Give "Bad" Advice (3)

Chesterton

Whats So Funny bout Peace Love and Understanding
Site Supporter
May 24, 2008
23,817
20,224
Flatland
✟865,809.00
Faith
Eastern Orthodox
Marital Status
Single
Stand next to the sign, then point away from it and say loudly "Hey, isn't that Vanilla Ice over there?" You can then safely steal the sign because everyone will look away to see Vanilla Ice, who I've heard is a very popular singer.

How can I tell what time it is?
 
Upvote 0

LaSorcia

Well-Known Member
Site Supporter
Aug 18, 2015
23,353
35,628
✟1,346,889.00
Country
United States
Faith
Eastern Orthodox
Marital Status
Private
Well, you gotta know your geographic coordinates first off. Then, you have to know exactly how long your shadow is at every moment of the day. You should get someone to help you with this part. Make a chart of all this information. Finally, anytime you want to know the local time, just measure your shadow!

I've heard that a stitch in time saves nine. How can I utilize these saving stitches?
 
Upvote 0

Quid est Veritas?

In Memoriam to CS Lewis
Feb 27, 2016
7,319
9,272
South Africa
✟316,433.00
Faith
Protestant
Marital Status
Married
From what I've heard, it is Snitches need Stitches, so obviously this is referring to timeously using your shiv or appropriate stabbing knife to silence anyone informing on you, so no subsequent snitch will dare to do so. It is all about spreading fear, thus needing to stab fewer people.

The grass is apparently greener on the other side, but how can I remedy this situation, that my side remains more vert?
 
Upvote 0

Dirk1540

Well-Known Member
Site Supporter
Sep 19, 2015
8,162
13,527
Jersey
✟778,285.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
You have just learned the valuable & moral argument behind imperialism!! Do you really wanna kill yourself repeatedly trying to out green your neighbor’s lawn? Of course not that’s absurd, take his house over instead and then the greener grass belongs to you.


How can I make my lawn appear to be as brown & unhealthy as possible so that Quid doesn’t get it in his head to take my house over?
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0

LaSorcia

Well-Known Member
Site Supporter
Aug 18, 2015
23,353
35,628
✟1,346,889.00
Country
United States
Faith
Eastern Orthodox
Marital Status
Private
Put up signs that all dog walkers can use the grass for doggy relief.

How can I stop reading just one more page of my book and get to sleep on time?
 
Upvote 0

Sam91

Child of the Living God
Site Supporter
Jul 10, 2016
5,256
8,174
41
United Kingdom
✟53,491.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
A blacksmith improves the temper of a metal by heating and cooling it. For that you would need a type of kiln. I'm sure there are many options available online. The shopping tab on Google may be of assistance here. Happy shopping!

How do we find motivation?
 
Upvote 0

LaSorcia

Well-Known Member
Site Supporter
Aug 18, 2015
23,353
35,628
✟1,346,889.00
Country
United States
Faith
Eastern Orthodox
Marital Status
Private
We don't. It finds us. I've been sitting here waiting patiently for it for over 25 years, but I'm not giving up hope yet!

What's the best way to skin a cat?
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Dirk1540

Well-Known Member
Site Supporter
Sep 19, 2015
8,162
13,527
Jersey
✟778,285.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
First find a new place to live where rent is double what you pay now. Eating at a fancy restaurant 5 days a week will also make it more for you to live. Finally, not only go way overboard on payments for a brand new truck but also make sure that it is a gas guzzling V8 engine.



How can I become a model if I don’t look like one? That must be such an easy job!
 
Upvote 0

Tom 1

Optimistic sceptic
Site Supporter
Nov 13, 2017
12,212
12,526
Tarnaveni
✟818,769.00
Country
Romania
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Watch one of them films where they do like a body swap and build your own machine so you can do it with someone who looks like a model maybe if you offer to do like their housework for a year or something like that afterwards I mean once your modelling career is over and you can take some time off and get your old body back just be careful the model doesn't have any 'habits' you might not want them to be carrying on with in the meantime, just saying, anyway that's one option or maybe you could be a foot model maybe get your feet assessed, or hand model maybe, but maybe also in another country you could be a model because you look different without having to build a body swap machine, which could work out pretty expensive and so might negate any benefit you get from it anyway. See what @gennypearl thinks.

I think I have that carpal syndrome thing what should I do?
 
Upvote 0

Sam91

Child of the Living God
Site Supporter
Jul 10, 2016
5,256
8,174
41
United Kingdom
✟53,491.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
Watch one of them films where they do like a body swap and build your own machine so you can do it with someone who looks like a model maybe if you offer to do like their housework for a year or something like that afterwards I mean once your modelling career is over and you can take some time off and get your old body back just be careful the model doesn't have any 'habits' you might not want them to be carrying on with in the meantime, just saying, anyway that's one option or maybe you could be a foot model maybe get your feet assessed, or hand model maybe, but maybe also in another country you could be a model because you look different without having to build a body swap machine, which could work out pretty expensive and so might negate any benefit you get from it anyway. See what @gennypearl thinks.

I think I have that carpal syndrome thing what should I do?
Don't worry about it. It makes the problem worse because adrenalin constricts the arteries reducing blood flow to the extremities.

From a fellow sufferer, rest assured. You're on the right track with your avoidance of t****ls

How to remember to seek advice?
 
Upvote 0

Sam91

Child of the Living God
Site Supporter
Jul 10, 2016
5,256
8,174
41
United Kingdom
✟53,491.00
Country
United Kingdom
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
Don't worry about it. It makes the problem worse because adrenalin constricts the arteries reducing blood flow to the extremities.

From a fellow sufferer, rest assured. You're on the right track with your avoidance of t****ls

How to remember to seek advice?

(Ha the advice was worse than intended because I mixed up Raynauds and Carpal t****l lol! I have had both.)
 
  • Prayers
Reactions: LaSorcia
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Tom 1

Optimistic sceptic
Site Supporter
Nov 13, 2017
12,212
12,526
Tarnaveni
✟818,769.00
Country
Romania
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
(Ha the advice was worse than intended because I mixed up Raynauds and Carpal t****l lol! I have had both.)

Continuing to mix things up will be greatly appreciated by people, it is a sign of a good advice giver. You should call yourself a Dr, set up a private practice, and charge people at least 15 sheep an hour.

Should I get up? It appears to be ‘morning’.
 
Upvote 0

Matthew-59

Space Invader
Site Supporter
Jan 24, 2010
14,247
8,208
✟252,157.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Maybe you should.... Well, if you get up now it's probably morning somewhere, so no matter when you actually get up, it will be morning. Things aren't always as they appear either, so get up whenever you feel like it.

I need to scrub a stain out of my shirt. How can I do that?
 
Upvote 0

Quid est Veritas?

In Memoriam to CS Lewis
Feb 27, 2016
7,319
9,272
South Africa
✟316,433.00
Faith
Protestant
Marital Status
Married
A soliloquy about damned spots and how much blood the old man had in him, seems to do the trick.

There are these three weird old women hanging around my yard. They keep making strange soup from amphibians. How can I get rid of them?
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums