Divorced people are the lepers of the modern American church.

A Men's group sounds like the perfect alternative. Instead of just sticking with your church you could use meetup. Just specify that it's a faith based support group for divorced men. I don't know about you but I wouldn't put an age limit on it, a younger man going through divorce would benefit from other mature men to talk to.

That would be awkward with the group. "Dating" is sensitive to say the least, the reaction of the lady's bible study group is discouraging.

Anyways. I hope you find adequate support for your needs.

Servant68 said:

There is a need for divorced people to get together and study the Scriptures for wisdom and healing that can only come from God. There are so many raw emotions and mental health issues that need to be dealt with and a Bible study of Believers is the perfect environment to share frustrations and give comfort to each other.

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I haven't felt the need for that environment, probably because, as you rightly said, the wisdom and healing can only come from God, and He's with me already. Having been in that environment in the past, I've found that I'm actually less emotionally needy now, with God "home-schooling" me so to speak, than I was when I attended "public school" (church, bible studies, home groups, etc.).

Chaela... you should be careful not to isolate yourself in your quest to seek God. I'm guilty of calling my kayak on a lake my favorite church but we are indeed stronger overall when we accept the support of fellow believers. Sometimes I think Gods humor is putting so many different personalities into one place to test our patience and let us practice loving our "neighbors". Oy vey sometimes they drive me nuts. :-/

StbGradMom79 said:

Chaela... you should be careful not to isolate yourself in your quest to seek God. I'm guilty of calling my kayak on a lake my favorite church but we are indeed stronger overall when we accept the support of fellow believers. Sometimes I think Gods humor is putting so many different personalities into one place to test our patience and let us practice loving our "neighbors". Oy vey sometimes they drive me nuts. :-/

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I'm hardly isolated, and as for getting practice loving others, I work in customer service. I'm getting plenty of exposure and plenty of practice!

Servant68 said:

At least that's how I feel.

I've never been to a church that had a Bible study or support group for divorced members. When meeting people at a new church, once you mention that you are divorced, then you can see the awkward look of disapproval on their face.

Really? I tried to get my wife to go to counseling and she refused. I went to the pastor and an elder of our church for advice and they told me to give up on her. She cheated on me. Why am I being treated like a leper by the church now?

Meanwhile, she marries her fellow adulterer a day after our divorce and hides it from our kids and her family, yet shows up at a new church as a happy couple and are welcomed with open arms and treated like a perfect example of a happily married couple...

You can even sense the judging and condescension in the remarks on this site from "Christians".

I joined a Bible study a few weeks ago. It is made up entirely of married couples. Last week I mentioned my frustration of how divorced members are treated/ignored by the church. There was agreement that divorced people are looked down upon and avoided by the church and that it was a problem.

Little consensus on how to address it, though...

Need to start by giving my bitterness over it to God...

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Hang in there friend for you are in the right of way for what has happened to you and I have heard many times before. I am in Southern California and many churches have singles groups for all and include a vast majority of divorced people. I am a victim of divorce as well and I will not let any of that nonsense enter my head that I am somehow a sub par Christian.
Also the divorce rate in the churches is as high as the world.

1 Corinthians 7:15 (KJV)
15 "But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace."

Please note "called us to peace". Our Lord will not let us be persecuted in a bad marriage and will end it for us if that "other" is lost and is persecuting and mocking us day in and day out.

I suggest you find another church with actual Spirit filled Christians in it.

Servant68 said:

At least that's how I feel.

I've never been to a church that had a Bible study or support group for divorced members. When meeting people at a new church, once you mention that you are divorced, then you can see the awkward look of disapproval on their face.

Really? I tried to get my wife to go to counseling and she refused. I went to the pastor and an elder of our church for advice and they told me to give up on her. She cheated on me. Why am I being treated like a leper by the church now?

Meanwhile, she marries her fellow adulterer a day after our divorce and hides it from our kids and her family, yet shows up at a new church as a happy couple and are welcomed with open arms and treated like a perfect example of a happily married couple...

You can even sense the judging and condescension in the remarks on this site from "Christians".

I joined a Bible study a few weeks ago. It is made up entirely of married couples. Last week I mentioned my frustration of how divorced members are treated/ignored by the church. There was agreement that divorced people are looked down upon and avoided by the church and that it was a problem.

Little consensus on how to address it, though...

Need to start by giving my bitterness over it to God...

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I am sorry if that is how your church has treated you. I got out of a relationship only a little while back. (well it feels that way but i guess now it has been over a year, two since separation, 1 since official divorce) My whole family recommended i give up on him, I had tried and tried and tried to take care of him and overlook everything, and just pray about all of it, and i did feel for quite some time, that that is what God wanted me to do, that it was where i was supposed to be. but one day, it was like a huge weight off my shoulders and i heard it in my mind clear as day 'You don't have to do it anymore.' and it was such a blessing from God for me to get out of there. I picked up my son and walked out the door. I left him money, the apartment, all of it, and went back to my dad's house (bear in mind that i didn't just up and run off with his son, he was an uncaring, abusive, sociopath and i got home from work and he hit my kid because he was mad at me for not making breakfast, he had not even fed the baby.) and i, to this day, have no idea what God's plan is/was for why i had to be with him for so long. I held onto an insensitive sociopath for 6 years trying to make it work, which is apparently a lot longer than most people would put up with. well anyways. I am not sorry at all about it, about the leaving. But everyone at church prayed for me, and at this point, i definitely do NOT feel like an outsider. We have groups based on our ages. so no one is left out really from a bible study group. I help with the worship team and the childrens' ministry, and not one person at our church has ever treated me like a leper. They just don't even ask about him or talk about that relationship. And I am so glad of it.

This morning I am working on a kernel of doubt in my faith. I haven't been here in many months. I felt the Lord put on my heart to share this previous posting. God bless.

Enough is Enough

I still feel left out, different somehow in my congregation because I'm divorced at times. Regardless of the fact that my divorce was biblical, I still feel it.

Maybe it's satan, maybe it's my own insecurity. Either way, I'm a child of God and belong there just as much as anyone else. Jesus paid the price for my salvation, surly I belong in His church as well.

I am so sorry that you guys are struggling in your churches. It should be a place of healing, love, and acceptance. I pray that you find a more loving and compassionate group of believers to be with.

olds8598 said:

Enough is Enough

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I liked this the first time you posted it. I'm glad you brought it up again.

JAM2b said:

I liked this the first time you posted it. I'm glad you brought it up again.

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Thank you!

JAM2b said:

Keep looking for a body of believers that are accepting. I have been in both types of churches. The loving and understanding kind do exists, you just have to continue the search and also be willing to consider other denominations or non-denominationals.

I struggle with organized church in general, but I have found that there are many who are capable of treating the divorced as equals. I've even been a part of two churches where the pastors had been divorced and remarried.

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My church has been great, they organised a divorce course that helped people such as myself feel included and loved.

I'm actually surprised that some churches or church singles groups look down upon the divorce because divorce is a very common thing among Christians.

I figured by 2018 they'd be open minded enough not to judge, yes?

I couldn’t agree more. Attending church since the divorce has felt extremely different.

I divorced my husband some years ago. I take full responsibility for the marriages downfall. I had a lot of issues undealt with from childhood and I sabotaged the love he gave me. I know I was wrong and have made peace with him. I would love him so much if he were mine now but its too late for that now. Don't judge others for divorce it can happen for so many reasons. I now know real love and when God intrduces a like minded man I hope I can be the wife I should have been all those years ago.

Monk Brendan said:

I have been to such a church. They had something called a Divorce Recovery Workshop, and it helped people to get through the divorce process, and it was committed to breathing life into the divorced person, and bringing them into the fullness of church life.

I was in the 26-59 year old singles group, and of the people there, all were divorced save two: myself, and a girl training to be a missionary to Myanmar. She was waiting until a man with the same vocation came along.

I was NOT called to be a missionary.

Anyway, it was an Assemblies of God church in Rockford, Illinois. I left there to go back to the Catholic Church.

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I would love to become a missionary to Myanmar! I’ve been there actually once on a different missions trip to Thailand. However I have two young kids so I will have to wait until they are adults until I can become a missionary.

QUOTE=]At least that's how I feel.

I've never been to a church that had a Bible study or support group for divorced members. When meeting people at a new church, once you mention that you are divorced, then you can see the awkward look of disapproval on their face.

Really? I tried to get my wife to go to counseling and she refused. I went to the pastor and an elder of our church for advice and they told me to give up on her. She cheated on me. Why am I being treated like a leper by the church now?

Meanwhile, she marries her fellow adulterer a day after our divorce and hides it from our kids and her family, yet shows up at a new church as a happy couple and are welcomed with open arms and treated like a perfect example of a happily married couple...

You can even sense the judging and condescension in the remarks on this site from "Christians".

I joined a Bible study a few weeks ago. It is made up entirely of married couples. Last week I mentioned my frustration of how divorced members are treated/ignored by the church. There was agreement that divorced people are looked down upon and avoided by the church and that it was a problem.

Little consensus on how to address it, though...

Need to start by giving my bitterness over it to God...[/QUOTE

Don't listen ever to that pastor or elder.

If already did, repent. (realize that even divorced people who repent are shunned by many groups anyway - groups that don't even care or ask or seek to encourage to turn to God or to repent of any sin - they just sin, and sin, and sin...... )

I also sympathize this everyone here,
There will always be those who understand, and those who do not.
Reality conflicts with their perceived view of how things should be.
Often our brethren grow up in sheltered Christian households and do not know what to make of this grim reality.
But we must see how things really are, in the real world.
Divorce should not happen, but it does. Often due to abuse and adultery.
Abuse and adultery should not happen, but they do because of sin particularly insecurity, personality disorders which really boil down to unrepentant pride.
Pride should not exist, but yea, it indeed does. And it began with the Fall.