Friendship advice

Tigger45

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I have a friend that only talks about herself and what she is interested in. She has told me that she had a horrible time in school and she doesn't have a job or want one so she won't talk about either of those two things. I loved school and love to talk about it and I'm looking for a job so I like to talk about that. She has told me she doesn't mind me talking about those things but she doesn't want to talk about her own personal situations. So when I talk about mine experiences it is not much of a conversation because she doesn't contribute to the conversation or ask questions. She has been planning on having a baby and I'm not interested in that but as her friend I ask her questions about it. So basically the only time we are having an actual conversation is when she is talking about herself and I'm asking questions. I've talked to her about this and all she tells me is that it is because of her anxiety and its just the way she is. She told me that she doesn't ask people anything about their life or if someone mentioned something going on in their life she doesn't follow up and ask how it went. She said that she doesn't ask about other peoples lives because she doesn't like to be asked about hers. I kind of feel like I'm being controlled as to what I can and can't talk about. Is this a bad friendship?
The ironic thing is is she has anxiety because she’s not dealing with those subjects. Just sayin’.
 
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The ironic thing is is she has anxiety because she’s not dealing with those subjects. Just sayin’.
Yeah that's what I thought. She is in therapy but she won't talk about certain things there either so.
 
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ChicanaRose

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No one wants to talk about things they are not doing well in, whether it is a school or a job or something else. So we should be sensitive about touching on subjects that may remind people of their failures. The exception would be if they have actually asked for our help.
Now, as for yourself, you don't need to force yourself to talk about babies all the time. I mean, I love my married friends' babies and they talk about them, but we are talking about real, existing babies here.

If one of my single friends only wants to talk about her future baby when she's not even pregnant, I would really not know how to pretend to be interested every single time. It seems like both of you can find other frieds who share similar interests.
 
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ChicanaRose

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Yeah that's what I thought. She is in therapy but she won't talk about certain things there either so.

It's actually not realistic for someone to plan for babies if she is not taking responsibility for her school and job. She just may not yet be at a maturity level that you were hoping for in a friend.
 
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zippy2006

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If she has told you that it is anxiety-related, you might try to ask her about her anxiety and share your own experiences of anxiety.

It may be that she is lonely and just wants to be listened to. She may be afraid of failure and unwilling to share negative aspects of her life. She may be afraid to commiserate with your own ailments because she sees that as a sign of weakness and does not want to be vulnerable. People are different, it could be any number of things. Praying with her never hurts.

As to you, it sounds like in this friendship you give more than you receive. That's fine as long as it doesn't get out of control, and as long as you have other friendships and activities that feed you.
 
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