Those who have read through my other thread will likely know why I'm posting this.
I want answers, for both myself and my separated wife.
I am not looking to justify my actions, nor shift any blame from myself over to her. I am just wrangling a lot with this issue lately, and it is eating me up on the inside.
Earlier this year, following an argument my wife and I had, I was asked to leave the house and did so. While I was gone, she accessed my emails and social media accounts, and found conversations that I had had with friends and professional associates. Admittedly, some of these conversations were more than just friendly, yet never intimate nor sexual. There was one individual in particular who sent on an unsolicited naked photo of herself, but I never sent one of myself, nor request anything of the sort from anyone. I know that this doesn't make me innocent. I have never professed to be. I have done wrong and I have hurt my wife.
Right off the bat, she has accused me of having multiple sexual affairs with multiple women (in her words, probably even more than the number of women I had had conversations with - regardless of the professional nature of the conversation).
The simple truth of the matter is that I have never so much as touched another woman since her and I have been dating, and especially not since we have been engaged or married. In spite of my wrongdoing, I have always known the importance of faithfulness.
Initially, she cited this view as her reason for wanting a divorce from me. Even when I thought she started to believe that nothing happened between me and the other women, she then cited Matthew 5:28 saying that I had lust in my heart and had already committed adultery against her, so she felt she was still fully justified in her decision to divorce me. When I tried to respond to her on that, I was called a bible puncher and told that I was being condescending.
All of this has happened when she herself has been unfaithful to me (at least one occasion during our marriage, and at least one occasion while we were still dating), but she fails to see the actual physical wrong she has done to me, and instead blames me for anything ever happening between herself and the most recent guy. We went through a stage of wanting to add another person into the mix, but thankfully always stopped short. She said it was my fault because I had allowed for it to happen, when I certainly did not. If she hadn't admitted it to me, I never would have found it about it. It crushed me to know that she was with another man, in our house, probably in our marriage bed, all while our son was at home with them while I was at work. Even typing that out makes me feel sick.
Now, I really want to know where I stand here. I forgive her for what she has done. I forgave her the moment she told me. But she is now holding the things she THINKS I have done against me, and now even says that the reasons she wants a divorce from me have nothing to do with my supposed unfaithfulness.
I am not looking for a reason to divorce her, because I do not. Nor am I looking to have my own behavior justified. I just want to know where I stand with wanting to have my marriage restored and my family back together.
I am so lost!
Please feel free to comment and vote, or just add some advice or anything you think might help.
Also, while I respect everyone's religious views, please don't recommend things that would fall outside of what a God-fearing Christian might consider doing.