The Excuse Game

Nah. I went there on a family vacation when I was 3, and evidently I must have been unimpressed because I don't even remember it.

Want to go shopping with me? It will be fun,and I'll buy you something.

Only if you're going shopping at Lamborghinis R Us.

Walk my dog for me?

I keep telling you, that thing is a sewer rat, not a dog.

Go the extra mile with me?

I can't. I'm actually a Rastafarian, not a Christian.

Please use more garlic next time.

It is not possible to use more garlic in my favorite dish called "garlic cloves in garlic sauce over more garlic cloves served with garlic bread".

Please don't criticize my cooking.

Normally I wouldn't. I try to see the best in everything and offer more praise than criticism. But does the garlic cloves in garlic sauce over more garlic cloves served with garlic bread really have to be all raw foods? I'm not given to complaining, but it's a tad over the top.

Please, give me something to get rid of this garlic breath.

I would, but I can't get close enough to hand over the mints without being knocked over by the smell.

Why not just brush your teeth?

My teeth are a healthy burnt ebony, thank you very much. I don't need your Fluoride robbing me of vital essences!

Clear the table.

honey i shrunk the kids is real. i don't want to murder the children.

someone make some other elliot smith style music please.

I tried. His lawyer sent me a cease and desist order.

Can you recommend a good rickshaw service?

Sorry, his estate sent me a cease and desist order as well. Don't know why, wasn't nearly as popular as my Elvis service.

Let slip the dogs of war!

I would, but I don't have anything to grease their feet with.

I could really use some help unpacking.

sorry, would help except I'm in packing mode


find me more boxes for packing, please

I doubt you can afford my finder's fee.

Let's have a limerick writing contest!

This is a Christian website.

Help me denounce a regime. (Pick one.)

You're asking the wrong person. I don't understand the word 'denounce'.

Help me to improve my vocabulary repository repugnant repertoire.

There are no words to express how much I want to be excused from that.

Tailor my suit.

Who ever heard of an Armani... clown suit???

You'd better mow that lawn.