Deal breakers

Anger. If the person can’t control their emotions or resorts to tirades and abusive language I avoid them.

Deceit. I don’t keep company with criminals or those prone to excessive lying.

Negativity. Especially excessive criticism and contention. It stirs up strife.

Envy and Jealousy. If the individual resents others possessions, talents, spiritual gifts, appearance, etc. I move away. That isn’t a loving spirit.

Snark. I abhor it. Flippancy is rarely good and is usually at someone’s expense. And it rubs off on others.

I don’t expect perfection. But character matters. It impacts your mindset, behavior and vernacular. I look for iron in my connections.

ChicanaRose said:

What are some of your deal breakers in a Christian friendship? I know we are all imperfect and must give each other grace. But we also have limits as to what we are willing to accept into our lives.

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Christian friendships? I suppose if they treat me or others less than an equal.

ChicanaRose said:

What are some of your deal breakers in a Christian friendship?

I know we are all imperfect and must give each other grace.

But we also have limits as to what we are willing to accept into our lives.

Click to expand...

Lies?

Sorry, I missed the Christian part! I edited my post.

Unbelief and refusal to repent when personally convicted.

ChicanaRose said:

What are some of your deal breakers in a Christian friendship?

I know we are all imperfect and must give each other grace.

But we also have limits as to what we are willing to accept into our lives.

Click to expand...

Christian Friendships:

Being a disciple of Christ, following His commands and example.

Being out in the world serving and loving the lost.

Digging into the Word together, helping each other understand it; applying it to our lives.

Having people in our lives who deeply know us, holding us accountable to living a godly life and with whom we share our struggles.

None of this is optional.

Should require this from them, we should definitely encourage them to pursue these things, because in pursuing these things, they're pursuing the LORD.

[for me anyway] we must first deny our own will, otherwise we shall continue only being carnally minded as the ubelievers. As for the term Deal Breaker, God's Word tells us already:

Mat 18:15-17 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

1Co 5:11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother (Christian) be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.

ChicanaRose said:

Is worldly/ carnal advice given by a Christian friend a deal breaker? Such as encouraging you to pursue a non-Christian man for dating?

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Hold this friend accountable for the advice they give.

Scripture says we are not to yoke ourselves to unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14)

ChicanaRose said:

What are some of your deal breakers in a Christian friendship?

I know we are all imperfect and must give each other grace.

But we also have limits as to what we are willing to accept into our lives.

Click to expand...

Gossiping - Some women use gossip as a type of currency. I can't be involved because it messes with my prayer lifer.
Selfishness/Taker - some people are all about themselves. I've had to deal with A LOT of selfish/taker types of Christians. It's painful because everything is one sided...no reciprocity. They're just "users".
Competitive - My life is not a competition and I hate when people are into that. It's also creepy. I've experienced "Single White Female". In my case it was "Single Black Female" and she was older than me (50's) and she was copying my hair & clothing. It was weird.
Dishonest/Duplicitous - I don't like because I don't know who you are and why the behavior is going on in the first place. They're like the perpetual stranger. You can't ever really know them.

I'm sure I have more but these would be in my top 10. I've had to deal with all these personalities more than once. I used to give people the benefit of the doubt but that wasn't a wise thing to do because I just enabled them. So I had to stop that and just call it for what it was. I also had to have some confrontations. Well I don't have a whole lot of friends but I also don't have anymore heartache. There were also times I know I failed at being a friend too. So I had to learn all the way around.

ChicanaRose said:

Is worldly/ carnal advice given by a Christian friend a deal breaker? Such as encouraging you to pursue a non-Christian man for dating?

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Of course, that is bad advice, but are they a new or seasoned believer? If they are a seasoned believer, challenge them on it [2 Corinthians 6:14-15].

Watch how they respond to Scripture.

If they would be corrected, it was a fluke.
If they value worldly standards above the Word, be suspicious of their advice going forward. Don't write them off (that God might still cultivate whatever is there), but don't look to them for that kind of advice.

ChicanaRose said:

Is worldly/ carnal advice given by a Christian friend a deal breaker? Such as encouraging you to pursue a non-Christian man for dating?

Click to expand...

It can be but it doesn't have to be. More than anything I would be wondering why a Christian would give another Christian advice that goes against the Word. I had an experience where I knew another Christian whose brother was single. He was the only male sibling in a family of female siblings. I knew some of his sisters and on many occasions they told me that I sounded like their brother on spiritual matters but they never wanted me to meet him. One of the sisters went so far as to set me up with an unsaved man. It took me more than a minute to figure out that not only was she saying her brother was off limits but that an unsaved man is what she felt I deserved. That did a slow burn on me. Needless to say I'm no longer friends with any of these women and yes they're all Christians...smh.

So if your Christian friend is saying that to you, it may be because they feel a certain way about you. You need to sit down with them and find out what this person is REALLY saying about you, to think that they could give you that type of advice to begin with.

ChicanaRose said:

Is worldly/ carnal advice given by a Christian friend a deal breaker? Such as encouraging you to pursue a non-Christian man for dating?

Click to expand...

A lot of Christian advice hails from the flesh. How often have you seem someone pray prior to speaking? That’s why God must be the first stop.

Worldly advice is only a deal breaker if you’re susceptible to that person’s influence or have a tendency towards people pleasing. Otherwise, if the advice is not good don’t follow it. You can tell them why if you want to. But some people get out of sorts if you do.

As a rule, I feel it’s best to know the tree you’re eating from. I must know what influences the words they’re imparting. It may be carnal or something they’ve picked up from a different belief system.

I appreciate the person who says they’ll pray on it first. Especially in serious matters. Overall, I feel wise counsel must be vetted. I don’t think God meant for us to query random strangers. You don’t build a multitude of counselors overnight. That takes intention.

In your shoes, I would not seek that person’s counsel. But if their character is pleasant and godly I could befriend them. However, when I seek input I’m looking for evidence of wisdom and discernment. The best evidence isn’t their advice. It’s the walk and the fruit they’ve developed by employing the principles shared.

If I want dating advice, I look at men and women with stable relationships where mutual love and respect are evident. I listen to how she speaks about her partner and pay attention to my response. If her words are devoid of love and respect, I don’t seek her input.

ChicanaRose said:

What are some of your deal breakers in a Christian friendship?

I know we are all imperfect and must give each other grace.

But we also have limits as to what we are willing to accept into our lives.

Click to expand...

"We then who are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves." (Romans 15:1)

I have discipled a number of new or spiritually immature believers who were foul-mouthed, petty, angry, lustful, etc. I had to endure these things in order to be a help to them, to love them as Christ loves me. Loving others costs, you see. It means putting up with stuff we'd rather avoid. But this is what the strong do for the weak that they may become strong, too.

Close friends, though, friends whose level of relational intimacy with me results in influence upon my thinking and conduct, are only those who clearly love the Lord, who are mature in Him, and who wisely and faithfully encourage the same in me.

"Do not be deceived: Bad company corrupts good morals." (1 Corinthians 15:33)

ChicanaRose said:

What are some of your deal breakers in a Christian friendship?

I know we are all imperfect and must give each other grace.

But we also have limits as to what we are willing to accept into our lives.

Click to expand...

Hello,

Psalm 1:1 says, “Blessed is the man that does not walk in the counsel of the ungodly,
nor stand in the way of sinners,
nor sit in the seat of the scornful.”

Notice the progression, first, there is walking, then standing and finally it’s sitting.

Psalm 1:2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and in his law he meditates day and night.

As followers of Jesus, He wants us to be kind to everyone. He wants us to pull the non- believer up but if we cannot influence them, we don’t have to hang around with them or else they might pull us down.

This is from my devotion, this helps me a lot in choosing friends. I hope this works for you too. God bless.

ChicanaRose said:

I was confused because she herself is with a non-Christian man but said she wants to get out of the relationship to find a Christian man. But maybe she is not in a place to give me advice until she actually follows through with her words.

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Wow...your instincts are on point. If that's how your Christian friend is living and you choose to keep her a part of your life then it may be that you are to "model" for her what the will of God looks like when being single. As well as addressing the sin of fornication and maybe what her commitment to the Lord is. At present she's not living a Godly lifestyle, therefore she's not in any position to give anybody any type of advice especially regarding dating/relationships. We have to be DOERS of the Word. We have to walk our talk and as a result we are "first fruits" - I can tell you because I'm living this or have lived this in Christ.

Pray and see what God would have you do concerning her be it to reprove, rebuke, correct, etc. I know the Word speaks about not even eating with a fornicator but I'm not sure if that's primarily of a sexual nature or inclusive of idolatry. I do think that it's very probable that you will have to say something again if you haven't already.

ChicanaRose said:

I was confused because she herself is with a non-Christian man but said she wants to get out of the relationship to find a Christian man. But maybe she is not in a place to give me advice until she actually follows through with her words.

Click to expand...

I don’t think she’s an ideal source. If there is a situation you are best served by someone who averted temptation. Not one walking in sin.

More importantly, wanting to leave and letting go are not the same. Given the challenges many Christians have finding a partner don’t be surprised if she remains in that state. Once you’ve tasted forbidden fruit the second bite is easier.

My personal opinion for your edification is this. You serve two masters. Inevitably the differences will arise and conflict or misunderstandings may occur.

Your spirit will wither. You will believe you can make a difference and watch the calendar turn while he remains in that condition. You will carry the load of prayer and everything amiss in the relationship spiritually. You’ll pour in and receive nothing in return.

You’ll become dismayed and disheartened and reach an unexpected fork in the road. Surrender to him and forsake your faith or to God and let him go. The two will war within you constantly each desiring its way.

Light and dark cannot coexist peacefully. One will influence the other. Oftentimes light succumbs to the dark and the slide quickens.

Place your Isaac on the altar. Allow the Lord to redeem him and wait for what He has for you. If this is His will He’ll resurrect it. If not, a better solution will come forth.

We cannot operate illegitimately and expect God’s blessing when we’ve gone outside of His boundaries. We should expect hardship, pain and correction for our disobedience.

The Christian women I’ve conversed with who did the same and married the individual have waited a long while before he came to faith. Sixteen for one and twenty for another. Many are still waiting.