timewerx

the village i--o--t--
Aug 31, 2012
15,202
5,877
✟296,775.00
Faith
Christian Seeker
Marital Status
Single
If you view it from that perspective you’ll see He’s doing the same with others around the world. Surrendering to the lesson is key: not my will but Thy will be done. That has the greatest impact on your tenure.

Everything you’re facing will serve you well in your work and future union. For a time all seems bleak. You can’t see the ram in the bush up ahead.

I really have no choice but to surrender to the lesson :sick:

Jesus already met me in dreams a few times. Everytime, it's about the same thing. The task, the mission. The Lord isn't asking me to simply be active in church, become a ministry leader, even become a missionary. He's way beyond that now. The times have changed. And I have to do that job that nobody wants.
 
  • Prayers
Reactions: Nicholina
Upvote 0

Nicholina

Active Member
Aug 31, 2019
27
37
40
San Francisco, CA
✟19,199.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Thanks for the encouragment! It's not just financial stability but other things that has changed as well. Things are a bit more complex now. In our culture, these situations are tolerable enough but our culture is rapidly becoming more Westernized and less women could tolerate these little inconveniences.
You are blessed to be intolerable by the world and our culture. A Godly woman will not care about these things.
 
  • Like
Reactions: timewerx
Upvote 0

bèlla

❤️
Supporter
Jan 16, 2019
20,481
17,641
USA
✟933,259.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
In Relationship
Our character has a lot to do with how we can do in a close relationship.

I agree. My early lessons from the Lord related to love, character (He gave me 4 women from the bible over one year), and relational boundaries.

We will need deep correction, just so we are capable of enjoying and benefiting from marriage the really right way; and this will not all come beforehand.

If we cannot yield to God we’re going to have challenges accepting correction and putting the spouse’s needs above our own. There is dignity found in “no” and “wait.” We learn this at His feet.

And my opinion is I need to encourage her to make sure God really is changing her so she does things differently but in the right way. And the same goes for me; only God can change me to how He wants me, and then I can be submissive to what He has me doing, after we mature more.

God does move our hearts and reshapes our way of thinking. Our companion’s are part of the process. We are most influenced by those who embody the principles they profess. Thus, my character and countenance are direct correlations for godly impact. Ideally, both seek to be useful tools for the Lord within the union.

Before I met her, in prayer I was going through these scriptures and already practicing these things, just in case God would have me get married or get into a close sharing relation with someone.

Many lessons were the result of study and instruction. But others came through service and were beneficial to my growth. Overall, becoming more like Him is my aim. I give attention to practical matters for marriage. But the heart of my preparation is holiness.

So, when I get into a problem with her or anything, I do well to pray until I am inspired, even, how to understand something, the way I understand in His peace, and not how I see things during lusts or paranoia or bitterness or frustration or anxiety.

Prayer is the tipping point. Our ability to set aside differences of opinion to find harmony in God is what I seek. Where prayer abides; godly fruit is found.

And my sweetie can call me out on this; while she may still have certain problems, God uses her to help me be more feeling for others.

I considered this last night and addressed it in my musings on home. The differences in approach and temperament are beneficial to each. Although I don’t pour over scripture to the degree I did in the past. I am bettered if the Lord inspires him to do so. My attention has been redirected to other areas.

He includes us in His process, and He will not, therefore, have us succeeding without learning how to love with our various Jesus brothers and sisters, especially whomever He has prepared and chosen to be close to us.

I have noticed the Lord drawing certain people to me. The connection is mutual and spiritual. It doesn’t happen often. But I recognize His presence immediately when it does.

Most commonly, He inspires me through acts of care and kindness. Whether its encouragement or support, or polite inquiries on their welfare when problems are mentioned. Oftentimes it does not involve someone I’m close to or acquainted with.

God prepares the ones He uses to help us to be conformed to the image of Jesus while we learn with one another how to relate with God and how to love as family . . . so now we can minister this to others who already are our family, plus to ones we help to get adopted.

I have noticed the correlation between my work for another and the blessings that impacted others and me in turn.

As a whole, our togetherness is bettered when He’s at the helm. When our unions are undertaken with Him in mind and He steers its path. The results are demonstrably better. Flesh always considers itself and that inevitably moves our gaze from Him.
 
Upvote 0

AbbaLove

Circumcism Of The Heart
May 16, 2015
2,488
760
✟119,587.00
Country
United States
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
In Relationship
Is there a point when you realized your readiness for marriage? Was it an internal alarm, sense of peace, craving, or something else? How did you know its time? :)
In our case (me 24, her 18) call it love at first site. She became my best friend, companion, soulmate, lover and helpmate for 16 years. Very unfortunate separation and then divorce after a marriage made in heaven and two little blessings from GOD. Unfortunatley due to religion, disinformation and miscommunicaton by two fairly strong-minded people with each thinking they were right when in hindsite both contributed to the breakup.

The most important factor is communication, communication, communication and having good listening skills is imperative. One may be very good at upfront communication (woman); while the other one is more reserved (man). This is not uncommon whether single or divorced, 20 or 40. When remarrying its not uncommon to find out that the person you thought you knew turns out to have hangups or whatever after tying the knot again for the second time.

Even though i decided not to ever remarry (she never remarried) there were a few times over the years when i was desparate for another companion, soulmate and lover, but never had more than one or two get-togethers over coffee with someone i thought might be a good connection. And if the woman was interested in me i always retreated. Basically, because i knew i could never find another woman that came even near to equalling my first and only mate. Had one woman tell me i was still emotional attached to my former wife so she had no further interest in me.

One way to find out whether its of the Lord is to get a free trial (if possible) to one of the Jewish dating sites to just find out how easy or difficult it may be to find someone of similar beliefs and interests. A good way to test the waters without the danger of getting in over your head is to first get a sense for whether or not you're really interested in another long term committment. Like me you may get the bug more than once, so go for it again. You meet interesting people and most of all learn more about yourself and what you really desire.
Dating after Divorce ~ World of Jewish Singles

So, under my avatar where it says "In Relationship" it's with the same one that's
your best friend, companion, soulmate, lover and helpmate.​
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: bèlla
Upvote 0

LightLoveHope

Jesus leads us to life
Oct 6, 2018
1,473
458
London
✟79,581.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Baptist
Marital Status
Married
Is there a point when you realized your readiness for marriage? Was it an internal alarm, sense of peace, craving, or something else?

How did you know its time? :)

Because either we were going to break up or admit this relationship was for keeps and we could not live without each other.

My wife was never very good at admitting dependency and being honest about being in so deep there was no real way of getting out.

I still have the same problem when proposing holiday destinations. The best I get is, thats ok. I mean if one is enthusiastic, which never works, one will be disappointed. Puddle glum in C S Lewis's book sums her up quite well, a beautiful soul, but always seeing the down side.

And I can say, the beauty she has been, and the love shown to be and the kids, has been astounding, but she would never know how to admit this. God bless you
 
Upvote 0

AbbaLove

Circumcism Of The Heart
May 16, 2015
2,488
760
✟119,587.00
Country
United States
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
In Relationship
I considered this last night and addressed it in my musings on home. The differences in approach and temperament are beneficial to each. Although I don’t pour over scripture to the degree I did in the past. I am bettered if the Lord inspires him to do so. My attention has been redirected to other areas.
Hope my previous post (with that website link) was appropriate as you did make mention of your recent "home" thread post in your previous reply that prompted by subsequent post. Also you frequently post in the MJ forum (as i occasionally do) so was previously aware that you have a daughter and assumed you were previously married and divorced. Like when dating it's better to be upfront right-off and have mentioned from the get-go in this thread that your interest in marriage (i assume) is the second time around with a forever companion, soulmate and lover.

We don't need to know whether you're interested in dating a non-Jewish Christian, prefer dating a Messianic Christian of Jewish ancestry or however He directs your path. Please consider my posting of that particular dating website as a possibility of stepping out in faith for testing the waters. :)
 
  • Like
Reactions: bèlla
Upvote 0

bèlla

❤️
Supporter
Jan 16, 2019
20,481
17,641
USA
✟933,259.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
In Relationship
The most important factor is communication, communication, communication and having good listening skills is imperative.

I concur. There is also a need for moments of silence and patience to allow the other to process what’s been said. In respect to listening, I find this quote best articulates my beliefs.

But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one's deepest as well as one's most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. —Dinah Maria Mulock Craik

It is one thing to hear with the natural ear and another to do so with the heart. Christ-like love compels us to do the latter and administer grace to each.

Basically, because i knew i could never find another woman that came even near to equalling my first and only mate. Had one woman tell me i was still emotional attached to my former wife so she had no further interest in me.

I have never married or dated someone who had. I always felt there were residual feelings that may never fall away from the previous union. It is very difficult to build anew when the past is a constant in the relationship.

One way to find out whether its of the Lord is to get a free trial (if possible) to one of the Jewish dating sites to just find out how easy or difficult it may be to find someone of similar beliefs and interests.

I’ve participated in forums that enabled members to create a profile that included criteria for a perspective partner. But I’ve never joined a dating site in itself. Nor do I think the spiritual perspective He wishes for me to follow is in accordance with the manner of selection on those sites.

I will be inundated with messages wholly based on fleshly ideals which distract from His preference. I have been through this many times in the past (most recently last year) and the idea of its repeat is taxing.

I think its best to follow His leading. I’ve a long period of singleness and an opportunity to understand His expectations of me as a servant and a wife. :)
 
Upvote 0

NothingIsImpossible

Well-Known Member
May 22, 2015
5,615
3,254
✟274,922.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
I'd also throw in one should ask themselves just how ready are they to fully commit, even in the super hard times? And how much are the willing to sacrifice for marriage?

Sacrifice as in you won't be leading the single life anymore. In my case gaming had to change as it wasn't about me anymore. Making food wasn't about just me either. Figuring out who does what chores (if any) had to be figured out...etc. Even considering what you do with friends means you have to consider your spouse. Like if a friend asks "Hey want to leave Friday to <insert place> with the rest of us? We will be back Sunday!". May not be something you can do all the time. You have a spouse to think about. Money becomes another thing to think about.

As for commitment. I've seen a woman divorce her husband over the fact she got tired of him putting his work clothes wherever he dropped them. Such as dirty socks on the hand railing, shirt on the table...etc. I mean sure thats gross and annoying, but divorce worthy? I think not. Far to many divorce when things get tough. Life will change, heck everything changes. If that seems to much for someone then may not be ready for marriage just yet.

Lastly I'd add that there is no perfect person. You can meet a person that checks EVERY box in your sheet of "wants". But people change overtime. From weight, views, actions...etc. If you don't want them to change then you may be in for a surprise. Granted some changes may be bad. But gotta find a way to deal with it (well except in obvious cases like abuse of course). My wife came here and weighed 98 pounds (tiny filipino). Now she weighs 122 and has a belly and some fat around her body. It happens to some when married. Means your settled in. lol. And sadly enough gaining weight is an issue I've seen people (especially men) leave their wife over. >.<
 
  • Like
Reactions: bèlla
Upvote 0

bèlla

❤️
Supporter
Jan 16, 2019
20,481
17,641
USA
✟933,259.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
In Relationship
My wife was never very good at admitting dependency and being honest about being in so deep there was no real way of getting out.

That can be hard. Vulnerability isn’t easy but its always best.

Puddle glum in C S Lewis's book sums her up quite well, a beautiful soul, but always seeing the down side.

God gave her someone who saw the whole and not only the part. :)

And I can say, the beauty she has been, and the love shown to be and the kids, has been astounding, but she would never know how to admit this. God bless you

Humility is a wondrous fruit. You’ve been blessed. :)
 
  • Friendly
Reactions: mama2one
Upvote 0

bèlla

❤️
Supporter
Jan 16, 2019
20,481
17,641
USA
✟933,259.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
In Relationship
Like when dating it's better to be upfront right-off and have mentioned from the get-go in this thread that your interest in marriage (i assume) is the second time around with a forever companion, soulmate and lover.

I have never been married. But I appreciate your courtesy and advice. :)
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

bèlla

❤️
Supporter
Jan 16, 2019
20,481
17,641
USA
✟933,259.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
In Relationship
I'd also throw in one should ask themselves just how ready are they to fully commit, even in the super hard times? And how much are the willing to sacrifice for marriage?

That’s a valid question. There’s always the unexpected. Dating someone is a far cry from sharing a home. You discover things you didn’t know. But that’s going to happen.

Far to many divorce when things get tough. Life will change, heck everything changes. If that seems to much for someone then may not be ready for marriage just yet.

The majority of examples I’ve been exposed to are lifelong connections. We’ve had one divorce in my family. But everyone else remained yoked. The shortest tenure is 48 years.

If you don't want them to change then you may be in for a surprise. Granted some changes may be bad. But gotta find a way to deal with it (well except in obvious cases like abuse of course).

I would be more concerned if they didn’t change and stagnated. No one can anticipate what’s to come. But I trust the Lord. We’ll weather it.

And sadly enough gaining weight is an issue I've seen people (especially men) leave their wife over. >.<

I think good health is important for each and should be mutually pursued and supported. I don’t think either should let themselves go.
 
Upvote 0

AbbaLove

Circumcism Of The Heart
May 16, 2015
2,488
760
✟119,587.00
Country
United States
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
In Relationship
But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one's deepest as well as one's most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. —Dinah Maria Mulock Craik
All well and good going into marriage and through the honeymoon. However,
after the honeymoon it's true that gals are from Venus and guys from Mars. ;)
It is one thing to hear with the natural ear and another to do so with the heart. Christ-like love compels us to do the latter and administer grace to each.
Every married couple also needs some space during differing times ... so they don't say harsh words they'll regret. My wife's cousin once made an interesting remark ... "The one good thing about a fight (who's wrong and who's right) is making up." :)

In college one of the popular electives was "Sex and Marriage" or probably it was "Marriage and Sex" as that was way back in '60's. I never took the course, but the middle-aged woman teaching the course had never been married, but her students thought her pretty perceptive. Then came birth-control pills for the liberated woman who could now be the initiator-aggressor.
 
Upvote 0

mina

Brown Eyed girl
Sep 26, 2003
37,260
4,054
in the South
✟115,511.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
First the desire and a true openness to marry and then a huge dose of humility to know your own faults and weaknesses clearly and the want to be better in the service of another person and a life of familiarity with them. And the patience and wisdom to be able to see or recognize who would be a good partner for you.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: bèlla
Upvote 0

bèlla

❤️
Supporter
Jan 16, 2019
20,481
17,641
USA
✟933,259.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
In Relationship
All well and good going into marriage and through the honeymoon. However, after the honeymoon it's true that gals are from Venus and guys from Mars. ;)

I didn’t experience Mars and Venice connections. We were united on the most important points and that’s half the battle.
Every married couple also needs some space during differing times ... so they don't say harsh words they'll regret.

Harsh words are a choice. People have an amazing capacity to exhibit self-control when it serves their interest. Meanness is the result of wrong thoughts. Once your mind crosses into that territory you have to shut it down or it will become a habit.
 
Upvote 0

bèlla

❤️
Supporter
Jan 16, 2019
20,481
17,641
USA
✟933,259.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
In Relationship
First the desire and a true openness to marry and then a huge dose of humility to know your own faults and weaknesses clearly and the want to be better in the service of another person and a life of familiarity with them. And the patience and wisdom to be able to see or recognize who would be a good partner for you.

Beautifully stated! :)
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Tolworth John

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Mar 10, 2017
8,278
4,680
68
Tolworth
✟369,559.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
What exactly did that look like for you both?

It didn't look like anything.
It was a descision I came to in my mind and that my girl friend had come to in her mind separetly as when asked she said, after throwing up, yes.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Nicholina
Upvote 0

J03y

Cheeky lil roo
Aug 28, 2019
62
36
27
Swansea, New South Wales
✟19,276.00
Country
Australia
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Engaged
Politics
AU-Labor
Is there a point when you realized your readiness for marriage? Was it an internal alarm, sense of peace, craving, or something else?

How did you know its time? :)
For me an my fiance, we both just had the feeling that God was pushing us to tie the knot, which we're making plans to have happen soon. We have been together since we were 13-14 years old and since scripturely we both feel obligated to marry one's sexual partners, being together for 8 years, we were sure that God was letting us know independant of eachother that the time's coming up. I suppose just prayerfully consider it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: bèlla
Upvote 0

bèlla

❤️
Supporter
Jan 16, 2019
20,481
17,641
USA
✟933,259.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
In Relationship
For me an my fiance, we both just had the feeling that God was pushing us to tie the knot, which we're making plans to have happen soon.

Congratulations on your engagement. May Adonai bless you with a lifetime of joy and favor with your beloved. :)
 
  • Friendly
Reactions: J03y
Upvote 0

AbbaLove

Circumcism Of The Heart
May 16, 2015
2,488
760
✟119,587.00
Country
United States
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
In Relationship
First the desire and a true openness to marry and then a huge dose of humility to know your own faults and weaknesses clearly and the want to be better in the service of another person and a life of familiarity with them. And the patience and wisdom to be able to see or recognize who would be a good partner for you.
From a man's perspective there's a subtle double standard still going on today. The feminist movement had it's good points, but also contributed (IMO) to more divorces, more young couples living together outside of marriage and more abortions (even within marriage). At it's peak my former wife was one of the few women that spoke out against the feminist movement. One reason being high school age young women getting birth control pills without parental consent. As a fine Christian woman she could see through this subtle deception of secular humanism.

IMO, if you can't accept the nature of a man or woman before getting married what makes one think that they'll (the woman or the man) be able to change them after marriage. Here's an example of a dinner date showing the mistake most men make on a blind date (before the feminist movement) by doing too much of the talking. That could be a giveaway today that he's not the right one assumng he hasn't already been reprogrammed/retrained ...


Today, a woman might interpret his chatter and interpret him by saying, "Opps, I just remembered i've got a dentist appointment" ;) before ever getting to the good part. Not one of my favorite actors by a stretch, but love his line "You make me want to be a better man." Should be true with all dating/courting relationships today that are going somewhere. On the other side of today's coin (no thanks to the feminist movement) is the modus operendi that a wife has the God-given right to change things in her husband that she doesn't like; while reluctant/opposed to the same God-given right of her husband. This double standard (from a man's perspective) has indirectly led to the increase in divorces by both men and women, even among Christians.

Don't get me wrong that the feminist movement had nothing good to offer. It's just that its taken man longer to adjust to it's good points and then know how to react so as to result in a win/win that strengthens the marriage partnership.​
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

mina

Brown Eyed girl
Sep 26, 2003
37,260
4,054
in the South
✟115,511.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
What I said had nothing to do with the feminist movement . Both men and women who desire marriage should realize they each have faults and learn how to navigate a relationship and take responsibility for their part in it. Each need to realize they can't change another person, they have to take responsibility for their own actions and words and if they have a bad habit that tears another down they need to work on it. Marriage is a ministry and a service to another person; if a person can't handle that or is quick to blame the other BEFORE marriage and it's causing problems in a dating or engaged relationship, then they don't need to proceed until they can learn to be better as a communicator or whatever- either gender.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: bèlla
Upvote 0