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what are you feeling right now? (24)

chaoticfirefly

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So some stuff happened.

A lot of stuff happened.

And someone in the medical field has effectively retraumatized me that whatever is going on with my organs, I'll just let myself quietly suffer because I can't deal with this again.

And while I want to talk to a friend about this but I don't want to bother her with it. She has her own issues to deal with, and I feel like I complain too much anyways.
 
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Jeshu

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So some stuff happened.

A lot of stuff happened.

And someone in the medical field has effectively retraumatized me that whatever is going on with my organs, I'll just let myself quietly suffer because I can't deal with this again.

And while I want to talk to a friend about this but I don't want to bother her with it. She has her own issues to deal with, and I feel like I complain too much anyways.

Good to see you around. Not so good to hear that health wise you are still not doing any good and that you still suffer all the time. Maybe you complain too much in your own opinion but to suffer silently is not easy and shouldn't take too long. We need to air our frustration and get a hug or something. Pain is not nice.

i've been on holidays to Canada and The Netherlands for more than 5 weeks and survived it. Had a good time really, however i did suffer a psychotic episode when i came back home and haven't been very well since then. A lot of depression.

Have a great weekend.
 
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So some stuff happened.

A lot of stuff happened.

And someone in the medical field has effectively retraumatized me that whatever is going on with my organs, I'll just let myself quietly suffer because I can't deal with this again.

And while I want to talk to a friend about this but I don't want to bother her with it. She has her own issues to deal with, and I feel like I complain too much anyways.
Been thinking about you as well, hoping you were alright.

Good to hear from you in spite of your difficulties. Please share whatever you are comfortable with if you want.
Massive demands on me right now but doing ok depression-wise.
 
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Jeshu

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Feeling a lot better today, i slept a bit better as well and it doesn't seem as busy in my head any more but i do still cycle/fluctuate quiet dramatically within my mood and quiet rapidly so i'm not out of the woods yet. Best keep a good eye on myself, especially next week when i have to go without 5-htp for a week. Not looking forward to that.

Our Son's wife had her third baby this morning, a boy. All went well and are in good health. Now we will have three grand children living next door to us, we have the two girls with us here. Thanking God for His blessings in our life. We have 14 grand children now. Twelve of whom live nearby and two overseas.

As a matter of fact they are coming from Canada for a two month holiday. Our son, who really misses Australia, wants to come here for awhile before their oldest child is school bound and they can't do it any more. So he has been working hard to save up enough money to come here for two months. When they are here then we will be able to make an updated family photo. The last one was done two years ago but, we have 4 more grand kids since then.

A really good friend of our son from Australia is going for a holiday to Canada. So they can use her house while she can use their house. A deal which works for both and makes going on holidays a lot cheaper and easier. They know one another well enough to be able to trust each other with this.

Hoping everyone is well:wave:
 
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.Mikha'el.

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I'm a wee bit annoyed, atm. I'm currently working on a job app for the blood donor clinic, and I'm struggling to find out who the H.R. person is for a cover letter. I might not be able to find out until Tuesday when it's open next. I probably should know it offhand for how often I'm in there donating, but I don't. I also don't want to wait that long to get the name. :sigh:
 
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chaoticfirefly

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Parents got chickens a few months ago.
I have befriended these ladies, they now eat from my hands and follow me around. They do peck at me every so often but not flesh breaking hard.

They had names but now they're just The Ladies.
 
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Jeshu

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Parents got chickens a few months ago.
I have befriended these ladies, they now eat from my hands and follow me around. They do peck at me every so often but not flesh breaking hard.

They had names but now they're just The Ladies.

Chicken are awesome and not only because they give us eggs. They keep our fruit trees well fertilised and eat all the dropped fruit and so help keep fruit fly away.

They can become really used to us if we spend the time with them but one on one works better than when they are with the whole group of them. Watch some of them rule the roost. It is almost comically how they chase after each other eating scraps, leaving other more tasty morsels for others to eat and often missing out altogether on what they wanted. So funny to watch those ladies. i call them chooks. They have only just began laying again.

i love fresh eggs.

How are you doing depression wise? Still battling major downs or has life been a bit easier on you lately? i hope the later.

Peace.
 
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Tempura

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I did the full two-minute plank, when I should have stopped at 90 seconds. :dead:

I would give up at 5 seconds, so congrats. Well done! I leave that planking stuff for superhuman beings, Robocops and Daniel-Sans, I'll try to strengthen my body in other ways. Oh man I'm getting old.
 
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I did the full two-minute plank, when I should have stopped at 90 seconds. :dead:
Two minutes is good! Keep at it!

I was up to 3 minutes at the gym but I buy those cheap Walmart sneakers instead of Nikes so after a while the soles on the tips of the shoes started separating.

I switched to doing sit ups on a 45 degree incline bench.
 
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Parents got chickens a few months ago.
I have befriended these ladies, they now eat from my hands and follow me around. They do peck at me every so often but not flesh breaking hard.

They had names but now they're just The Ladies.
I have always liked your gentle spirit.

I was raised on a farm. When I was about 5 a real mean rooster chased me right up the back steps. He would always come after me when they were let out to graze. The sucker was as tall as me.

Later on when my dad butchered it he had huge bloody scratches all down his arms. Those incidents are impressed on me for life!
 
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Jeshu

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Feeling reasonable good this morning. Yesterday was a bit of a drag but today it looks like i will have a better day. i hope so! Yvonne is home today and our daughter will come for a visit later on. So i'll see to of our grand daughters today as well.

That the breath of God breathe new life into us all today!

 
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Yusuphhai

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Tomorrow I will go to mental hospital with a woman of Bipolar disorder. I need to keep a distance to her. Because last time one week ago in her home she kissed me and asked me to kiss her, that made me quite hard pressed. I don’t want to meet her but I have agreed the going of tomorrow. I pray God control the distance between her and me.

Blessings to all.
 
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HisGraceAbounds

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Fear and anxiety. I'm starting a new job after a 7+ year hiatus of unemployment. It's a new job in a new field - a new career track. I'm filled with self-doubt about my ability to adequately fulfill the requirements of the job. I've got all the qualifications necessary to hold the position I hold, but I doubt my ability to actually put on that role and serve in the capacity I need to in order to succeed. Additionally, I'm worried that I won't be able to pass the 5-year probationary period to achieve tenure and that all the struggles I have gone through to get to this point will be for nothing.

I'm in a new city in a new state. I don't know anyone here. The couple of friends I actually have in this world are a long ways from here and have their own lives to live, so I don't feel as though I can reach out to them. Really, I don't have anyone but God I can talk to about the things that bother me, but that conversation seems awfully one-sided versus a face-to-face with another person. No more of a fan of people than I am, living in a semi-metropolitan area is overwhelming to my senses and it ratchets up my anxiety which is bad given my high blood pressure and arrhythmia.

I'm not feeling well.
 
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Tempura

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I'm starting a new job after a 7+ year hiatus of unemployment.

13 years for me, still unemployed, on a pension. I know that I could now at least try to work, but I let my fears get the better of me, the same fears you describe, only I get stuck in the mere thought while you are actually going against your fear and doing something. No matter how much anxiety you have now, I'm so damn proud of you (which perhaps means nothing, since we rarely talk) and just hearing things like these gives me some strength.

I'll say a prayer for you brother. Well done. No matter what you feel, well done.
 
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Fear and anxiety. I'm starting a new job after a 7+ year hiatus of unemployment. It's a new job in a new field - a new career track. I'm filled with self-doubt about my ability to adequately fulfill the requirements of the job. I've got all the qualifications necessary to hold the position I hold, but I doubt my ability to actually put on that role and serve in the capacity I need to in order to succeed. Additionally, I'm worried that I won't be able to pass the 5-year probationary period to achieve tenure and that all the struggles I have gone through to get to this point will be for nothing.

I'm in a new city in a new state. I don't know anyone here. The couple of friends I actually have in this world are a long ways from here and have their own lives to live, so I don't feel as though I can reach out to them. Really, I don't have anyone but God I can talk to about the things that bother me, but that conversation seems awfully one-sided versus a face-to-face with another person. No more of a fan of people than I am, living in a semi-metropolitan area is overwhelming to my senses and it ratchets up my anxiety which is bad given my high blood pressure and arrhythmia.

I'm not feeling well.
You are definitely out of your "comfort zone" at this period in your life.

In reflection of what you have written, I see it as an exciting (but scary) opportunity to soar.

You say you are qualified for your position. I see doors opening for you. God gave you this opportunity. Not that it will always be smooth sailing, but you have a great opportunity to grow in grace and trusting implicitly in the Lord, at the same time spurring confidence in your abilities. God's power shows up best in weakness, so Paul was told. Moses argued with God, saying "you have the wrong guy--i can't do this". Humans seem by and large seem to be resistant to change.

I have tackled intimidating things many times and found in most cases it wasn't as bad as I had imagined.

Taking it one step at a time will move you in a positive direction, putting aside for a time such things as your concerns about failing the probationary period. Don't forget....you have made it this far successfully. Move forward confidently. Spend time with the Lord and just lay it out there for Him when you are feeling inadequate.

I am praying for you. You can do it!
 
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Jeshu

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Fear and anxiety. I'm starting a new job after a 7+ year hiatus of unemployment. It's a new job in a new field - a new career track. I'm filled with self-doubt about my ability to adequately fulfill the requirements of the job. I've got all the qualifications necessary to hold the position I hold, but I doubt my ability to actually put on that role and serve in the capacity I need to in order to succeed. Additionally, I'm worried that I won't be able to pass the 5-year probationary period to achieve tenure and that all the struggles I have gone through to get to this point will be for nothing.

I'm in a new city in a new state. I don't know anyone here. The couple of friends I actually have in this world are a long ways from here and have their own lives to live, so I don't feel as though I can reach out to them. Really, I don't have anyone but God I can talk to about the things that bother me, but that conversation seems awfully one-sided versus a face-to-face with another person. No more of a fan of people than I am, living in a semi-metropolitan area is overwhelming to my senses and it ratchets up my anxiety which is bad given my high blood pressure and arrhythmia.

I'm not feeling well.

When we can't trust ourselves then we have to rely on God. That you scored a job after 7 years not working in and of itself is already a great achievement. If you have the qualifications then i think you will most likely be able to do the job.
Even if it will be a bit of a scramble to keep up with all the new input to start of with.

It best o bring your worries and doubts to the Lord and let His loving truth guide you forwards. Trusting that Jesus will be able to get you through this is always the best thing to do, but even if you wont be able to succeed He will still look after you.

Be of good courage.
 
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