DISCLAIMER: I don't own this comment. It's a comment I saved from someone, somewhere.
Well, one thing that stands out in all that you've written here is the focus you have upon yourself. Can I suggest to you that so long as you're focused upon you, your desires, your feelings, your struggles, the more of you you'll produce? The Bible urges us to "look unto Jesus" (Hebrews 12:2-3) and to "behold the glory of the Lord" (2 Corinthians 3:18) and to meditate upon the revelation of God in Scripture (Psalms 1; Matthew 4:4; Philippians 4:8). The more you are focused upon Christ, the more like him you'll end up being. This is because God has made us to be conformed to our focus. Advertising companies make billions every year on the basis of this fact. The more a thing occupies your thoughts, the greater the likelihood it will shape your thinking, desires and behaviour. This is as true in the spiritual realm as it is in the consumerist culture of North America. Part of the answer, then, to changing who you are involves looking away from yourself to that to which you wish to be conformed. In the case of the Christian person, it is to Christ that God intends they should be conformed (Romans 8:29) and so it is unto him they ought to be constantly looking.
Of course, if you find Christ dull and uninteresting, if he is just some distant, heavenly figure far removed from your life, well, it will be hard to "look unto him" in any consistent way. But if you love him, if you have a strong desire to know him deeply, if you long to have fellowship with him as your Saviour, Lord and Friend, all of the things Scripture tells you to do in being conformed to his likeness will be a joy, not an onerous, laborious duty. Turning away from drugs, knocking off the smoking, ditching the lifestyle you once lived centered upon you and your desires can be a delight when doing so leads you into deeper, fuller, more wonderful fellowship with Jesus. If, though, the goal is just to clean yourself up, to follow the rules, to be a "good person," you've missed the whole point of the Christian life. And having missed it, the Christian life becomes a useless and impossible life to live.