Proper Relationships and "Feelings" for a Christian Woman

Most in line with all God's Word, she is correct. To try and change her mind/choice/ after God already told her could be devastating and disastrous. (for both)

Andrew121 said:

Hello,

I have a debate with a friend. This guy says God guided him to love my friend. She believes that praying to God, He tells her she can never be attracted or have feelings for this other Christian guy friend who is in love with her. She also believes it is okay to end the friendship because he has feelings for her and believes it is then okay to tell him that she will never ever give him a chance and date him and nothing will change that, not even time will change that.

Does this sound like something a believer of God thinks, believes and says? Does this sound like God to you?
In my experience with God, it sounds awfully judgmental and quite hurtful of her to tell a Christian man "never" to his love and then to destroy the good friendship she had with him. I feel she has severely wronged this man and has turned from God's love.
I want to help her.

Thank you

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Perhaps she is mistaken. It's not your business except to be the best friend possible to both, then they might get back together in the decades ahead. But only with your common friendship with them.

In my experience such things are not how things happen.

If a match is truly bad, one person may be shown the reason why so they can break it off themselves -- such as if the other person is cruel or abusive or has some other character flaw or is feigning Christianity, then it usually comes out that the other person finds out or is somehow properly warned.

Or sometimes God seems to just continually block going forward - things keep "not working out" and you really get the feeling He intervened or it wasn't meant to be.

But I've never known the situation you describe. It honestly sounds like BOTH of them are attributing to God what they shouldn't be - his insistence that God led him to love her, and her insistence that she must not.

It's better if people take responsibility for their own actions and feelings. But bottom line, no one can force someone else to accept love, so it's not a situation that can rightly move forward in that case.

Well she shouldn't be mean about it or use Godas an excuse , but she doesn't have to be with him if she doesn't want to no matter what he's saying about God to try and force her to stay.

Andrew121 said:

So God doesn't give relationships a chance?

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What did God tell her already ?

Don't ever try to second-guess God. (I did sometimes, and received serious scourging (discipline) THANKFULLY! for not trusting Him all along).

Andrew121 said:

Do you believe her words to her guy friend were fair? Telling him she could never be with him and nothing would ever change that?

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Is there any reason to think she lied ? Or did she say what God said ?

Whether it is "fair" or not is a fleshly thing, not at all important, I think. We are told to always tell the truth, NOT to try to be fair.

In the end it's up to her if she wants to be with the guy or not and what she wants to tell him. Hopefully she'll be honest about why she doesn't want to be with him. I'd honestly let them handle it themselves .

mina said:

In the end it's up to her if she wants to be with the guy or not and what she wants to tell him. Hopefully she'll be honest about why she doesn't want to be with him. I'd honestly let them handle it themselves .

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I think it is better to trust God, to let God be in charge, to listen to Him, and to do what He says. Feelings and emotions are not reliable at all, and we should not follow feelings nor emotions.
I think God told her , and she heard Him, perhaps verified by more of her testimony.

Of course it's ideal if she trusts God in all of her relationships; but we have no way of knowing from the op if she really did hear from God. The bottom line is she doesn't have to be with him if she doesn't want to. They aren't married and she doesn't have to continue the relationship if it's not right for her. They both sound spiritually mislead in using God for breakups or staying in a relationship where someone clearly doesn't want to be with them.

Andrew121 said:

Hello,

I have a debate with a friend. This guy says God guided him to love my friend. She believes that praying to God, He tells her she can never be attracted or have feelings for this other Christian guy friend who is in love with her. She also believes it is okay to end the friendship because he has feelings for her and believes it is then okay to tell him that she will never ever give him a chance and date him and nothing will change that, not even time will change that.

Does this sound like something a believer of God thinks, believes and says? Does this sound like God to you?
In my experience with God, it sounds awfully judgmental and quite hurtful of her to tell a Christian man "never" to his love and then to destroy the good friendship she had with him. I feel she has severely wronged this man and has turned from God's love.
I want to help her.

Thank you

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If she doesn't like this friend of yours, it's perfectly right for her to be definite and not string him along with false hope.

It's always better to say never and then break off any friendship.. your friend will be hurt for a short time, but then he will get over it and move on.

To string him along with false hope would be the worst thing she could do - that is what would wrong him..Just thank God she isn't doing that.

Sometimes we are put into one another's lives for short periods of time and sometimes for a long time.. if she feels it's time to move along then let her. It's wrong to force her, or treat her badly because she made a decision you didn't approve of.. it's not your job to approve, it's your job to befriend her.

She should let him down as nicely as possible, but usually it is kinder to end things quickly, than to give false hope.

Andrew121 said:

I'm under the Impression He can make these things possible and it seems strange He would cause my friends to meet and come together only to tear them apart with cruel words.

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Of course, God can have any relationship work out. But this does not mean it is His will.

I do not know how they are friends, but it is clear that she is not interested in romance with him. And she should know, right?

Also, I know how a guy can be mainly charmed by the manner of a lady, not really knowing her. If he really gets to know her, he can understand what she is feeling, right?

So, if a lady tells me something about what she wants, I hold her to what she says, and act on it. And if I am really interested in a lady, I admire her and trust her to do what God guides her to do. So, if she says no she does not want to do something with me, I expect she is being as prayerful and obedient as she can be with God. So, I honor her choice.

So, when I hear about someone doing what could be unloving, why ever be interested in that unloving person???? If she really is being unkind, why ever has he fallen for someone who is unkind? But if she is Christian and honest, he needs to honor her and greatly appreciate how God has shared her with him for as long as He has. And trust God now to do what He will with them.

If He honors God, he can grow on to more and better.

Andrew121 said:

Do you believe her words to her guy friend were fair?

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Hazelelponi said:

If she doesn't like this friend of yours, it's perfectly right for her to be definite and not string him along with false hope.

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I think it is fair to help him to not fool himself.

And in case he was somehow pushing her, she could have needed to use strong language and spell things out. Or, may be he was being honest, and making sure what she had to say. I don't know, of course.

But how mutual have they been? Has she been making the effort to have communication and sharing? Or, is he good with being mutual and not controlling? Sometimes, a Christian lady will be friends with a guy, in order to help the guy. But then the guy can somehow get interested in her, since she gives him attention. But he is not one who relates well in love, and therefore is not marriage material.

But a guy, too, can be more with it, but able to fall for charm. And whether she is for real or not, it can be for his own good that his way of falling does not continue. But he needs to learn how to love.

Andrew121 said:

The use of God came first then she came to me with what she wants to tell him which came off as quite mean considering this guy is her good friend.

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If they're good friends, they can understand each other, I think. And he wants her to be blessed by God to do what God wants. A friend can take no for an answer. I would think he would ask her, but say he appreciates sharing with her however is good for her. I mean, this is what I think works in good friendship.

Hello,

It's kind of you to be concerned and even want to "help" but really this matter is not yours to handle.
This guy may believe that he loves your friend (and you cannot change that) but your friend is also entitled to not "love" him back, not date him, and even end the friendship if she is led to that. You see...only she can feel and understand what is in her heart and mind (no one can tell her that she received that from the Lord or not).

You can help them both by praying for them (greatest gift that you can give them both). Ask God to lead them both in the right path for each of them whether it is together or not (only they can determine that). You can also help them by respecting them and what each one decides is best for them without imposing your views and opinions and just listen and be supportive. I must also add that a believer of Jesus Christ is not perfect (none of us are) and that we are all led in different ways that will never appease everyone else.

I once had someone express interest in me but my spirit kept repelling it. I was unsettled the entire time. My spirit was confirming what my heart understood. It wasn’t the right fit. Parting ways restored my peace of mind.

There are many desiring a companion. I put little stock in ‘God told me so’ or things along that line. Not because it doesn’t happen, but oftentimes the stories are one-sided. As are some attractions. One person gets an idea in their head and tries to talk the other into the same.

When you refuse to do so problems arise. God didn’t twist my arm to accept Him and He isn’t bullying anyone into marriage. That’s flesh gone amok in my mind.

Just because he thinks she’s ideal doesn’t mean that came from God.

Andrew121 said:

Does this sound like something a believer of God thinks, believes and says?

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Maybe. But it could also be a massive copout.

Either way, she's not interested in the guy who loves her and she's at least being honest about there being zero chance of a relationship ever happening there. So that's good.