Christian men, what do you do to stop wandering eyes; as in "checking out" women? This is a problem I have and I would like to stop it, especially since it is disrespectful to my wife. It's so subconscious that I don't even realize I'm doing it until the damage is done. What can I say? Women are beautiful and I'm just a sinful man. I'm not sure women realize how quickly this all happens for men. In a half second we see the woman and the eyes go straight to the chest or bottom, depending on which way they're facing, without us even realizing it. Some very good and disciplined men have this beat and I would like to know how. The way many women dress in today's Western world makes it even harder. The brothers are stumbling.
I was doing this quite frequently, and even found myself smiling and sort of leading other women at work on. I know that we are supposed to know this was wrong innately, but for some reason it didn't click for years and years. I finally prayed about it and God mentioned to me to stop smiling all together at other women for now anyway, and not to stare, just politely glance (in order to make sure I wasn't walking into them or something). I am still learning this, it has taken weeks to sort of get it right. I realized I was totally flirting with other women simply by the way I was smiling and looking at them. This actually leads other women on. We don't think of it this way, but they are people too. They may genuinely be interested in you (in my case an older man), and my smiling at them or confirming it to them, really can hurt their little hearts when you don't pursue them eventually. So I found myself literally breaking up with all these people at my work (people I never was in a relationship with physically, but emotionally I was in a relationship with them, simply by flirting) , one day I counted how many people it was and it was in the dozens. At church there was a few other ones too. I was literally in an emotional relationship with dozens of women and not even thinking twice (being a married man). Because the world says it's ok to look but not touch. But God's standard is higher. Now, after praying, being convicted, and God having to specifically tell me this was sin, I repented maybe a month or two ago. Once I was convicted and repented, I had alot of guilt over it. I thought to myself, how could I have ever justified this in my mind, and how patient my wife must have been as I glanced at other women. Now for me, most of the time I look down. But I occasionally will still look. Yesterday there was a very attractive woman and I looked at her a little longer than I would have liked, but I am still a work in progress. But by and large it has stopped completely. Eventually I think I will be able to politely smile at people, but for sure not now, and not with the ones I have flirted with in the past. Here are some tips that helped me. Love your wife the way you would want to be loved. Would you want your wife checking out other men, younger men even? Or smiling at other men repeatedly? If not, then we are not loving our wife the way we wish to be loved, in other words we are being hypocrites. The other thing I noticed was that my heart was with others, not my wife. My wife is very pretty but slightly overweight, so I would tend to flock toward younger thinner girls. So my heart was literally with other women not my wife. This was typically younger women, but it did not have to be. Then I realized, what if I entertained this venue and actually got a younger prettier model. Would I be happy? No, at that point I would probably want not only a younger thinner model, but one with a certain hair or skin tone, or fat percentage, or bosom size. Younger women typically have relationship problems when older men rob the cradle. Some guys at work talk about robbing the cradle with younger girls, but not a lot of people do it. Because their is a stigma with it. The younger girls parents and close friends disrespect the older person because they feel he or she is physically taking advantage of the younger person. Another problem with robbing the cradle that many don't talk about is that if it is an older man dating a younger girl, younger men that know your girlfriend will be tempted to flirt with her (because in their mind they are a better catch). Women like stability and will date older men for that reason, but other younger men don't get that and will try to steal the younger (same age) woman from the older man, repeatedly. It doesn't stop. These are things I have read online I thought I would share. Hollywood likes to make movies of men dating women 20-30 years younger, but it simply is a harder type of relationship to make work. Not to mention the generation gap, your younger girl will have her social media group that you most likely won't be part of, she will use terms, language, emojicons, you name it that will date her younger than you. Humor will be different. Things that are funny to a middle age 45 year old male, is simply not funny to a 25 year old just out of college. There are major differences as well with generation X,Y, and Z and the baby boomers. You can look up all that stuff. I really like to research stuff. So that is why I researched problems with dating younger people, not only to reduce the temptation but to reveal to me that it simply is not God's will to dishonor a marriage covenant by looking at other women and flirting with them. It's not worth it. You are literally starting a relationship with that person and every time you see them you feel the need to stare more, or smile longer, it just does not work, because as soon as your mini relationship starts to go the other way and you or her distance yourself, you will see her or you get hurt. This should prove to you that you are not honoring your marriage and that you are in multiple small emotional relationships with other people, not your wife. Don't get me wrong we can smile, wave, look at another person, but we must treat all people as if they are married. (I just heard that today, I liked it), to treat everyone as if they are married, taken. One final thing, imagine having the perfect woman. Fantasy doesn't end there, if you had a perfect women, you would desire a smarter one, or one that could cook better, or one that was a better mom. We were never meant to be fulfilled with things of this world. Once you have everything your heart desires you have an emptiness inside. God created us with an emptiness inside that only He can fill, when we try to fill it with other people or relationships or status quo, we are left empty for more love, more fulfillment. Once I realized all the above I found myself watching marriage youtube channels, sitting more with my wife, putting a time every day that we can talk. Spending less time on the computer in solitude, and more time on the couch with her. Giving numerous non sexual gentle touches and hugs. I noticed her countenance change as I became more committed to her, and less committed to all these pseudo relationships.
Anyway, I hope this helps. Sorry to vent out all of my emotions and struggles, just know you are definately not alone. (I did notice some changes, when I stopped flirting all together (it happened quickly), I realized that some of the women, even married were going out of their way to walk by. I work at a factory, and am in maintenance, and our shop is down an alley sort of out of the way of foot traffic. One of these girls went out of the plant, walked hundreds of feet down the alley right in front of the shop. That was not her work zone. I just thought I would mention that. If you stop flirting, and honor your marriage. Expect satan to try to meddle, and just when you think your breaking all these things off, you will see more temptation come. But that was just once, most of the girls just got the hint right away and distanced themselves which is good. But there was a better way. The Godly way. To treat all women as if married, and to honor my marriage as if she is with me all day. Because when in marriage she should be in my heart all day, and if she isn't you pray to God for more love for your wife). As for me, I had been cheating emotionally for 14 out of 15 years of marriage, so the passion won't come back instantly. It takes time, but the more of your heart you save for your wife, the more love will flow.
Here is a link for more information on strengthening your marriage:
I love this youtube channel on marriage....
MarriageToday
