Need some advice and encouragement. At a loss and feeling hopeless

LostAnLooking

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Hey so I'm posting this here because I'm at a loss and completely desperate and in need of advice, hoping someone can help. It's a long story but please bear with me. So I first came to know Jesus when I was 16. I was saved, baptized, started witnessing for Christ and knew I was saved beyond a shadow of a doubt. But being 16 I was a stupid, reckless kid and a part of me wasn't ready to take my eyes off worldly desires. I made some bad choices and things took a turn for the worst when at 18 I got into drugs and developed a meth addiction. I started selling meth to supply my habit, joined a pretty prominent street gang in my city and for the next two years I was either on the streets homeless, living at gang houses, or in and out of jail. I sold drugs and carried out my duties as a gang member which involved some pretty violent stuff. But that's not the worst part. A certain subset of this particular gang was very heavy into the occult. At first I avoided it like the plague because I still considered myself a Christian but eventually I dabbled in it and it sucked me in just like the meth. I got involved in it pretty deep, although only for a short time (under 6 months) because this is where I believe God really started convicting me. I felt this uncontrollable heaviness and emptiness as well as feeling of guilt and eventually that along with a culmination of other events led me to give up drugs, gang life, and the occult all together. I started praying again and definitely felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. After wrestling with the idea for a while i eventually felt conviction that I couldn't ignore and decided to make a serious commitment for God.

However shortly afterwards I hit what I probably consider the darkest patch of my life (which is saying a lot, because I've been through some pretty rough stuff). I was dealing with very intense mental health issues (hearing/seeing things, intense paranoia, unbearable depression and ocd, among other things), also spiritual oppression and emotional trauma mainly stemming from my past drug use and occult involvement, also from tramautic events that transpired during my time as a gang member. Basically it got to a point where my mindstate was unbearable and I felt completely and irreversibly broken. I had given up any hope that things would ever get better or that God could ever restore me and in the midst of my despair decided my only hope of ever getting out of the hole I was in was to go back into bondage to the evil spirits I used to serve in the occult. (I feel stupid and ashamed just typing that but believe me I wasnt in my right mind at all at the time) I basically did a little makeshift ritual with what things I could find around the house (I had thrown out all my actual occult materials) and il spare the details but long story short I did everything in my power to curse, blaspheme, and permanently renounce God in my heart and sell myself back into bondage to these spirits. The whole time I felt horrible about what I was doing, I felt ashamed of myself and immense guilt. About a week afterward, I got on my knees and told God that I chose to serve Him and Him alone and that I would move forward doing my best to comply with His will.

Now it's been a few months since then and I've been doing my best to stay true to that prayer. I've actually made pretty amazing progress. I haven't missed church in months, I read the Bible daily, I dedicate time in my day to prayer every day. But I feel so empty. For the first time in my life since I was 16 (I'm 21 now) I no longer feel the presence of God. At all. No conviction, no assurance, peace, nothing. I'm actually living more for God then I ever have been in my life. Im actively trying to conform not only my actions but my heart and mindstate to be in accordance with His will. My frame of mind is immensely healthier now than it was then (although I still struggle with spiritual oppression but it's only at night now
). But I'm under so much guilt and condemnationn for what I did. I can never feel the presence of God. I set aside time for prayer daily but when I pray It feels like talking to thin air, I actually feel stupid like I'm talking to myself and like there's no way God hears me. (Whereas prayer used to feel very real and personal) In church I look around and feel like I'm the only one who's heart isn't into the service, like I'm just there out of obligation (though I do enjoy going). Ive repented in prayer for that same thing countless times but it never feels like enough, like I don't get to do something like that and just say sorry and be forgiven. Overall im at a loss for what to do and desperate to have fellowship with God again and I'm just hoping someone could have some advice for me I feel like I've been trying harder then ever but I'm getting nowhere, like God's shut the door on me. A big part of me thinks I crossed the line and that I'm now reprobate but then I get a glimmer of hope and I feel like all I can do is perservere in prayer and reading the Word daily and doing my best to walk in His ways. I'm also planning on joining a prison ministry at my church this summer but I can't help but feel like im not a real Christian because God has given me up after what I did. I was going to talk to my pastor about it but it's a very hard topic for me to bring up in person and I actually debated for a long time before posting here. Thank you in advance for all the replies, appreciate anything anyone has to say.
 
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Gregory Thompson

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I've learned something over a long period of suffering that allows God's word to be engrafted within my soul, it re-programs what is tearing it apart and pulls me back together. Just to say, there is always hope because God can do far more than what He has done in me, and for certain He already has for someone else that I haven't met.

In everything remember to always hope and trust God loves you.

Sometimes the noise inside drowns out the small still voice, but it ever abides.

Blessings to you.
 
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Messerve

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If you think about your relationship with God as that of a friend (yes, I know it's a lot more serious and deeper than that...) then perhaps you can understand His silence a little better. If you actively rejected a friend and not only rejected him but purposefully did the very things that hurt him, if that person even remained your friend, he would probably be pretty distant for awhile until it was obvious you had changed. God knows our hearts so He knows when the change is real, but that doesn't mean the relationship isn't still broken...

You can't just do the right things and expect everything to instantly be okay between you and God again. It's going to take time and walking in the right direction consistently. God hasn't abandoned you. Actually, you abandoned Him. It's only been a few months, so it's pretty soon to expect a close relationship with Him again. But keep doing what you're doing and I'm confident He'll speak to you and fill you will life once again.

Definitely speak to your pastor about this and I would suggest you get a group of accountability partners (or even just one or two) to meet with regularly and grow together.
 
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Mel333

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Hey so I'm posting this here because I'm at a loss and completely desperate and in need of advice, hoping someone can help. It's a long story but please bear with me. So I first came to know Jesus when I was 16. I was saved, baptized, started witnessing for Christ and knew I was saved beyond a shadow of a doubt. But being 16 I was a stupid, reckless kid and a part of me wasn't ready to take my eyes off worldly desires. I made some bad choices and things took a turn for the worst when at 18 I got into drugs and developed a meth addiction. I started selling meth to supply my habit, joined a pretty prominent street gang in my city and for the next two years I was either on the streets homeless, living at gang houses, or in and out of jail. I sold drugs and carried out my duties as a gang member which involved some pretty violent stuff. But that's not the worst part. A certain subset of this particular gang was very heavy into the occult. At first I avoided it like the plague because I still considered myself a Christian but eventually I dabbled in it and it sucked me in just like the meth. I got involved in it pretty deep, although only for a short time (under 6 months) because this is where I believe God really started convicting me. I felt this uncontrollable heaviness and emptiness as well as feeling of guilt and eventually that along with a culmination of other events led me to give up drugs, gang life, and the occult all together. I started praying again and definitely felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. After wrestling with the idea for a while i eventually felt conviction that I couldn't ignore and decided to make a serious commitment for God.

However shortly afterwards I hit what I probably consider the darkest patch of my life (which is saying a lot, because I've been through some pretty rough stuff). I was dealing with very intense mental health issues (hearing/seeing things, intense paranoia, unbearable depression and ocd, among other things), also spiritual oppression and emotional trauma mainly stemming from my past drug use and occult involvement, also from tramautic events that transpired during my time as a gang member. Basically it got to a point where my mindstate was unbearable and I felt completely and irreversibly broken. I had given up any hope that things would ever get better or that God could ever restore me and in the midst of my despair decided my only hope of ever getting out of the hole I was in was to go back into bondage to the evil spirits I used to serve in the occult. (I feel stupid and ashamed just typing that but believe me I wasnt in my right mind at all at the time) I basically did a little makeshift ritual with what things I could find around the house (I had thrown out all my actual occult materials) and il spare the details but long story short I did everything in my power to curse, blaspheme, and permanently renounce God in my heart and sell myself back into bondage to these spirits. The whole time I felt horrible about what I was doing, I felt ashamed of myself and immense guilt. About a week afterward, I got on my knees and told God that I chose to serve Him and Him alone and that I would move forward doing my best to comply with His will.

Now it's been a few months since then and I've been doing my best to stay true to that prayer. I've actually made pretty amazing progress. I haven't missed church in months, I read the Bible daily, I dedicate time in my day to prayer every day. But I feel so empty. For the first time in my life since I was 16 (I'm 21 now) I no longer feel the presence of God. At all. No conviction, no assurance, peace, nothing. I'm actually living more for God then I ever have been in my life. Im actively trying to conform not only my actions but my heart and mindstate to be in accordance with His will. My frame of mind is immensely healthier now than it was then (although I still struggle with spiritual oppression but it's only at night now
). But I'm under so much guilt and condemnationn for what I did. I can never feel the presence of God. I set aside time for prayer daily but when I pray It feels like talking to thin air, I actually feel stupid like I'm talking to myself and like there's no way God hears me. (Whereas prayer used to feel very real and personal) In church I look around and feel like I'm the only one who's heart isn't into the service, like I'm just there out of obligation (though I do enjoy going). Ive repented in prayer for that same thing countless times but it never feels like enough, like I don't get to do something like that and just say sorry and be forgiven. Overall im at a loss for what to do and desperate to have fellowship with God again and I'm just hoping someone could have some advice for me I feel like I've been trying harder then ever but I'm getting nowhere, like God's shut the door on me. A big part of me thinks I crossed the line and that I'm now reprobate but then I get a glimmer of hope and I feel like all I can do is perservere in prayer and reading the Word daily and doing my best to walk in His ways. I'm also planning on joining a prison ministry at my church this summer but I can't help but feel like im not a real Christian because God has given me up after what I did. I was going to talk to my pastor about it but it's a very hard topic for me to bring up in person and I actually debated for a long time before posting here. Thank you in advance for all the replies, appreciate anything anyone has to say.

I found your story interesting. Jesus really is the way out of it. Seek him out. I noticed your story mentions him at the beginning and that's what you're missing.

Understand faith, the blood of Christ and what baptism really means. This requires studying and pray for revelation to know who Christ is.

Salvation means being free from the power and the penalty of sin and the world. You are no longer under condemnation when in Christ Jesus through his blood. Your conscience will be cleared then and the devil cannot charge you with anything once you're in Christ. I suggest reading Romans so you understand what baptism is and that you have already died to sin.

I think talking to the pastor and prison ministry sounds like a great idea.
 
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Mel333

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Hey so I'm posting this here because I'm at a loss and completely desperate and in need of advice, hoping someone can help. It's a long story but please bear with me. So I first came to know Jesus when I was 16. I was saved, baptized, started witnessing for Christ and knew I was saved beyond a shadow of a doubt. But being 16 I was a stupid, reckless kid and a part of me wasn't ready to take my eyes off worldly desires. I made some bad choices and things took a turn for the worst when at 18 I got into drugs and developed a meth addiction. I started selling meth to supply my habit, joined a pretty prominent street gang in my city and for the next two years I was either on the streets homeless, living at gang houses, or in and out of jail. I sold drugs and carried out my duties as a gang member which involved some pretty violent stuff. But that's not the worst part. A certain subset of this particular gang was very heavy into the occult. At first I avoided it like the plague because I still considered myself a Christian but eventually I dabbled in it and it sucked me in just like the meth. I got involved in it pretty deep, although only for a short time (under 6 months) because this is where I believe God really started convicting me. I felt this uncontrollable heaviness and emptiness as well as feeling of guilt and eventually that along with a culmination of other events led me to give up drugs, gang life, and the occult all together. I started praying again and definitely felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. After wrestling with the idea for a while i eventually felt conviction that I couldn't ignore and decided to make a serious commitment for God.

However shortly afterwards I hit what I probably consider the darkest patch of my life (which is saying a lot, because I've been through some pretty rough stuff). I was dealing with very intense mental health issues (hearing/seeing things, intense paranoia, unbearable depression and ocd, among other things), also spiritual oppression and emotional trauma mainly stemming from my past drug use and occult involvement, also from tramautic events that transpired during my time as a gang member. Basically it got to a point where my mindstate was unbearable and I felt completely and irreversibly broken. I had given up any hope that things would ever get better or that God could ever restore me and in the midst of my despair decided my only hope of ever getting out of the hole I was in was to go back into bondage to the evil spirits I used to serve in the occult. (I feel stupid and ashamed just typing that but believe me I wasnt in my right mind at all at the time) I basically did a little makeshift ritual with what things I could find around the house (I had thrown out all my actual occult materials) and il spare the details but long story short I did everything in my power to curse, blaspheme, and permanently renounce God in my heart and sell myself back into bondage to these spirits. The whole time I felt horrible about what I was doing, I felt ashamed of myself and immense guilt. About a week afterward, I got on my knees and told God that I chose to serve Him and Him alone and that I would move forward doing my best to comply with His will.

Now it's been a few months since then and I've been doing my best to stay true to that prayer. I've actually made pretty amazing progress. I haven't missed church in months, I read the Bible daily, I dedicate time in my day to prayer every day. But I feel so empty. For the first time in my life since I was 16 (I'm 21 now) I no longer feel the presence of God. At all. No conviction, no assurance, peace, nothing. I'm actually living more for God then I ever have been in my life. Im actively trying to conform not only my actions but my heart and mindstate to be in accordance with His will. My frame of mind is immensely healthier now than it was then (although I still struggle with spiritual oppression but it's only at night now
). But I'm under so much guilt and condemnationn for what I did. I can never feel the presence of God. I set aside time for prayer daily but when I pray It feels like talking to thin air, I actually feel stupid like I'm talking to myself and like there's no way God hears me. (Whereas prayer used to feel very real and personal) In church I look around and feel like I'm the only one who's heart isn't into the service, like I'm just there out of obligation (though I do enjoy going). Ive repented in prayer for that same thing countless times but it never feels like enough, like I don't get to do something like that and just say sorry and be forgiven. Overall im at a loss for what to do and desperate to have fellowship with God again and I'm just hoping someone could have some advice for me I feel like I've been trying harder then ever but I'm getting nowhere, like God's shut the door on me. A big part of me thinks I crossed the line and that I'm now reprobate but then I get a glimmer of hope and I feel like all I can do is perservere in prayer and reading the Word daily and doing my best to walk in His ways. I'm also planning on joining a prison ministry at my church this summer but I can't help but feel like im not a real Christian because God has given me up after what I did. I was going to talk to my pastor about it but it's a very hard topic for me to bring up in person and I actually debated for a long time before posting here. Thank you in advance for all the replies, appreciate anything anyone has to say.

Also, you can hear in your story, God never left you and the dark side has accusations against you to try to separate you from Christ.

Thing is, you've always been God's child. Just need the blood of Christ part understanding. The devil can't change you with anything when you know what it is because Christ has already paid the price for your sins through the blood. You were baptised into Christ long ago. God has forgiven your sins through Christ on the cross through his blood.

Just the devil is trying to charge you that you're not in Christ. So that's what's going on. I believe the Holy Spirit is within you and nothing can separate you from the love of God through his son who died and paid the penalty for your sins through his blood so that you would be set free from condemnation.

So you just remind the devil that he has already been defeated and has no place to charge you anymore when you remind him of the blood of Christ. He will flee. Don't answer him back with your deeds or your works. Answer back with what Christ has done for you on the cross.
 
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Richard T

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Glad you are back on a path to seeking God. This is the prayer wall so you might want to repost in advice. I pray that you have no condemnation or shame, that the devil, the accuser is silenced in your heart. That you would have a clearer image and knowledge of what Jesus accomplished and how much he loves you. That you can forgive yourself.
Luke 7:41-48
1 “There was a certain creditor who had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 And when they had nothing with which to repay, he freely forgave them both. Tell Me, therefore, which of them will love him more?”
43 Simon answered and said, “I suppose the one whom he forgave more.” And He said to him, “You have rightly judged.” 44 Then He turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has washed My feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head. 45 You gave Me no kiss, but this woman has not ceased to kiss My feet since the time I came in. 46 You did not anoint My head with oil, but this woman has anointed My feet with fragrant oil. 47 Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.” 48 Then He said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

I pray and know that what Jesus did on the cross gives you the assurance that "Your sins are forgiven." That you would know Jesus as your very best friend, a friend that sticks closer than a brother. A friend that would certainly help you greatly in your current state. That you would know Jesus is that friend now. that you are an heir of God, a joint-heir with Jesus. That you would realize all the rights and privileges of the kingdom, just as much as any believer. That you align yourself as much as possible to God and His word for the future and that you are successful in the ways of God. That when you sin, rebound quickly and continue to improve your walk with God daily.

Prov 11:14 Where there is no guidance the people fall, But in abundance of counselors there is victory.
I pray your guidance is the Holy Spirit and your counsel the word of God. Add in your earthly leaders and counselors and victory is the promised outcome.
 
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MiggyTig

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I am kind of new here and not sure how to correctly post this powerful video but I hope you see it and that it reassures you just how much God loves and forgives you when you have a sincere desire for a relationship with him. As this clip shows I don't believe Christ just died on the cross for us but also briefly descended into hell in order to fully pay for the price of our sins. God bless you on your journey back home to the Lord, little one.
 
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LoricaLady

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If the Father had really left you then you would not be trying, even with what seems like no success, to seek Him and be close to Him. "Every good and perfect things comes from the Father of Lights from above."

There is some kind of impediment in your heart, not in Him. He wants to help you right now, not put you on hold and let our suffer. I have no idea what the impediment, or maybe impediments, may be. But He does. One impediment is apparently a misunderstanding of His mercy and willingness to completely forgive you. He is not called The Father of Mercies for nothing. And we are told His "mercies are new every morning" even that He "delights to show us mercy." Why not delight Him but accepting His mercy. He wants you to have it, but you have to accept it. Maybe study up on the Father and His mercy and pray for Him to let you understand Who He really is. You don't fully understand Him if you don't understand His mercy and forgiveness.

As for any other impediments, well I pray that the Father gives you light and wisdom and freedom on them, as well as an understanding of how much He wants you to be free of guilt and condemnation.
 
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Hey so I'm posting this here because I'm at a loss and completely desperate and in need of advice, hoping someone can help. It's a long story but please bear with me. So I first came to know Jesus when I was 16. I was saved, baptized, started witnessing for Christ and knew I was saved beyond a shadow of a doubt. But being 16 I was a stupid, reckless kid and a part of me wasn't ready to take my eyes off worldly desires. I made some bad choices and things took a turn for the worst when at 18 I got into drugs and developed a meth addiction. I started selling meth to supply my habit, joined a pretty prominent street gang in my city and for the next two years I was either on the streets homeless, living at gang houses, or in and out of jail. I sold drugs and carried out my duties as a gang member which involved some pretty violent stuff. But that's not the worst part. A certain subset of this particular gang was very heavy into the occult. At first I avoided it like the plague because I still considered myself a Christian but eventually I dabbled in it and it sucked me in just like the meth. I got involved in it pretty deep, although only for a short time (under 6 months) because this is where I believe God really started convicting me. I felt this uncontrollable heaviness and emptiness as well as feeling of guilt and eventually that along with a culmination of other events led me to give up drugs, gang life, and the occult all together. I started praying again and definitely felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. After wrestling with the idea for a while i eventually felt conviction that I couldn't ignore and decided to make a serious commitment for God.

However shortly afterwards I hit what I probably consider the darkest patch of my life (which is saying a lot, because I've been through some pretty rough stuff). I was dealing with very intense mental health issues (hearing/seeing things, intense paranoia, unbearable depression and ocd, among other things), also spiritual oppression and emotional trauma mainly stemming from my past drug use and occult involvement, also from tramautic events that transpired during my time as a gang member. Basically it got to a point where my mindstate was unbearable and I felt completely and irreversibly broken. I had given up any hope that things would ever get better or that God could ever restore me and in the midst of my despair decided my only hope of ever getting out of the hole I was in was to go back into bondage to the evil spirits I used to serve in the occult. (I feel stupid and ashamed just typing that but believe me I wasnt in my right mind at all at the time) I basically did a little makeshift ritual with what things I could find around the house (I had thrown out all my actual occult materials) and il spare the details but long story short I did everything in my power to curse, blaspheme, and permanently renounce God in my heart and sell myself back into bondage to these spirits. The whole time I felt horrible about what I was doing, I felt ashamed of myself and immense guilt. About a week afterward, I got on my knees and told God that I chose to serve Him and Him alone and that I would move forward doing my best to comply with His will.

Now it's been a few months since then and I've been doing my best to stay true to that prayer. I've actually made pretty amazing progress. I haven't missed church in months, I read the Bible daily, I dedicate time in my day to prayer every day. But I feel so empty. For the first time in my life since I was 16 (I'm 21 now) I no longer feel the presence of God. At all. No conviction, no assurance, peace, nothing. I'm actually living more for God then I ever have been in my life. Im actively trying to conform not only my actions but my heart and mindstate to be in accordance with His will. My frame of mind is immensely healthier now than it was then (although I still struggle with spiritual oppression but it's only at night now
). But I'm under so much guilt and condemnationn for what I did. I can never feel the presence of God. I set aside time for prayer daily but when I pray It feels like talking to thin air, I actually feel stupid like I'm talking to myself and like there's no way God hears me. (Whereas prayer used to feel very real and personal) In church I look around and feel like I'm the only one who's heart isn't into the service, like I'm just there out of obligation (though I do enjoy going). Ive repented in prayer for that same thing countless times but it never feels like enough, like I don't get to do something like that and just say sorry and be forgiven. Overall im at a loss for what to do and desperate to have fellowship with God again and I'm just hoping someone could have some advice for me I feel like I've been trying harder then ever but I'm getting nowhere, like God's shut the door on me. A big part of me thinks I crossed the line and that I'm now reprobate but then I get a glimmer of hope and I feel like all I can do is perservere in prayer and reading the Word daily and doing my best to walk in His ways. I'm also planning on joining a prison ministry at my church this summer but I can't help but feel like im not a real Christian because God has given me up after what I did. I was going to talk to my pastor about it but it's a very hard topic for me to bring up in person and I actually debated for a long time before posting here. Thank you in advance for all the replies, appreciate anything anyone has to say.

So, you have sincerely confessed, so you HAVE been forgiven. And you have turned away ... repented.

What does Jesus say: GO ... and sin no more.

He's saying forget the past (because I have forgiven you) and more forward, walking with me.

Philippians 3:13-14

13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

2 Corinthians 5:17-18

17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:

Psalm 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us

Hebrews 8:12
For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.”

Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

May the peace of the Lord be with you. Amen.
 
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Tone

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I'm also planning on joining a prison ministry at my church this summer but I can't help but feel like im not a real Christian because God has given me up after what I did.

Do you think that possibly some of those in prison, may have very similar experiences as you...and some may also feel reprobate?

Sounds to me like the enemy is afraid of the works that Yah has prepared for you to walk in.

Abba Yahuah, Breathe Your Holy Breath anew into our lives and raise us up, that we may come back and do good...time after time...in Yahshua ha Mashiach. Amen. Shalom my friend!
 
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Jordan1989

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Oh my goodness - how I wish I could give you a hug right now! Your story touched me, and I pray that God will give me the words to encourage and comfort you in your time of need.

You say that you feel you are under guilt and condemnation for what you did. Friend, if you have placed your faith in Jesus, you are no longer under condemnation!

Romans 8:1-2 says “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death.”

Further along in that chapter, it says “If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one – for God himself has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? No one – for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.” Rom 8:31-34

Regarding your feelings of guilt, did you know the great King David had times where he felt that way too? I think Psalm 32 would be a great comfort to you right now, where David wrote:

3 "When I refused to confess my sin,

my body wasted away,

and I groaned all day long.

4 Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me.

My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat.


5 Finally, I confessed all my sins to you

and stopped trying to hide my guilt.

I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.”

And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone."


- Psalm 32:3-5


Friend, the word of God here says that if you confess your sins to God, you are forgiven. You don't have to live a life filled with shame and guilt and regret. The Lord loves you deeper than you can ever imagine - he died for you! He understands that we are all imperfect sinners, that's why he had to send Jesus to die for us - because none of us are perfect!

For believers, the Bible says “Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.” Psalm 37:24

7 "For you are my hiding place;

you protect me from trouble.

You surround me with songs of victory.

8 The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.

I will advise you and watch over you."

Psalm 32:7-8

I greatly admire you for your strength and willingness to repent and turn back to God, even while struggling with drugs, the occult, and gangs. I can't even Imagine how hard that must have been for you. Know that God is so pleased that you chose to turn back to him! Just like the prodigal son, God runs to you with open, loving arms!

The fact that you are searching hard after God is evidence to that me you are one of his children. The Bible says that you will know them by their fruit.

Galatians 5:17 says “The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other…”

The fact that you felt guilty when you were getting back into the occult sounds a lot to me like the Holy Spirit was bringing conviction on you.

Friend, I believe wholeheartedly that if you place your faith in Jesus, you are saved for eternity.

Ephesians 1:13-14 says “And when you believed in Christ, he identified you as his own by giving you the Holy Spirit, whom he promised long ago. The Spirit is God’s guarantee that he will give us the inheritance he promised and that he has purchased us to be his own people.”

If you have placed your faith in Jesus, you don’t have to be afraid of being a reprobate. You can have confidence and assurance of your salvation and walk with Jesus in peace!

Now my heart hurts for you, because I know that even though I say all of this, you still may not FEEL like you’re in fellowship with God. Friend, I have had these seasons more times in my life than I can count. I too, struggled with mental illness and deep anxiety and depression that were so severe, my wife left me for another man.

I have stumbled many times, yet I can assure you that if you remain committed to God, keep on praying, reading the word, and seeking hard after him, he WILL respond, and you will be filled with his glorious peace and presence. You will begin to feel God closely throughout your day, and when you come to him in prayer, you will feel his glorious presence wash over you.

The Bible says in James 4:8 “Come close to God, and God will come close to you.”

Again, in Colossians 2:7, it says “Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built n him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.”

Jesus also said “seek and you will find.”

Friend, it is my prayer that you will be encouraged by God’s word – that you would understand God’s love and grace for you, and that you would continue to seek hard after him. And also that you would know that you are deeply loved by God, that God’s children are forgiven and can go in peace – free from the chains of guilt, shame, and condemnation. If you continue to seek hard after him, he will be faithful; he will satisfy your needs and your heart will be glad.

If you make the Lord your refuge,

if you make the Most High your shelter,

10

no evil will conquer you;

no plague will come near your home.

11

For he will order his angels

to protect you wherever you go.

12

They will hold you up with their hands

so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.

13

You will trample upon lions and cobras;

you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!

14

The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me.

I will protect those who trust in my name.

15

When they call on me, I will answer;

I will be with them in trouble.

I will rescue and honor them.

16

I will reward them with a long life

and give them my salvation.”


Psalm 91:9-16

God Bless!

Jordan
 
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Messerve

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I will suggest that you should openly renounce your involvement with the occult. This will help in convincing you that you're free indeed. God bless
Excellent point. The decision to re-follow Jesus should be just as wholehearted as was your decision to go back to the occult.
 
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Samaritan Woman

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Thank you for your honesty - I can relate to some of your spiritual struggles I've experienced over the years since I got saved in 2000. First of all, be mindful that our relationship with God through Jesus is not based on feelings; Paul frequently reminded believers of being assured in the knowledge of salvation - he didn't urge the recipients of his letters to be spiritually confident based on feelings. Salvation is based on a truth and God's promise aside from emotions. While salvation can yield feelings such as joy, peace, etc . they are not the basis for one's spiritual position before the Father.

While I could quote a myriad of verses regarding the futility of condemning oneself and self-redemption, I would advise to simply go before the Lord regarding this (be honest about your struggle) and He will help you. Asking Him to reveal the truth to you through scripture as well.

Finally, I would recommend waiting on the prison ministry until you are in a spiritually health, stable, and confident position. It will be there when you are ready.
 
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