Wandering Eyes

John P. Alexander said:

Women are beautiful and I'm just a sinful man. I'm not sure women realize how quickly this all happens for men. In a half second we see the woman and the eyes go straight to the chest or bottom, depending on which way they're facing, without us even realizing it.

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YES! so true, brother thanks for the transparency!

timewerx said:

Did you really have to say those things?

You're speaking to a crowd where not many has a wife or GF everyone stares at. If you're following what I'm saying....

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I wasn't trying to be insensitive. My friend Bob became a Christian after meeting his girlfriend Stacey. She's a Christian who got him going to church. She came in 2nd in her class and 6th overall in a national physique contest. The Christians I know tend to be into fitness. My buddy Sebo is a strict Christian. He had a weight set delivered to our motel room in the middle of a cave diving trip. Don't be too jealous. I'm dying. I was going to marry my Catholic girlfriend, Sonya, but I may be in the ground by Christmas. DCS hit after 7500+ dives. Breaking down neurologically. However, I am thinking this community might be better without my input.

TraceMalin said:

I wasn't trying to be insensitive. My friend Bob became a Christian after meeting his girlfriend Stacey. She's a Christian who got him going to church. She came in 2nd in her class and 6th overall in a national physique contest. The Christians I know tend to be into fitness. My buddy Sebo is a strict Christian. He had a weight set delivered to our motel room in the middle of a cave diving trip. Don't be too jealous. I'm dying. I was going to marry my Catholic girlfriend, Sonya, but I may be in the ground by Christmas. DCS hit after 7500+ dives. Breaking down neurologically. However, I am thinking this community might be better without my input.

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hey brother we are all at different phases in our walk with Christ. By all means share your experiences, share your input. I am quite impressed with your circle of friends, sounds like you have a pretty high profile group you run with. My life relatively is quite boring, compared to that. But I like to make is more exciting for the family. I just wanted to let you know that I have given Jesus millions of reasons to give up on me, and to date, nothing has changed His mind. He loved us before the world began and after the end of everything He will still love us. I truly appreciate what you are saying. I used to scuba dive and do more fun stuff. But my situation is different now. It's mainly work and family time.

John P. Alexander said:

Christian men, what do you do to stop wandering eyes; as in "checking out" women? This is a problem I have and I would like to stop it, especially since it is disrespectful to my wife. It's so subconscious that I don't even realize I'm doing it until the damage is done. What can I say? Women are beautiful and I'm just a sinful man. I'm not sure women realize how quickly this all happens for men. In a half second we see the woman and the eyes go straight to the chest or bottom, depending on which way they're facing, without us even realizing it. Some very good and disciplined men have this beat and I would like to know how. The way many women dress in today's Western world makes it even harder. The brothers are stumbling.

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grow a beard like your picture. your wife might not like it but you can be sure no other women will like it too. then you will be that creepy guy with the long beard and any and all innocent actions towards women will be interpreted as some type of perversion. attractive men are supposed to be attracted to attractive women, but unkept creepy men aren't allowed to... do you see where I'm going? You will find people around you will give you odd looks and be suspicious of your actions and this will cause you to modify your behaviour in public to avoid these confronting and judgment looks. a "beard" could be a lot of things but if you're perceived as a weird creepy guy for 6 months it will adjust your behaviour toward these public mating rituals that we can't seem to control.

We must be ruthless in moral self-deny. Job said (in Job 31:1), “I made a covenant with my eyes that I would not gaze at a woman.“According to Proverb 27:20 & Ecclesiastes 1:8, “The eyes of men are never satisfied; the eye is never satisfied with seeing.” “Be careful, then, what you allow your eyes to see and your heart to desire. For nothing the Enemy offers can match what you have already been promised in Christ” – Dr. Michael Youssef.

• Eve saw that the fruit of the forbidden tree was pleasing to the eyes, and she took of it and ate (Genesis 3:6)
• Achan the son of Karmin, said he saw the treasures and desired them, so he took them and hid them in his camp (Joshua 7:20-21)
• Kind David, a man after God’s own heart, saw with his eyes and lusted for an unknown woman, committed adultery with her, and then plotted for her husband to be murdered and had him killed in battle (2 Samuel 11)

One thing to remember is that you are accountable to the husband, father, brother, son (or their memory) for the way you look at or act toward their wife, daughter, or sister. Until this becomes engrained in you, and while you are in a congregational setting, try glancing at the heads of the males I describe. A sense of honoring another should develop. You can then start to take on the non-engrossed glances at females without detaching yourself from your duty-bound role to honor all around you, male and female. Then, you can take that approach to the market place of life.

gradyll said:

hey brother we are all at different phases in our walk with Christ. By all means share your experiences, share your input. I am quite impressed with your circle of friends, sounds like you have a pretty high profile group you run with. My life relatively is quite boring, compared to that. But I like to make is more exciting for the family. I just wanted to let you know that I have given Jesus millions of reasons to give up on me, and to date, nothing has changed His mind. He loved us before the world began and after the end of everything He will still love us. I truly appreciate what you are saying. I used to scuba dive and do more fun stuff. But my situation is different now. It's mainly work and family time.

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Thanks. That's great that you were able to experience the underwater world. I was either a full-time diver or part-time lifeguard or vice versa. I ended up the int'l training director for two cert agencies. Started at age 13. Bob and I did cave diving for reality TV. At age 50, I could still pass the USLA ocean lifeguard test. Now, I'm dizzy constantly, lost the right eye, head feels like I was just helmet to helmet contacted in the NFL and eating is no fun. I'm starting to taste food like a vampire would enjoy garlic. Breathing just stops. Fun. I got chambered the same day my sister was admitted for a stroke that was actually MS. Same hospital. She is declining fast. That's what saddens me. Anyway, the forum is largely a much different attitude than the Methodist, Presbyterian, and Catholic congregations I experienced and the theological training I recieved for a degree with Jesuit priests and IHM sisters. I feel like a heretic.

TraceMalin said:

I wasn't trying to be insensitive. My friend Bob became a Christian after meeting his girlfriend Stacey. She's a Christian who got him going to church. She came in 2nd in her class and 6th overall in a national physique contest. The Christians I know tend to be into fitness. My buddy Sebo is a strict Christian. He had a weight set delivered to our motel room in the middle of a cave diving trip. Don't be too jealous. I'm dying. I was going to marry my Catholic girlfriend, Sonya, but I may be in the ground by Christmas. DCS hit after 7500+ dives. Breaking down neurologically. However, I am thinking this community might be better without my input.

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Sorry to hear.

Just we live in a broken world. I used to be highly succesful in my career. I won't elaborate.

But then I used to look down on the less fortunate, less successful and in my mind I say, it's their fault for not working hard enough for lacking discipline etc.

And then I lost that success, that career, my lifesavings gone. It made me realize there's a lot more factors at play other than working hard, great discipline, etc, in order to succeed in life. Many of these factors are beyond our control.

A lot of people are unsatisfied with their lives or had many failures. Our society loves to blame them but that is wrong. And people get depressed over things like not being successful as others.

We love to blame people for their insecurity but we also have a responsibility not to cause people to become insecure with themselves.

Many desire to live interesting, exciting lives but many will fail. The norm in this world is rather boring to many.

John P. Alexander said:

I think so too. Once I've noticed I'm looking, I look away. It all happens very quickly. I don't have to explain it too much to other men I feel.

Today it made me feel terrible. I was at the doctor's office and an attractive woman passed by while I was talking to my wife. My eyes darted for just a moment to a place that they should not have, but it was enough for my wife to look that way. I could tell she was hurt and that hurt me.

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Has your wife said anything about it?

timewerx said:

Sorry to hear.

Just we live in a broken world. I used to be highly succesful in my career. I won't elaborate.

But then I used to look down on the less fortunate, less successful and in my mind I say, it's their fault for not working hard enough for lacking discipline etc.

And then I lost that success, that career, my lifesavings gone. It made me realize there's a lot more factors at play other than working hard, great discipline, etc, in order to succeed in life. Many of these factors are beyond our control.

A lot of people are unsatisfied with their lives or had many failures. Our society loves to blame them but that is wrong. And people get depressed over things like not being successful as others.

We love to blame people for their insecurity but we also have a responsibility not to cause people to become insecure with themselves.

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Thanks. Or draw inspiration. Chuck Norris was once so shy he walked facing the lockers in school. I was once the fat kid. By college, I was a physique model because I got in shape to be a paratrooper, ranger, and green beret. Those were my goals. God opened the door to put that conditioning to work saving lives not taking them. If you are feeling out of shape physically try Stronglifts 5 x 5. Just 3 exercises 5 sets of 5 reps 3 times a week and you'll feel great. If you don't have health issues it's a great workout for any age 20 to 30 minutes. Done. I was a trainer. The mind often follows. You sound like you had a demanding career. Have you found something fulfilling?

John P. Alexander said:

Christian men, what do you do to stop wandering eyes; as in "checking out" women? This is a problem I have and I would like to stop it, especially since it is disrespectful to my wife. It's so subconscious that I don't even realize I'm doing it until the damage is done. What can I say? Women are beautiful and I'm just a sinful man. I'm not sure women realize how quickly this all happens for men. In a half second we see the woman and the eyes go straight to the chest or bottom, depending on which way they're facing, without us even realizing it. Some very good and disciplined men have this beat and I would like to know how. The way many women dress in today's Western world makes it even harder. The brothers are stumbling.

Click to expand...

I read a proverb: “Fidelity in marriage. Celibacy as a single.” Lust led to perversity. Babies were born to single mothers who lacked support. Sexually transmitted disease maimed or cost thousands in medical expense. Lust bred birth defects. Unfaithful partners robbed family savings to support lovers.

One ought not look at that beautiful person with wanton pleasure in mind.

Now I am 60. My body is no longer young and strong. It is too late for me to marry and start a family. I read the statistics. Few single people marry past the age of 50. Most widows or widowers do not remarry late in life.

I could yet see a woman is beautiful or not, but my only option is celibacy. In this way my eyes might not want to take an illicit journey with beauty. I found the Facebook page of a woman I dated for years. Her last post was she was going through radiation treatment for cancer. I had sorrow. We were not in a healthy lifestyle.

TraceMalin said:

Thanks. Or draw inspiration. Chuck Norris was once so shy he walked facing the lockers in school. I was once the fat kid. By college, I was a physique model because I got in shape to be a paratrooper, ranger, and green beret. Those were my goals. God opened the door to put that conditioning to work saving lives not taking them. If you are feeling out of shape physically try Stronglifts 5 x 5. Just 3 exercises 5 sets of 5 reps 3 times a week and you'll feel great. If you don't have health issues it's a great workout for any age 20 to 30 minutes. Done. I was a trainer. The mind often follows. You sound like you had a demanding career. Have you found something fulfilling?

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Thanks, never had problems on the physical side. Always been quite physically active since childhood, until now.

Career is very demanding on the mind but also very fulfilling. Just returning after a massive setback. Massive like I'm starting from almost zero. I prefer not to elaborate.

There's enough temptation to get into wrong relationships but the huge setback actually changed my mind a lot. There's a lot of things are no longer appealing to me.

There is a pithy little line that I have found useful over the years.

"Where our attention goes, our energy flows".

When I combine that with a line from James Allen, "Dissipation is annihilation.", I'm reminded that to put our attention in too many directions is to expel our energy into fruitless and meaningless pursuits.

Here is an example that puts it in a masculine environment so that we can compare. Imagine if you had a business partner. A man in this instance. If your business partner demonstrated an attraction towards other business ventures and expressed some shame when it was discovered he was doing so, how confident would you feel about this business partner? Would you desire that he focus his attention on the business at hand, rather than eyeing off other ventures? How would you seek to remedy this, since you are both locked in a partnership in which your fates are shared?

If we consider how essential the joining of husband and wife is, then we must consider how everything we do to the other, we do to ourselves. If we neglect the feelings of our spouse, we are neglecting our own feelings. We are diminishing our love for ourselves, by disrespecting our own feelings.

These are some of the things that I might contemplate while wrestling with the issue myself. My mind can think of many things, but to make them reality takes a miracle. There is very little I can do without the strength of Christ and transformation by the Spirit, through the power of prayer. We should lean on God heavily and trust that he will redeem us from ourselves.

John P. Alexander said:

Christian men, what do you do to stop wandering eyes; as in "checking out" women? This is a problem I have and I would like to stop it, especially since it is disrespectful to my wife. It's so subconscious that I don't even realize I'm doing it until the damage is done. What can I say? Women are beautiful and I'm just a sinful man. I'm not sure women realize how quickly this all happens for men. In a half second we see the woman and the eyes go straight to the chest or bottom, depending on which way they're facing, without us even realizing it. Some very good and disciplined men have this beat and I would like to know how. The way many women dress in today's Western world makes it even harder. The brothers are stumbling.

Click to expand...

You have to find the balance point between admiring and lusting.
A story a mate of mine, a builder, got conveted shortly afterwards was driving to his girlfriends when he was aware, like you of being surrounded by pretty women, all, scanterly clad. He was horrified and tuirn round and drove to our pastor house and asked to see him.

When he explained his problem. Pastor laughed, If you weren't concerned I would be worried. You are aware of temptation, all you have to do is resist it.

TraceMalin said:

Thanks. That's great that you were able to experience the underwater world. I was either a full-time diver or part-time lifeguard or vice versa. I ended up the int'l training director for two cert agencies. Started at age 13. Bob and I did cave diving for reality TV. At age 50, I could still pass the USLA ocean lifeguard test. Now, I'm dizzy constantly, lost the right eye, head feels like I was just helmet to helmet contacted in the NFL and eating is no fun. I'm starting to taste food like a vampire would enjoy garlic. Breathing just stops. Fun. I got chambered the same day my sister was admitted for a stroke that was actually MS. Same hospital. She is declining fast. That's what saddens me. Anyway, the forum is largely a much different attitude than the Methodist, Presbyterian, and Catholic congregations I experienced and the theological training I recieved for a degree with Jesuit priests and IHM sisters. I feel like a heretic.

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Hey brother, none of us are heretics. Just all learning different things. My experience has been a 20 year process. 15 years ago I would never have said the stuff I said today. It is a process. Don't quite before the process begins. Your in a good place. I like twitter myself. Less debate goes on on twitter, just short inspirational posts that encourage my faith. Here people like to debate doctrine, which is not necessarily bad. But in debate you always have a bunch of chiefs and no indians. No one is wrong, or at least claims to be. So you have continual fighting over doctrine. While some doctrine should be defended (apologetics), most of it does not need to be defended (pneumatology, ecclesiology, end times). We like to fight, but then we realize that unbelievers come to these threads all the time, and all they see is fighting. So that is why I only come here sometimes. I like twitter most. But coming here can help I suppose. Just don't get caught up in debate threads, either theological or apologetics, or creation evolution threads. Those forums are usually mean. People have a fighty attitude with little grace toward other perspectives. Like I said no one wants to be wrong, so people fight till the end. On twitter the posts are smaller so you have less debate in general. But twitter can get conviluted as well, I used to use it for political conversation, then I realized that the christian conversation is so alive and inspiring that I dropped politics all together. I will never go back to debate, or politics. I still vote, but I dont' debate my political viewpoint anymore. I think it divides christians. I think more than ever we should be uniting, not dividing in this dark world.

dqhall said:

I read a proverb: “Fidelity in marriage. Celibacy as a single.” Lust led to perversity. Babies were born to single mothers who lacked support. Sexually transmitted disease maimed or cost thousands in medical expense. Lust bred birth defects. Unfaithful partners robbed family savings to support lovers.

One ought not look at that beautiful person with wanton pleasure in mind.

Now I am 60. My body is no longer young and strong. It is too late for me to marry and start a family. I read the statistics. Few single people marry past the age of 50. Most widows or widowers do not remarry late in life.

I could yet see a woman is beautiful or not, but my only option is celibacy. In this way my eyes might not want to take an illicit journey with beauty. I found the Facebook page of a woman I dated for years. Her last post was she was going through radiation treatment for cancer. I had sorrow. We were not in a healthy lifestyle.

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take hope dear brother, abraham and sarah who were very old conceived miraculously. God can and still does the miraculous. Just because you are older, don't think that there is no mate for you. Celebrate singleness in all of it's glory, but don't ever think God is not big enough. He certainly can and does unite older people. Bless you brother.

DamianWarS said:

grow a beard like your picture. your wife might not like it but you can be sure no other women will like it too. then you will be that creepy guy with the long beard and any and all innocent actions towards women will be interpreted as some type of perversion. attractive men are supposed to be attracted to attractive women, but unkept creepy men aren't allowed to... do you see where I'm going? You will find people around you will give you odd looks and be suspicious of your actions and this will cause you to modify your behaviour in public to avoid these confronting and judgment looks. a "beard" could be a lot of things but if you're perceived as a weird creepy guy for 6 months it will adjust your behaviour toward these public mating rituals that we can't seem to control.

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wow bro, that was intense. impressive how far you went with this particular illustration, funny too.

John P. Alexander said:

I think so too. Once I've noticed I'm looking, I look away. It all happens very quickly. I don't have to explain it too much to other men I feel.

Today it made me feel terrible. I was at the doctor's office and an attractive woman passed by while I was talking to my wife. My eyes darted for just a moment to a place that they should not have, but it was enough for my wife to look that way. I could tell she was hurt and that hurt me.

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brother we are all there with you. Keep the faith and realize that whatever you commit to the Lord, He will never rip you off. When God makes a rule for us to follow, at first glance we seem to think "oh no, not another rule." But recently in this last year as God has given victory over victory over life long habitual sin in my life, I realize and embrace any and all new revelations into God's will in my life. Because I know that following HIm only brings forth blessing. You may think, your missing out. And you are, but what you are missing out on is infinitessimal to what God has for you. Imagine having a passionate love for your wife that you have not had in decades. God is doing just that in circles I run with. Simply from following His will, and trusting Him that when we sacrifice and do the right thing, God will never leave us empty. Even in job's situation, he lost everything. But at the end of His life God blessed him with more family than he ever had, and more possessions and land than he ever had. People don't talk about that part though. We like to depict job as a casualty. But He was far outblessed by God than anything God took away. The Bible promises if you give 1 thing to HIm, He will repay sometimes ten times, other times a hundred times, other times a thousand times what you gave to Him. The Bible says that "whatever you ask in My name I will give you." It says that 11 times in three different books. God is challenging us to pray and ask, and He will give us that. I say the prayer all the time, "God give me passion for my wife, and an undying love, and He has sparked a love that I haven't had in years. God wants us to be happy, but we must follow HIm, and obey in order to have our prayers unhindered. I love you dear brother, and unite with you in prayer over this issue. None of us have it conquered but as a group we can tackle this issue and nip in the bud.

timewerx said:

Find a pig (a literal pig animal).

Stare at its blue eyes, blonde hair, curvy body, and fair skin..

You'll never look at women the same again!

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Now we know what what you like!

timewerx said:

Did you really have to say those things?

You're speaking to a crowd where not many has a wife or GF everyone stares at. If you're following what I'm saying....

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I'm interested to know how he counted so high. I get fed up of counting in between 100-200