My sister hates me now. Am I a monster?

Mountainmanbob

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Well, the day finally came where I had to tell my sister what I really think about her identifying as a male. I did so in a loving and compassionate way, but as I suspected, it didn't go over very well with her.

The conversation started with her asking me if I could refer to her by her chosen name when my family wasn't around. At that point, I knew I had to tell the truth, and so, at the risk of upsetting her, I told her that I couldn't do that. I then confessed that, from the very start, I didn't agree with her identifying as a male. I thought that maybe I was the one in the wrong, so I didn't say anything for a very long time. I then apologized to her for being such a coward and not saying anything sooner.

I thought she was okay with it because her response was that it was okay and that she couldn't exactly force me to do anything like call her by her chosen name. After she said that, I said that she could always come to me with any issues she was facing, but that I couldn't support this transitioning process anymore. I also said very earnestly that I love her and will always be there for her, and she said she loves me too.

That all happened two days ago. Then, out of curiosity, I went on her public blog to see if she had posted about the situation. She did and from what I read, she was feeling highly disappointed in me and very let down. Then, I read a post she made saying that, if I could see her post, to please block her because she doesn't want me seeing her posts and she doesn't want to see my posts either. Mind you, I only ever post cute pictures and only send her funny posts.

Maybe she just needs time to let this sink in, but as I suspected, I think my admission of the truth just lost me my close friendship with my sister. It was bound to happen anyways now that I've changed my political stance and she has a strong intolerance for conservatives (since she is a more radical liberal), but this still hurts. I woke up last night with anxiety because of the situation, even though I know I didn't do anything wrong and I'm not about to get in trouble for anything. I just know that I did not want this to happen and that I only wanted to stay true to my moral stances, biology, and God's Word. I still love my sister with all of my heart, but honestly, I feel like a monster right now for telling her what I really think.

Something that should have been kept private
she threw out on social media.

Best to keep much distance between ourselves and the ones searching for drama in their lives..

M-Bob
 
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MournfulWatcher

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I'll keep you in my prayers. We live in a difficult age where people are indoctrinated to believe that almost every aspect of their identities can be primarily formed by themselves, and that reality can be whatever they want, and others MUST believe in that reality they've created. But it isn't real. Christians cannot uphold these facades.

This becomes extremely difficult when friends and family become absorbed with these falsehoods. They believe that it is actually cruel to respectfully object to this way of living; the culture teaches them this so they can remain in the lie. Your sister may not believe that you can truly love her and still refuse to lie about what you know is true, but just know that it is God who defines love, not us. Don't lose hope. You are not a monster. The true monster is the prince of this world who is behind such ideologies, and he has made your sister his victim.

It can never be loving to live in lies. You did nothing wrong. God is with you and will not abandon you, or your sister. Pray for her constantly to recognize the truth and receive freedom in Christ.
 
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Johan_1988

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Well, the day finally came where I had to tell my sister what I really think about her identifying as a male. I did so in a loving and compassionate way, but as I suspected, it didn't go over very well with her.

The conversation started with her asking me if I could refer to her by her chosen name when my family wasn't around. At that point, I knew I had to tell the truth, and so, at the risk of upsetting her, I told her that I couldn't do that. I then confessed that, from the very start, I didn't agree with her identifying as a male. I thought that maybe I was the one in the wrong, so I didn't say anything for a very long time. I then apologized to her for being such a coward and not saying anything sooner.

I thought she was okay with it because her response was that it was okay and that she couldn't exactly force me to do anything like call her by her chosen name. After she said that, I said that she could always come to me with any issues she was facing, but that I couldn't support this transitioning process anymore. I also said very earnestly that I love her and will always be there for her, and she said she loves me too.

That all happened two days ago. Then, out of curiosity, I went on her public blog to see if she had posted about the situation. She did and from what I read, she was feeling highly disappointed in me and very let down. Then, I read a post she made saying that, if I could see her post, to please block her because she doesn't want me seeing her posts and she doesn't want to see my posts either. Mind you, I only ever post cute pictures and only send her funny posts.

Maybe she just needs time to let this sink in, but as I suspected, I think my admission of the truth just lost me my close friendship with my sister. It was bound to happen anyways now that I've changed my political stance and she has a strong intolerance for conservatives (since she is a more radical liberal), but this still hurts. I woke up last night with anxiety because of the situation, even though I know I didn't do anything wrong and I'm not about to get in trouble for anything. I just know that I did not want this to happen and that I only wanted to stay true to my moral stances, biology, and God's Word. I still love my sister with all of my heart, but honestly, I feel like a monster right now for telling her what I really think.

Jesus said:

Matt 5:11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
and
Matt 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

So you did the right thing ,what she said to you and about you is just a consequence of following the truth. Don't feel bad, your relationship with God is more important than her since you are going to answer to Him on judgement day not her. Just pray for her dear sister that's all you can do. Following Christ can be a very lonely journey, I know, even your own flesh and blood can reject you,but remember you still have your family in Christ.

God bless you...
 
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A. Sinner

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The most loving thing you could do for your sister is to reject her nonsense about thinking she’s a bro and tell her to get help for her mental disorder. To support and enable her disorder would be the opposite of love, I wouldn’t hand a bottle of whiskey to an alcoholic.

Remember this gender nonsense is the work of the devil.
 
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joshua 1 9

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I still love my sister with all of my heart, but honestly, I feel like a monster right now for telling her what I really think.
If you want to have a relationship with dysfunctional people then it is going to be a dysfunctional relationship. You need to establish boundaries that you are comfortable with. Liberals seem to be more strict with their boundaries and an attitude of my way or the highway is not that uncommon.
 
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joshua 1 9

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Remember this gender nonsense is the work of the devil.
God made them male and female so they can be united together and become one. It is the devil that wants to keep them divided though feminism and chauvinism.
 
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royal priest

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Well, the day finally came where I had to tell my sister what I really think about her identifying as a male. I did so in a loving and compassionate way, but as I suspected, it didn't go over very well with her.

The conversation started with her asking me if I could refer to her by her chosen name when my family wasn't around. At that point, I knew I had to tell the truth, and so, at the risk of upsetting her, I told her that I couldn't do that. I then confessed that, from the very start, I didn't agree with her identifying as a male. I thought that maybe I was the one in the wrong, so I didn't say anything for a very long time. I then apologized to her for being such a coward and not saying anything sooner.

I thought she was okay with it because her response was that it was okay and that she couldn't exactly force me to do anything like call her by her chosen name. After she said that, I said that she could always come to me with any issues she was facing, but that I couldn't support this transitioning process anymore. I also said very earnestly that I love her and will always be there for her, and she said she loves me too.

That all happened two days ago. Then, out of curiosity, I went on her public blog to see if she had posted about the situation. She did and from what I read, she was feeling highly disappointed in me and very let down. Then, I read a post she made saying that, if I could see her post, to please block her because she doesn't want me seeing her posts and she doesn't want to see my posts either. Mind you, I only ever post cute pictures and only send her funny posts.

Maybe she just needs time to let this sink in, but as I suspected, I think my admission of the truth just lost me my close friendship with my sister. It was bound to happen anyways now that I've changed my political stance and she has a strong intolerance for conservatives (since she is a more radical liberal), but this still hurts. I woke up last night with anxiety because of the situation, even though I know I didn't do anything wrong and I'm not about to get in trouble for anything. I just know that I did not want this to happen and that I only wanted to stay true to my moral stances, biology, and God's Word. I still love my sister with all of my heart, but honestly, I feel like a monster right now for telling her what I really think.
I had a cousin that was homosexual. He went to Costa Rica through the Peace Corps and returned from there as a heterosexual. What had happened? First, the people in the village where he was helping did not approve of his lifestyle unlike the US where it is embraced.
Second, while he was there, he met a missionary that befriended and taught him the will of God. My cousin is now a Christian man with a wife and three children.
Your faithful stance is exactly what your sister needs. Sadly, her resentment of you is to be expected. She needs to realize that pretending to be male is not the solution to her problem. The only way for her to be truly happy is by submitting to God's will for her according to how He designed her as a female.
It is so important that you do all you can to show your empathy and love for her. Though she resents you, she needs you more than ever, especially your witness to the power of the Gospel to redeem our sinful selves.
One important and tragic statistic to note is that suicide rates are extremely high among transgenders. They feel confused and alienated, but accepting them does not help them. In fact, suicide rates only increase years after sex-reassignment surgery.
May God help you to point her to the Savior.
 
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_Dave_

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My feeling about this is that any person has the right to be called by any name he or she wishes. It's respectful and honoring to do so.

However, I draw the line at being asked to use a pronoun that is not correct to a person's true sexual gender that is written into his or her DNA. Personally, in your situation I would have agreed to the new name, but disagreed with using the opposite pronoun if pressed to do so.

Maybe that would have been good enough for your sister and might have avoided much angst on both sides.
 
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RestoreTheJoy

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All anyone can do is speak the truth. People have a biological gender at birth, you don't pick it, it picks you. That is science, that is fact.

Your not a monster to tell the truth, your sister has a given, legal name and is your loved sister and you know her by that name.

I have a nickname that my close family used to call me when i was very young and when I got older I wished then to call me by my full birth name as it was more beautiful to me but by then it was too late they had called me the nickname all my life and they weren't changing...

Prayerfully your sister will realize the truth of your love given a little time and reflection...

And I will pray for both of you, that she will see the truth of her gender given time, and you will have peace in Christ no matter what your sister does.
This. It was impossible to start calling my brother "Randall" after calling him "Randy" all my life (name changed, to protect the innocent, but similar). I really did try. But constantly reverted back to the way I knew him.

I can't even imagine trying to address my brother as a woman or think of him that way. That must be thousands of times harder.
 
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Heavenhome

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matthew 10:34-39
luke 14:26-33

it is what it is.

i'll say this though. if you guys do have further interactions, focus less on her life choice and more on the gospel. she's outside the household of faith and needs Christ. as Jesus didn't make a big deal about the woman at the well and her many spouses and focused on the gospel, you do the same. pray for her salvation, not for her to be a girl again, but for her salvation! behavior modification comes afterward.
I totally agree with this.

You have let her know your stance on this which was the right and only thing you could do.
Don't be too dismayed as she may need time to come to terms with what you said. If you have a good relationship with her then I believe it will continue and as stated before there's no need really to go over and over the same conversation.
My youngest sister is in a homosexual relationship and it is devastating to me but even though she knows I consider it wrong, she is dearly loved by me and we have a good relationship.
I also know that the whole issue is her need of salvation, all other things will follow.

Looking from a worldly view it seems hopeless yet that is not the case, nor is it with your sister. Love her, stay strong in your faith, and never give up praying for her salvation.
It is so hard nowadays because the majority of society is pushing the LGBTQ agenda and we are a small voice in the wilderness (so it seems at times) it can sometimes feel overwhelming.
Remember one on Gods side is a majority.

God bless you dear one I pray one day we, and our sisters will meet in heaven:prayer:
 
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Newtheran

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I feel like a monster right now for telling her what I really think.

"Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?"
- Galatians 4:16

You aren't a monster. She asked you to bear false witness on an ongoing basis. You refused. Well done, good and faithful servant. Unfortunately, it is an axiom of fallen human nature that the only route to the redemption of the prodigal is through the pigsty.
 
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thecolorsblend

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Maybe she just needs time to let this sink in, but as I suspected, I think my admission of the truth just lost me my close friendship with my sister
I'm sorry to hear this. But we are to count the cost. There are times when even doing the right thing has consequences. We're expected to pay the consequences anyway.

You may very well be the only person to tell your sister that she is a woman, not a man. That may be the only time she ever hears it for all anybody knows. You told her the truth.

In the end, that's all you can do.
 
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SvN.7

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Well, the day finally came where I had to tell my sister what I really think about her identifying as a male. I did so in a loving and compassionate way, but as I suspected, it didn't go over very well with her.

The conversation started with her asking me if I could refer to her by her chosen name when my family wasn't around. At that point, I knew I had to tell the truth, and so, at the risk of upsetting her, I told her that I couldn't do that. I then confessed that, from the very start, I didn't agree with her identifying as a male. I thought that maybe I was the one in the wrong, so I didn't say anything for a very long time. I then apologized to her for being such a coward and not saying anything sooner.

I thought she was okay with it because her response was that it was okay and that she couldn't exactly force me to do anything like call her by her chosen name. After she said that, I said that she could always come to me with any issues she was facing, but that I couldn't support this transitioning process anymore. I also said very earnestly that I love her and will always be there for her, and she said she loves me too.

That all happened two days ago. Then, out of curiosity, I went on her public blog to see if she had posted about the situation. She did and from what I read, she was feeling highly disappointed in me and very let down. Then, I read a post she made saying that, if I could see her post, to please block her because she doesn't want me seeing her posts and she doesn't want to see my posts either. Mind you, I only ever post cute pictures and only send her funny posts.

Maybe she just needs time to let this sink in, but as I suspected, I think my admission of the truth just lost me my close friendship with my sister. It was bound to happen anyways now that I've changed my political stance and she has a strong intolerance for conservatives (since she is a more radical liberal), but this still hurts. I woke up last night with anxiety because of the situation, even though I know I didn't do anything wrong and I'm not about to get in trouble for anything. I just know that I did not want this to happen and that I only wanted to stay true to my moral stances, biology, and God's Word. I still love my sister with all of my heart, but honestly, I feel like a monster right now for telling her what I really think.

Would you rather have lied or told her the truth?

But to answer your question. No, you're definitely not a monster for expressing how you feel about her "transition". It seems like transitioning to the opposite gender has become a trend and the norm nowadays, that even kids as young as 4 years old are being forced into it by their parents.

I was listening to the radio not long ago and a young man called in for advice because he ended a relationship with his "girlfriend" after he found out that "she" was born a male. They had been dating for a few months and "she" never admitted to being transgender until a friend of the guy revealed it to him.

The advice is usually given by other callers rather than the radio hosts, and the amount of verbal bashing the guy received was shocked and disgusting to say the least, whilst also completely dismissing how the "girlfriend" was deceptive and concealing her identity as a transgender the whole time. They really tried to make him look like a monster when he did absolutely nothing wrong.


My point is, you shouldn't feel bad just because your sister is doing something that you do not accept. It's better to tell them the truth and hurt them for a short period of time, rather than lie (which is a sin) and pretend you support their life choices. You did the right thing.
 
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joshua 1 9

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The only way for her to be truly happy is by submitting to God's will for her according to how He designed her as a female.
God made them male and female so they could be united together and become one. People need unity or harmony within themselves.
 
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