Damaged goods

AWorkInProgress · Sep 19, 2019

This is just me expressing myself or a rant per se.

I had emotional problems for as long as I could remember. I tried so hard to figure myself out, but all I got was depression and I hid in video games from reality. When events played out and my life was impacted by Jesus and the salvation I wasn't alone anymore fighting these problems. With God's instruction book, the Holy Spirit, and a fire to break free from the emotional chains that tied me down for years. I come a long way and Jesus gets all the credit.

10 years later and I am still finding emotional damage and misunderstandings as I grew up. Like, am I ever going to be free of this? I feel I was made to influence people and help them, yet I hate people and want nothing to do with them. There is nothing to join, there is nothing to be a part of, there is nothing. Yet I could start something, yet I never started anything in my life. One part of me wants to be told he was a good and faithful servant. The other part of me wants to say screw it all. It is so hard not to be jealous of brothers in Christ that have that gift, and it is like I need them to lead the way so I can support them. Yet there is nothing, and I can't do it on my own.

I know the church is people... what do you do when you are afraid of people.

devin553344 · Sep 19, 2019

AWorkInProgress said:
This is just me expressing myself or a rant per se.

I had emotional problems for as long as I could remember. I tried so hard to figure myself out, but all I got was depression and I hid in video games from reality. When events played out and my life was impacted by Jesus and the salvation I wasn't alone anymore fighting these problems. With God's instruction book, the Holy Spirit, and a fire to break free from the emotional chains that tied me down for years. I come a long way and Jesus gets all the credit.

10 years later and I am still finding emotional damage and misunderstandings as I grew up. Like, am I ever going to be free of this? I feel I was made to influence people and help them, yet I hate people and want nothing to do with them. There is nothing to join, there is nothing to be a part of, there is nothing. Yet I could start something, yet I never started anything in my life. One part of me wants to be told he was a good and faithful servant. The other part of me wants to say screw it all. It is so hard not to be jealous of brothers in Christ that have that gift, and it is like I need them to lead the way so I can support them. Yet there is nothing, and I can't do it on my own.

I know the church is people... what do you do when you are afraid of people.

You may want to see a counselor. They can help with things like social anxiety or what you're describing. If you're honest with a good counselor they can help.

Sounds like you've come a long with with your Christianity. Good job

yeshuaslavejeff · Sep 19, 2019

Turn to Yahuweh , for His Kingdom is at hand.
Place every fear in His hands, directly.
Take every thought, every hope, every fear, every dream, every idea to Him by faith in Jesus' Faithfulness, sheer grace, as written, and learn from Him...

yeshuaslavejeff · Sep 19, 2019

AWorkInProgress said:
I wasn't alone anymore

Jesus Word is written to His disciples "I will never, no never, not ever, leave you or desert you or leave you helpless" ......

We Ekklesia are thus not alone any more.

Tempura · Sep 19, 2019

AWorkInProgress said:
what do you do when you are afraid of people

That caught my attention. Because there are people who do not frighten you, and who you don't hate. You've gone through depression, it seems. So have I, although some of it remains, but so be it. What about miserable people who need encouragement? This site alone is full of them, and in our lives we will come across them, even if we're basically hermits. I imagine there was a time when you didn't see much hope. Think about yourself at your lowest. Now think about someone else in your place, or even in worse condition. Do you hate them? It's hard to hate broken people, especially if we were once utterly broken ourselves. There is no competition there, no status, only need for hope.

Depression and all kinds of struggles can bear great fruit. It enables us to see the other lowly ones. Some of us wouldn't even look at them unless we didn't suffer from something. If we have suffered from X, we will know what X is and know it well. And if we have let Christ's love in when we were at our lowest, wouldn't we want to comfort those who now seem to be left behind? Whatever brick walls and resistance we might meet in our efforts to strengthen others, we only need to remember our past and what we were like, and what Christ is able to do.

Blade · Sep 19, 2019

You know... I have no clue how the Father does it but.. you are the most important one. You are dearest in His heart. Everything was made for you. You were on His mind before you were born. How.. HOW He does this for EVERYONE of us.. I don't know. He makes no mistakes. "Up Again... Dan Bremnes" song playing right now.. awesome perfect timing for this song.. praise GOD! "every one falls down but you can get up again"

Your GOD..is your Father and He can do anything. Nothing He cant do.. as its written "Whats to hard for the lord". Pick it All up and hand it to Him ...another song right now "I won't let you Go....Switchfoot, Lauren Daigle". Go listen to those songs.

So give it all to Him.. and rest in His peace. Have faith.. tell Him exactly how you feel.. and KNOW He WILL turn it all around. Open ever door you cant see right now. Its His peace, His joy, His armor, all come from Him. We wait on Him....we cast all our cares on Him. We pick up those car keys never giving a thought about if it will start.. is it still there. So many things in this life we use FAITH for. Do the same for Him. Know He is for you not against you. Know He already died rose for you. Know He always hears you and if you know that then you KNOW you have what you asked for. Its when we doubt.. then we wont get anything. Without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

No matter how you FEEL hear or see.. He IS for you.. as others said.. with you in you will never leave you. No matter what it is He is FOR YOU and WILL help but.. we must KNOW its what He wants.. as the man said to Jesus.. I know you can heal.. but do you want to? Praise GOD HE ALWAYS DOES! Always wants to help.. So give it all to Him.. then no matter what.. KNOW its ALL going to turn around.. IT WILL! in Jesus name. Rest in Him.. He gave you a peace that is not of this world.. many do not know how to enter in to it

joshua 1 9 · Sep 19, 2019

AWorkInProgress said:
what do you do when you are afraid of people.

Perfect love casts out fear so we need to be perfected in His love. I believe the atonement is two fold: Jesus died to reconcile us with the Father AND He sacrificed Himself so that we could be reconciled with each other. If people have wronged us then we are told to put that on our account for Jesus. He will pay their debt for them if they can not pay it themselves.

Emmylouwho · Sep 19, 2019

AWorkInProgress said:
This is just me expressing myself or a rant per se.

I had emotional problems for as long as I could remember. I tried so hard to figure myself out, but all I got was depression and I hid in video games from reality. When events played out and my life was impacted by Jesus and the salvation I wasn't alone anymore fighting these problems. With God's instruction book, the Holy Spirit, and a fire to break free from the emotional chains that tied me down for years. I come a long way and Jesus gets all the credit.

10 years later and I am still finding emotional damage and misunderstandings as I grew up. Like, am I ever going to be free of this? I feel I was made to influence people and help them, yet I hate people and want nothing to do with them. There is nothing to join, there is nothing to be a part of, there is nothing. Yet I could start something, yet I never started anything in my life. One part of me wants to be told he was a good and faithful servant. The other part of me wants to say screw it all. It is so hard not to be jealous of brothers in Christ that have that gift, and it is like I need them to lead the way so I can support them. Yet there is nothing, and I can't do it on my own.

I know the church is people... what do you do when you are afraid of people.

I am sorry for what you’ve been through. Where is your family I’m all of this?

AWorkInProgress · Sep 19, 2019

Oh wow.. I didn't expect all the responses. I want to thank every one of you for responding! It really hit me when I got to Blade's response. It means a lot to me that you took the time to do that.

AWorkInProgress · Sep 24, 2019

Emmylouwho said:
I am sorry for what you’ve been through. Where is your family I’m all of this?

Thanks Emmylouwho,

Everyone has their own story and I had it better than many out there. I was just an emotionally sensitive introvert that never knew how to talk about his feelings. My mom and her family were not equip for to handle someone like me. They did what they could and I am thankful. It wasn't until I received Christ that I found a way to learn how to open up about the stuff going on inside.

I thought I was attacked by demons in high school to get me to commit suicide, and it still could be. I now know the true cause. The Lord had to resurrect my emotional state or side of me. I struggle with chronic self loathing. If I don't do something right or don't follow some of expections, I cast judgement on myself, which is like taking my emotions and condemning it. Sometimes it can take days to realize I am doing it. I am no longer passionate or social, all I want to do is drown myself in video games, and I want to be left alone by everyone.

If I want to be let out of the cage, I have to talk my other half into forgiving what it got frustrated with myself over. At first I did it with prayer and the Holy Spirit, now I just talk it out. I am self loathing less over the last year or so, but it is always there. Like I have to live in fear I might betray myself again.

With this post it made me remember how in the 4th grade, someone I trusted and subconsciously hoped that be my big brother. They used me for sport instead. I had to forgive him for his 'betrayal', but now that I flushed it out. I was putting unrealistic expectations on Sam and realistically I am just as evil as he is. I have used people too, including my Grandmother. It is truly amazing how corrupt people can be, including myself. I pray that Sam find salvation and grows into the brother he should have been. That I will become the grand son I should have been.

AWorkInProgress · Sep 28, 2019

I just want to thank the Lord. I been a mess the last 3 days. I injured myself with a car problem, nothing serious. Enough to get off work for 2 days and urgent care visit.

All I wanted to do was leave this reality, the hole started to feel like the Grand Canyon. Looking for purpose in places that aren't real, looking for life in the fake. Three days like this, finding it hard to find the motivation to seeze these days I got.

I didn't want today to become another victim, another loss. I knew it was self loathing on steroids. I humbled myself and I just asked God to sort this mess out. It was...poetic in nature. It was a birthday card with letters, when the teacher wasn't looking. Each letter represented how useless and unimportant I was. How did this letter, this card became the standard I would judge myself. How did this messager of Satan, this tool of his voice was able to have that much influence on me? The Lord had to help me realize it was lies, how lost and naive I was.

I was afraid, what would I be if that birthday card was taken from evidence locker? What would I stand on as proof of what I am? Recently I been talking to my Mom about did she love me and was I a disappointment. She told me how important I was before I was born and how my father had loved me. That picture, testimony of events is now in my evidence locker.

First day in a long while I feel alive and I really have no clue what to expect from here on. My time is short before my next work week. I started to listen to this song on youtube and stirred in me to type this. I want my God to get the glory for this.

1watchman · Sep 29, 2019

AWorkInProgress said:
This is just me expressing myself or a rant per se.

I had emotional problems for as long as I could remember. I tried so hard to figure myself out, but all I got was depression and I hid in video games from reality. When events played out and my life was impacted by Jesus and the salvation I wasn't alone anymore fighting these problems. With God's instruction book, the Holy Spirit, and a fire to break free from the emotional chains that tied me down for years. I come a long way and Jesus gets all the credit.

10 years later and I am still finding emotional damage and misunderstandings as I grew up. Like, am I ever going to be free of this? I feel I was made to influence people and help them, yet I hate people and want nothing to do with them. There is nothing to join, there is nothing to be a part of, there is nothing. Yet I could start something, yet I never started anything in my life. One part of me wants to be told he was a good and faithful servant. The other part of me wants to say screw it all. It is so hard not to be jealous of brothers in Christ that have that gift, and it is like I need them to lead the way so I can support them. Yet there is nothing, and I can't do it on my own.

I know the church is people... what do you do when you are afraid of people.

Well, it is understandable that you would remember bad and good things in your past ---we all do. Just remember God is speaking to us in His Holy Word (today) ---note all of the GOSPEL OF JOHN and pray about it. We must not keep looking back, and start looking to our Creator God, who gave us His beloved Son ---the Lord Jesus, who promises to be "with you always". One will find peace and blessings in walking and talking with the Lord Jesus (making Him your best Friend, beside Lord of your life ---see John 14:6 in your Bible). I will pray for you, and write me personally anytime if you wish.

Damaged goods

A fool becoming wise

I believe in the Resurrection

simple truth, martyr, disciple of Yahshua

simple truth, martyr, disciple of Yahshua

Noob

Veteran

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

A fool becoming wise

A fool becoming wise

A fool becoming wise

Overseer

Similar threads