Dealing with covetousness.

Wow this is quite terrible behavior. I’m sorry such giving and loving Christians as you and your wife are have to endure this.

We know this behavior to be of the flesh and human sin nature. Are these people coveting professing Christians?

That's awful if they really are just waiting for you to die. Have you talked to them about this? I would suggest bringing it up as casually as one can possibly bring up a subject like that. They need to understand that their behavior isn't respectful or Christian

Also Norman. If you have not listed out in your will the details of home possessions I recommend you do so. When I helped my mom and dad with their final version of their Will the lawyer handed us a listing of possessions worksheet. With three siblings this turned out helping out with the quibbling after a death of my parents. Some had sour grapes but mom and dad filled out that sheet.

Seeing you have no kids but still have blood relations, it might be a good idea to do the same. To find a trusted friend or family member to be the executor and when the time comes years from now to properly dispense with your earthly possessions. I’m sure you have a will but maybe it is a general type. You would probably want a more specific document added to it to cover your physical possessions. Or you could donate all to your church too. That might stop any infighting.

Also, when my dad was to the point he needed skilled round the clock nursing care, I retained an elder care lawyer. They helped me with the specifics of the Will but also helped with other important medical documents. They recommended and my parents agreed to having me put down legally as their medical advocate. This way I could make advance directive decisions based on their stated wishes, obtain medical information to properly treat them if they were incapacitated and was alerted when a doctor ordered new medication or procedures.

This was in Florida where the laws are very protective and favorable of the elderly.

The lawyer and all documents cost close to $2500.00. May seem steep but was worth every penny and my folks had piece of mind.

step_by_step said:

That's awful if they really are just waiting for you to die. Have you talked to them about this? I would suggest bringing it up as casually as one can possibly bring up a subject like that. They need to understand that their behavior isn't respectful or Christian

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When my dear Aunt passed away I was visiting my parents in Florida. She was a widow and lived three houses down in a retirement community. She passed away hours away at her youngest sons house.

My eldest cousin called me from New York and asked that I lock the house as he feared his Florida siblings would strip mine the house of possessions.

He was too late in contacting me as I was with my father at a doctors appointment and visited my dads church making arrangements for my aunt.

When I got back to the retirement community where they both lived, the youngest son already pulled away from the house with washing machine, dryer, fridge and much more. The rest of my cousins were not happy. When I went in the house I saw all the cables taken too and cable boxes. Had to get those back.

It was like that scene from the Grinch who stole Christmas. Oh her collection of Bibles and Christian books of course were left behind.

Norman70 said:

We (my wife and myself) are elderly (early 80's) and we say we are in the departure lounge! We have no children, but many family and friends. Most of them are helpful and supportive when asked, but when they come to visit us nearly all are covetous. They see something, furniture or a vase etc. and say "That's nice, it would be lovely in my house!" They seem to be waiting for us to die.
As Christians we are already giving things away but how do we deal with this? With some we feel like stopping them visiting.

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If you have a will, make sure that none of these covetous people get anything. If you don't have a will, there will be no protection concerning your assets, and you will need to make one. If you have no one significant to leave your assets to, leave them in your will to the Salvation Army or some other charity that provides things for poor people. Then, if those covetous people want your assets they will have to purchase them like everyone else.

Norman70 said:

We (my wife and myself) are elderly (early 80's) and we say we are in the departure lounge! We have no children, but many family and friends. Most of them are helpful and supportive when asked, but when they come to visit us nearly all are covetous. They see something, furniture or a vase etc. and say "That's nice, it would be lovely in my house!" They seem to be waiting for us to die.
As Christians we are already giving things away but how do we deal with this? With some we feel like stopping them visiting.

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so you might respond with something rhetorical like:

they say: "That's nice, it would be lovely in my house!"
you say: So you don't think it looks lovely in our house?
or ... tell them to check on ebay and they can probably find one just like it ;o) LOL

Of course they will likely respond with, oh no that isn't what I meant
you could leave it there (it will embarrass them)

They might respond with: That's not what I meant.

ok ... what did you mean then?

Sorry you are experiencing this.

Not sure the best avenue, but it does need to be brought to their mind.

God Bless.

I offer this for anyone else to comment on. I am not sure a really Christian person might want to be in the middle of things, by being the one who gets it all.

And another thing I just thought of . . . for any comment . . . testing this >

If you have already been giving things to people, word could have gotten around that you are doing this and so they are coming to let you know what they would like. Is it possible that you helped this all to get started?

I don't know, of course, but . . .

Norman70 said:

We (my wife and myself) are elderly (early 80's) and we say we are in the departure lounge! We have no children, but many family and friends. Most of them are helpful and supportive when asked, but when they come to visit us nearly all are covetous. They see something, furniture or a vase etc. and say "That's nice, it would be lovely in my house!" They seem to be waiting for us to die.
As Christians we are already giving things away but how do we deal with this? With some we feel like stopping them visiting.

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Maybe you should make a will leaving everything, house and everything in it to some homeless people.

Norman70 said:

We (my wife and myself) are elderly (early 80's) and we say we are in the departure lounge! We have no children, but many family and friends. Most of them are helpful and supportive when asked, but when they come to visit us nearly all are covetous. They see something, furniture or a vase etc. and say "That's nice, it would be lovely in my house!" They seem to be waiting for us to die.
As Christians we are already giving things away but how do we deal with this? With some we feel like stopping them visiting.

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If you advertised some things that you are giving away and they came to check on it, that would be a different situation. But if they are coming in the name of "helping" you, and asking to take these things home, perhaps you should find someone else to help you out. And that addresses the question below:

com7fy8 said:

If you have already been giving things to people, word could have gotten around that you are doing this and so they are coming to let you know what they would like. Is it possible that you helped this all to get started?

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Norman70 said:

I understand covetousness is primarily directed towards material possessions but am I being covetous by continuing to bring this thread back to the top of recent posts? I feel as if I am being greedy for responses from good Christians.

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I think it is good for you to give us more information so we can comment more on what you are asking about. And if you desire more help, it is fine to indicate this, by doing more posts so we see you are interested and still welcoming more feed back.

We should seek each other's help; we first depend on our Heavenly Father, but God is about family; and so, I now believe and trust, God has things working so we can not become God's way and love like Jesus, without how God uses us to minister to one another as His family. And may be some here in these forums are being greedy, by not taking the time to share with you what can help us. But others find that what has been shared is enough and they feel they should not repeat or try to improve on what we have already offered.

But if you feel you need more > we all need more. So, asking for more is fine

Some are humble, not wanting to give you a long lecture. Others may write what is long, because we want to be . . . generus . . .

com7fy8 said:

I am not sure a really Christian person might want to be in the middle of things, by being the one who gets it all.

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What does their belief have to do with an inheritance? That’s at the sole discretion of the benefactor.

The OP has chosen his nephew and stated why. There’s nothing wrong with him accepting their generosity. My daughter is my heir. She’ll receive the bulk of my estate because I want to leave it to her.

Norman70 said:

Recently in hospital I was not helped by the attitude of many nurses. They walked around looking very severe and if I called on them for assistance they glared with looks that could kill. Was I being covetous in asking for their attention? Some patients were over demanding, but I withdrew and just prayed.

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There are nurses who are not children of God. And they can be feeling the stress and feel used and are wasting away. But God's love makes us stronger and ever more creative.

At first, in dealing with some thorn in the flesh person, we might be reacting negatively, and I certainly can get busy in paranoid imagining of how I can put down a problem person and control him or her. But Jesus then corrects me, by changing me to care for the person and be ready with good example to put in that person's face, and discover how creative God can have me become to love that same person.

There are nurses who simply are mean. Others may be trying to be kind, but someone before you has already abused that nurse, or a supervisor or another nurse has gotten into a problem with her. And if they do not have God's love with almighty power to keep us and increase us in spite of evil . . . they can give in. And we ourselves give in, don't we? But it is clear how "Love never fails" > in 1 Corinthians 13:8.

So, you do well to care for these troubling nurses. They are in major trouble, very possibly, inside themselves. And we are not here to only use other people, but be there for them, in prayer and caring sharing.

By the way . . . I see you are in Barbados. But humans there are like humans where I am in the armpit of Cape Cod, Massachusetts. Also, before I was here, I was romantic with a nurse who turned out to be not for marriage, to keep it simple. And I heard she was later fired for stealing Valiums which had been prescribed for the special needs and emotionally troubled children where I had worked with her. And now I can see a possible connection > we had one guy who could get to really screaming and acting out; now I see it is possible she had been pilfering his Valiums and then he would go crazy.

You are an ambassador of Jesus who can negotiate their surrender and defection to Jesus. And then they can become family with us. It is like how an enemy soldier can be won to your side >

I was told that when the Americans captured a Nazi soldier, they did not torture him but treated him right so they could show him how the Hitler thing was wrong. And enemy soldiers would then change and help the Allies. Instead of surrendering and only being put in prisoner of war camps, they could surrender and submit, and then they could become family.

Like this, we are not only trying to get people put in prisoner of war camps, like maybe certain churches can be. But we minister people to surrender but also become submissive to God in His own peace (Colossians 3:15), so then also they can become family with us >

"with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)

So, in a hospital, you are not on your own, but you are with Jesus plus you are family with all of us.

Hello Norman. Good to meet you.

Sorry you're going through this. I have one relative, an aunt by marriage, her thing is poking round people's houses staring at the ornaments too. Also rumour spreading about money. 'They have loads of money and they won't give any to me'. Even though she's not badly off financially. The covetousness of ornaments is I think a sign of deeper spiritual problems within the person. With my aunt it also manifests in rumour and trying to undermine people. She treats her husband poorly, he's quite infirm, had a hospital appointment 50+ miles from home and had to take the bus, this being winter time.

Covetousness/greed comes from deep seated spiritual impurity, it will also manifest in other ways.

For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person--such a person is an idolater--has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God (Eph 5:5)

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 also says that the covetous will not inherit the Kingdom of God.

In my experience covetous people don't like it when they're challenged or exposed. Maybe better just to try and keep the person away from your place as much as possible without using direct confrontation. God Bless

May the Lord Bless you and your wife Norman and may he bless your generosity towards your nephew for the Glory of Kingdom. I can only say I have heard a similar story from a close friend in his seventies as well. He told me the story of how a young man he hired to help move some things treated him like a donation box, expecting him to part with anything the man touched. I hope it eases your burden to know that you are not alone in being treated this way.

My friend is an extraordinarily generous soul. I've seen him go so far out of his way to help others with his time and money even after he was taken advantage of, just as you have. I'm so grateful to the Lord for my friend's example and for yours.