Can God make my husband unlazy?

rtrulock said:

I am tired of being the only one who does housework. His lifestyle rubs off on me sometimes. If I pray everyday for my husband to not be lazy and do more to help, can He undue 30+ years of this behavior? I’m at my wits end and just want to live by myself. We both work and he is not a believer. I know I’m supposed to pray for him. But how long do I have to live like this? Thanks

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Have you asked him to help?

rtrulock said:

I have.

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What was his response?

rtrulock said:

But how long do I have to live like this?

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What did you promise in your wedding vows?
I'm guessing there's more here than just housework.

Whenever I wish to complain about, and to, my spouse, I am always humbled by the realisation that when I point a finger at someone I have three pointing back at me. Jesus (supposedly our model, and support) would not have gone to the cross if he had complained about things not being fair.

Having said that I can empathise with you.

don't know if change is possible after so many years
agree with next poster to hire some help

rtrulock said:

But how long do I have to live like this?

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Maybe you can hire a college student to come in and help you clean and make him pay for it. Everyone that lives in the house should be cleaning. It does not fall on any one person. Although some people are cleaner then others. If you want to make him unlazy then assign him tasks to do and supervise him to make sure he does it. So the two of you can work together. Usually this ends up with him watching you do the work. But you can at least get a little bit of something out of him. Something is better then nothing.

Or hide his favorite food and refuse to give it to him if he does not do a cleaning task. Clean the toilet or take the garbage out or something. Or you could say: I really don't remember, maybe if you would help me to do this that could jog my memory. Use a reward system like they use with animals. To give them a treat when they do the task you are requesting from them. Sheldon did this with Penny on the Big Bang and it was really funny. He had her jumping through hoops because of her love of chocolate. My dad use to use reverse psychology. He would challenge me and say I do not think you can do this. If you can then prove me wrong. Although he mostly used reward system. If you want a new whatever then you are going to have to do this cleaning task first.

a former neighbor complained to me about her husband
she'd ask him to do things like hanging a picture on wall & she'd end up doing it or nothing would get done

he did mow, though

I listened when she vented but had no advice
she said his mom spoiled him!

rtrulock said:

that doesn't work, the mess just builds up until i do something

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have you asked him for help?

Tell him at your age you simply can't keep up with everything that needs done and give him some of the easier, less fussy chores.. loading the dishwasher etc. on top of yard and trash.

also, give him one area that is his to have as messy as he pleases - his man cave area - this gives him a sense of his things and his area, and then make sure his mess doesn't go beyond a certain point.

^^^ the above is what I do with my husband, that makes the house as much his as it is mine. Makes him feel homey..

Also, if your working too, then don't put all the pressure on yourself for making supper. Make a microwavable lasagna for yourself and make him cook something for himself if he's hungry on occasion. That way you get an easier night if your having to do laundry, for instance, that way your not making supper and doing cleanup too when your plate is full that night with other things..

But the reality is, while your husband may annoy you sometimes, he's still the man you vowed for life, good times or bad. It's up to you to accept him in his negative qualities, and love him for his positive qualities.

Every time you get frustrated with him, just remind yourself of something positive about him, and try and set your mind on what is good about him, instead of dwelling on what's negative.

We all have our negatives.. you included.. so try and overlook his laziness and look to those things about him that are good.

And pray, pray God gives you the ability to see your husband through His eyes.. the ability to love and forgive him regardless of what he does.

Try appreciating and thanking him for what he Does do....and forgeting what he doesnt do. In time, when you try to think if stuff he doesnt/wont do, you will not be able to find anything...

rtrulock said:

I am tired of being the only one who does housework. His lifestyle rubs off on me sometimes. If I pray everyday for my husband to not be lazy and do more to help, can He undue 30+ years of this behavior? I’m at my wits end and just want to live by myself. We both work and he is not a believer. I know I’m supposed to pray for him. But how long do I have to live like this? Thanks

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Who was it that forced you to marry this man?

Of course you can pray about it, but in your position I would rather pray for my own patience than that my husband would become a clean freak like me. My practical advice is to just ask him to do the specific thing you want done, whenever you want it done. In my experience, my husband just doesn't look at a thing and think "huh, that needs cleaned up!" until way after the point that I do. It's just how he is, he has a different idea of when something needs cleaned than I do. I used to get really frustrated by this, and I would wait for him to do the thing on his own, then grumble while I did it because he had "ignored it". I realized that my issue was in expecting him to adopt the exact same standards that I have, which is just really impractical. So we talked about it. And now when I notice something and want his help with it, I just ask. It has worked out pretty well.

But definitely don't stand over his shoulder like someone else mentioned and watch and critique when he does do one of these tasks. Imagine how you would feel if someone did that to you? More like a child or an employee than a partner. He's not always gonna do it in the same way, or as thoroughly as you would, but either just be thankful for what he did, or do it yourself the way you want to.

rtrulock said:

I am tired of being the only one who does housework. His lifestyle rubs off on me sometimes. If I pray everyday for my husband to not be lazy and do more to help, can He undue 30+ years of this behavior? I’m at my wits end and just want to live by myself. We both work and he is not a believer. I know I’m supposed to pray for him. But how long do I have to live like this? Thanks

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I tend to agree with some of the other posts. God can do anything but your husband must be willing. Does he even see himself as lazy? In praying for your hubby, can you list all the good things about him that you love? Start thanking God for him and all the good. And trust God for the rest. You will be surprised how your attitude toward him will change! You will start seeing the cup half full in stead of half empty. In the meantime, make your life a little easier. Hire a cleaning lady....even if it's only once a month. If you are a clean freak person, maybe look at letting go of some things. Do some easy make ahead meals on the weekends and freeze. Bring home takeout or go out to eat. Simple meals like pizza, soup and sandwich. Look around and see how you can make your life a little simpler! Have fun with it and let the Lord put his joy in you! Don't grow old and be bitter. There is so much to be thankful for. God will do it for you, i promise! Please know, I have been there and I DO feel for you!!!!

rtrulock said:

I am tired of being the only one who does housework. His lifestyle rubs off on me sometimes. If I pray everyday for my husband to not be lazy and do more to help, can He undue 30+ years of this behavior? I’m at my wits end and just want to live by myself. We both work and he is not a believer. I know I’m supposed to pray for him. But how long do I have to live like this? Thanks

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You’re praying for the wrong thing, the first and foremost prayer should be asking God to guide your husband to Him. You have to do your part as well as a Christian wife and once he sees you doing what a real Christian does, he may eventually become a believer. This is written about in Ephesians. God must be first in your life and everything else shall follow through.