vc7san

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Hello,

In an effort to respect the privacy of my spouse i am going to try to keep certain specifics out of my posts. I hope this would be the case for my spouse as well..

Im here seeking help for getting past my partners infidelity. Presently, I am very doubtful that i ever will. If i remain active here i am sure there are many other subjects i will hope to find another who is wiling to speak on and for whom i may be able to offer some assistance as well.

Im 40. I have 6 children. I have had one partner for the last 18+ years. I work full time and always have. I coach multiple competitive soccer teams. I love my wife, my children, my Lord, my family, my interactions with those i am entrusted with for their soccer instruction, and every living being right down to the ants that get underfoot; i am not sure ive ever seen such a noble creature as an ant.

I have had crisis in faith as we all have. What i've found is that I truly believe in Love, and the promises of Love. God Is Love. Jesus Is God. Jesus is Love. I believe in Love.

...but i don't believe the woman i have loved for more than half of my life has ever really loved me back.

-vc
 

vc7san

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I will start with our early history.

I was lucky to be raised in a family that stayed together. My father had been in a previous marriage, was 11 years older than my mother, and still supported his children from the previous marriage as well as his former wife. I don't believe he ever wanted his first marriage to end but that he was not really given a choice. I am the oldest of 4 from my parents. There is an even mixture of male/female in our total of 6 siblings, including myself. ..I have an older brother and sister, again from my father's first marriage.

I was a happy kid. The only exception was the fact that i felt my father didn't approve of me much until i was about 20. I was confident, self-assured, and compassionate toward others. I led my group of friends, my own soccer teams growing up, and most situations i was in, in which i had the opportunity. I was not afraid to speak to girls and eventually women. They like me well enough. I found myself slacking in high school eventually but still did pretty well. I would say that all told i had a God given happy childhood.

When i met my future wife i was already in love with a girl in high school. I liked my FW right away, as a person. I liked her a lot. I was head over heals for the one i was with at the time however and so i encouraged friendship with my FW during those high school years. And we were good friends. One day my FW handed me a letter. I opened it and read it. It said she loved me and wanted me to be the one with whom she lost her virginity. Along came my girlfriend and took the letter out of my hand. She read it.

I had found out a couple of months prior to this that my GF had been cheating on me after being together for approximately 2 years. I remember being in such pain for about 7 months i couldn't be normal. I thought i would never feel like that again. Many things happened between then and now and some of them have been immensely painful, but no nothing compared to that pain, that is until i found out last october that my wife of 16 years, good friend since we were 15, mother of my 6 children, and best friend in the world had been cheating, for a very long time.

to be continued...im tired now.

-vc
 
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~Anastasia~

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Hello and welcome to CF. Prayers for you in the meantime while you get some rest.

By the way, your thread might get more help in the Christian Advice section, since the Intro forum is really just for greetings. It seems less than helpful if someone pours out there heart and gets only a string of "welcome to CF" replies. I'm putting in a request to have it moved for you. Don't be alarmed if they move it.

I hope you're getting some peaceful rest before continuing your posts ...
 
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Tolworth John

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Im here seeking help for getting past my partners infidelity.

If she has repented you have to forgive her.

How you do that is between you and God.

Have you dealt with being abcent so much from the family?

May I suggest talking to your minister, he knows you, your wife and family situation and is best placed for advice.
 
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mnorian

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Mod hat on
291408_e6cf608610e995bd8499eea7250caff4.jpeg

This thread has been moved from
Introduce Yourself
to
Christian Advice
for a better fit and responses.
Mod hat off.
 
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bèlla

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I am sorry for your pain. Betrayal takes a long time to heal. The worst thing you could do is bury your feelings and assume they’ll go away. It will take a lot of prayer and confession coupled with forgiveness and changes in both. Otherwise, you’ll harbor regrets and bitterness will enter your heart. That is the biggest risk.

Speaking to a spiritual advisor is needed as is the support of others who’ve been through the same. And the presence of Christian brothers throughout is a must.

Ask the Lord to heal you both and pray for her. It may be difficult in the beginning but doing so will prevent your heart from hardening and open the road for reconciliation.
 
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Andrew77

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I will start with our early history.

I was lucky to be raised in a family that stayed together. My father had been in a previous marriage, was 11 years older than my mother, and still supported his children from the previous marriage as well as his former wife. I don't believe he ever wanted his first marriage to end but that he was not really given a choice. I am the oldest of 4 from my parents. There is an even mixture of male/female in our total of 6 siblings, including myself. ..I have an older brother and sister, again from my father's first marriage.

I was a happy kid. The only exception was the fact that i felt my father didn't approve of me much until i was about 20. I was confident, self-assured, and compassionate toward others. I led my group of friends, my own soccer teams growing up, and most situations i was in, in which i had the opportunity. I was not afraid to speak to girls and eventually women. They like me well enough. I found myself slacking in high school eventually but still did pretty well. I would say that all told i had a God given happy childhood.

When i met my future wife i was already in love with a girl in high school. I liked my FW right away, as a person. I liked her a lot. I was head over heals for the one i was with at the time however and so i encouraged friendship with my FW during those high school years. And we were good friends. One day my FW handed me a letter. I opened it and read it. It said she loved me and wanted me to be the one with whom she lost her virginity. Along came my girlfriend and took the letter out of my hand. She read it.

I had found out a couple of months prior to this that my GF had been cheating on me after being together for approximately 2 years. I remember being in such pain for about 7 months i couldn't be normal. I thought i would never feel like that again. Many things happened between then and now and some of them have been immensely painful, but no nothing compared to that pain, that is until i found out last october that my wife of 16 years, good friend since we were 15, mother of my 6 children, and best friend in the world had been cheating, for a very long time.

to be continued...im tired now.

-vc

I'm not sure what to do about all that stuff from decades ago.

The only thing I know, is that a girl friend, is just a girl that is a friend. It isn't really possible for a girl friend to cheat on someone, because they never promised their life to you to begin with. A friend is under no obligations. They are just.... friends.

That's like hanging out with a buddy a couple of weeks, or even a month, and then saying 'sorry can't make it this week' and having the buddy say 'you are cheating!'. No I'm not cheating. I never promised to hang out with you for the rest of my life.

When a woman marries you... that is the promise. If she isn't married to you, there is no promise. You can't break a promise you never made.

So you need to let this old pain from the past, go. You need to move on from that.

That said... this is old news. Let's move to where you are right now.


As best I can understand, you have a wife right now that is whoring about, sleeping with other men.

This is the problem today, right now. Correct?

The Bible says you have some options.

You can try and be like Hosea who got himself a prostitute wife, who ditched him and went on to be a harlot. He went after her, and paid for her, and bought his own wife, to bring her back to his home.

Or as Jesus said openly, you can divorce a women for unfaithfulness. That is an option.

Now what you do is up to you. This is where G-d give you the option to choose your future. You can keep pursuing your wife, and pray that G-d will bless you in this. And none of us can tell you how that will go.

Or you can choose to cut her loose, and find someone who really loves you, ,and pray that G-d will bless you in that. And none of us can tell you how that will go either.

If you wish to chase after this woman, I'll tell you straight up that you are a better man than me. You just are. If I was in your shoes, this thing is over. I'll help my wife pack up, and move out, and escort her right to the front door.

I want a woman that wants to be with me, and obviously this one does not. So I'll help her achieve what she wants, by showing her to the front door, and giving her some divorce papers to sign, so she can go be with the man she wants, and I'll go find a woman who wants to be with me, and I'll love that woman instead.

But that's me. I can only answer for me. I can't answer for you. Only you can.

I wish you the best, in this painful and terrible situation.
 
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Joined2krist

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Whatever the reason for her cheating, it's not your fault. It's her decision (wrong one) to cheat. But as a Christian, you need to be ready to forgive her, she hasn't betrayed you alone but also your kids and herself. For the sake of your children, I urge you to forgive her, both of you will need counselling to help you move on from this trial, God bless
 
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Hazelelponi

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I will start with our early history.

I was lucky to be raised in a family that stayed together. My father had been in a previous marriage, was 11 years older than my mother, and still supported his children from the previous marriage as well as his former wife. I don't believe he ever wanted his first marriage to end but that he was not really given a choice. I am the oldest of 4 from my parents. There is an even mixture of male/female in our total of 6 siblings, including myself. ..I have an older brother and sister, again from my father's first marriage.

I was a happy kid. The only exception was the fact that i felt my father didn't approve of me much until i was about 20. I was confident, self-assured, and compassionate toward others. I led my group of friends, my own soccer teams growing up, and most situations i was in, in which i had the opportunity. I was not afraid to speak to girls and eventually women. They like me well enough. I found myself slacking in high school eventually but still did pretty well. I would say that all told i had a God given happy childhood.

When i met my future wife i was already in love with a girl in high school. I liked my FW right away, as a person. I liked her a lot. I was head over heals for the one i was with at the time however and so i encouraged friendship with my FW during those high school years. And we were good friends. One day my FW handed me a letter. I opened it and read it. It said she loved me and wanted me to be the one with whom she lost her virginity. Along came my girlfriend and took the letter out of my hand. She read it.

I had found out a couple of months prior to this that my GF had been cheating on me after being together for approximately 2 years. I remember being in such pain for about 7 months i couldn't be normal. I thought i would never feel like that again. Many things happened between then and now and some of them have been immensely painful, but no nothing compared to that pain, that is until i found out last october that my wife of 16 years, good friend since we were 15, mother of my 6 children, and best friend in the world had been cheating, for a very long time.

to be continued...im tired now.

-vc

Are you in marriage counseling?

Quite frankly, with 6 children child support will be prohibitive to divorce. Sorry to say, but it's better to wait until they are grown, otherwise so much of your pay will go to child support that you'll barely have enough to live on..

so while your hurt and in pain, your kids are major, and while many people can have a divorce and go on with life, 6 children makes it near impossible.

So a two parent home, even if there is a lot of pain there, might just be what you need to give those kids for now, regardless of what your wife has done.

I would say try and work out the marriage, at least until the kids are older. Give them a proper childhood, and two parents, and decide what to do with yourself after that.

I know your in pain, and I will certainly pray for you, but this is just real.
 
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