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Boy that is a tough question. My first inclination is no. When God forgives, He forgets. You need to know if it is your conscience talking or Satan's accusation. It also depends on the girl. I'd not say anything until you are sure that you need to. If the relationship gets serious, you may need to bring it up. You will at least find out how forgiving she is!I've been dating this Christian woman for 5 months total, exclusive for over a month, and it truly feels God brought us together. However, a tidbit of my past just started haunting me. Five years ago, I went to an escort at a brothel in Germany. I was so disgusted that I didn't finish and ran out. I also realized had fallen in the wrong friend crowd for a bit. I have repented and repented since then. That past is long gone.
3 weeks into our exclusive relationship (1 month), she asked "how far do you go physically in dating?" I said I'm waiting for marriage on everything. She said the same. Her question was "dating"-related and everyone I EVER dated, I've been saving for marriage, no exceptions. I omitted the key fact because I figured a month in is too short to be discussing deep secrets like this. Should I bring up the escort experience from 5 yrs ago, something that doesn't define who I am today? If so, how and when? I feel guilty.
Her question was "dating"-related and everyone I EVER dated, I've been saving for marriage, no exceptions.
But I did go to the brothel and had a sexual experience, including intercourse for less than a second. My subconscious did not let me continue, and I chose to not continue, got dressed, and left.From your post, DonCania, I see at least three good reasons for you not to feel that you misled your girlfriend.
She asked about dating.
You didn't go through with the brothel episode.
You are waiting for marriage.
My thinking is that you should not mention it or feel guilty.
You've gotten good counsel here. Most of us saved as adults had large loads of sin, and I'm thankful for your sake that you repented at a lighter load. I'd add that because any contact with body fluids (mouths, noses, breasts, genitals, rectum, and non-intact skin) can make a difference in what you could potentially spread to another person, I'd recommend seeking testing for transmittable diseases. Many have no symptoms. The scriptures wisely tell us to avoid such contact and not just for issues of morality. As to your inner person, you've repented of this episode of indiscretion, and staying true to the path of repentance is your aim. As to your body, getting tested will help make sure you've checked for the potential consequences - that is if you had any intimate contact. And the reason she needs to know is for this same reason - she has the right to decide what risks she wants to take for any potential physical consequences you might have incurred because as soon as you two share any body fluids, those risks you bring to the situation are also hers.The fact that you are agonizing over it means you need to tell her but you will have to do so carefully. Warm her up to what you are going to say because she is going to be disappointed at best, angry at worst. How you tell about something can make a huge difference to how it's received. Perhaps open by saying that you are troubled by a past sin and that you feel the need to confess. Give her a chance to respond to that. Then tell her you said something to her that is true now and has been for the past 5 years but wasn't true before that. Then tell her you had a sexual encounter 5 years before but knew it was wrong and became celibate after that and that you felt she needed to know. Then be silent and let her process it. A lot of people want to jump in and fill silence with more speech, don't, give her chance to think and respond. You can explain more if needed but I doubt she wants to know the details.
Because you told her that you are waiting for marriage for everything means you gave her the wrong idea of who you are and in a sense lied to her. This is why this is bothering you so much. She believes you are as inexperienced as she is. The time to have told her without delving into things would have been when she asked. You could have said that 5 years ago you decided after some/one mistake to become celibate. This would have told her that your past wasn't squeaky clean but that you have taken celibacy seriously for quite some time. That is still the truth without giving unsavoury details. That was all you needed to have done. Always speak the truth as far as you are able to in any relationship. Telling the truth doesn't mean spilling every last detail of every sin committed, just a general idea of the big things, things that could make the other person angry/disappointed if withheld and they find out later. This allows the other person to take things in gradually and to ask questions if they want to know more. Once you have more trust in each other you can add details if you feel lead to. Nothing can ruin a relationship faster than lies or concealing things but at the same time, too many details too soon can also ruin things too. Relationships take work and so does communicating effectively. Use this experience to grow as a person.
But I did go to the brothel and had a sexual experience, including intercourse for less than a second.
I've been dating this Christian woman for 5 months total, exclusive for over a month, and it truly feels God brought us together. However, a tidbit of my past just started haunting me. Five years ago, I went to an escort at a brothel in Germany. I was so disgusted that I didn't finish and ran out. I also realized had fallen in the wrong friend crowd for a bit. I have repented and repented since then. That past is long gone.
3 weeks into our exclusive relationship (1 month), she asked "how far do you go physically in dating?" I said I'm waiting for marriage on everything. She said the same. Her question was "dating"-related and everyone I EVER dated, I've been saving for marriage, no exceptions. I omitted the key fact because I figured a month in is too short to be discussing deep secrets like this. Should I bring up the escort experience from 5 yrs ago, something that doesn't define who I am today? If so, how and when? I feel guilty.
Her exact question over the phone was, "What are your physical boundaries when it comes to dating?" I answered with, "I'm waiting on marriage for everything." Thinking back, I was answering to the "dating" question, which remains true; I have never had sexual intimacy with anyone I've ever dated. However, she may be under the impression that I meant that I'm a virgin. I feel very guilty now, because I sensed my statement is a lie by omission.is this what she actually said or is this how you interpreted the question?
that would make a difference.
ok, so it's your own perception of what she said...Her exact question over the phone was, "What are you physical boundaries when it comes to dating?" I answered with, "I am waiting on marriage for everything." Thinking back, while I was answering to the "dating" question, it remains true. I have never had sexual intimacy with anyone I have ever dated. However, she may be under the impression that I meant that I am a virgin. I feel very guilty now, because I sensed my statement is a lie by omission.
You have a solid point. I repented and prayed about it this situation for past three days. We had been dating for five months, and when her question came up over the phone three weeks ago, I didn't think twice about my answer. But randomly, I thought of it again three days ago and it's basically all I think about. Even when I receive a text from her, I feel nauseated with guilt. At this point, I'm leaning towards the feeling that the guilt will only go away if I tell her.I wish you had made that clear in the original post, but your attitude towards physical relations while dating still appears to be as you explained, AND I take it that she wanted to know specifically about the dating experience, what she was getting into with you, etc. Otherwise she would just have asked if you were a virgin.
it's none of her business. you don't owe her an answer.I've been dating this Christian woman for 5 months total, exclusive for over a month, and it truly feels God brought us together. However, a tidbit of my past just started haunting me. Five years ago, I went to an escort at a brothel in Germany. I was so disgusted that I didn't finish and ran out. I also realized had fallen in the wrong friend crowd for a bit. I have repented and repented since then. That past is long gone.
3 weeks into our exclusive relationship (1 month), she asked "how far do you go physically in dating?" I said I'm waiting for marriage on everything. She said the same. Her question was "dating"-related and everyone I EVER dated, I've been saving for marriage, no exceptions. I omitted the key fact because I figured a month in is too short to be discussing deep secrets like this. Should I bring up the escort experience from 5 yrs ago, something that doesn't define who I am today? If so, how and when? I feel guilty.