How Can I Win A Friend Back?

Sparagmos

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I was drinking a little that day and I said something about her health. I was a screw up when it came to that
If you aren’t comfortable sharing what you said, that would indicate it was pretty bad.

Yes I can say hurtful, mean, and sometimes horrible things but friends do hurt each other. That's life
No, friends don’t treat each other that way. If you treat your friends like crap, they will likely leave the friendship. Apologizing means nothing unless you change your behavior. And in this case, it’s probably too late.
 
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Aquatic Waves

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If you aren’t comfortable sharing what you said, that would indicate it was pretty bad.

No, friends don’t treat each other that way. If you treat your friends like crap, they will likely leave the friendship. Apologizing means nothing unless you change your behavior. And in this case, it’s probably too late.

Your probably right then. I am trying to change my behavior. This was a major wake up call for me. FYI she said things to me in the past that were real mean and ended up taking a break from her. I did forgive her eventually after a while b/c I missed her regardless of the things she said. If it's too late I understand. But the door is still open if she ever needs me again.

Note : I admit. I can get mean when I'm really angry and I don't think before what I say to people. That's my problem. I am going to work on it.
 
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Aquatic Waves

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I came to realize if she can't accept my apology, I have to deal with it. I just wanted her to know 1 last time that I was very wrong and I messed up big time. And I always think about her everyday. I actually broke down before about this. It's getting to me. I just wish she would had least tell me she's ok. That's all I want to know.
 
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bèlla

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Do you think I should give her more time to heal? Or let her go for good? Again I apologize for sounding all me of having the fear that she and her family talking about me to other people.

Her husband has lung cancer. Do you grasp the emotions she’s dealing with? The more you push the more insensitive you appear.

Right now her lone concern is him. Not an argument with someone she’s argued with in the past. Who’s to say how he’s holding up. She’s where she belongs.

You want her back in your life but you’re not thinking of her. You’re thinking of your needs. This is not the time for this.

If she has a change of heart she’ll come to you. Or respond at some point. There is a possibility you won’t reconcile and a part of you blames her for failing to forgive you because of her mistakes.

That’s the cycle I spoke of and why I didn’t relent. It would happen again. If you haven’t changed you’ll be back in the same place. Asking the same questions. Until the next round. It has to stop.
 
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Aquatic Waves

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I don't mean to be pushy. I don't. But her not letting me know that if she or if everyone in her family is ok is worrying me

I know but she's not well either. She has lupus and other medical problems. Plus other random problems

Of course I'm thinking of her. Not just me. If you think I sound selfish that I only want her back it's not true. Yes I do want her back. But I don't understand why can't tell me if things are ok. When I didn't talk to her for months several years ago, I did let her know that I was fine but just couldn't talk to anyone. There was a time we didn't talk for a year and when we did, she told me her husband was diagnosed with lung cancer and was bed-written for 6 months. I ask her why she never told me earlier. However, she changed the subject


I only blame myself on this and admitted it was all my fault this time. I can't force anyone to forgive me as I learned. Again all I want to know that if she's ok and I still think of her everyday. Now I'm thinking of it, I fear I may had said something else that triggered her but I don't remember. I hope that's not it *sigh*


I know she's probably afraid we will argue all over again if she decides to contact me. This time I do want to prove to her I want to change. I'm tired of arguing with people b/c all my life I dealt with drama. I don't mean her. It was with other people and with other situations. I'm not saying we should talk on a daily basis like we did before. This time just occasionally.
 
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bèlla

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I don't mean to be pushy. I don't. But her not letting me know that if she or if everyone in her family is ok is worrying me

Have you communicated this in your messages? I assume you have. But this is my concern. You must respect her decision to respond in her own timing or not. You can’t force her to answer. And the more you try, even if your intentions are good, the worse you look.

She doesn’t have to respond. She isn’t required to tell you she’s okay. It doesn’t take much to say I’m fine. You have to consider the possibility she doesn’t want to talk. Assuming your messages are getting through. They may be blocked or silenced.

You are beating your head against a wall and you’re going to get hurt. You need a friend who can handle your personality and demands. It sounds like you’re on different pages on this subject.

I think it’s time to accept that right now she isn’t interested.
 
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Aquatic Waves

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Just 1 other thing I don't understand and please share your opinion. If she really didn't want to bother with me anymore, then why did she tell me when we last spoke "give me several days to calm down". I then found out from a acquaintance friend (who knows her too) that "she cannot talk to me now and doesn't know when she will accept my apology". I will talk to her again (meaning me) but I don't know when". Those were her words according to my acquaintance friend. Do you think this was just to shut me up? Or her honestly?
 
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bèlla

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Now b/c of this, I'm afraid to make new friends, thinking if I'll say anything wrong to them and history will repeat itself

If it is difficult for you to control your temper and you often say harsh words you’d have to befriend someone who can handle that. Otherwise, the offense will end the friendship.
 
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Aquatic Waves

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If it is difficult for you to control your temper and you often say harsh words you’d have to befriend someone who can handle that. Otherwise, the offense will end the friendship.

Yeah I know but it won't be fair to them imho
 
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bèlla

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Just 1 other thing I don't understand and please share your opinion. If she really didn't want to bother with me anymore, then why did she tell me when we last spoke "give me several days to calm down". I then found out from a acquaintance friend (who knows her too) that "she cannot talk to me now and doesn't know when she will accept my apology". I will talk to her again (meaning me) but I don't know when". Those were her words according to my acquaintance friend. Do you think this was just to shut me up? Or her honestly?

Either she changed her mind or she doesn’t want to deal with the situation right now. She said that to someone else in confidence. It is possible she feels differently since time has passed.

I think it’s best to settle things and remove any ambiguity. Being in limbo just adds to the stress. But sometimes that can’t be helped.
 
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bèlla

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Yeah I know but it won't be fair to them imho

Prayer will help. Closure may not give you the answers you want. It could encourage you to fight harder.

It took several discussions for our situation to be resolved. I watched her behavior and the arguments she used to justify her actions and the hurt she felt from my response. The whole thing sounded crazier by the minute and I knew that would be my fate if I relented.

I realized afterward the necessity of having friends pursuing similar goals who were willing to support the same in others. And I limit myself to that now and I’ve had no further issues.

Right now, you should focus on yourself. That’s what’s needed. You may feel differently a little later if you do.
 
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Aquatic Waves

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Either she changed her mind or she doesn’t want to deal with the situation right now. She said that to someone else in confidence. It is possible she feels differently since time has passed.

I think it’s best to settle things and remove any ambiguity. Being in limbo just adds to the stress. But sometimes that can’t be helped.

Your probably right. I just wish she would had told me "I can't talk to you for while or anymore"

What's driving me crazy now is that maybe I said something else so horrible to her which I don't remember. What if I said something about her husband or other relative during out argument? It was mainly about her (which I know I was in the wrong completely) but I could had sworn I didn't mention anyone else. However I don't know for sure. My anxiety is literally taking me over now
 
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