Eliminating your social interactions, any side effects?

gaara4158

Gen Alpha Dad
Aug 18, 2007
6,437
2,685
United States
✟196,179.00
Country
United States
Faith
Humanist
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
I find socializing to be a huge bottleneck for me. The 3 hours I can spend chatting with someone I can spend reading a book or pursuing a hobby or doing something that will effectively add to my success on the long run. Yet, it is not one person that one has to reply to :( I wonder how extraverts manage their tens of contacts actually.
Why is it you feel obligated to send timely replies to all your messages? Your contacts should understand that you, as an adult with responsibilities, might not always have time to reply right away or spend 3 hours chatting back and forth. Personally, I have a few people I chat with regularly online, and we just come and go as we please. That's the best way to do it, I think.
 
Upvote 0

Yennora

2022 UPDATE: I regret any UNBIBLICAL posts I made.
Dec 31, 2016
452
448
Sydney
✟56,169.00
Country
Australia
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
Thank you everyone for truly helping me on the matter.

I broke down socially recently and I cut off most social interactions for nearly a week. (since last Monday).

What did I gain? Mental wellbeing, peacefulness, ability to set goals and think clearer about my life. Even getting some things done and my health sort of improved. I had an irritating dry cough and I had to get dizzy, now I'm more stable. (the frequent chatting and mental pressure really affected me in a bad way)

However, I will have to return and message people back. Since I find it hurtful to them to hang them this way. But this time I will be bolder. I will let them know about my emotional break down and that I need to have more time for myself. And that I won't be as responsive or expressive as before.
 
  • Winner
Reactions: Tone
Upvote 0

Yennora

2022 UPDATE: I regret any UNBIBLICAL posts I made.
Dec 31, 2016
452
448
Sydney
✟56,169.00
Country
Australia
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
Lessons taught and good notes:

If you just go for a prayerwalk instead and pray for people instead of talking to everyone maybe life gets a bit calmer. But it can be frustrating to not speak ones mind.

Agree, I tried it over this last week and it is certainly much calmer and peaceful.

Go outside!

I love this, even though I'm a home person, I think I need to go outside more, especially that I got into photography recently and it encourages me to go outside a lot.

It depends on the nature of the discussion. If its filled with negativity, complaints, or silliness. I won’t bother for long. I don’t steep my spirit in those waters. It rubs off.

That's what I have been taught over this last week. From now on, I should reject what degrades my mental wellbeing.

I think it’s important to be mindful of what you can handle. To avoid causing hurt to others unintentionally. Some people need a level of support or closeness we’re unable to meet.

Exactly!

Don’t begin something you can’t continue.

This summarizes my whole issue. It is my mistake that I started friendships I couldn't handle. But now, instead of throwing those friendships behind my back, I will tweak my interactions with those friends in a way that doesn't affect my wellbeing and yet doesn't hurt them. The only way they can hurt themselves is when they break into the new boundaries I made. Here, they will see a new reaction. Of course as respectful as I can, but I won't give in as often anymore.

No exists for reason. Start using it.

Thank you! I will :)

Sometimes "fasting" from social media is a GOOD thing.

I did and it was liberating! :oldthumbsup:

do some quiet time, and do some goal-setting for your day and your life.

Agree, and I won't give up my own goals and life for fruitless interactions.

Yennora, I am certainly in the minority, but even hate seeing icons for Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other social media websites everywhere.

I'm with you! I hate those social media platforms and I see them going in the very wrong direction anyway. Hopefully I reduced most of my interactions with Facebook and Twitter and it is truly liberating.

So I would be happy if we as Christians all boycotted social media to focus on fellowship as God intended.

I'm willing to do it, not sure if I will, but it depends on the future anyway. But I'm more than willing to throw it all behind my back.

Your contacts should understand that you, as an adult with responsibilities, might not always have time to reply right away or spend 3 hours chatting back and forth

Exactly, and from now on, I will try to stop trampling my wellbeing to make others feel good about themselves. I will be bolder and more up to the point. No more paragraphs, no more long messages. (I will reserve this to those I chose to genuinely invest in as "exceptionally close" and those are very rare, I will very rarely do it with others)
 
Last edited:
  • Winner
Reactions: brinny
Upvote 0

Yennora

2022 UPDATE: I regret any UNBIBLICAL posts I made.
Dec 31, 2016
452
448
Sydney
✟56,169.00
Country
Australia
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
Why can't you do whatever you want?

I should from now on :) With most people (not all).

And sit outside and watch bunnies

I also have some very beautiful birds around the house and I love to sit and watch them sometimes, I even try to interact with them and their beauty is breathtaking. I should never give up my bond with nature for prolonged uninteresting chats. I agree.
 
Upvote 0

Yennora

2022 UPDATE: I regret any UNBIBLICAL posts I made.
Dec 31, 2016
452
448
Sydney
✟56,169.00
Country
Australia
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
3 hrs chatting? online or on the phone?
how do you receive all these messages you return?

rarely get email messages anymore as most we know turned to FB

we're not on FB, instagram, etc
dropped our landline so no more answering machine messages

like the quiet of no more telemarketing calls
when we had landline, would talk to a couple friends & our calls could go up to an hr but never THREE

maybe I'm the exception but glad we're not partaking of all the social media available

Online and sometimes on the phone. There was also that guy that always wanted to meet up and go to events and it was always a burden having to tell him that I'm not going to make it every single time and yet he keeps on inviting. Now he rarely talks to me but I'm better this way. I'm an introvert, he is a really tough extravert, we cannot be blended together. Conflicts occur. (But I should check up on him from time to time, He might do as well, I just hope I won't get invited to another event :doh:)

Anyway I will try to follow your example! :)
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0

bèlla

❤️
Supporter
Jan 16, 2019
20,479
17,632
USA
✟932,974.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
In Relationship
This summarizes my whole issue. It is my mistake that I started friendships I couldn't handle.

It happens. I avoid it by listening to their conversation and its focus. I don’t form quick connections or support networks. I prefer companions with a healthy self-esteem and quality of life. I consider whether the relationship is mutually beneficial. It can’t be one-sided.

One of the things that I’m mindful of is life season. I look for similarities now. I have a lot of ease, comfort and peace. Having friends with comparable lifestyles helps.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Yennora
Upvote 0

GodLovesCats

Well-Known Member
Mar 16, 2019
7,401
1,328
47
Florida
✟117,917.00
Country
United States
Faith
Protestant
Marital Status
Single
I'm with you! I hate those social media platforms and I see them going in the very wrong direction anyway. Hopefully I reduced most of my interactions with Facebook and Twitter and it is truly liberating.

I feel like my refusal to use Facebook isolates me from people who would otherwise be willing to send me emails to maintain relationships. "I posted cat pictures on Facebook." I said, "Send me emails. I don't use Facebook." I never got an email with cat pictures. It is the opposite of liberating, but I have no regrets.
 
Upvote 0

Rajni

☯ Ego ad Eum pertinent ☯
Supporter
Dec 26, 2007
8,552
3,930
Visit site
✟1,210,341.00
Country
United States
Faith
Unorthodox
Marital Status
Single
Have you ever got bothered that messages from people can pile up requiring you to throw your personal life away and keep replying to each message?

I find socializing to be a huge bottleneck for me. The 3 hours I can spend chatting with someone I can spend reading a book or pursuing a hobby or doing something that will effectively add to my success on the long run. Yet, it is not one person that one has to reply to :( I wonder how extraverts manage their tens of contacts actually.

I sometimes long to the idea that in the previous centuries people didn't have the annoying "Seen", "Delivered" and "Read" receipts that even make people much more bothered and "hurt" because you didn't reply in time. Back in those old centuries social interactions seemed to be more relaxing and human friendly. I hate the rush we have to go through now.

However, I won't deny that the same digital communication platforms brought a lot of good. I just don't like the social invasion one has to deal with.

Why cannot I just reply to whatever I want whenever I want? And read whatever I want to read? If I ignore others messages on digital communication platforms for days just to care for my life? (caring for my life includes caring for those I invested in and want to invest in as "exceptionally close")

I put this thread in The Kitchen Sink because I'm interested in the feedback of my fellow non-Christians as well :)
When it comes to Facebook and the "Seen" indicator, I simply don't read a message at all until I'm ready to respond to it (if a response is even needed). This way, the sender can't feel hurt because I saw a message but didn't respond.
 
Upvote 0

Yennora

2022 UPDATE: I regret any UNBIBLICAL posts I made.
Dec 31, 2016
452
448
Sydney
✟56,169.00
Country
Australia
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
When it comes to Facebook and the "Seen" indicator, I simply don't read a message at all until I'm ready to respond to it (if a response is even needed). This way, the sender can't feel hurt because I saw a message but didn't respond.

I do that as well. The problem is, by doing this for 2-3 days I will end up with a pile of unanswered messages and hence a wasted day in chatting back and forth. That's why I decided to be a bit non-expressive and non-responsive with most people who are not exceptionally close to me.

i.e: instead of going "That's really good! You've done well in X and Y and Z..." I can go "Cool :)".

I know the latter doesn't sound like the best response sometimes but going with the first style for years really drained me.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Rajni
Upvote 0

RDKirk

Alien, Pilgrim, and Sojourner
Supporter
Mar 3, 2013
39,119
20,158
US
✟1,440,434.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
I'm on Facebook because so many of my family are on Facebook (particularly my children and grandchildren). They are not going to send me pictures or letters in the mail. That's true of distant family as well.

I ignore nearly all "friend requests" that are not from family or "real world" actual friends. And I have Facebook notifications to my phone turned off.

Since my only correspondence is from family and real world friends, I have no problem desiring to maintain that correspondence.

I don't bother with any other social media such as Instagram or Twitter. And regardless of the fact that Millennials and younger think text messages require instant responses, I read 'em when I'm ready to read 'em, and I respond to 'em when I'm ready to respond to 'em.

I have an application called "Messages for Web" that connects my phone to my computer for messaging. I'll often wait until I'm home and at my desk to respond to a text message from my keyboard (as cranky Aaron McGruder said, "Nobody ever wrote anything worth reading with his thumbs").

I've been on Internet bulletin boards, newsgroups, and such since the early 80s--I don't consider them "social media." They're easy enough to take a vacation from.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Yennora

2022 UPDATE: I regret any UNBIBLICAL posts I made.
Dec 31, 2016
452
448
Sydney
✟56,169.00
Country
Australia
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
I'm on Facebook because so many of my family are on Facebook (particularly my children and grandchildren). They are not going to send me pictures or letters in the mail. That's true of distant family as well.

I ignore nearly all "friend requests" that are not from family or "real world" actual friends. And I have Facebook notifications to my phone turned off.

Since my only correspondence is from family and real world friends, I have no problem desiring to maintain that correspondence.

I don't bother with any other social media such as Instagram or Twitter. And regardless of the fact that Millennials and younger think text messages require instant responses, I read 'em when I'm ready to read 'em, and I respond to 'em when I'm ready to respond to 'em.

I have an application called "Messages for Web" that connects my phone to my computer for messaging. I'll often wait until I'm home and at my desk to respond to a text message from my keyboard (as cranky Aaron McGruder said, "Nobody ever wrote anything worth reading with his thumbs").

I've been on Internet bulletin boards, newsgroups, and such since the early 80s--I don't consider them "social media." They're easy enough to take a vacation from.

I love this! This is pretty much the direction I'm taking now. No one should demand instant response from me anymore, even if I have free time, if I don't feel like it, I won't do it. (except for a few people/exceptions)
 
Upvote 0

Rajni

☯ Ego ad Eum pertinent ☯
Supporter
Dec 26, 2007
8,552
3,930
Visit site
✟1,210,341.00
Country
United States
Faith
Unorthodox
Marital Status
Single
I do that as well. The problem is, by doing this for 2-3 days I will end up with a pile of unanswered messages and hence a wasted day in chatting back and forth. That's why I decided to be a bit non-expressive and non-responsive with most people who are not exceptionally close to me.

i.e: instead of going "That's really good! You've done well in X and Y and Z..." I can go "Cool :)".

I know the latter doesn't sound like the best response sometimes but going with the first style for years really drained me.
There's another workaround that might be helpful, and that is the option to block Facebook contacts from being able to message you privately at all. Facebook used to have this option but then removed it for awhile. Now, that option is back (they must've gotten some backlash from users for having removed it in the first place).
 
  • Informative
Reactions: Yennora
Upvote 0

Rajni

☯ Ego ad Eum pertinent ☯
Supporter
Dec 26, 2007
8,552
3,930
Visit site
✟1,210,341.00
Country
United States
Faith
Unorthodox
Marital Status
Single
I'm on Facebook because so many of my family are on Facebook (particularly my children and grandchildren). They are not going to send me pictures or letters in the mail. That's true of distant family as well.

I ignore nearly all "friend requests" that are not from family or "real world" actual friends. And I have Facebook notifications to my phone turned off.

Since my only correspondence is from family and real world friends, I have no problem desiring to maintain that correspondence.

I don't bother with any other social media such as Instagram or Twitter. And regardless of the fact that Millennials and younger think text messages require instant responses, I read 'em when I'm ready to read 'em, and I respond to 'em when I'm ready to respond to 'em.

I have an application called "Messages for Web" that connects my phone to my computer for messaging. I'll often wait until I'm home and at my desk to respond to a text message from my keyboard (as cranky Aaron McGruder said, "Nobody ever wrote anything worth reading with his thumbs").

I've been on Internet bulletin boards, newsgroups, and such since the early 80s--I don't consider them "social media." They're easy enough to take a vacation from.
I've actually recently gotten into the habit of having my smartphone on Airplane Mode, until such a time as I'm good and ready to see what's been sent to me, whether it be a text, a social media push-notification, or a phone-call. Between having one of those pay-as-you-go plans, and robocalls increasing (the last straw being one that called at 1AM), I decided it was time to set some boundaries on when my phone will have my attention. I feel like I've regained some control over that, and it's rather nice! :)
 
Upvote 0

Yennora

2022 UPDATE: I regret any UNBIBLICAL posts I made.
Dec 31, 2016
452
448
Sydney
✟56,169.00
Country
Australia
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
There's another workaround that might be helpful, and that is the option to block Facebook contacts from being able to message you privately at all. Facebook used to have this option but then removed it for awhile. Now, that option is back (they must've gotten some backlash from users for having removed it in the first place).

Thank you for sharing that tip! That will certainly be very handy.

(I also thought about deleting/indefinetly deactivating my Facebook which I might do very soon so FB shouldn't be a burden anymore :) But I should keep that tip in mind for mom as well as she got a lot of annoying messages previously)
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Rajni
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums