Trying to find Jesus/God

Bcs90 said:

I want to believe, I want the holy spirit, I want my sins to be washed away and I want to be transformed into the best version of myself I can be... But I have doubts, I have been listening to an audio bible at work the last week and idk if it's just the differen't times/terminology or more than that but I can not for the life of me understand half of what is being said or the point behind many of the parrables. I read about this somewhere in the bible, about some reading/seeing but not understanding/perceiving. Does the fact I don't understand mean that I'm possibly not one of God's chosen? I am destined to be eternally damned?
Another problem I'm having is swearing a lot, I'm trying not to but I swear maybe 100 times per day, it often makes me feel bad afterwards and I say a silent prayer to God in my head apologizing if I'm at work/doing something.. Like for example, a half hour ago I came across a flock of hostile geese, so I threw some pinecones at them and "YEAH GET OUT OF HERE YOU
"DAMN F*IN GEESE!"

What am I suppose to do? I don't want to go to hell, but I feel like maybe I've been evil and without God so long that I am to the point of no return, maybe I am already dead and the last trumpet was already sounded?

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As long as you have life and breath, you are NEVER at the point of no returh.

Not even the first trumpet has blown yet.

What translation are you listening to?

As for the Bible, I doubt very much that there is anything very mysterious or a personal failing or inability that is giving you trouble. More likely, it is just that this is something new for you. Many people have difficulty with the Bible, just as we all do with some movies with a complicated plot, etc., but after a repeat viewing or reading reviews we begin to get into it.

I tend to feel that hearing the Bible read is less likely to work with you than your own reading of it. That is better for study purposes. My suggestion in that regard is to get hold of one of those publications that put four different translations side by side, ranging from the KJV (the most beautiful but also the most difficult for many people) to some of the modern language translations.

As for the swearing, this is mainly a matter of will. You can do it if you want. However, one way to make it more comfortable is to try substituting mild expletives for the words you know you shouldn't be using.

It is hard to do without adjectives and expletives altogether. They give emotion to the comments. Otherwise we sound like illiterates or dopes. I understand that.

But try saying, even at the temporary cost of sounding a bit on the geeky side, things like "yikes," "Holy Smoke!" or "darn." The cadence is the same, but the actual words are different. In time, you probably wont need to do this.

Welcome CF!

When I first started reading the bible I didn't understand much either. Remember the apostles walked with Jesus 24/7 and still misunderstood things He taught. It's best to get a good study bible, commentaries and even better find a good local church where you can ask questions. God bless.

Bcs90 said:

I want to believe, I want the holy spirit, I want my sins to be washed away and I want to be transformed into the best version of myself I can be... But I have doubts,

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Checkout the christianityexplored web site for churches in your area running this course and get in touch with them.

Yes we can post answers to your questions, but not nearly as quickly as having a conversation with someone.

If you are serious about finding Jesus. Start attending church.

Bcs90 said:

What am I suppose to do? I don't want to go to hell, but I feel like maybe I've been evil and without God so long that I am to the point of no return, maybe I am already dead and the last trumpet was already sounded?

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The fact you are concerned about this indicates you are NOT too far gone.

Romans 6:23 (ASV) 23 For the wages of sin is death; but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 10:9-11 (ASV) 9 because if thou shalt confess with thy mouth Jesus as Lord, and shalt believe in thy heart that God raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved: 10 for with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. 11 For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be put to shame.
1 John 1:9 (ASV) 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
You are saved by faith, not by quitting cussing or any such thing. As you read the bible and are taught by others, you will renew your mind and lead a more biblical life. Perfect no, but you will stop doing some of the things that bother you. That process can take time. What you need first is an assurance of faith. That you accept and know that Jesus is your Lord. If you think you are not saved, by all means ask. If you have accepted Jesus, your life of faith has started and helping you on this way, a forum can help, but you need to find a church, where they believe the bible and show love toward one another. Books and online teachings may also help. Even Christian music on the radio will help fill your thoughts with better things. The good news is that you are seeking and that God moving in your life. Embrace that, follow the best you can and your life will surely be far different. God bless!

Bcs90 said:

I want to believe, I want the holy spirit, I want my sins to be washed away and I want to be transformed into the best version of myself I can be... But I have doubts, I have been listening to an audio bible at work the last week and idk if it's just the differen't times/terminology or more than that but I can not for the life of me understand half of what is being said or the point behind many of the parrables. I read about this somewhere in the bible, about some reading/seeing but not understanding/perceiving. Does the fact I don't understand mean that I'm possibly not one of God's chosen? I am destined to be eternally damned?
Another problem I'm having is swearing a lot, I'm trying not to but I swear maybe 100 times per day, it often makes me feel bad afterwards and I say a silent prayer to God in my head apologizing if I'm at work/doing something.. Like for example, a half hour ago I came across a flock of hostile geese, so I threw some pinecones at them and "YEAH GET OUT OF HERE YOU
"DAMN F*IN GEESE!"

What am I suppose to do? I don't want to go to hell, but I feel like maybe I've been evil and without God so long that I am to the point of no return, maybe I am already dead and the last trumpet was already sounded?

Click to expand...

Even Spirit filled Christians need pastors and teachers to sometimes elucidate the meaning of the Bible.

Also, Jesus would quote sometimes from the Septuagint, other times from the Hebrew Text and others from even the Aramaic.

This tells us something important; it's contextual meaning we are going after and not just specific words... so use any translation that you can best understand the words to. No one speaks Victorian English anymore, for instance, so read from modern translations, and read more than one so that your clearly understanding the meaning of what is being conveyed when you read the Bible.

Listen to various Pastors. One I think is good is John Piper of Desiring God. He has lots of good teachings. Also, Charles Stanley has a website In Touch Ministries which is also very good.

Other than that just take it slow, visit a mainstream church like a Presbyterian or Lutheran a time or two, ask questions if you need. Pray for understanding and ask Christians to pray for you.

You'll get there!

Welcome to the forum! The most awesome part about the Christian life is realizing Jesus paid it ALL for my sins to be covered and He gave it to me, a sinner born into sin by birth, as a free gift that He graced me when I recognize my sinfulness and acknowledge Him as my only source of salvation from my sinful ways.
If you have done that, He is all you need. Ask Him for understanding of the scriptures, when we become a believer in Christ, we are filled with the Holy Spirit as the word says that Jesus left us His comforter, the Holy Spirit who guides us in all ways. If you are struggling in any area, ask for help.
Lean on Him for lasting heart change where the Holy Spirit gently urges our hearts to want to change out of a loving act of obedience unto God. It is a journey, dear friend, praying you'll find someone to come alongside you and mentor you in your growing walk with the Lord.