Well, Meyerjd, I do hope that you find God's will in all of this.
Your story reminds me of the actual incident Jesus had with the woman who was caught in adultery and every one wanted to stone her to death till Jesus told them something which they did not want to hear relative to them ALL being in the same condition out there on that level ground. Praise God, they appropriately responded. They could have just as easily stoned Jesus for seemingly defending her. But that was not His intent.
The Bible does make an allowance for divorce if conviction of offense(s) and forgiveness cannot be found. I will say that a lot of times Christian counselors will advise a separation if both parties are willing to work it out with professional help as it appears you two are. We Christians are commanded to exercise a higher love than the world.
We are no longer primarily citizens of this world and should be transforming our minds to that of God's; both of which we are told/instructed in Scripture. Since we are Christians our scope or purview of love transcends the highest form of love of which the world is capable; that worldly love, known as Phileo love and being as good as it is, is also " a negative shallow love, natural and exclusive and conditional."
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Four Kinds of Love; Eros, Agape, Phileo & Storge>
God's, Christian love, Agape love, transcends Phileo love and is unconditional. Worldly (Phileo) , love demands tit for tat, 50/50 relationships, feels justified in holding grudges, demands a possessiveness in the relationship, is more concerned with surface or observable evidences than deeper evidences, and so on. Agape love does none of those.
"Agape-Is more of a parental, mature, sacrificial kind of love. The Thayer Lexicon describes agape beautifully when it says “to take pleasure in the thing, prize it above all other things, be unwilling to abandon it or do without it.” In a way it is as idealistic as Eros, in that it is a crazy love that will not let go. Agape loves, usually at cost to the bearer. Agape puts the beloved first and sacrifices pride, self interest and possessions for the sake of that beloved. This is the love that God has for us which inspired him to sacrifice His son and for His son to obey and sacrifice himself. It is the kind of love we are commanded to have for one another. It is a love of supreme greatness".
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Four Kinds of Love; Eros, Agape, Phileo & Storge>
Marriage, I think, is like a slow, close dance which neither partner has done before. Toes get stepped on, movements are made in non-harmonious fashion, one is listening to the pronounced drum beat and the other the quiet entry on the up beat of the violin, one thinks things are going in one direction and the other another, and so on. But they continue to hold on to each other and gaze into each other's eyes reassuredly and lovingly, and lean into each other paying more careful attention to harmonize their differences toward becoming intermingled unto the intimacy of becoming "one flesh." Whew! Thank you Lord for that!I do hope that the presence of God will bless your heart and clear your mind to know what He would have you do. If a divorce is the only alternative then rest assured, I do not judge you for that. I only think that we should be slow to head for that. You DO need to employ whatever it takes to protect yourself and the children, possibly a separation or her voluntary entrance into an inpatient therapy residence or both. Remember that even though God hates divorce He also hates pride and a LOT of other things, including adultery, which He forgives very regularly and abundantly, but He does demand repentance, a behavior change. People forget His imperative command to the woman caught in adultery after she received His forgiveness; to go and not to repeat that sin again. This is a message to all of us, I think. As I have shared, I was once (for over 20 years) counseled by well-meaning Christians and Christian counselors to obey Ephes 5:25 and other verses intended to keep a marriage together and ended up in a very bad place. But having been a child of a very hostile divorce I know what that can do to a child, also. So all I can ask of you is to consider moving slow. After my parents divorce and we finally were free of our father's abuse my loving mother died only months later in her 30's and the state let our father immediately grab us 4 children and imprison us into a wife and child beating alcoholic's tyranny and abuse. The divorce didn't do any good to protect us. It actually worsened our abuse and caused additional trauma. May the Lord bless your path.
