Sharing Past Homosexual Sin to Future Wife?

Very difficult to say what you should do. I don't believe it's expected or required as a Christian to confess your past sins other than to God. And depending it could be a good idea to people who were involved (e.g. stole some money unknown to them), now you're letting it be known to make amends returning the money and seek personal forgiveness from them.

It's my opinion but since it involved physical encounters, I think it would be your best interest and hers in the long term to say something. Regardless of sexuality there's the possibility of either S.T.D. or somehow she learns it herself from them or others who know. But also you wouldn't want to keep this on your shoulders all your life with her, assuming it's a long term serious relationship. Carrying a burden would weigh you down in the relationship and probably extend into your interactions with her.

I wouldn't tell her everything at once or the graphic details unnecessarily. I guess if she needs to know would ask about it. Could try just easing it into conversations over time. Talk about past sins less controversial, inappropriate content addiction and then at some point homosexual attraction; later how it lead to physical encounters. But make it clear to her that was in the past, you've found the Lord and have changed. And the reason you're letting her know is to be that new man of Christ, one who's honest to the woman he's serious about and not keeping his past a secret.

Again I'd like to state this is my opinion, ultimately this is your relationship and only you know how serious including her personally. Before saying anything please think about it thoroughly, including other advice opposite mine. Consider it all and weigh it carefully, the positives and negatives.

Hope you find the answer needed to move forward in your life. May the Lord continue to walk with you regardless of your decision, God bless!

About thirty years ago, God opened my eyes to my sinfulness and I repented of being a homosexual. My experience is different from yours. From the time I was 11 or 12 I was exclusively attracted to males but was not active until I was in my mid 20's. Growing up in the south, there was little to no acceptance of "gay people." Also, there was rumors of a disease that was killing people who participated in the gay lifestyle around the time I was in college. I was in a relationship with a man over a period of a couple of years at the time I was finishing college that sexually only went as far as your encounters went. Where we differed was, I put all my trust in this relationship. Literally, I decided I being gay and in love with a man was was who I was meant to be. I was willing to risk everything for the love of another man. For me, it was not just about the sex. . .

After a couple of years of that relationship basically ending, I became a Christian. A year or two later, I started dating a woman who was a friend at the time that I was living that sinful lifestyle. She had no idea of my past until I told her. Within a year after telling her, she broke our relationship off. She blamed it on my not earning a good enough income, but I now realize that the greatest cause of us breaking up was her lack of Christian maturity. She was raised in the Fundamental Church and rebelled against all the rules. I wanted her to be a Christian, so I assumed she was. Truthfully, I don't know if she was or not. All I know is she was basically a moral person, but did not actively seem to seek after Christ. After telling her, she quit trusting me and became very "needy." For example she wanted me to work more to make more money, but when I worked overtime, she pitched a fit that I was not spending all my time with her. . .

In my opinion, a woman must know the transforming power of the blood of Jesus in her own life to be able to understand that it is possible for the Holy Spirit to transform your life from a point of being a sexual addict to that of being a man of God. For this reason, your first step is to make sure she has the spiritual maturity to be the woman of God she needs to be. If she is not a Christian, take the advise of 2 Corinthians 6:14 very seriously. "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?" NKJV.

Beyond that, I would advise you to get married at a Church that provides premarital counseling to couples who are soon to be married. Get with the minister or counselor who provides the counseling and of course follow his or her wisdom. If the counselor agrees that this would be a wise thing for you to do, it may help to get them to open the door to being able to break this information to your future wife in the safest way possible. For example, have them explain how important it is be honest and have them drag that information from you.

Doing it that way, your future wife would have someone to help her through the problem if she needs it, and the counselor can help prepare you in ways you may not even realize you need.

ORM97 said:

Hello. I'll do my best to keep this short and concise. I'm a 21 year old male and have been a believer for nearly 8 months now. Before that, I had been addicted to inappropriate content and engaged in immoral sexual activity. Although I am not proud of it now, the grace and love of God allows me to move forward without guilt. Since then, I have been doing well in the faith by putting on the armor of God against temptation and reading God's Word daily, still have a lot to learn of course. My situation is that due to the sexual activity that I partook in the past, specifically the three encounters with homosexual oral sex, how open should I be about this to my future wife, if it's God's will of course? The decade long inappropriate content addiction led me to want to receive lustful pleasure from whomever, but putting God at the center of my life has mended that thought and identity. I shared this with my sister(non-believer) and she said that I should not share it. As it is somewhat troubling, I would want my future wife to at least know the sins that I committed before, but also accept me for the man I am now and the man I will become through Christ. I would appreciate any advice. Thank you

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I sense from your relationship with God that you want it to be as open and honest with her, as you are with God and in turn, you want a result when you are not shamed for the past just like God has not put shame for your past. A reasonable desire, but understand that she is not God and is a human so therefore, there will always be a mystery factor of how she will react. I can't say whether or not you should or should not tell her, but rather to keep certain questions in mind.

Knowing your wife, is she that type of person that you feel comfortable in general being open and honest with, even with hard things?
Does she have that christian maturity to understand?
If her reaction isn't to your liking, can you handle the aftermath of it?

If any of those questions is a no, i would step back and equip yourself with the Word until you are spiritually prepared enough to tell her and be ok if it doesn't or does go in your favor. But whatever you decide, its not a wrong choice, but rather do it with God's will in mind. As long as your desire is of God, it will work out for your good. So go with that peace.

ORM97 said:

Hello. I'll do my best to keep this short and concise. I'm a 21 year old male and have been a believer for nearly 8 months now. Before that, I had been addicted to inappropriate content and engaged in immoral sexual activity. Although I am not proud of it now, the grace and love of God allows me to move forward without guilt. Since then, I have been doing well in the faith by putting on the armor of God against temptation and reading God's Word daily, still have a lot to learn of course. My situation is that due to the sexual activity that I partook in the past, specifically the three encounters with homosexual oral sex, how open should I be about this to my future wife, if it's God's will of course? The decade long inappropriate content addiction led me to want to receive lustful pleasure from whomever, but putting God at the center of my life has mended that thought and identity. I shared this with my sister(non-believer) and she said that I should not share it. As it is somewhat troubling, I would want my future wife to at least know the sins that I committed before, but also accept me for the man I am now and the man I will become through Christ. I would appreciate any advice. Thank you

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Hey man,

I know I'm a year late on this but I hope you get it! I am 40 and I am recently married. I spent most of my life addicted to inappropriate content and masturbation (in addition to years of substance abuse, depression, and anxiety). When I was engaged, I told my wife EVERYTHING. To be honest, I don't regret telling her everything--including about some gay experiences--but I do regret how detail oriented I was. It left her imagination with very vivid images. She even said, "these are not things I want to picture my future husband doing." So if you decide to confess things to your wife, just please be careful how you word it. I also recommend telling a male friend first. Practice your story the way you would practice a speech in front of 100 people. Have your story consistent, polished, and well presented. In other words, you can do a rough draft with a friend or trusted counselor. I had an opportunity to do this and didn't take advantage of it, and I wish I did. My sponsor from Celebrate Recovery wished I talked about it with him first. I hope this helps! Either way, I'm sure you'll be fine, man. It sounds like your heart is in the right place.

Jim

From what I've heard from others, if you hide something about your intimate life from your (future) wife, it might get in between both of you and it won't let you fully open and trust her, especially in those intimate moments when it's really important for both sides to have that feeling of "Here I am with all my past, current and future, with all my flaws and sins. Do you accept me?". Any secrets and unresolved issues will make it impossible to achieve such openness, and she will feel that you are not fully open to her, and it might make it difficult for her to understand what's going on. She might even start blaming it on herself for "not being good enough" for you. Women can very often loose their self-esteem, and it can get very depressing. You don't want your wife to start feeling guilty for your inability to be fully open to her.

On the other hand, if she's not willing to accept you fully with all of your past, it might mean she won't do it in the future and she's not meant to become your wife. Unfortunately, sometimes this happens and it's better to find it earlier than to have a very heart-breaking experience for both of you sometime later.