Give "Bad" Advice (3)

LaSorcia said:

Your own thigh

Click to expand...

Just want to point out, this was historically a common euphemism for Genitalia.

Dirk1540 said:

How do I get people who hate me to like me?

Click to expand...

Just do things that they would enjoy - seeing that they hate you, do self-destructive activities that their schadenfreude eventually translates to pity.

Where can I get the finest onesie?

dance a little higher and I'll send you the link to some of the best onesies on the web.

You didn't ask for advice, but I'll tell you- please don't wear onesies. But if you do, make sure it's to the grocery stores.

How can I stop cars driving past my house blasting rap with loud bass?

Convert your yard into an open air Rap theatre. Now they'll stop there.

How can I find out the proper term in the Gansta lingo for a Rap theatre?

Write the words using IPA symbols.

How can I get better at the 5 letter game?

just make stuff up that's not even keeping in line with the rules

how do i find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

Apply for a grant to do a study with food insecure youths.

What should I do in case of shark attack?

They say sharks are attracted to blood. Gently cut yourself with your diving knife, then swim away from the blood real fast.I

What if my Amazon order arrives on Sunday while I'm at church?

Give the Church as the address, and tell them you are only available during sermon time to accept delivery. Problem solved. They can honk loudly and then bring the package inside to find you.

How do I curb my out of control spending on 'necessities' like food and a roof over my head?

If foraging kept your ancestors alive, it can work for you. And trade that roof for a pergola.

How can I be more trendy?

be like bob marley and grow dreads that you never wash.

How do I get out of here alive?

Cryonics, preferably with a payment-due-at-completion-of-services plan.

How can I divide by zero?

Use the CERN collider to open a black hole, thus in the tiniest fraction of time before the earth is destroyed, we shall have bent the quantum substructure sufficiently to allow such division.

How can I easily fake my death?

Just use your Facebook messenger to send out notices that you've died, including memorial service details. When people show up to the service, i you can pop up of of the casket and say "surprise!" Pretty simple, really.

Problem: I really hate the way my passport photo turned out. Should I just destroy the passport and pay for a replacement?

Just tape a nice headshot on top of the ugly pic and make sure you tell everyone who sees your passport that this is what you really look like.

I still suck my thumb. How can I break this habit once and for all?

Try sucking your toe. If it gets harder for you over time, you might wanna give up that up forever.

Should I get mad at the dog who chewed all my slippers?

No, you should get mad at yourself for owning so many slippers.

What should I do with the briefcase someone gave me for safekeeping?

Ask for storage fee. Why does everybody think there are still free stuff these days?

Should I sing my heart out whenever my favorite song comes on the radio?

Of course! The trick is doing the awake Open Thoracotomy while singing though...

How can I get gardening services on the cheap?

Reduce the size of your garden to one square foot.

I seriously need some advice on how to handle this: today I realized I've forgotten my wife's name.