Showing Favoritism

Introverted1293 · Aug 24, 2019

Update: Thank you everyone for their advice. They are becoming more inclusive towards Ben. Ben was upstairs in my apartment when the kids were playing with the neighbors, and Samantha came up and wanted to know if Ben wanted to play with them. They are making an effort to include him. So, thank you

Martyr's Crown · Aug 26, 2019

Introverted1293 said:
Update: Thank you everyone for their advice. They are becoming more inclusive towards Ben. Ben was upstairs in my apartment when the kids were playing with the neighbors, and Samantha came up and wanted to know if Ben wanted to play with them. They are making an effort to include him. So, thank you

That's great!

I wanted to add, though, as it is very tempting you act in the way you'd see as defensive, whether it is for yourself or to try defending someone else. Although this mirrors at our own sinful way of reaction, to make ourselves look better. The way you thought in your main OP thread is a way of "revenge", punishing the other children for what they are doing against the other one.

You do can bring in discipline, but all done in a way as in showing them what they are doing wrong. Looking also at Jesus Christ as your example, He was loving but He also confronted others in what they did wrong. He didn't overlooked it, but He spoke the truth to them.

Children do understand a lot, they can quickly learn what is wrong and right. Although they will need someone to put down limits before them, as well as making this clear to them. Not just once, it may need getting repeated more times to them until it finally gets a hold on them.

Redwingfan9 · Aug 26, 2019

Introverted1293 said:
I have two nephews and a niece that I am constantly around. I have babysat them and I am always at their house so that I do work that my dad did. My mom and dad were raising them. But my dad died on July 1st due to lung cancer. It took him pretty quick. He died two months after being diagnosed. So, now it is left up to my mom and my big sister to raise them. My big sister is not their mom.

Anyways, the two boys (Ben and Dylan) do not get along at all. And even Samantha, my niece, who is a little nicer to Ben then his brother Dylan is still gets annoyed with him. And she is constantly telling him to go away. But she can be nice to him. Well, Samantha and Dylan (the older brother) are really close. They are constantly playing with each other and leaving him out. This kind of makes me feel sad for Ben. Ben is the one that is being left out. Dylan and Samantha are always trying to get Ben in trouble, and sometimes my mom and sister fall for it. When my dad was alive, he always stood up for Ben, but now I feel like no one stands up for him any more.

I am slowly starting to get angry in the way that Ben is being treated. Well, I guess it is not slowly because I am angry. Ben likes to come and visit me in the guess room when I am there and I let him. But then my other nephew and niece wants to visit me in my room as well. This is usually after I work and I want to rest. But when they visit me, they start fighting. Not physically, but you know what I mean.

Sometimes I feel like treating my nephew and niece the way they treat Ben. I got temptations to tell them go away and don't talk to me. This is extremely immature and childish. But it hurts to see them treating Ben the way that they do.

I also sometimes feel like treating Ben with so much favoritism that it hurts the other kids. I hate this part of me, but I was treated the same way growing up. I was treated like dirt. And so it hurts to see other kids doing the same thing to another kid.

What show I do really? What is the right thing to do? I know that treating my niece and nephew like dirt is not the right thing to do. So, how do I handle this maturely?

I have four kids and I'm here to tell you that over time kids tend to drift from one sibling to the next. Give it a year and Ben is less likely to be excluded. As for what to do right now, you're old enough to put Dylan and Sam in their place. You don't have to be mean about it, just firmly indicate that you are unwilling to tolerate their treatment of Ben. You might want to talk it over with you mom as well, she may be willing to cede a little authority over to you since you're now the man of the house.

Introverted1293 · Aug 26, 2019

Crowned Princess said:
That's great!

I wanted to add, though, as it is very tempting you act in the way you'd see as defensive, whether it is for yourself or to try defending someone else. Although this mirrors at our own sinful way of reaction, to make ourselves look better. The way you thought in your main OP thread is a way of "revenge", punishing the other children for what they are doing against the other one.

You do can bring in discipline, but all done in a way as in showing them what they are doing wrong. Looking also at Jesus Christ as your example, He was loving but He also confronted others in what they did wrong. He didn't overlooked it, but He spoke the truth to them.

Children do understand a lot, they can quickly learn what is wrong and right. Although they will need someone to put down limits before them, as well as making this clear to them. Not just once, it may need getting repeated more times to them until it finally gets a hold on them.

Thank you very much.

Yes, it was my sinful nature that wanted to do that. I do not like this about myself. I wanted revenge. I know that is silly, especially dealing with children. I remember what that was like growing up. I remember the favoritism and how it made me feel. No one stood up for me. So, I took on my little nephews offense. It was silly, immature, and sinful.

I don't always know the best way to deal with children. But I do know that acting like a child myself isn't the best way. LOL

Thank you very much.

Introverted1293 · Aug 26, 2019

Redwingfan9 said:
I have four kids and I'm here to tell you that over time kids tend to drift from one sibling to the next. Give it a year and Ben is less likely to be excluded. As for what to do right now, you're old enough to put Dylan and Sam in their place. You don't have to be mean about it, just firmly indicate that you are unwilling to tolerate their treatment of Ben. You might want to talk it over with you mom as well, she may be willing to cede a little authority over to you since you're now the man of the house.

Thank you very much. That is useful.

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Introverted1293

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