When to stop "helping"

That is determined on the situation I suppose.

Probably when the help turns into enablement of wrong behaviors, or when you see it's not effective..

The saying fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me - is a colloquialism that does have meaning. At one point you see, or should see, that there's no change to be had.

When the person is a Christian, the Bible outlines a procedure to addressing someone's behavior when it's not changing after some time. If appropriate, apply those same guidelines and go to the church for guidance, counsel and enforcement.

ChicanaRose said:

When do you know it is not God's will to keep helping someone?

When do you know you have done enough, that all that is left for you to do is pray for that person?

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What's the situation?

ChicanaRose said:

When do you know it is not God's will to keep helping someone?

When do you know you have done enough, that all that is left for you to do is pray for that person?

Click to expand...

What's the situation?

ChicanaRose said:

When do you know it is not God's will to keep helping someone?

When do you know you have done enough, that all that is left for you to do is pray for that person?

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Praying is also helping...so...maybe you don't stop.

ChicanaRose said:

When do you know it is not God's will to keep helping someone?

When do you know you have done enough, that all that is left for you to do is pray for that person?

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It might be time to stop if the goal toward the help is not being reached. Either the help offered is insufficient or the person really doesn't want the help.

Prayer is a must. If the situation is complicated I’d fast. You may want to ask if you’re released from the situation.

Listen to your spirit. When it’s time for me to step back, I usually feel it. There’s a hesitation, unsettledness, or changes in prayer for the person/situation. They may feel flat and lifeless.

If taking your hands off brings you peace or restores your peace; that may be your answer.

ChicanaRose said:

When do you know it is not God's will to keep helping someone?

When do you know you have done enough, that all that is left for you to do is pray for that person?

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when they don't want the help is an indication to stop giving it. an application from scripture might be from the gospels where the 70 are sent out ahead of Christ. They are told to go to communities and tell people about the kingdom of God seeking people of peace, but if no one of peace is found then to leave the community (even shaking the dust of their sandals). what greater help is there then to show people Christ, but Christ tells us if they don't receive it, then let it return to you and move on.

If they still desire help then make sure you're not a crutch and perhaps a more tough love approach or more challenges are warranted.

It really depends on the situation. Definitely pray and asks for guidance and wisdom. If you already have, would asks for clarification.

ChicanaRose said:

I don't know if she wants help or just attention.

I gave her advice and resources but she would either negate or disregard them, and keep returning to me with the same problem.

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Then you have your answer.

There are many people who actually do not want to change a bad situation. Their pleasure is in complaining about it and getting sympathy. If you have offered your friend help and she rejects it, then you have done all you can. Keep praying for her though.

ChicanaRose said:

I think that's the part I need to discern. Does she really want my help or just attention?

I gave her advice and resources but she would either negate or disregard them, and keep returning to me with the same problem.

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Then kindly tell her that when she begins implementing the counsel you've already given her, she can return to you for further help, but not until then.

ChicanaRose said:

I think that's the part I need to discern. Does she really want my help or just attention?

I gave her advice and resources but she would either negate or disregard them, and keep returning to me with the same problem.

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if she ignores the advice but keeps coming back then maybe it's time to be a little more blunt with her and call her out and this would challenge her more to carry through. if it still doesn't seem to do much the next level would be putting distance between her and you.

ChicanaRose said:

That's what I wanted to tell her but was afraid of coming across as micro-managing. However, if she is taking up a lot of my time and energy, I guess it's okay to communicate to her that my time and energy are valuable.

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Is it your sister? Just curious.

*Of course, you don't have to answer.

ChicanaRose said:

That's what I wanted to tell her but was afraid of coming across as micro-managing. However, if she is taking up a lot of my time and energy, I guess it's okay to communicate to her that my time and energy are valuable.

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It's often hard for us as believers to place boundaries around those we are trying to help because we feel guilty for saying "no," or "I can't do any more for you." But one of the greatest things we can do in those instances - after we've done our part to share or counsel them - is to pray for them and let Jesus do the convicting and convincing. Those are definitely His responsibility and not ours, although we like to think it is. LOL.

Definitely an emotional vampire. I had an old friend like this whom I had to politely distance myself from. Her whining, complaining and CONSTANT phone calls got so annoying that I had to finally tell her, hey...this has to stop. If you're not going to take my advice, then I can't help you. You have to fix (Whatever this is) yourself.

You, OP are not obligated as a Christian to fix this woman's life. She's toxic and just feeding off of you generosity and availability. There is more and more of this among Christians these days! In the church! In my church, it's getting bad...people using other people because Christ said to serve your neighbor and boy are people abusing that today. If they NEED something to survive...sure, help....but this lady doesn't need anything. She might be making something up and really not need anything at all. Just to get your attention.

Make yourself unavailable to this person and don't let her make you feel guilty about it.