Something really funny happened to me on Tinder just now...

J Daniel said:

Awwwwwww bless ya! Do ya thing! I like all looks tbh (that's the problem). But, yeah, hmmmmm there ya go Miss Bella.

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That’s okay. I like classic and glam. The 50s pinup is a combination of the two. It’s ideal for an hourglass silhouette. For me, it begins with body type and color analysis. Once you know what looks good then choose the style you prefer.

Yeah - well I don't go anywhere so n/a for me =O no need for me to be dressed like that when i just walk to get some milk and come back LOL

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It’s a matter of comfort and preference. Whether I’m going to the store or grabbing coffee doesn’t matter. We’re creatures of habit. Once you make allowances the behavior is ingrained. Much like exercise or eating an organic diet. It becomes a norm.

I will be honest cos my goal is different atm - wearing razzle dazzle to impress people i won't be talking to is hmmmmm

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It isn’t for others. You’re investing in yourself. If I have time for this I have time for daily care. If I’m unwilling to do it unless I want attention that’s sad. You’ll drop it once you meet them. Then you’re living in yoga pants. ;-)

I think dressing up reflects the mood of how you are feeling

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That may be true for some. Culture and habits are part of it too. This came up in Lessons from Madame Chic. I read it a few years ago. Its about an American exchange student in Paris. The author described her experiences and the striking differences in outlook she encountered with her host.

Madame Chic was orderly and created a pleasant environment for her family without neglecting her appearance. The investment of time and care were daily pleasures. Not drudgery. Her attentiveness was a reflection of love and respect for both. It was a different philosophy from our culture. Shortcuts are a norm.

You can apply the same to your relationship with God and others. Or anything of value in your life. The message stayed with me and I stumbled across a photo a couple of years ago (from the group I shared) and saw myself in the picture.

When I signed up for sewing classes I didn’t expect we’d do pattern adjustments. We’re customizing the fit which means every replica will be ideal. Our first project was a skirt and we finish this week. I’m doubling my classes and we’re making a dress and shirt. Then a jacket and coat and so on. I’ll have a customized wardrobe to build on.

God has a way of showing you yourself. We often say if I had such and such I’d do this. Sometimes He grants it and you discover how serious you are when the opportunity arrives.

You made an important connection about feelings and how we communicate them through our attire. My goal is to exemplify and inspire ladyship. We don’t need another Nicky. That doesn’t edify women.

Point is - all reflective of mood! But as beautiful as being dressed up is - when the heart and mind is still BLEAH inside it is like a sticking a plaster over a stab wound - ya know? The inside needs work.

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You can’t be ruled by your feelings and you really aren’t if you pick the statement apart. You allow them to affect one area but not another. Have you stopped exercising or showing up for work? Of course not. You value your finances and physical health too much to do so.

They’re priorities. Oftentimes you don’t realize it until you’re low in spirit. The areas of neglect reveal this. These are places which require God’s light and influence. He never tells us to slack off or do just enough. His mark is excellence and He moves us in that direction.

As we are on fashion SOME PEOPLE (especially my age and younger) the priorities are so messed up! I have known people that have 30 different pairs of shoes (like a woman) but don't have their own place to live! Priorities! People's priorities can be messed up!

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I don’t support anyone living beyond their means. Whether they live at home or own their own. That’s unwise. Moving away from home is a modern phenomenon. People moved out when they married.

My daughter lives at home. She has a comfortable life and needn’t worry about expenses. Its my pleasure to provide that. There’s nothing she’s unable to do with me that she cannot do alone. Save sin.

Living at home allows her to save money and pursue self-employment without financial strain. It takes time to build your coffers and establish a career. She’s putting things in place to enable her to have the lifestyle she prefers.

What you’re describing suggests excess but you’re applying your values to their choices. Thrift is a mindset and some people maintain it irrespective of their finances. Others prefer more comforts.

If the individual can meet their expenses and isn’t overextending themselves financially that’s fine. I don’t expect others to share my views on money. Save the one I marry and to some degree the man she does. Otherwise, it’s none of my business.

They say you should smile more cos that is attractive bla bla blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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That’s true. ;-)

tinder is a hook up site so there really isn't much need for a detailed profile. people are simply looking for something hot to hold for the night so that's why everyone is on their Instagram best. if all you're trying to do is jump in the bed then looks are all that matters.

a godly man or woman has no business there. dumpster diving is never advised.

I was on a site for aspie dating for a hot minute(as i'm also on the spectrum). there was a young lady there I chewed the rag with for a while, mostly about gaming. I then realized there was no point in being on this site as this woman I was talking to was far from a believer and there was no chance of it going anywhere(she was overseas). I deleted my account. I suppose I was just bored as I knew going in that there was a snowball's chance in hell that I would have found a compatible match on that site. it was cool to talk to a female who also had AS who shared some of my interests.

J Daniel said:

I already have that and that is what has scarred me mentally and I am trying to go down a new road - a CHRIST ROAD (best as I can) - but that was my fault. I was sucked in. Thought we would be married etc and messed up cos I didn't know her belief system - she was not a believer - but I invested (we both did) so much in each other.

Sins came from that fornication and all sorts - but I have to live with that - I have to live with the fact I am not sexually pure to my future wife (if I live to see that) - I have to live with the fact that God will always have that fornication sin against me (along with other sins) - yes I repented but still plays on my mind a lot. Cos that is a part of me that was given away and will never ever get back.

Just like Samson paid the price messing with the Philistine women and getting together with Delilah - he even said he chose Delilah cos she looked good.

And I will be honest a big reason on Tinder is cos of wanting to fill past time of loneliness (how messed up is that) after reading scriptures etc etc want to just see what is out there.

That sin I committed: fornication has created a serious mental haemorrhage in my mind that will only be cure when I move forward FULLY and when I have a NEW GODLY relationship.

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do you know of any godly men in your circles who can give you counsel and be a mentor to you?

LaBèlla said:

Making an effort to look your best is important. But the same is true when you’re at home. It’s not a question of time but priorities. My presentation matters and this is my vision for the little lady.

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is this you, your daughter, or someone else?

you'll definitely get some looks going out dressed like that. not so much of lust but more of a "now there's a look you don't see everyday".

my issue with make up has always been "is this what this chic really looks like?". there's makeup and then there's "fakeup".

THE W said:

is this you, your daughter, or someone else?

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That’s an example of the style I’m referencing. I explained the influence in the other post.

you'll definitely get some looks going out dressed like that. not so much of lust but more of a "now there's a look you don't see everyday".

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No, we don’t dress that way anymore.

my issue with make up has always been "is this what this chic really looks like?". there's makeup and then there's "fakeup".

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Many of the popular makeup techniques today are used for theatrical productions where greater amounts are necessary to accommodate the stage and lighting. It wasn’t meant for daily use.

A full on transformation is not attractive in my opinion. Its more like a character than a person.

LaBèlla said:

Many of the popular makeup techniques today are used for theatrical productions where greater amounts are necessary to accommodate the stage and lighting. It wasn’t meant for daily use.

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correct,

which is why i'm not all that taken by the females I see on television. none of it is real. they don't look like that in real life.

THE W said:

correct,

which is why i'm not all that taken by the females I see on television. none of it is real. they don't look like that in real life.

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True, not to mention the graphic help.

THE W said:

tinder is a hook up site so there really isn't much need for a detailed profile. people are simply looking for something hot to hold for the night so that's why everyone is on their Instagram best. if all you're trying to do is jump in the bed then looks are all that matters.

a godly man or woman has no business there. dumpster diving is never advised.

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While Tinder is used for hookups, people do also use Tinder for something more serious. I've come across women on Tinder who I've seen on other dating sites, as well as some I happen to have met in various real life situations, so there are people on Tinder who are looking for relationships. And in my case it's more popular among women close to me than other sites (although that obviously doesn't necessarily hold in other places).

So I don't think you can write it off as being solely for hookups, and research does back that up.
Is Tinder Really a Hookup App?

Citanul said:

While Tinder is used for hookups, people do also use Tinder for something more serious.

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there will always be exceptions.

the actual point is, however, you don't look for fish in a cave and you don't look for bears in a lake. tinder isn't the place where godly potential mates congregate.

a better way to put it is getting on tinder in search of a God-fearing mate would be like going to a haystack in search of a needle.

Tinder: a self-destructive lust trap. It lures the self-centered, greedy, and gullible, who are too ignorant to see it for what it is.

Women should be cherished. (Ephesians 5:25-33)

Men should be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. (1 Corinthians 16:13)
And always let their speech be with grace, seasoned with salt. (Colossians 4:6)

THE W said:

there will always be exceptions.

the actual point is, however, you don't look for fish in a cave and you don't look for bears in a lake. tinder isn't the place where godly potential mates congregate.

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But what if the fish are more likely to be found in the cave than the lake? It's more than just exceptions, but rather a substantial number, enough that Tinder has become a realistic prospect for finding a relationship.

a better way to put it is getting on tinder in search of a God-fearing mate would be like going to a haystack in search of a needle.

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Not based on the profiles I've seen. While I realise that what's written in a bio isn't necessarily true, women looking for a hookup probably aren't going to claim to be a Christian (or put "no hookups" on their profile, something which isn't uncommon). And even if some of them are, it still leaves a lot who have described themselves as Christian who are looking for something else.

The dating site i tried was really rough. There were some right old dogs on there!

Citanul said:

But what if the fish are more likely to be found in the cave than the lake?

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i'm reminded of that old song with the lyrics "I was looking for love in all the wrong places". you're attempting to make a rule from an exception. this isn't wise.

Citanul said:

women looking for a hookup probably aren't going to claim to be a Christian

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tinder is a popular place to meet people. same as a bar. people will go there looking for someone out of ignorance of the dating seen. they don't know where to look, so they'll just go to the most popular place hoping it works out for them.

J Daniel said:

People really underestimate when your depressed and you are DOWN and your spirit/soul is BROKEN!

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I think people understand the difference between being low in spirt, depressed, and emotions that shift from both extremes. I had a close friend who suffered from depression. She was very hot and cold. Especially when she didn’t take her medicine.

And when I listen to people like Mary K Baxter (I feel at times she sexualises Jesus at times when describing him) - Bill Wiese etc who claim to have SEEN and MET JESUS and I think to myself

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That explains some of your previous comments. You’re eating from a lot of trees. You don’t know their walk or fruit. I think you should focus on what you’re learning at church.

It has been my experience (and I’m speaking from personal experience) that those who see further into the spirit realm experience good and bad. You will rarely encounter a mystic who doesn’t mention both.

Many of the Jesus encounters and trips to heaven are false or figments of their imagination. The test for all claims is where the revelation leads. To them or the Father. Wishing you’d experienced something due to someone who probably didn’t will only lead to frustration and apathy.

Right now, I need Christ desperately to just talk to me.

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If you’re referencing an audible conversation with the Holy Spirit that’s rare. And you’d need to know its Him not Satan pretending. I suspect you’re being influenced by the things you’re hearing and desiring the same.

Then people download apps to try and fill things in - then people have audacity to make their judgement calls - and it really annoys me it does.

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People do many things to fill a void in their lives. Most shove people or unhealthy activities in the hole. Are you annoyed by that too or only the comments about Tinder?

You know the big reason people download those kind of apps (dating apps period) cos of loneliness - they wanna feel whole.

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I think there are many reasons involved. I wouldn’t say loneliness is the only one.

Imagine how messed up that is - for somebody to hire a sex worker cos the sex worker is the only person that is able to talk and REALLY relate - what does that tell you about the world we live in?

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Yes, I’m aware of that. Sex workers are usually great listeners. I’ve crossed paths with a few online. I think you’re missing something in that example.

He’s free to share his troubles with her without judgment because she’s not invested in his well-being like a spouse, family or friend. And she doesn’t bear the consequences of his choices. Good or bad it has no impact on her.

And when you have been used to engaging with somebody back and forth for sooooo long and all of a sudden.......dead.

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You mourn the loss, pick up the pieces, and keep going. Much like I’ve done with the person I’ve known for ten years. Life keeps moving even when you don’t.

Allowing myself to grow depressed and saddled with a spirit of heaviness won’t change the outcome unless the Lord steps in. Now I have another problem I didn’t have before.

I’m not going down like that. Endings are a part of life. We hurt and grieve but God calls us to continue. We can’t remain in a stasis or wallow in what was.

It’s not that no one understands. There are many people on the site wrestling with loneliness and similar struggles. They have good days and bad. But getting upset when your coping mechanism isn’t validated is immature in my opinion.

Because underneath it all you want someone to care. You want someone to listen and offer encouragement and support. If you didn’t you’d remain silent.

So don’t berate us for doing the things the bible said we should. Don’t complain because you didn’t hear what you wanted.

Everything you’ve experienced thus far is grace. Unmerited assistance from everyone who comments on your threads. We don’t have to. We choose to.

Citanul said:

While Tinder is used for hookups, people do also use Tinder for something more serious. I've come across women on Tinder who I've seen on other dating sites, as well as some I happen to have met in various real life situations, so there are people on Tinder who are looking for relationships. And in my case it's more popular among women close to me than other sites (although that obviously doesn't necessarily hold in other places).

So I don't think you can write it off as being solely for hookups, and research does back that up.
Is Tinder Really a Hookup App?

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Thank you for this response. I've never been on any of the dating sites so I really don't know whether they're good, bad, or in between. I'm guessing that's why when the OP said Tinder, it didn't mean anything to me. For others it seemed to raise red flags I guess which I couldn't understand why isn't OP's experience funny to them? All OP was doing was sharing something he thought was funny and then things morphed into something else *sigh*....