Single - how to find a partner?

myst33 said:

If I knew the answer...

And even better, how to find a girl, if you are an introvert as I am, who is practicaly unable to start a convo with a stranger.

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Conversation skills are important, but meeting the right person is much more important.
With the right person, conversation is easy, even for introverts.

Darkhorse said:

Einstein's wife wasn't an "intellectual", but she still loved one.

A commitment to prayer is important. God brought my wife and me together at the right time.

God can match you and your wife in ways you would never expect...

(This is for both Big Red and Blackhole)

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??? Why do you say that Einstein's wife wasn't an intellectual? His first wife was the only woman in his college class and also a physicist. His second wife managed all the day to day affairs of his very complicated life which means regardless of her education (which I am unsure of), she was obviously intelligent and likely an intellectual.

If he wants a wife whom he can have deep conversations with, what is wrong with that?

Robin Mauro said:

But there are many names you could have chosen. As a woman, if were I seeking a mate and I saw the name black hole, I would go no further.

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As a more intellectual woman, I'd not be put off by that name at all. It says he absorbs all that which is around him...which is a positive thing. And considering this is not a dating site, I don't think his name should be an issue on this forum.

Honestly. Since intellectual woman have a harder time finding a man who wants them, why shouldn't he consider them if that is his preference? Why all the advice to "give up" and look for a different kind of woman? Why not point him to where these women more likely are, instead.

RaymondG said:

My apologies for quoting the scripture I quoted. I did not know people viewed them negatively. Thanks for explaining this to me.

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That particular verse is used (as you did) to make it sound like God will give you anything you really want bad (the desires of your heart). If it isn't prefaced with, God changing your heart to desire the things that are in His plan, then it turns God into Santa Claus. A godly heart will desire those things that are within God's plan and not selfish desires. God may have put this desire for a wife in his heart. However, it may just be a human desire and God has other plans for him. Since you don't know where the OP is in God's plan, telling him that God will provide this desire is an incorrect use of this verse. Things like .. someone desiring a new car when God has provided him with a perfectly good used one....that is selfish and not what is meant in the verse. Someone desiring the salvation of a wayward child is an appropriate "desire of my heart" because God desires the same thing.

Bible verses mean something. Using them to match your wishes is not the same as believing in the scriptures. Knowing that God will adjust our desires as we grow closer to him is the promise of that verse...and that God will provide those desires. God is not a vending machine where you drop a pray and an isolated verse in the top and pick up your desire out of the bottom. I do believe the Bible and no where in the Bible does it promise a spouse for everyone who wants one. In fact, Paul even suggests that it is better to not be married. We need to seek God and His desires in this matter and not make a broad sweeping assumption to everyone.

blackribbon said:

??? Why do you say that Einstein's wife wasn't an intellectual? His first wife was the only woman in his college class and also a physicist. His second wife managed all the day to day affairs of his very complicated life which means regardless of her education (which I am unsure of), she was obviously intelligent and likely an intellectual.

If he wants a wife whom he can have deep conversations with, what is wrong with that?

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I was referring to his second wife, who was not involved in the scientific field.

Not being an intellectual does not mean unintelligent, it just denotes that a person spends their time and effort in practical pursuits, rather than theoretical ones.

Nothing wrong with a wife who likes deep conversations; I have one myself!
She was first in her Catholic high school class, and has a law degree.

Darkhorse said:

I was referring to his second wife, who was not involved in the scientific field.

Not being an intellectual does not mean unintelligent, it just denotes that a person spends their time and effort in practical pursuits, rather than theoretical ones.

Nothing wrong with a wife who likes deep conversations; I have one myself!
She was first in her Catholic high school class, and has a law degree.

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I think a person can be an intellectual in thought while being practical in action. Is there any evidence that his second wife wasn't an intellectual beyond the fact she was very practical? (I don't know that much about her?) Considering the things that I read she did, I suspect that she wasn't only practical or it would be hard to love a man like Einstein.

And you don't think of your wife as an intellectual as well as being intelligent? What are you having deep conversations about...practical matters or theory and ideas?

Definition

Intellectual : appealing to or engaging the intellect: intellectual pursuits. of or relating to the intellect or its use: intellectual powers. possessing or showing intellect or mental capacity, especially to a high degree: an intellectual person.

blackribbon said:

I think a person can be an intellectual in thought while being practical in action.

And you don't think of your wife as an intellectual as well as being intelligent? What are you having deep conversations about...practical matters or theory and ideas?

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Maybe the theoretical / practical divide is my semantic creation. It's just that I've known so many people who live in one realm and seem lost in the other...

And I never said my wife was not intellectual...lawyers must work in both realms, and she's good at that. Our conversations include both realms as well. Even I understand some of the complexities of law.

blackribbon said:

That particular verse is used (as you did) to make it sound like God will give you anything you really want bad (the desires of your heart).

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blackribbon said:

A godly heart will desire those things that are within God's plan and not selfish desires.

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blackribbon said:

telling him that God will provide this desire is an incorrect

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blackribbon said:

Bible verses mean something. Using them to match your wishes

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blackribbon said:

God is not a vending machine

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blackribbon said:

. I do believe the Bible and no where in the Bible does it promise a spouse

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blackribbon said:

not make a broad sweeping assumption to everyone.

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Are you going through hard times? You seem to have a lot on your mind and trying to use an innocent being to vent. You have no argument, so you create your own arguments and argue with yourself.

Most reading your words would think that you are in a conversation with someone who said the opposite of what you are stating here.....little do they know that that someone is also yourself.

I quoted two verses and the only thing I added was the beginning and ending quotes. Yet you found paragraphs of information to argue against.

So are you arguing with the Bible? The quotation marks I added? or yourself? This is a little confusing even moreso because My post was for the OP and not you.

When I saw that the verses offended you and the OP, I repented. If you like, I can also apologize for the quotation marks I put around the verses......for I added no other words or characters but those.

I'll remember the name and remember not to use words from the bible in any dialogues.......I can avoid quotation marks as well.

The other arguments you brought up, I can do nothing about...because they came from within you.

But I do hope my word can give you some peace now....as I added no scriptures or quotes... this time.

No, I don't think so...I think it only affects your ability to see their posts.

RaymondG said:

Are you going through hard times? You seem to have a lot on your mind and trying to use an innocent being to vent. You have no argument, so you create your own arguments and argue with yourself.

Most reading your words would think that you are in a conversation with someone who said the opposite of what you are stating here.....little do they know that that someone is also yourself.

I quoted two verses and the only thing I added was the beginning and ending quotes. Yet you found paragraphs of information to argue against.

So are you arguing with the Bible? The quotation marks I added? or yourself? This is a little confusing even moreso because My post was for the OP and not you.

When I saw that the verses offended you and the OP, I repented. If you like, I can also apologize for the quotation marks I put around the verses......for I added no other words or characters but those.

I'll remember the name and remember not to use words from the bible in any dialogues.......I can avoid quotation marks as well.

The other arguments you brought up, I can do nothing about...because they came from within you.

But I do hope my word can give you some peace now....as I added no scriptures or quotes... this time.

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My beef is simply seeing how many people seem to think they are encouraging single people by using Bible verses to say that they will eventually get married if they are just faithful. They then start to believe that God doesn't love them when they don't find that special one.

I have no problem with Bible verses used in context. I love the Bible.

blackhole said:

I think I gave the impression of requiring more than I do (regarding intellectualism).

Essentially I'm looking for at least X intelligence, willingness to consider facts, and readiness for deeper conversation. I don't care much about whether she's constantly studying (conscientiousness).

This will sound harsh, but even if I get a really nice girl but she's not able to engage me in those ways, what do I have? A pet. My dog is affectionate, dedicated, and nice. I want to connect in a way that my dog can't.

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You just compared a non- intellectual female to a pet.
Have you considered the possibility that the problem might be you? Your personality?
I mean, come on, every human being has intrinsic value.
Maybe a woman that does not peruse intellectual matters would teach you something even more important, like how to love.

Robin Mauro said:

You just compared a non- intellectual female to a pet.
Have you considered the possibility that the problem might be you? Your personality?
I mean, come on, every human being has intrinsic value.
Maybe a woman that does not peruse intellectual matters would teach you something even more important, like how to love.

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Because non-intellectual women are better at loving? I have known plenty who are better at knowing which brand names make you more valuable and the difference between every shade of pink in the nailpolish spectrum.

He is saying he doesn't want a partner that doesn't stimulate him intellectually. He wants to have deep conversations with her. That doesn't mean he is rude or doesn't value women of all levels of intelligence, he just doesn't want to marry one. Why is that a bad preference? I don't want to marry a man who won't talk about ideas and higher thoughts even if they don't apply to the practical side of our lives, either. I am an intellectual woman and was very good at loving my husband and dealing with most areas of practical life.

Is there something unChristian about wanting to marry the kind of woman he prefers? I think it would be cruel to the woman to marry her if he doesn't enjoy her company and want to talk to her as an equal. It is different if the man doesn't want to have these kind of conversations with his wife because he gets them enough elsewhere and wants to consider home a zone to not think about these things.

blackhole said:

Good luck shifting personality, those traits are impressively stable.

But if you have a method, I'd like to score higher in disagreeableness and openness.

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Read 1 Corinthians 13,
And,
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
And,
"Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up."
A few methods...
"

blackribbon said:

Because non-intellectual women are better at loving? I have known plenty who are better at knowing which brand names make you more valuable and the difference between every shade of pink in the nailpolish spectrum.

He is saying he doesn't want a partner that doesn't stimulate him intellectually. He wants to have deep conversations with her. That doesn't mean he is rude or doesn't value women of all levels of intelligence, he just doesn't want to marry one. Why is that a bad preference? I don't want to marry a man who won't talk about ideas and higher thoughts even if they don't apply to the practical side of our lives, either. I am an intellectual woman and was very good at loving my husband and dealing with most areas of practical life.

Is there something unChristian about wanting to marry the kind of woman he prefers? I think it would be cruel to the woman to marry her if he doesn't enjoy her company and want to talk to her as an equal. It is different if the man doesn't want to have these kind of conversations with his wife because he gets them enough elsewhere and wants to consider home a zone to not think about these things.

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No, all if that is okay, but comparing any woman to a pet is not.
Are you single? Maybe you and blackhole should date. You seem to have a lot in common and share the same outlooks.
And i do not mean that as a slam; not in the least.
Maybe you will find love together, here.

blackribbon said:

My beef is simply seeing how many people seem to think they are encouraging single people by using Bible verses to say that they will eventually get married if they are just faithful. They then start to believe that God doesn't love them when they don't find that special one.

I have no problem with Bible verses used in context. I love the Bible.

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Ok i think I get it. You have experience with people who use the same verse, yet give an interpretation that you disagree with. So you come down own everyone who uses these verses, expecting that all must carry the same interpretation as the people you disagree with....

I find no fault in your interpretations, and would not try and discourage you from preaching what you believe. If it makes you feels better to discourage my quoting of some of the words of the bible....you may continue... I dont mind....

Robin Mauro said:

No, all if that is okay, but comparing any woman to a pet is not.
Are you single? Maybe you and blackhole should date. You seem to have a lot in common and share the same outlooks.
And i do not mean that as a slam; not in the least.
Maybe you will find love together, here.

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He is closer in age to my kids than me. However, I am not "old" and still have a lot of living to do. I am single because my husband died of cancer. I would be interested in finding an older version of who he is. I don't think he compared a woman to a pet but rather compared two different types of beloved companions. If you don't actually spend time talking about deep topics to your significant other, I think comparing them to a pet is probably a good comparison and suggests a better relationship than a married couple who are simply roommates. My cat will listen to me complaining about my clothing but isn't so great about discussing how can people think bacteria is just a step away from mud. My husband wasn't particularly interested in everything I wanted to talk about but at least he would participate...and I learned a lot about the things that interested him.

FYI: I've had pets that weren't particular beloved...and did annoying things all the time. I think being married to the wrong person could very much be like that too because I'd never dump a pet just because they were annoying.