No matter what, I can’t shake this feeling of loneliness and insignificance when around ppl. It’s one thing to not be of this world and be rejected but it’s bad when you feel this way around beloved believers.
It’s not that I don’t try to connect. Been pushing myself more lately to talk, etc. But the end result is always the same. It’s agonizing to see other ppl have fun together and sharing a close bond.
Or how ppl have a significant other. Now for a while none of these things bothered me as I was more content in my own. Yet at the same time I knew I had to connect. I don’t know. It’s like establishing significant relationships become a rarity but the day. Especially as you get older. Most of the time it’s down to just small talk and nothing more. You reach out to hang out, Ppl are busy. You text to say hi, ppl take forever and a day to respond. And then when you’re actually around ppl to talk, you just don’t want to be there because you feel like you don’t matter, and are of no contribution to anyone.
Just wanted to share my thoughts for your prayers. I realize that this has been a pattern for a long time in my life. Never been a people person, hard to build new relationships and those I do build don’t last. And it’s usually me trying to hold such relationships together. But even in those relationships, there are times where I don’t want to be around as I feel like I don’t belong.
Nevertheless, I feel lonely whether or not I am around people. Thanks for reading.
Rejoice! God isn't demanding that we 'get it' all the time.
Your profile doesn't say anything about age or marital status, and I'm guessing 'bro' means male. I think marital status can have a lot to do with it. If you are single, and live in a larger metro area that is likely to have a church singles ministry designed just for singles, try it and see if it helps. I've been in churches big and small and married couples have other married couples as their friends. The singles in small churches are pretty much on their own. Married people will say hi, but them being a friend outside the church environment is very unlikely. That's only happened to me once over many years. I'm male, and it was the husband who reached out in a very small church that ended up closing it's doors years ago and I haven't seen him but once since then and we never talk or email. I could be dead for all he knows, and vice versa.
One thing I've discovered from being in groups that welcome both singles and marrieds is that being married is a
totally different world, much more than I would have ever guessed, regardless as to the age of the kids, including so-called 'empty nesters.' (yes, we actually had a class for 'empty nesters'....kids out of the house but not as much gray hair as the seniors classes, mainly 40s to 50ish.) In fact, the longer they've been married, the more detached they are to anything 'single' cause it's been decades since they had to even think about it. They never go home to an empty house if they have kids, a dog, or the spouse never travels with their jobs. They're more outgoing and sociable, and it's not with singles, it's with other marrieds. When I'm in a singles group, I feel like I have much more in common with them. It's a common denominator that everyone in the room shares. This may or may not make a difference as far as your willingness to talk to people, but it's worth a try. I realize that even large churches in large towns have cut out their singles ministries for people over 30 and eliminated the single's pastor position in favor of 'Pastor to College and Young Singles.' You may have to drive a long distance.
If you like seniors, there may be widows and widowers you can hang out with. They are effectively single and rely on others in the church to know if they're literally dead, alive, in the hospital, or homebound. You may be able to get involved in that ministry, but if you're 'marriage minded' it's a dead end if you want to find a mate, the way most singles under 50, (both divorced and never marrieds) are wanting to do.
I can say that singles who choose a small church with no singles ministry whatsoever (while living in a large city with large church options with singles ministries) are very, very, few and far between. Either they don't have any desire to 'meet someone,' or they've sworn off marriage and don't care, of they may figure that if God has someone for them, he'll direct them to that smaller church for them to meet. Or they may have just gotten tired of the megachurch 'singles scene,' or just given up on any chance of marriage at all, so it doesn't matter. (If it sounds like I believe that most singles in churches are there mainly to find a mate, it's because they are). But try different sizes and types of fellowships and see if that helps.
I find churches to be quite cliquish regardless, and it starts with having things in common, including how friendly people are. You may even find a small church where they 'love on people' to such an extent, they won't let you be a wallflower, so keep looking if you have choices. That's happened to me, where one or two married people are clearly friendlier than everyone else, but they have a church 'cafe' where people fellowship, making it conducive to be that way, like sitting down at your table for food or coffee. But such people and situations are rare. You have to look for them. Church websites can help you do that before you even walk through the door.
One more suggestion is to join multiple fellowships tied to multiple churches throughout the week. I heard of a widow who is always running to stuff without being committed to just one. She loves to talk in small groups, and I think she just wants to get out of the house. She has a home church on Sunday, but that is not enough. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. You'll find yourself saying, "I have this group of (church) friends over here, this group over here, that group over there" etc. And no one has to know they aren't the only group you go to. If they ask, just say "I'm a floater" or "I rotate around depending on what's being taught" or some such response without saying where. Again, visit websites and see who has stuff going on mid-week. During the weekdays it's going to be mainly retired people, but aim for evening stuff. Even if you don't talk a lot, it helps to fill the void more than just once on Sundays. It's like a numbers game. The more people you associate with, the more will talk to you without you having to take the outgoing initiative. But when they talk to you, talk back if you can. I let people pick a topic and ask them questions to learn more about the thing they know more about than I do. They generally like sharing their interests. Today at church, a guy told me about a Christian classical guitar player, and an Internet Christian radio station that he likes. It only took a minute or two to write them down, and I'll check them out soon. Then the next time I see him, I'll be able to tell him I checked out both. That shows that their advice wasn't for naught, that I actually followed up on it. Now I can be the one to have something to say the next time they say hi. But I can relate to your dilemma cause I tend to keep to myself more than the social butterflies in church who act like they haven't seen someone in months when they just saw them a few days ago. I don't understand it, but that's ok. We should be glad they're having such a good social time whether we are or not.