy told me about a Christian classical guitar player, and an Internet Christian radio station that he likes. It only took a minute or two to write them down, and I'll check them out soon. Then the next time I see him, I'll be able to tell him I checked out both. That shows that their advice wasn't for naught, that I actually followed up on it. Now I can be the one to have something to say the next time they say hi. But I can relate to your dilemma cause I tend to keep to myself more than the social butterflies in church who act like they haven't seen someone in months when they just saw them a few days ago. I don't understand it, but that's ok. We should be glad they're having such a good social time whether we are or not.

biblicalbro said:

How does that look like in your life?

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My former housemates were Christians seeking the Lord who moved into the house I was renting, mainly through one mutual friend- a friend that I had little in common with except we both wanted a Christian environment free from the noise and moral corruption of the dorms at the school we were attending. That was the reason the other guys basically moved in too. We became great friends mainly just through Bible-centered fellowship and practical help for one another. My current church is mainly people who moved to join it from out of its area (including myself) because we believe the church is a pure representation of Christianity and we didn't know of any other that we could agree with and be part of in good conscience in terms of doctrine, standards, goals, etc. Many do have a lot of natural things in common in terms of how they were raised and their occupations. But not so with me. Besides our faith, I am like a fish out of water and I am one of the few in the church who lives alone. I live a good way out of the way of everyone else in terms of this area. And yet our fellowship meetings are something I wouldn't trade anything for and I'm close with many in the church almost 100 percent based on seeking to mutually edify each other in the Lord and being there to help each other when we need it. It is not what most would consider a great social life, but it is really enough and I am content with the situation.

Many are in different circumstances and have different opportunities to glorify God, but if you just take the principle of seeking to be in line with Scripture the best you are able; and then you focus on pleasing God and doing good to others as the outgrowth of that alignment and stemming from that alignment, then you're going to be filled with good things (in due time) without even focusing on that.

"Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again." (Luke 6:38)

"24 There is that scattereth, and yet increaseth; and there is that withholdeth more than is meet, but it tendeth to poverty. 25 The liberal soul shall be made fat: and he that watereth shall be watered also himself." (Proverbs 11:24-25)

I am so sorry you are feeling this way, i will be praying for God to bring people into your life that you have an instant genuine connection with. My heart goes out to you because i have struggled with this for so long as well. It is hard for me to stick with a church group because i feel like an outsider. It may have been the way i was raised or the fact that i am more quiet until i meet someone i know i can open up with, but it does hurt. It hurts when people do not reciprocate the things you did for them, but God sees everything. He understands the hurt you feel and he will make it right one day. You may not understand everything now, it is tiring to try to do so because we don't know why people behave the way they do, but in time you will whether that's here on earth or when you are with God in heaven. Also, Maybe it is the type of people in the region you live too, because that can make a difference. Even though this is easier to believe than live out, God could also be trying to teach you to not depend on people to make you feel happy/comforted, because he is the only perfect friend that can satisfy us fully. But remember that God did not create us to be alone, so wait on him, keep seeking him above all else and praying to him, and may he grant you your hearts desire for genuine human connection in all of this

biblicalbro said:

Eh I wouldn’t go that far. Maybe marriage may not be the case but we’re called to connect regardless of how we feel. It just sucks to feel this way.

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Loneliness is an emotional illusion. It says to us we are not understood or cared for, even amongst caring and loving people.

Learning to listen, to give care and receive it is hard, but also innate within knowing Jesus.

The cross itself is a declaration we are loved and secure in the Lord. Learning how to live this is hard, and how to love those who do not want to be loved.

I discovered many years ago rather than not being loved I did not want to get that close to people, rather I was very focused and interested in only some types of interaction. It was me pushing others away. And if I did reach out, some were brutal in their response.

Jesus equally is strange. Close in some ways with the disciples, yet unknown in others. Yet He was one with he Father

biblicalbro said:

You’re so smart Bella

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She is a darling!

LightLoveHope said:

Loneliness is an emotional illusion. It says to us we are not understood or cared for, even amongst caring and loving people.

Learning to listen, to give care and receive it is hard, but also innate within knowing Jesus.

The cross itself is a declaration we are loved and secure in the Lord. Learning how to live this is hard, and how to love those who do not want to be loved.

I discovered many years ago rather than not being loved I did not want to get that close to people, rather I was very focused and interested in only some types of interaction. It was me pushing others away. And if I did reach out, some were brutal in their response.

Jesus equally is strange. Close in some ways with the disciples, yet unknown in others. Yet He was one with he Father

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I like this. I think we just need to keep putting God first-and stop caring so much about the world and how it sees ME. Pride is so often a culprit that puts the focus on ourselves, while placing God first above the opinion of others including my own allows us to relax a bit-and know that He's in control, and accepts and loves us beyond our imagination as well.

It can be a struggle, finding a balance between desiring the praise of men and the praise of God (John 12:43). I think we need to work on letting go of the former desire, while still loving and not fearing people. IOW, we need to really place God first, to trust Him, and let the rest fall where it will.

You are an INTROVERT. Read all about it. OK You might not feel any better but at least you will be able to understand yourself then you can ask God to help out.