Online rudeness

Edited this out because I overshared.

When I came online most people conversed through instant messengers, chat rooms, iRC and mailing lists. There were a few forums but the best places were heavily vetted and strict on behavior. There weren’t endless chances. You were booted swiftly. Preserving the spirit of the community was foremost.

Most of us were Gen-Xers. We were adventurous but not lacking in common sense to the degree where we’d lose a job or something along those lines. We knew the perils of making silly comments. Screenshots for the win. And when it was clear that webcam streams could be recorded without the participant’s knowledge. Many of us gave them up.

We took our time giving out personal information. Didn’t trade pictures at the drop of the hat. Had safe first meetings with accountability partners. And can tell you how to flesh out fakes in a heartbeat. We’ve seen it all and heard it too.

But there was a different spirit. The Internet was a part of life not life central. We spoke about the things we did offline. We weren’t isolated or antisocial. You had random oddities but they were the exception not the rule. This wasn’t an escape or the lone source for entertainment.

I’ve met people from many places around the world, had them in my home, and jumped on planes due to heart pangs. You do zany things when you’re young. ;-)

I’ve been in circles where we’ve known one another for fifteen years or more. My chat room friendships have passed the 20 year mark. You develop a different way of relating when you’ve been conversing for that length of time. I know them beyond the screen. Their hopes, fears, families, etc. We’ve covered a lot of miles together.

When I returned to forums last year I was really shocked. The chill was gone and aggression was plentiful. It was more about agreement than sharing experiences. A stranger in a strange land is how it felt. That time will never come again. But it was fun while it lasted.

LaBèlla said:

That time will never come again.

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We definitely came into this whole internet thing from a different way of seeing social interaction. People didn't say certain things because it was face to face. Apparently, that approach held for a bit, as you point out. I wonder if we, as a humanity, will recover. Maybe this orneriness and rudeness is part of our growing pains with this particular technology. Is redemption possible for our use of the inter-webs?

More and more, I am thinking part of the problem is people have always been rude, it's just that now they can do it with minimal consequence. Are we assuming that internet rudeness is something that developed? In other words, people used to have dignity and decorum, but now they've just lost their minds? What if this technology has simply revealed what was always there? We used to see each other face to face, more than talk on the phone, even. Speaking face-to-face has the risk that the one listening to us may react in ways that would make us uncomfortable, so we refrain from speaking every little inane thought that comes into our minds. There was a system of shame in place, so to speak. People didn't say certain things in certain company, situations, what-have-you. Now, folks feel the shackles are off, and they can just let it swing. What if this has always been us? Not to be all negative, but...

Chadrho said:

More and more, I am thinking part of the problem is people have always been rude; it's just that now they can do it with minimal consequence. Are we assuming that Internet rudeness is something that developed? In other words, people used to have dignity and decorum, but now they've just lost their minds? What if this technology has simply revealed what was always there?

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If this is the case, there would be no difference in how rude people are online and offline. More people are able to see another person's rude comments and immediately react to them, so it spreads like wildfire if a person says the same thing on a forum that he did to local people.

We used to see each other face to face, more than talk on the phone, even. Speaking face-to-face has the risk that the one listening to us may react in ways that would make us uncomfortable, so we refrain from speaking every little inane thought that comes into our minds. There was a system of shame in place, so to speak. People didn't say certain things in certain company, situations, what-have-you. Now, folks feel the shackles are off, and they can just let it swing. What if this has always been us? Not to be all negative, but...

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Most people know not to say certain things in public, during a nice dinner, and to strangers. You know not to ciriticize Catholics in a cathedral, for example. I have regretted many things I said because of the place and audience, not the words themselves. But when I make the exact same comments online I do not feel ashamed at all. The reason is actually my mom: she is with me in public, but never reads my posts.

Chadrho said:

We definitely came into this whole internet thing from a different way of seeing social interaction.

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No, the downward spiral has begun and I expect it to worsen not improve. We are becoming more animalistic.

I grew up during a time when please and thank you were mainstays. Adults were addressed by honorifics and men tipped their hats and stifled their discussions when women approached. I’m in my forties and I wasn’t raised in the South. People conducted themselves with decorum. That’s the difference.

I don’t have the liberty of behaving as I’ve done. I’m continually checking myself and have determined that polite propriety is best. When you live in a world where doxxed is a reality; intimacy can’t be entered into lightly.

LaBèlla said:

No, the downward spiral has begun and I expect it to worsen not improve

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I'm not necessarily inclined to disagree. I just feel like people have said similar things when the radio first came around, and then TV, and so on. But, you're probably right. Doxxing and all...Lord, have mercy.

Chadrho said:

I'm not necessarily inclined to disagree. I just feel like people have said similar things when the radio first came around, and then TV, and so on. But, you're probably right. Doxxing and all...Lord, have mercy.

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It takes a very base mind to do that. There is no exchange or irritation that would compel me to violate someone in that manner. I would like to believe this is true for most but group think is plentiful and we’ve seen the negative results of herd mentality.

ChristianForCats said:

Most people know not to say certain things in public, during a nice dinner, and to strangers.

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Yes, most people. To me, the giveaway of a troll is a person who goes from thread to thread with "cheap shots" and no biblical support to his claim.

ChicanaRose said:

Yes, most people. To me, the giveaway of a troll is a person who goes from thread to thread with "cheap shots" and no biblical support to his claim.

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There are differenrt kinds of trolls:

• Phony sellers. They register just to post links to commercial websites in multiple forum sections.
• Pathological liars. All they care about is being the center of atteniton, so they pretend to know stuff.
• Agenda promoters. Their idea is similar to "get out the vote" campaigns, but they don't interact.

And the fourth are troubled souls who delight in causing mischief. The degree of harm depends on the level of instability and malice within them.

This was the original meaning of the word in relation to the Internet. They were troublemakers who lashed out without provocation and often incited arguments.

LaBèlla said:

And the fourth are troubled souls who delight in causing mischief. The degree of harm depends on the level of instability and malice within them.

This was the original meaning of the word in relation to the Internet. They were troublemakers who lashed out without provocation and often incited arguments.

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They still do that. There used to be a word for it: snert.

Culture has been shifting steadily away from authentic communication between individuals for decades. we are, culturally, like a bunch of sixth graders when it comes to the art of conversation.

Think about it. How many hours do you spend staring at a screen of some kind? Now compare that to the amount of time you spend in uninterrupted, single task, conversation with your loved ones. I'll bet the ratio is at least 2 to 1 in favor of catatonic consumption of media.

How many letters have you written, by hand, in the last decade? How about your kids? Probably none. We text, or tweet, or instagram in snippets that can be consumed in a fraction of a second. This stuff trains us to consume, not to communicate. It trains us to be thoughtless and undisciplined instead of being thoughtful and considerate.

Also contributing to the problem is the one dimensional nature of written communication. Communication frequently fails in its full dimensionality, where one can see facial expressions, body language, timber, intonation, and word choice. It therefore should not surprise that written communication drafted hastily and without due consideration could so easily be interpreted in a manner not intended by the author.

Finally, look at the example set for how people should be treated in the media you consume everyday. If you look closely you will likely find it to be full of vulgar, argumentative, dehumanizing, combative language, topics, and interactions.

I suppose I've made my point. we need to change what we consume if we want to change the way we interact with each other. That's my opinion i guess.

Technology has created a smothering effect in our connections. But the bible says otherwise.

Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor’s house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you. —Proverbs 25:17

And Khalil Gibran echoed the same:

Let there be spaces in your togetherness.

I have little need for constant access to someone’s thoughts. Nor do they need a mechanism to convey them as they come.

Good conversation is purposeful and valued by both participants. It isn’t an endless stream of blather.

Letters and landline calls facilitated a measure of distance and waiting we no longer have. We can inundate others with our presence. This creates frequent interruptions and reductions in productivity and peace. We’re over stimulated.

I’m not a fan of email for personal connections. My tolerance for calls is fleeting. I prefer meeting in person and relating that way whenever possible.

Visiting, in its traditional sense, is a practice I hope to have when I’m married with other ladies. Forging connections the old fashioned way leads to meaningful bonds and greater emotional support.

I absolutely must make friends online. No way around it. But for all of the people who can personally visit houses and talk on the phone to communicate, they certainly should.

I made a commitment to seek the Lord in my connections and let Him establish them. I have learned the challenges of developing bonds in the flesh and I won’t do it.

Whether its virtual or face to face isn’t a factor. What matters most is the Lord’s leading towards the person. And that’s usually spiritual to some degree.

I have someone I encountered on this site. We are not well acquainted. But there’s a mutual regard nonetheless. We are equally respectful and equally kind. When I see their posts my spirit smiles.

That is a relationship where the Lord’s presence is evident. These are the sort I wish to build. If the Holy Spirit is silent and never brings a person to mind or mentions them in my quiet time; that’s telling.

I’m trying to have intentional connections. The ones that the Lord is in and has blessed. These are mutually beneficial to each in the long run.

I think the people I feel most safe with Online are open-minded people who don't quickly equate "different" to "wrong."

I carefully include the word "quickly" because I am not saying that there is no right or wrong.

Of course, no matter how careful I am, there have been people would take my words out of context and use them against me. What a heavy burden they are willing to carry to go through all that trouble. For me, it's not worth it to carry around this kind of dead weight.

ChicanaRose said:

I think the people I feel most safe with Online are open-minded people who don't quickly equate "different" to "wrong."

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I have never understood the need for sameness. I don’t think that hails from God but insecurity. No two characters in the bible are identical.

Of course, no matter how careful I am, there have been people would take my words out of context and use them against me.

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Misunderstandings occur. I gauge my response by their behavior. If they have a pattern of rudeness I remove them from my screen. And I ignore instigators as a rule. Its a waste of keystrokes.