Is God able to perfectly match us with the right spouse? Why or why not?

The thread question sounds like a variant on "Can God make a rock so heavy that he cannot lift it himself?"

Yes, all things are possible with God.

does the LORD always match people with the right spouse? I think there's a lot of theology that has to be hashed out to accurately answer that question.

Maria Billingsley said:

This may be somewhat misguided. God does not plan our lives, we do. And if He perfectly planned our lives , Adam would have never fallen from Grace.
Blessings

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God DOES perfectly plan our lives, it is our free will that makes a mess of things.

Jeremiah 29:11

There is a huge difference between not planning and allowing one the freedom to NOT follow that plan.

God had a plan for Adam, it was to live in the garden, to not know suffering or what it was to know hard labor.

It was Adam's free will to choose to listen to his wife, rather than listen to his creator.

How many parents want the best for their children and plan for them to be doctors, lawyers, etc...

How many loving parents would we consider to be good loving parents IF they stomped their childs free will and FORCED their child to live the life that they, the parent chose for their child.

IF we that are wicked know how to give our children something that is good, the right and freedom to pursue what they choose rather than that which we choose for them....... how much more is our Father which is good going to honor our freedom.

God has a plan for EVERY aspect of our lives..... He honors our freedom and does not FORCE us to choose His will. It is why we must choose to put down our own will if we are to be of any use to the Father, our will is flesh driven.... the Fathers will is Spirit.

Is God able? Absolutely.

Is God likely? Depends on if the person in question is willing to get out of His way, and their own way by blocking Him.

If someone sticks to a list... I dont believe that God will bring the "perfect match" to the person. I mean there ARE certain "list" qualifiers that you probably shouldnt compromise on such as being equally yolked... but the insignificant things, like hair color or job titles etc.

It wasnt until I myself got out of my own way and let God work His will in my life that I was perfectly matched to my wife. Not because Im special, but I just stopped trying to make it happen my way and instead, let God have it His way by surrendering that part of my life over to Him.

Toro said:

Is God likely? Depends on if the person in question is willing to get out of His way, and their own way by blocking Him.

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You’re correct. The Lord began preparing me for marriage some time ago. I wanted to adhere to His will and I’ve grown a lot through His instruction.

Not because Im special, but I just stopped trying to make it happen my way and instead, let God have it His way by surrendering that part of my life over to Him.

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This has been my experience too. When I surrendered the choice to Him and agreed to His best above my own; things took off.

Neostarwcc said:

God has perfectly planned the lives of every human being that has walked this earth. But does this also include our spouses? I'm asking this question because sometimes God's "choice f ok f us can be emotionally and physically abusive, not interested in sex... the list goes on. Are these "bad" marriages ever planned by God? Before you go to say of course not! These were just "test" marriages. I wont accept that answer because God HATES divorce. He wouldn't plan for you to get divorced he would plan on the two of you to stay together if an abusive spouse was in his plans. Yes sometimes God tests us with abuse and "bad" stuff in our lives. So surely if we get divorced we failed the test right? Is this in Gods plan? Since he planned out every aspect of our lives? Why or why not?

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His plan for everybody is to be conformed to His image ... whether single, married or divorced. Ones relationship with Christ needs to be established first.

Even so ...

Yes, He hates divorce ... but also allows conditions for it to happen.

2 acceptable conditions for divorce.

When adultery has taken place, a divorce can be obtained, because adultery has already severed the marriage relationship and divorce is a formal acknowledgment of what has already taken place.

The apostle Paul added to the teachings of Jesus what is called the "Pauline privilege." According to this concept, Paul taught that if an unbelieving spouse leaves a believer, the believer is not bound to the marriage relationship, but is free to remarry" (1 Corinthians 7:15). And some people recognize such a thing as a "constructive desertion," which would be when a husband so brutalizes his wife that it is impossible to live with him any longer; or when a wife has so harassed, or brutalized her husband that it becomes impossible for him to stay with her. When that happens, whether or not the person actually moves out, the situation is the equivalent of desertion, and divorce and remarriage are permissible.

Except for these reasons, there is no justification given in the Bible for divorce. No grounds exist for divorce on the basis of incompatibility, lack of love, or differing career goals.

Frankly, it seems impossible that two born-again Christians who are truly dedicated to and serving Jesus Christ can find any grounds for divorce.

If He has the way then He quite obviously does not have the will. Like so many things.

Neostarwcc said:

Technically I met my wife under special circumstances. I met her on another message board in the middle of the blue. When I fell in love with her it was instantaneous. She fell in love with me during a college trip a few weeks after we met.

Technically I didnt go on that board looking for a wife. A wife kind of found me. True, I actually sent her a message and initiated the conversation but what caused me to do that? And I definitely didnt know when I messaged her that I would spend the rest of my life (and eternity) with her. God MUST have placed her into my life. Did Adam choose Eve? No God placed Eve into Gods life and I argue that he does that for EVERY married couple not just me or Adam, or Abraham, or any other biblical character but EVERYONE.

Idk to me for a couple to divorce is the couple basically saying to God "we knew more than you did and we could care less that you chose us for each other." Its just wrong imo.

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It is interesting that Paul wrote for the older women to teach the younger women to love their husbands and love their children . Paul was writing to believers . Why was this necessary ? What about arranged marriages which were not uncommon among the population to whom Paul instructed and became the church. Jesus tells us to love one another . Why ? Because He makes it possible . To love our enemies . Why ? For with God all things are possible . What if my wife ( or husband for a woman ) is not godly ? Love your enemies . " Whosoever puts away his wife except it be for fornication , causes her to commit adultery and whoever marries her who is put away commits adultery . " That is why Paul says that whereas if an unbeliever departs , let them depart ..we are not bound for we are called to peace but we are to remain single as a demonstration of faithfulness .
And as a side note to the brother regarding not being unequally yoked with unbelievers ...that passage was not talking about marriage although that is what we have been taught ..it was talking about feasting and hanging out with unbelievers in fellowship ...trade guilds and so forth which the Corinthians were doing . Check it out for yourself . 2nd Corinthians 6 . What concord does Christ have with Belial ( It would be the same today for example if unbelievers and believers met together to cheer a certain team at a sporting event . But I have gotten off topic . No , marriage is about Christ and His eternal love . No remarriage .

eleos1954 said:

His plan for everybody is to be conformed to His image ... whether single, married or divorced. Ones relationship with Christ needs to be established first.

Even so ...

Yes, He hates divorce ... but also allows conditions for it to happen.

2 acceptable conditions for divorce.

When adultery has taken place, a divorce can be obtained, because adultery has already severed the marriage relationship and divorce is a formal acknowledgment of what has already taken place.

The apostle Paul added to the teachings of Jesus what is called the "Pauline privilege." According to this concept, Paul taught that if an unbelieving spouse leaves a believer, the believer is not bound to the marriage relationship, but is free to remarry" (1 Corinthians 7:15). And some people recognize such a thing as a "constructive desertion," which would be when a husband so brutalizes his wife that it is impossible to live with him any longer; or when a wife has so harassed, or brutalized her husband that it becomes impossible for him to stay with her. When that happens, whether or not the person actually moves out, the situation is the equivalent of desertion, and divorce and remarriage are permissible.

Except for these reasons, there is no justification given in the Bible for divorce. No grounds exist for divorce on the basis of incompatibility, lack of love, or differing career goals.

Frankly, it seems impossible that two born-again Christians who are truly dedicated to and serving Jesus Christ can find any grounds for divorce.

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Actually the scripture only supports divorce for fornication which happens during the one year betrothal period for Jesus was talking to orthodox Jews . The penalty for adultery is stoning .....not divorce . That is why Joseph married Mary after she was found to be with child rather than put her away secretly which is what he intended to do until God spoke to him . ( And yes I know we are not under the law . )
In 1st Corinthians 7 Paul is clear...and to the married , I command , not I but the Lord , the wife not depart from her husband but if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband .

These are the only two choices if we use scripture that does not contradict itself . A command from the Lord that we remain unmarried or be reconciled . Otherwise how are we any different than unbelievers ?

Maria Billingsley said:

This may be somewhat misguided. God does not plan our lives, we do. And if He perfectly planned our lives , Adam would have never fallen from Grace.
Blessings

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i concur with that. we have free will and God does not interfere with that.

Maria Billingsley said:

This may be somewhat misguided. God does not plan our lives, we do. And if He perfectly planned our lives , Adam would have never fallen from Grace.
Blessings

Click to expand...

How right you are @Maria Billingsley.
I'm sorry if this testimony is long winded, but it illustrates some interesting points, and will undoubtedly offend the doctrines of some people.

As a relatively new Christian, I married my first wife, also a Christian, and for nearly 30 years it was one big struggle.
Nevertheless, despite huge levels of incompatibility, I believed that marriage was a covenant, so I cried out to God for healing and change in both of us.

From my perspective, she was a feminist control freak. She came from a very strong matriarchal family which despised men. Her mother made her father's life hell, so he spent most of the time away, traveling as a company rep.

Her mother despised me from the beginning. I remember after our honeymoon, we went back to her house to collect some stuff, and as we left, at the door, I politely gave my new mother in law a kiss goodbye. Her response was to violently thrust me away with both hands on my chest, followed by an angry, "Don't you ever do that again!"
That told me in no uncertain terms how insignificantly I figured in the scheme of things.

My wife regularly threatened divorce, using it as a weapon in arguments. I pleaded with her to stop speaking like that as it was giving Satan weapons to damage what little we had.

Eventually, she had an affair. I forgave her, but some time afterwards, she walked out, and we ended up getting divorced.

Interestingly, after she walked out, I spent that year in intercession, pleading with God to change me and to change my wife. Then one day I heard God speak, as audibly as I have ever heard his voice.
"If I could change Alice, I would have changed Adam!"

I instantly knew that my marriage was over, and no amount of prayer was going to change my wife. It was like God was saying, "I will never put my hand into anyone's heart, and flip the 'obedient switch'!"

I had been attending a fellowship group for about a year, where it was known that I was fighting for my marriage, and not looking elsewhere.
But as God spoke those words, spiritually liberating me from my failed marriage, my eyes were suddenly opened in another direction.
There was one particular lady who had a charisma that shone in the Lord, I know God was pointing in her direction.
But at middle age, what chance did I have at restarting life again?

I was terrified at the thought, having no idea whether she would be in the slightest bit interested, or how to even approach her.

What I didn't know was that God had been speaking to her over many weeks, and she was standing off watching my struggle, and just praying quietly for God's will to be done.

I plucked up courage to say I believed that God was doing something between us, and she agreed. I said to her that we should take it slow and steady, and then 4 days later asked her to marry me.

She laughed, saying if 4 days is slow and steady, what would fast be like.

God had been preparing our hearts, and immediately confirmed it so powerfully to both of us that it was entirely of his making. We were both mature believers who heard God speak. She had never married, but God had made a promise many years previously, that He had a husband for her of his choosing.

I had a very good friend who was very prophetic, and had been my most closest support through the difficulties of the previous few years. A couple of days after asking this lady out, I met him for the first time in weeks.
"I've got something to tell you, I am going to get married again!"
His reply was straight to the point. "I already know that, and I know who she is, and I have known for about 5 weeks!"

I replied, "How could you possibly know for 5 weeks, I've only known for 2 days?"

"Remember when I visited your church about 5 weeks ago, as I sat down and looked around the room, my eyes fell on this lady and God said, that's FD's knew wife!"

I was both shocked and thrilled that God had gone before me.

When I entered church the next week, my friend was visiting again. As soon as we greeted, he pointed across the room at the lady I was going to marry, "That's her isn't it?"

So, yes, God can direct us into marriage, alternatively, we can ignore God and make our own minds up.
God desires to bless all marriages, but it takes humility to receive that blessing.

Oh !

I believe that GOD has given me to my husband !

We grew up in the same neighborhood and went to the
same church hung out pretty much the same places at
just a different time.......
Went to intermediate school at the same time.

and after going to work full time..
That is were we finally did meet !
After he got out of the army.
He has passed away last year.....
Which I thought I would go first since I was 2 months
older.... But I sure do miss him....
He was the kind of husband every women would
want...... But I had him !!!!!!!! and we loved each
other and were happy.
How Blessed and wonderful for us both.

Neostarwcc said:

God has perfectly planned the lives of every human being that has walked this earth.

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I don't believe that.
God gave us minds, common sense and the ability to choose what we do. Some people choose to reject him, sin, not read his word etc are you saying that rejecting, even hating, him was his perfect plan for them?
If it was all planned out for us, Jesus would not have needed to tell people to repent, follow him, trust him, hold onto their faith and so on - all our actions would be planned out; nothing to do with us.

And if you're saying that God has planned every aspect of your life, then he also planned for you to get divorced, which he hates. Really? Why would he, your loving heavenly Father, do that?

Neostarwcc said:

God has perfectly planned the lives of every human being that has walked this earth. But does this also include our spouses? I'm asking this question because sometimes God's "choice f ok f us can be emotionally and physically abusive, not interested in sex... the list goes on. Are these "bad" marriages ever planned by God? Before you go to say of course not! These were just "test" marriages. I wont accept that answer because God HATES divorce. He wouldn't plan for you to get divorced he would plan on the two of you to stay together if an abusive spouse was in his plans. Yes sometimes God tests us with abuse and "bad" stuff in our lives. So surely if we get divorced we failed the test right? Is this in Gods plan? Since he planned out every aspect of our lives? Why or why not?

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God will supply our every need... (philpns 4:19)

Yet, God has his priorities. If we fail to mature in Christ? He may very well show justice by giving us a spouse as immature towards us as we have chosen to remain immature against knowing Christ. As the man responds to Christ's demands for his life, so it will be with how his wife responds to him...

Of course its not always as cut and dry as I put it. Yet, there is a principle at work that God's protocol for living in the Spirit will result in finding our needs met as we meet the need of the Lord for our life.


Keep in mind. Paul was the perfectly equipped and dedicated teacher. Those he wrote to were either heading, or had arrived, into full maturity in Christ. God provides more and more as we continue to mature. Full maturity grants supplying for our every need. Yet? Some who balk at the spiritual life have a need fulfilled for God's discipline. That will be for some, receiving for their every need. Its really a two sided coin to be determined by our volition.

The key is? Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness... and all these things shall be added onto you. Even if it seems to take forever to do so!

Before all else.. Find oneself an excellent Bible teacher. One who knows how to exegete and present clear expository teachings. That is the key before anything else. Impossible to find without prayer and guidance of the Holy Spirit. That will be the first need to be met by God most gladly.

And, for those who do so after having landed in a bad marriage. God will take up the slack in grace.. For He wants all who enter into the fullness of Christ to know His happiness while here on earth. Coming to know His happiness on earth is a way to let us know we will receive a fine welcome in heaven when the time comes.

grace and peace

Neostarwcc said:

God has perfectly planned the lives of every human being that has walked this earth. But does this also include our spouses? I'm asking this question because sometimes God's "choice f ok f us can be emotionally and physically abusive, not interested in sex... the list goes on. Are these "bad" marriages ever planned by God? Before you go to say of course not! These were just "test" marriages. I wont accept that answer because God HATES divorce. He wouldn't plan for you to get divorced he would plan on the two of you to stay together if an abusive spouse was in his plans. Yes sometimes God tests us with abuse and "bad" stuff in our lives. So surely if we get divorced we failed the test right? Is this in Gods plan? Since he planned out every aspect of our lives? Why or why not?

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God can do anything.

GingerBeer said:

The thread question sounds like a variant on "Can God make a rock so heavy that he cannot lift it himself?"

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He has done so.

He did create a rock so heavy that he can not lift it.

Our volition.

If God could lift it? No one would go to the Lake of Fire.

Neostarwcc said:

God has perfectly planned the lives of every human being that has walked this earth. But does this also include our spouses? I'm asking this question because sometimes God's "choice f ok f us can be emotionally and physically abusive, not interested in sex... the list goes on. Are these "bad" marriages ever planned by God? Before you go to say of course not! These were just "test" marriages. I wont accept that answer because God HATES divorce. He wouldn't plan for you to get divorced he would plan on the two of you to stay together if an abusive spouse was in his plans. Yes sometimes God tests us with abuse and "bad" stuff in our lives. So surely if we get divorced we failed the test right? Is this in Gods plan? Since he planned out every aspect of our lives? Why or why not?

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There are a few things to consider:

1. God has a plan for every human being on this Earth.

2. We don't always follow God's plan. Either we believe it's God's plan when it isn't or we rather live according to our own plan.

3. God's purpose is lifelong marriage. As long as we follow God's plan there won't be a divorce.

4. We don't always know God's plan in our life.

Neostarwcc said:

God has perfectly planned the lives of every human being that has walked this earth. But does this also include our spouses? I'm asking this question because sometimes God's "choice f ok f us can be emotionally and physically abusive, not interested in sex... the list goes on. Are these "bad" marriages ever planned by God? Before you go to say of course not! These were just "test" marriages. I wont accept that answer because God HATES divorce. He wouldn't plan for you to get divorced he would plan on the two of you to stay together if an abusive spouse was in his plans. Yes sometimes God tests us with abuse and "bad" stuff in our lives. So surely if we get divorced we failed the test right? Is this in Gods plan? Since he planned out every aspect of our lives? Why or why not?

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Let God judge me at the last day ... I won't let any person I care about stay in an abusive relationship and if they want to divorce, so be it.

If the couple wants to try to reconcile, so be it. But if you abuse your partner, you deserve to lose the other person.

genez said:

He has done so.

He did create a rock so heavy that he can not lift it.

Our volition.

If God could lift it? No one would go to the Lake of Fire.

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God can over write our free will any time He wants to.

The facts that He chooses not to and wants us to freely choose Him is of His Sovereign design.

PeterJames0510 said:

God can over write our free will any time He wants to.

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Not over writing our wills when it comes to rejecting Christ.

That is the rock too heavy to lift.

For, its his will that all men believe.




He can not coerce human volition when it comes to salvation.


If those who think God's sovereignty can make people to believe? Those two witnesses of Scripture state its not the case.