Wanting God back into my life.

Tj_Nebraska · Jul 10, 2019

I really don’t know where to even start. I am a backslider. I was raised in the Pentecostal or should I say around the Pentecostal church since I was three years old. My Mom took us to church faithfully until I was about nine years old, however she didn’t live the religion faithfully, but she did go to every church service and I am thankful that she did so we could learn about the Lord Jesus. She divorced my dad and remarried and fell away from going to church. As a young girl I would go as much as I could and I received the gift of the Holy Ghost at the age of 14 but living in a home with no support or true fellowship I fell away myself. I married at 18 had three children and I introduced my husband to the only church I knew and we started going and within a week of going back to church I was filled with the Holy Ghost once again and months maybe a year later my husband received the Holy Ghost as well. We tried hard to be faithful and live as God wanted us to live but our main issue were no true fellowship with our brothers & sisters in the Lord They all seemed to have their cliques and we just weren’t good enough for them. It was very hurtful & it still lays heavy on my heart to this day. So we fell away. I am not making excuses; I blame myself daily for not being strong enough in the Lord. That was back in the 90’s and since then my husband and I divorced and I am remarried.

I want nothing more than to have God back in my life. I’ve searched for Pentecostal churches but I am so scared to go. I am scared of failing God once again, but most of all I am scared of the rejection from the church peers. My current husband has no desire to go to church especially a Pentecostal , so it makes it even harder for me to get motivated and go myself and I am kind of shy and get anxiety if I have to go places with crowds when I am alone. I honestly don’t even know how to get God back in my life. I pray to God everyday to please show me the way. But sometimes I feel maybe God is done with me. I feel like I am doomed to hell already and it is too late for me.

~Zao~ · Jul 10, 2019

Tj_Nebraska said:
I really don’t know where to even start. I am a backslider. I was raised in the Pentecostal or should I say around the Pentecostal church since I was three years old. My Mom took us to church faithfully until I was about nine years old, however she didn’t live the religion faithfully, but she did go to every church service and I am thankful that she did so we could learn about the Lord Jesus. She divorced my dad and remarried and fell away from going to church. As a young girl I would go as much as I could and I received the gift of the Holy Ghost at the age of 14 but living in a home with no support or true fellowship I fell away myself. I married at 18 had three children and I introduced my husband to the only church I knew and we started going and within a week of going back to church I was filled with the Holy Ghost once again and months maybe a year later my husband received the Holy Ghost as well. We tried hard to be faithful and live as God wanted us to live but our main issue were no true fellowship with our brothers & sisters in the Lord They all seemed to have their cliques and we just weren’t good enough for them. It was very hurtful & it still lays heavy on my heart to this day. So we fell away. I am not making excuses; I blame myself daily for not being strong enough in the Lord. That was back in the 90’s and since then my husband and I divorced and I am remarried.

I want nothing more than to have God back in my life. I’ve searched for Pentecostal churches but I am so scared to go. I am scared of failing God once again, but most of all I am scared of the rejection from the church peers. My current husband has no desire to go to church especially a Pentecostal , so it makes it even harder for me to get motivated and go myself and I am kind of shy and get anxiety if I have to go places with crowds when I am alone. I honestly don’t even know how to get God back in my life. I pray to God everyday to please show me the way. But sometimes I feel maybe God is done with me. I feel like I am doomed to hell already and it is too late for me.

Welcome to the forums. That’s quite a bit for an introduction and it may get moved to Christian advise.
Maybe you find comfort in Christian reading. I often find a sense of fellowship in that. Maybe start with something easy like “A shepard looks at the 23 Psalm “ or something like that. Finding a book that speaks to you and follow thru with the references of those books can be an exciting journey.

Again, welcome to the forum!

Presbyterian Continuist · Jul 10, 2019

Tj_Nebraska said:
I really don’t know where to even start. I am a backslider. I was raised in the Pentecostal or should I say around the Pentecostal church since I was three years old. My Mom took us to church faithfully until I was about nine years old, however she didn’t live the religion faithfully, but she did go to every church service and I am thankful that she did so we could learn about the Lord Jesus. She divorced my dad and remarried and fell away from going to church. As a young girl I would go as much as I could and I received the gift of the Holy Ghost at the age of 14 but living in a home with no support or true fellowship I fell away myself. I married at 18 had three children and I introduced my husband to the only church I knew and we started going and within a week of going back to church I was filled with the Holy Ghost once again and months maybe a year later my husband received the Holy Ghost as well. We tried hard to be faithful and live as God wanted us to live but our main issue were no true fellowship with our brothers & sisters in the Lord They all seemed to have their cliques and we just weren’t good enough for them. It was very hurtful & it still lays heavy on my heart to this day. So we fell away. I am not making excuses; I blame myself daily for not being strong enough in the Lord. That was back in the 90’s and since then my husband and I divorced and I am remarried.

I want nothing more than to have God back in my life. I’ve searched for Pentecostal churches but I am so scared to go. I am scared of failing God once again, but most of all I am scared of the rejection from the church peers. My current husband has no desire to go to church especially a Pentecostal , so it makes it even harder for me to get motivated and go myself and I am kind of shy and get anxiety if I have to go places with crowds when I am alone. I honestly don’t even know how to get God back in my life. I pray to God everyday to please show me the way. But sometimes I feel maybe God is done with me. I feel like I am doomed to hell already and it is too late for me.

Jesus said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." This means that Jesus never left you, and the fact that you have the desire to come back to Him, means that the Holy Spirit is drawing you back to a closer walk with Him. You cannot lose your salvation while you have a true heart before God.

You don't have to go back to a Pentecostal church to get back into fellowship with other believers. After I left the Pentecostal church I spent several years in Baptist churches and found wonderful and faithful believers there. 20 years ago when I got to Auckland, I found a Presbyterian church 5 minutes walk from my home, and I found it as a family of good people who love the Lord and His word. One of the failings of the Pentecostal church is pride of grace. They think that because they have more of the gifts of the Spirit, they are closer to God than anyone else. I found that to be entirely false, and discovered that Jesus was right there with me in the Baptist churches and the Presbyterian church that I currently attend. Also, I didn't have to give up my Pentecostal theology either, and the people accepted me with it.

If you can find either a Baptist or Presbyterian church within walking distance of your home, go there and before long they will love you and accept you, and even put you to work like they did me - straight into the choir and the Sunday School. And being just five minutes walk from home, doesn't keep you away from you home and husband for hours on end. Also, you don't have to go to every single church meeting, as some think they have to do.

That is my advice for what it is worth.

Tigger45 · Jul 10, 2019

Glad you decided to join us!

I attend church primarily for word and sacrament. The congregation should be welcoming but for me actual personal friendships are more just icing on the cake.

Presbyterian Continuist · Jul 10, 2019

Tigger45 said:
Glad you decided to join us!

I attend church primarily for word and sacrament. The congregation should be welcoming but for me actual personal friendships are more just icing on the cake.

When I left the Pentecostal church and joined up with my local Anglican church, the curate came around home for a visit (which never happened from any Pentecostal leader in the 12 years I was with that church), and told me that after three weeks with his church, I would be as mad as the rest of them. And that is what happened! I would have stayed with the Anglican church, but I moved to another city and met up with a great group of Baptists and so joined their church.

-Sasha- · Jul 10, 2019

Welcome to the forum!

Presbyterian Continuist · Jul 10, 2019

-Sasha- said:
Welcome to the forum!View attachment 259327

I don't believe it. My set of pictures would have Jesus come down the fun path with me! And walking with me, would keep me on the right path where I can have fun and joy and still be walking with Jesus. I have had more fun, joy, and pleasure since I found Jesus than ever before. This is not to say that we will have sadness and weeping, and that everything will go right with us in our lives. But we enjoy the good times, and sense His great love and support during the bad times.

Richard T · Jul 11, 2019

We are all in trouble if you are doomed to hell. You were sealed with the Spirit. God is calling you, and your fears toward God are unjustified. If church members are cold toward you, I would find a church were you are accepted. We all make mistakes, and you can't redo the past, but you can run toward God. (Try listening on Youtube the Christian Hillsong groups "running.") Praying that you can overcome and find an even greater relationship with Jesus without all those performance issues you put on yourself.

Hazelelponi · Jul 11, 2019

Hello and welcome to C.F.

I'm not a Pentecostal I'm reformed Baptist so I can't help you on that front, but there are many threads and many people on forum who say they have a difficult time making real connections and finding fulfilling fellowship at church. So just know your not alone on that front.

CassieShannon · Jul 15, 2019

Tj_Nebraska said:
I really don’t know where to even start. I am a backslider. I was raised in the Pentecostal or should I say around the Pentecostal church since I was three years old. My Mom took us to church faithfully until I was about nine years old, however she didn’t live the religion faithfully, but she did go to every church service and I am thankful that she did so we could learn about the Lord Jesus. She divorced my dad and remarried and fell away from going to church. As a young girl I would go as much as I could and I received the gift of the Holy Ghost at the age of 14 but living in a home with no support or true fellowship I fell away myself. I married at 18 had three children and I introduced my husband to the only church I knew and we started going and within a week of going back to church I was filled with the Holy Ghost once again and months maybe a year later my husband received the Holy Ghost as well. We tried hard to be faithful and live as God wanted us to live but our main issue were no true fellowship with our brothers & sisters in the Lord They all seemed to have their cliques and we just weren’t good enough for them. It was very hurtful & it still lays heavy on my heart to this day. So we fell away. I am not making excuses; I blame myself daily for not being strong enough in the Lord. That was back in the 90’s and since then my husband and I divorced and I am remarried.

I want nothing more than to have God back in my life. I’ve searched for Pentecostal churches but I am so scared to go. I am scared of failing God once again, but most of all I am scared of the rejection from the church peers. My current husband has no desire to go to church especially a Pentecostal , so it makes it even harder for me to get motivated and go myself and I am kind of shy and get anxiety if I have to go places with crowds when I am alone. I honestly don’t even know how to get God back in my life. I pray to God everyday to please show me the way. But sometimes I feel maybe God is done with me. I feel like I am doomed to hell already and it is too late for me.

CassieShannon · Jul 15, 2019

Hello, I wanted to reply to your post because as a religious kid brought up in church I identify with most of your comments. As an adult I too found it difficult to fit into church as many cliques existed and religious attitudes took a toll on my faith. Astoundingly when I took a break from trying to fit into any certain denominations box and began to seek out Christ through regular Bible study I found myself falling in love with Christ all over again. I also found His true character and understood the most difficult people he interacted with in His time on earth was the religious crowd. When I understood how Christ was separate from religion I found I no longer needed approval of a set of people in a certain denomination. What I needed was to wake up everyday and give my day completely to Christ. My thoughts, my words, my actions - everything became about reflecting Christ to my family first and then to the world. As I practice Christianity by following Christ's example I found I had less anger and confusion within myself and this radiated out to my family and then to others. I also realized the type of church I needed to attend was not a denomination I was comfortable with but one who stood for the scriptures and did not alter or delete the whole truth of the gospel. I would encourage you to reach out to someone at Focus On The Family to help you start your faith journey again. They have been an instrumental part in my journey. You can go online and read articles or call 1-855-382-5433 for assistance in beginning again. And may I add, Jesus isn't done with you He is simply calling you back home.

CassieShannon · Jul 15, 2019

Hello, I wanted to reply to your post because as a religious kid brought up in church I identify with most of your comments. As an adult I too found it difficult to fit into church as many cliques existed and religious attitudes took a toll on my faith. Astoundingly when I took a break from trying to fit into any certain denominations box and began to seek out Christ through regular Bible study I found myself falling in love with Christ all over again. I also found His true character and understood the most difficult people he interacted with in His time on earth was the religious crowd. When I understood how Christ was separate from religion I found I no longer needed approval of a set of people in a certain denomination. What I needed was to wake up everyday and give my day completely to Christ. My thoughts, my words, my actions - everything became about reflecting Christ to my family first and then to the world. As I practice Christianity by following Christ's example I found I had less anger and confusion within myself and this radiated out to my family and then to others. I also realized the type of church I needed to attend was not a denomination I was comfortable with but one who stood for the scriptures and did not alter or delete the whole truth of the gospel. I would encourage you to reach out to someone at Focus On The Family to help you start your faith journey again. They have been an instrumental part in my journey. You can go online and read articles or call 1-855-382-5433 for assistance in beginning again. And may I add, Jesus isn't done with you He is simply calling you back home.

CassieShannon · Jul 15, 2019

Hello, I wanted to reply to your post because as a religious kid brought up in church I identify with most of your comments. As an adult I too found it difficult to fit into church as many cliques existed and religious attitudes took a toll on my faith. Astoundingly when I took a break from trying to fit into any certain denominations box and began to seek out Christ through regular Bible study I found myself falling in love with Christ all over again. I also found His true character and understood the most difficult people he interacted with in His time on earth was the religious crowd. When I understood how Christ was separate from religion I found I no longer needed approval of a set of people in a certain denomination. What I needed was to wake up everyday and give my day completely to Christ. My thoughts, my words, my actions - everything became about reflecting Christ to my family first and then to the world. As I practice Christianity by following Christ's example I found I had less anger and confusion within myself and this radiated out to my family and then to others. I also realized the type of church I needed to attend was not a denomination I was comfortable with but one who stood for the scriptures and did not alter or delete the whole truth of the gospel. I would encourage you to reach out to someone at Focus On The Family to help you start your faith journey again. They have been an instrumental part in my journey. You can go online and read articles or call 1-855-382-5433 for assistance in beginning again. And may I add, Jesus isn't done with you He is simply calling you back home.

CassieShannon · Jul 15, 2019

Hello, I wanted to reply to your post because as a religious kid brought up in church I identify with most of your comments. As an adult I too found it difficult to fit into church as many cliques existed and religious attitudes took a toll on my faith. Astoundingly when I took a break from trying to fit into any certain denominations box and began to seek out Christ through regular Bible study I found myself falling in love with Christ all over again. I also found His true character and understood the most difficult people he interacted with in His time on earth was the religious crowd. When I understood how Christ was separate from religion I found I no longer needed approval of a set of people in a certain denomination. What I needed was to wake up everyday and give my day completely to Christ. My thoughts, my words, my actions - everything became about reflecting Christ to my family first and then to the world. As I practice Christianity by following Christ's example I found I had less anger and confusion within myself and this radiated out to my family and then to others. I also realized the type of church I needed to attend was not a denomination I was comfortable with but one who stood for the scriptures and did not alter or delete the whole truth of the gospel. I would encourage you to reach out to someone at Focus On The Family to help you start your faith journey again. They have been an instrumental part in my journey. You can go online and read articles or call 1-855-382-5433 for assistance in beginning again. And may I add, Jesus isn't done with you He is simply calling you back home.

tturt · Jul 15, 2019

Welcome to CF. Encourage you to pray and asks God where He wants you to attend. Many denominations have charismatic services. Also, you know your prayer language isn't just for church. Hope you enjoy CF.

Plebeian · Jul 15, 2019

TJ, I know something about Pentecostal churches. I spent alot of time in them & Baptist churches as well. Most aren't going to tell you this, but most are under a worldly deception that corrupts Truth. Lies that lead to vexation of spirit. It took catastrophic tragedy in my life to wake me up out of it. You cannot save yourself. You cannot 'get' saved. You cannot walk an aisle & make a choice to live for God. God says, noone does good, not one. He says that noone can choose God because we are dead in our sin & held captive by it. What you are trying to do is an impossibility. That's why it feels like an affliction to you. Because it is. But Jesus said what is impossible for man, is possible with God. Fear the Lord & humble yourself in your affliction & pray that God will open your eyes to what Christ accomplished for His sheep by way of His life & death. Trusting & believing in Christ means one can't do anything to impute His righteousness & atonement to oneself. It's all found outside of us. God is our Salvation. I pray His grace & mercy finds you.

Greengardener · Jul 15, 2019

Welcome to the Forum, TJ. I want to add my voice to those encouraging you to keep going. I imagine most of the folks here at one time or another have been disappointed with a local congregation. I've even referred to the current religious scene as so many franchises, just like the fast food restaurants on every corner, but many of them not really aware that they are not as wholesome as they would like us to think. Thankfully, your walk with Jesus as Lord doesn't have to look like that and doesn't have to depend on them. You've got a Bible, right? And access to the internet. Between the Bible and googling anything you want to find out about the history of anything you read, you've got a world of resources. God arranged that we would have a great resource book. Like Plebeian, you will find that what you thought they were telling you wasn't what God intended at all. But don't be afraid. God is REAL and you can trust HIM! He wouldn't waste time calling you back if He wasn't interested in you! You've had a good dose of encouraging words here. Sounds like we are all glad you showed up. Keep us posted on how things are going. Ask questions. Keep growing! You have no idea what's in store for you, but if it's to put your trust in Jesus, it sounds like you are in for a wonderful adventure!

Messerve · Jul 15, 2019

Oscarr said:
I don't believe it. My set of pictures would have Jesus come down the fun path with me! And walking with me, would keep me on the right path where I can have fun and joy and still be walking with Jesus. I have had more fun, joy, and pleasure since I found Jesus than ever before. This is not to say that we will have sadness and weeping, and that everything will go right with us in our lives. But we enjoy the good times, and sense His great love and support during the bad times.

Agree. As if life can't be fun with Jesus... The sign should really be more blunt and just say "Sin".

Presbyterian Continuist · Jul 15, 2019

Messerve said:
Agree. As if life can't be fun with Jesus... The sign should really be more blunt and just say "Sin".

I would just put "self".

Messerve · Jul 15, 2019

Oscarr said:
I would just put "self".

Oh that would be good, too!

Wanting God back into my life.

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