Wife disrespected me

Richard Ramond said:

I thank you all for all the insightful advice that you all gave to me. All is well on this side. We making the effort to be like we were before. I'll be honest in that I cant shake why this happened. Its like we whitewashed things without really getting to the roots of what went on and why it went on. Sometimes I want to go up to the guy and ask him, what were you thinking, and why would you want to hang out with another's man's woman in secluded place. I asked my wife time after time and all she can say is she was doing the Lord's work. No admission of bad judgement and she completely forgot that I told her I was jealous of him in 2 occasions. maybe one day I will get over it but as for now it is stewing inside of me. again thanks for all the advice..

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Honestly, you come of as extremely combative. I have to wonder about parts you are leaving out of it of the circumstance.

If you decide you are going to allow it stew - as you mentioned - don't expect things to get better. Stewing only makes it worse. That part will be on you.

We are asked forgive, and it's clear you both have a difference of opinion on the matter. Your jealousy and lack of not willing to let it go since its in the past is also a show of bad judgement. You need to get a handle on that if you don't want to ruin the relationship completely.

Richard Ramond said:

So I get to see him around, he is a practicing Muslim, and he never attends our Pentacostal services, yet he wants my wife to counsel him? you kidding me.

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Richard Ramond said:

Every time he comes up to talk to me, he like to flex his bicep and point to it and smiling. Don't look like a man who is going thru mental stress.If you tell a man you don't want him hanging out with your wife don't think that is a good posture to assume..

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This ^^

Richard Ramond said:

Thanks for all the advice you all have given to me. We had a panel meeting at church. The senior female pastor told my wife that the devil had tempt her with what is pleasing to her eyes. She wou!d not accept that she stepped out of line. When the overseer who is male told her that she was out of order first, to entertain the guy without her spouse or second, refuse him and refer him to the overseer. My wife exploded on them and told them to stay out of her marriage. She refuses to admit her behavior was out of line. What she don't want to admit is the poor judgement on her part. She likes to boast about all the wisdom and discernment that God has blessed her with. Thank God that the guy brought our son into the mix. That was the biggest reason why she told him he was not welcomed there because now her eyes became opened that he was up to no good

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Once again, I am glad to hear that you seem to be making some progress on this.

If you ask me, I see a couple of issues here.

One ... your wife was being careless (at least) in spending time in the company of another man. As has been mentioned by yourself and others on the thread, the fact that your wife is a pastor complicates the situation. There will be occasions were a pastor (or other minister) will be called upon to minister to an individual of the opposite sex. But, as also mentioned on this thread, ... there are measures which can be taken ... to guard against even the appearance of impropriety.

The good news, on this point, ... is that your wife has responded by ceasing to spend time with this individual. She hasn't verbally admitted that her judgement was suspect, ... in fact, she still is defensive about it, ... but her actions are better than her words.

The second issue is one of authority. Her wife clearly is demonstating a major problem with this. I see this as the main issue. I would be praying about this issue in particular. If you were to ask me, I see no chance of your wife becoming submissive even to the will of God in this regard. HOWEVER, I have seen, in my life, that God can work changes in a family member's attitudes. It may take some time, and consistent prayer on your part, ... but God can do it.

Hang in there ... we'll be praying too ...

I agree 100% with @royal priest

1 Timothy 2:11-12

Hello @Richard Ramond,

I am so sorry that you are in this situation. I won't tell you what I think, but I will tell you what Christ thinks. First, it is important to remember that the Lord tells us in Paul's Epistle to the Ephesians that we are to, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." If we know nothing else, this is enough. When ANY minister meets with a member of the opposite sex, they are setting themselves up for three problems that they do not need:
1. It looks inappropriate to members and nonmembers of the church. Whether or not there is nothing inappropriate happening or not, the church secretary knows about the meeting, as well as anyone else who is present at the beginning and end of the meeting. Gossip inhibits the Great Commission.
2. It brings potential temptation and sin into the church. I know several pastors who did the same thing, citing that it was their "moral Christian responsibility". They began counseling women who were having marital issues. As these women became vulnerable emotionally, the next thing you know they were involved in an affair together and two marriages ended along with the career of a pastor who had so much potential!
3. It puts a wall between the pastor and their spouse. Though the spouse initially attempts to be "understanding" that it is the pastor's (spouse's) clerical responsibility, over time the bricks are laid one by one until there is a brick wall between the two.

Now, how do you proceed?
1. I would first pray for your wife and yourself, asking for wisdom, for God says that anyone who is lacking wisdom should pray for it and He will give generously without finding fault (James 1:5). If your wife is saved and has the Holy Spirit, He can change her heart without you doing anything other than praying.
If this does not work, I would follow the process that Christ gives us in Matthew 18:15-17.
2. "Go and point out (her) fault, just between the two of you. If (she) listens to you, you have won (her) over. "
3. "But if (she) will not listen, take one or two others along (I would suggest Deacons or Elders), so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'
4. "If (she) still refuses to listen, tell it to the church;"
5. "and if (she) still refuses to listen even to the church, treat (her) as you would a pagan or a tax collector." Matthew 18:15-17

Please know that I will be praying for you and your wife. This is a tough situation, but remember one crucial thing about the Bible...

God wins.