How do you express/feel love?

com7fy8

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I see how I feel for a lady, then see if and how she likes me to show her affection.

But if she is married, I might keep things to myself or go really easy. And be careful with someone who is looking for someone, since I have my lady companion >

We are a Christian celibate covenant consenting compassionate correctional custody companionship couple.
 
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kittysbecute

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I don't know that I am very good at expressing love. I just try to be kind. How I approach love is the knowledge that God loves me and calls me to love. So sometimes I may not "feel" love towards others, but I can still be kind towards others and pray for God's help in loving others. (This is in the sense of how I approach love towards anyone.)
How I express love towards family and friends is just by being there and being present and listening. I would like to be better at encouragement with words, but sometimes all I can do is be a silent presence. With God's help I would like to be more encouraging. Sometimes I try to share verses that are encouraging, like written on a note card. :) My mom has one on the fridge that I gave her several years ago to encourage her.
As far as how I feel loved - I feel that with kindness. Love is intentional. Different people express love differently and I appreciate that.
 
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com7fy8

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We are a Christian celibate covenant consenting compassionate correctional custody companionship couple.

Can you expound on this please?
:) "Celibate covenant" means we are committed to each other, but not married but yes moral, i.e., celibate.

And we consent to correcting each other, but compassionately.

But most of all is our companionship. We share our real lives with each other, though we are not married.

And celibate can result in how we might spend time with others, in order to give them love and be companions to others . . . loving others as ourselves. I expect her to be good for others, not only for me . . . loving others as myself, by welcoming her to share with and help others, even when it can mean I don't get to see her.
 
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bèlla

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:) "Celibate covenant" means we are committed to each other, but not married but yes moral, i.e., celibate.

Thank you for explaining. Do you plan to marry or remain as you are?

I expect her to be good for others, not only for me . . . loving others as myself, by welcoming her to share with and help others, even when it can mean I don't get to see her.

If you have formed a covenant why is your status single? Are you open to meeting others?
 
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mothcorrupteth

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Inspired by a thread that asked for proof for love.

I think many know how my mind interprets love. Curious how its different for others.

Try to be as psychologically and emotionally descriptive as possible.

As for the type of love like romantic or platonic both, are fine. Although since this is singles I think most people would be interested in the romantic angle.
My feeling love comes when you've experienced hypomanic me and you still want to be around me. That's it. I'm an awful person to be around, whether because happy manic me blurts out well-intentioned information that other people find insulting or because angry manic me hates everything and lashes out. If for some reason you still like spending time with me, you're either crazy your own self or you're a keeper.

My showing love is variable. I try to tailor it to the individual. But in general, my go-to strategy is to be supportive of the other person's goals and to spend time talking when they're feeling down.
 
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ilovejcsog

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Well that's a find how do you do:) Maybe your interpretation of peoples reactions to you is askew? .Your second paragraph contradicts your first or vice versa. I think you are too hard on yourself in the first paragraph as shown by your second paragraph. Why don't you spend some time in the singles and mingle. Let people get to know you and make it easier for you to be around people. It might help your poor opinion of yourself. God loves you just the way you are. You are his:)
Nice seeing you post!
God bless you
 
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com7fy8

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"Celibate covenant" means we are committed to each other, but not married but yes moral, i.e., celibate.

Thank you for explaining. Do you plan to marry or remain as you are?
Hi, LaBèlla . . .

She does not want to get married. But I am in no hurry, either. I would say we are trusting God to guide us and this is how we have done things.

But each day is to be discovered, how we are with one another and what we do.
 
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com7fy8

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If you have formed a covenant why is your status single?
Well, the covenant is our New Covenant in Jesus which guides how to be single . . . celibate. Remember that the covenant is "Christian" > therefore subject to the New Testament. Actually, we do not usually discuss being married or single. My opinion is, in any case, we need to relate the way God's word says for us all to relate >

"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

"Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation," (in Philippians 2:13-16)

By the way . . . with this scripture saying not to complain or argue, I think of
How do you love other people...?

And by that I mean, is it a constricted, limiting, perhaps a little bit strenuous, act of the will, or is something that you just do naturally or that comes very natural to you, just maybe flows, or free flows from you, etc...?

When it comes to loving each other, by not arguing, this can have me more consciously making a choice of my will. But as I grow and be more prayerful, I am now more ready not to get started arguing, in the first place. I watch out for how I could give in. Or, if I get started, I might just stop at the start or in the "middle" of it and pray and maybe apologize for being dominating and controlling with her. And, with her, the argument tends to be a one-way, doing it by myself thing; so I am the one who can stop it simply by stopping myself!! lolololol

And our Apostle Paul does say,

"Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them." (Colossians 3:19)

As soon as anything starts in me to get me bitter, this is all I need to know. I need to stop and wait for God to get rid of it, before I do anything else. And this can help to prevent arguing and complaining. Even if she is wrong, somehow, I am never excused to even start with bitterness. So, this may be more of an act of the will thing, since I am not so naturally loving that I can't just not start to get bitter, in the first place.

And what has helped is I might ask her why she is doing something that seems to be such a convincing issue for me; and often enough she has a compassionate reason, while I am just busy with how I could get her to be practical. So, by praying and letting her speak for herself, she helps me to be more about compassion being how and why I do things. This is included in the correctional custody with compassion part :)

But there are times she is losing it, complaining especially. And I offer that she needs to do better, but remind her that I know there are times I need her to help me stop selfish stuff.

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

So, I am not to lord myself over her to control her, but welcome and encourage her to be guided by how God rules her in her heart with His peace. So, I am loving her, by challenging her to make sure she always does what God has her doing, then see if this includes me in her life :)
 
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bèlla

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Hi, LaBèlla . . .

She does not want to get married. But I am in no hurry, either. I would say we are trusting God to guide us and this is how we have done things.

Thank you for your courtesy. I understood this was a special connection but couldn’t grasp its parameters. I am happy to see you have someone whose character and faith complements your own and you’re blessing each other through your companionship. That is very inspiring.

I may ask a question at a later time and hope you won’t mind? Your method of relating resonates with me. Especially in light of my constitution and commitment to serving my companion. This is a godly framework for its display as we determine our suitability for one another. :)
 
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com7fy8

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Are you open to meeting others?
She has said she does not want to get married, but being with me has been so good for her, that she wants some woman to get married to me so she can benefit from being with me like my lady friend says she has. She has said I should go out with other women so I can get with someone in marriage and have what she has had with me. But . . . I am not interested in getting with someone else. But at times I have asked if she means she doesn't want to continue with me, and she says no she does want me. And I tell her this is fine with me.

But I do check out how I am relating with various other women, and I keep finding she is the only one who can handle me and stay sensitive and humble and gentle and enjoy our different kinds of sharing. Others can be rather busy not with relating, but with things they want to do, and how they have already decided things have to be for them. When someone dictates how things will need to be, practically, this can mean the person is not expecting how God will correct and mature the person to more and better. I'm not interested in a pre-planned cookie-cut relationship, to say the least. Plus, like I offered, she helps me to learn how to be more compassionate in how I relate and how I see things.
 
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blackribbon

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I feel loved when I feel heard and seen. I have dated a man who did a million things for me that are called "romantic" but they had nothing to do with me. He picked my dreams for me and then tried to make them come true...forgetting to include me in the equation. Instead of feeling loved, I felt lonely and invisible. Love isn't an expensive gift...but rather it is a small gift that shows someone has paid attention to a wish in your life. It is someone who will listen to you vent instead of trying to solve your problems. It is someone who knows when you are down even when you have your "happy face" mask on. My husband saw me...even when I didn't want to be seen. I spend a lot of time feeling invisible anymore.
 
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com7fy8

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I may ask a question at a later time and hope you won’t mind? Your method of relating resonates with me. Especially in light of my constitution and commitment to serving my companion. This is a godly framework for its display as we determine our suitability for one another. :)
One thing I keep thinking about is that I am now 72 years old, with a lady if I remember right who is 82 or 83, who can be very difficult about helping me to get her age exactly correct! lolololololololol

I have been involved in born-again experience for since around 1974 . . . this makes about 45 years . . . of major failing, major make-over correction by God, still examining how I really am with Him or not . . . growing, various churches and groups . . . and she has been in a number of churches and relationships before me. So, we did not just start growing on the tree.

And I think I keep seeing a pattern, how younger people simply have not matured the way they can. So, it is possible that anyone younger is going to marry someone else who is not mature with 40 or more years of Christian experience. This could be part of why we are told to relate >

"with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)

Even with my lady friend and a few others who seem more mature . . . I see there is a reason why our Heavenly Father says we will need to relate with longsuffering. And this is possible only with God. Loving is a miracle.
 
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com7fy8

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I have dated a man who did a million things for me that are called "romantic" but they had nothing to do with me.
I am still dealing with how I can make things up, about what my lady friend or anyone else will so appreciate, and so benefit from what I am doing for her or in my church :help: where is the bozo icon?? :doh:

I find it does help to listen to what people say they want. But, of course, test what really is God's will.
 
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HisGraceAbounds

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I'm 100% positive I have never felt the kind of love shown in movies or communicated in songs, and my ex wife would agree. Love is a very strange emotion/state for me. I'm not sure if anything I've done was actually love or if I was going through the motions to try and mimic what it should look like in love. Probably the latter. Love of family, love of a pet, those I have done...but they didn't look like what most people would think they should.

Interesting thought for the day. Not sure this is what I wanted to think about on a holiday, but here it is. I'm going to have to ponder this some more.
 
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com7fy8

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I may ask a question at a later time and hope you won’t mind?
I thought we already talked about our very personal things. What else could there be? Yes, please ask and we can see how we do with it :)

One thing I think of is how a number of people seek to get married because of loneliness. There are various ministers who say it is not a good idea to try to solve a loneliness problem, by getting married. Because the loneliness won't go away, just because a person lives with another person.

Even so, no one is perfect. I might be lonely, but this could take decades of maturing so I get clear of it . . . maybe. And young people do not have decades to wait before getting married and having children.

And I have talked, by the way, with someone who had children, and she said she needed to spend time relating with an adult, not feeding on loving her children and that's it. So, having children won't make the loneliness go away, either, maybe I should say.

Plus, God has made us so we do need each other, and not God all by Himself. And we help each other get real correction.

So, may be it would fit, that we say if we are lonely, don't expect marriage and children to solve the problem, but also don't be legalistic like you can't get married unless you have no problem at all with loneliness. But be kind to others, not expecting and demanding that other people's attention will take care of the loneliness. And trust God to deeply change us out of our relational problems . . . lusts included, not only loneliness and boredom. And being controlling needs to be dealt with.

I have someone who seems to be very aggressive, even, to try to get attention and act so perfect so he will be accepted and get attention. He can be in my armpits to do exactly what I say to serve in church. But I don't let him be my puppet; I encourage him to be more deep with God and share with our different Christian people who are good examples for him. And have that longsuffering ready; because he keeps discovering how we are not ready to be perfect with him.

And I do hear certain ones saying in marriage we need to not put all our demands and dependance on the one we marry. Because only God can do all we really need . . . though He uses and includes us.
 
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bèlla

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When it comes to loving each other, by not arguing, this can have me more consciously making a choice of my will.

Years ago I ran across an exercise that remained with me. It asked the reader to record their thoughts for five minutes and articulate them. Then play it back and listen. The purpose was to illustrate the power of words and the necessity of choosing them carefully.

There are things we should never give utterance to. Strife is a no holds barred opportunity to release frustrations that are better left unsaid. We wound one another in a fit of anger and the ramifications are great.

Someone must relent and stand down. Someone must determine not to go for the jugular. I don’t remember when I became aware of its impact on my mindset and the necessity for avoidance. But I know the outcome is never good. One wrong thought begets another and the spiral continues.

But as I grow and be more prayerful, I am now more ready not to get started arguing, in the first place. I watch out for how I could give in. Or, if I get started, I might just stop at the start or in the "middle" of it and pray and maybe apologize for being dominating and controlling with her.

I think a lot of this comes down to respect and seeing the other as an ally and not a threat. Winning is the aim of argument and the price is rarely worth the fallout.

I used to talk to someone whose personality was serious and firm. We were similar in our approach but I am more extroverted and spirited. But in 13 years of acquaintance we’ve had disagreements twice.

The absence of strife is primarily for the reasons shared. We both capitulate. And to his credit his patience and willingness to hear my heart has had a greater impact than I realized. That is a loving response.

As soon as anything starts in me to get me bitter, this is all I need to know. I need to stop and wait for God to get rid of it, before I do anything else.

I think its important to move beyond that feeling by acknowledging my struggle peaceably and the issue I’m having difficulty setting aside. I prefer to engage my partner in problem solving and seek his input.

Especially if something occurred that created the issue I’m wrestling with. I don’t sweep things under the rug. We hammer it out along with prayer.

So, by praying and letting her speak for herself, she helps me to be more about compassion being how and why I do things. This is included in the correctional custody with compassion part :)

Correction is an important part of my relationships though I rarely discuss it. I have no interest in someone who will give way to all my fancies. Or one who’d crush my spirit. It’s a delicate balance and I don’t want to be mishandled. But it’s equally important that we’re growing and giving attention to problems and not ignoring them.

However, there is another element of this that can’t be set aside. I don’t command him and I’ve met few men who respond positively to force through a woman’s hands. Gentleness and kindness are the best avenues for affecting change in my companion.

Bearing in mind his manhood and never trespassing upon it to make a point. And the bottom line in all of this is my willingness to follow him. If I can’t heed his will and I’m unwilling to set aside my own for the greater good the relationship cannot stand.

But there are times she is losing it, complaining especially. And I offer that she needs to do better, but remind her that I know there are times I need her to help me stop selfish stuff.

I like this. It develops admiration and self-correction over time. You want to behave and give him pleasure. At least that’s the impact it has on my character. Humility and surrender are an outgrowth of good instruction as is mindfulness. I like being a good girl. ;-)

So, I am not to lord myself over her to control her, but welcome and encourage her to be guided by how God rules her in her heart with His peace. So, I am loving her, by challenging her to make sure she always does what God has her doing, then see if this includes me in her life :)

Some men are more overt in their leadership and others are akin to the invisible hand. But whatever their approach it must be undertaken in love and suitable for their companion.

This conversation has blessed me a great deal as has the thread. The Lord has been refining me for several years and there were moments of struggle as I grew accustomed to a new way of relating with the opposite sex.

He put me in the presence of someone who wouldn’t exploit my vulnerability, malign my faith, or belittle my feelings. I had the ability to work things out and was never turned away. We sacrificed for the other. I am seeing his anew through our dialogue.

I am honored by your transparency. You’ve given me hope that my constitution has its complement in Christian circles. I have never encountered a believer who evoked the things I shared in this thread. And it must be compelled.

But I am strengthened to know that He has fashioned another that will provide the love and guidance I desire. Thank you for blessing me. :)
 
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bèlla

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She has said she does not want to get married, but being with me has been so good for her

I understand what she’s saying. I have felt the same and oftentimes marriage is not a concern until the Lord pricks my spirit.

But I do check out how I am relating with various other women, and I keep finding she is the only one who can handle me and stay sensitive and humble and gentle and enjoy our different kinds of sharing.

There are two quotes by Michelangelo that articulate my thoughts:

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.

In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it.

I need someone who can grasp the meaning of those words with the capacity to undertake the process as God directs.

One of the things I pay close attention to in my interactions is a man’s willingness to address challenging subjects with me in a loving manner. If he’s enamored he’ll never unearth what lies beneath.

I'm not interested in a pre-planned cookie-cut relationship, to say the least. Plus, like I offered, she helps me to learn how to be more compassionate in how I relate and how I see things.

Nor am I. I give great consideration to their impact on my purpose and my ability to assist them in their own. If they envision something that is wholly opposed to the path He is leading me on I know we’re wrong. I believe harmony is important and He wouldn’t place me in a situation that would cause confusion.
 
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bèlla

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I thought we already talked about our very personal things. What else could there be? Yes, please ask and we can see how we do with it :)

Thank you for your kindness. You have shared a great deal since this question and I have been blessed. :)

One thing I think of is how a number of people seek to get married because of loneliness.

I don’t struggle with this. But I know it is a factor for some. While I don’t agree a relationship should be undertaken to resolve it. Things aren’t always black and white. Some struggles take years to work out.

I consider how he handles his loneliness. Does he have a vibrant life and moments when he longs for companionship? Or has he shut out the world and locked away his heart? Problems impact everyone differently.

But be kind to others, not expecting and demanding that other people's attention will take care of the loneliness. And trust God to deeply change us out of our relational problems

I don’t want to exacerbate anyone’s problems. I have to search my heart to determine if I can live with it. The issue may never go away. That is a reality I confront.

And I do hear certain ones saying in marriage we need to not put all our demands and dependance on the one we marry. Because only God can do all we really need . . . though He uses and includes us.

I have learned that long-suffering is made easier with constant prayer and love. Many irritations roll off our shoulders when we lift the person up to the Lord.

No one can satisfy all our wants and needs. But when we view our service to the other as unto the Lord we can keep our hearts and expectations in check.

Thank you for sharing your wisdom and heart. :)
 
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com7fy8

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Years ago I ran across an exercise that remained with me. It asked the reader to record their thoughts for five minutes and articulate them. Then play it back and listen. The purpose was to illustrate the power of words and the necessity of choosing them carefully.

There are things we should never give utterance to.
I would say there are things which come to mind, which need to be simply kicked out . . . not to get attention, at all. They are anti-love; so they are not my problem.

But from what you share, below, I see there can be issues we need to deal with. And this can be good to share in doing, with others >

I prefer to engage my partner in problem solving and seek his input.

Especially if something occurred that created the issue I’m wrestling with. I don’t sweep things under the rug. We hammer it out along with prayer.
So, if there is a real-life thing to deal with, pray and deal with it, in sharing with whoever is good for this.

On the other hand, if my paranoid imagination brings a person with a bad representation of the person, I need to not trust that Satanic accusing and criticizing of the person. Even if it might be true, I need how God has me seeing and responding to someone. I need to represent that person, in caring prayer for him or her ! ! ! This, I would say, fits well with what you
I have learned that long-suffering is made easier with constant prayer and love. Many irritations roll off our shoulders when we lift the person up to the Lord.
Instead of accepting and feeding on the bad representation of a person, which might even be correct > get into praying for him or her . . . representing him or her with God, to bless the person in caring prayer.
 
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