Being cut off from the Lord

Simon Nurminen · Jun 19, 2019

I really hope that someone would understand this situation in which I am. First off, I served the Lord and loved Him from all of my heart. Then one time when I had many doubts I started to pray thinking that the Lord would help me through these doubts. Anyway, when I opened my heart in that prayer to the Lord, satan overcame me with unbelief and I lost my connection to the Lord. My falling started and my love toward the Lord started grow cold. I became more and more pride and selfish without the perfect connection. My unbelief was so great that I had to cry out to the Lord in order to have faith in Him. My heart became so apostate and it tried several times forsake God. Mind was against the heart. Falling from the presence of the Holy Spirit kept going and sneaky pride rose quietly. In the weakest point satan questioned me: "Why to have a relationship with Jesus?" I didn't know the answer instantly and I felt something leaving me. It was the Holy Spirit. Next morning I felt totally His absence and the love in my soul was finally gone. I died spiritually. I became flesh, the first Adam. I have the perfect emptiness in my soul. My heart can't be attached to anything. It apostatized. I have an evil heart now. Hebrews 3:12. My heart can't really humble itself because the heart can't be attached to anything, e.g. to thoughts. I lost my relationship with the Lord. Still, I have seen one miracle through humiliation. My pride is so hard to be defeated for I am like a normal ungodly person. I don't see any way back to the Lord except humiliation.
One thing still bothers me: I see the number 77 everywhere. In the last 9 days I have seen it 90 times! When I was in the connection to the Lord, that number meant for me that the Lord is control. I hope that it would be so. I need Jesus and the Spirit back. Does anyone understand?

brinny · Jun 19, 2019

Simon Nurminen said:
I really hope that someone would understand this situation in which I am. First off, I served the Lord and loved Him from all of my heart. Then one time when I had many doubts I started to pray thinking that the Lord would help me through these doubts. Anyway, when I opened my heart in that prayer to the Lord, satan overcame me with unbelief and I lost my connection to the Lord. My falling started and my love toward the Lord started grow cold. I became more and more pride and selfish without the perfect connection. My unbelief was so great that I had to cry out to the Lord in order to have faith in Him. My heart became so apostate and it tried several times forsake God. Mind was against the heart. Falling from the presence of the Holy Spirit kept going and sneaky pride rose quietly. In the weakest point satan questioned me: "Why to have a relationship with Jesus?" I didn't know the answer instantly and I felt something leaving me. It was the Holy Spirit. Next morning I felt totally His absence and the love in my soul was finally gone. I died spiritually. I became flesh, the first Adam. I have the perfect emptiness in my soul. My heart can't be attached to anything. It apostatized. I have an evil heart now. Hebrews 3:12. My heart can't really humble itself because the heart can't be attached to anything, e.g. to thoughts. I lost my relationship with the Lord. Still, I have seen one miracle through humiliation. My pride is so hard to be defeated for I am like a normal ungodly person. I don't see any way back to the Lord except humiliation.
One thing still bothers me: I see the number 77 everywhere. In the last 9 days I have seen it 90 times! When I was in the connection to the Lord, that number meant for me that the Lord is control. I hope that it would be so. I need Jesus and the Spirit back. Does anyone understand?

i understand Simon, i've been there. Praying for you. (((hug)))

Lily Sunflower · Jun 19, 2019

I understand too @Simon Nurminen . Now matter how far you may have turned away from Jesus, He still loves you, and is waiting for you to come back to Him. Read the story of the prodigal son, Luke 15:11-32, and you'll understand.

Simon Nurminen · Jun 19, 2019

brinny said:
i understand Simon, i've been there. Praying for you. (((hug)))

The world loves me now. I don't love it. Romans 11:22-24. Have you really been here? This is a hell on earth which I live. I was graffed into the original olive tree.

brinny · Jun 19, 2019

Simon Nurminen said:
The world loves me now. I don't love it. Romans 11:22-24. Have you really been here? This is a hell on earth which I live. I was graffed into the original olive tree.

Yes, i've been there Simon. My heart goes out to you, whatever it is that you are suffering through. Praying for you. (((hug)))

LoricaLady · Jun 20, 2019

The fact that you are asking to be in relationship with the Lord shows that He is still working in your heart "Every good and perfect thing comes from the Father of Lights, from above."

I don't know, but I wonder... If you would go back to when you first started doubting, was there anything in your life that you really knew shouldn't be? Maybe some person? Even "light" inappropriate content? Are you watching T.V.? It is filled with anti Biblical messages, directly and/or indirectly. I pray you will be given insight to see why your heart started to become hardened in the first place and that you will be cleansed of that and move on to new heights with your Heavenly Father.

Simon Nurminen · Jun 30, 2019

LoricaLady said:
The fact that you are asking to be in relationship with the Lord shows that He is still working in your heart "Every good and perfect thing comes from the Father of Lights, from above."

I don't know, but I wonder... If you would go back to when you first started doubting, was there anything in your life that you really knew shouldn't be? Maybe some person? Even "light" inappropriate content? Are you watching T.V.? It is filled with anti Biblical messages, directly and/or indirectly. I pray you will be given insight to see why your heart started to become hardened in the first place and that you will be cleansed of that and move on to new heights with your Heavenly Father.

I just doubted His love toward me and the devil came to destroy my faith in that love. I was not participated in sin when the broke up happened. Now I have turned to useless games in order to fill the emptiness. Sin doesn't pay. I don't know if this is the dark night of the soul which I live now. Everything just seems and is totally meaningless. I have no heart faith left just head faith. John 15:6. I just didn't abide in Him. Spiritual death just continues...

Simon Nurminen · Jun 30, 2019

There are many verses that tell us to abide in Him. John 15:6, 1 John 2:28, 1 John 4:16-17,20-21, 1 Timothy 2:15, Jude 1:20-21. I know the Spirit left me because I didn't abide in Him: 1 John 3:24. My heart is also an apostate. Hebrews 6:4-6. Still somehow I wait for the Lord to deliver and to renew me. Lamentations 3:17-32. Psalms 77 and 88 give also some consolation to this hell. Hopefully you understand this situation.

Mydreams · Jun 30, 2019

Lord bless Simon Nurminen, and this prayer, in Jesus precious name, Amen!

Greg Merrill · Jul 1, 2019

Father, I pray that people will read Your Word, know Your Word, believe Your Word, and obey Your Word, instead of believing Satan inspired thoughts, other people's thoughts, and their own inaccurate thoughts. May Christians know that You never leave them, and they can't leave You, no matter what they have done, feel, or think, Hebrews 13:5.
May they live according to Your Word, and not according to those things mentioned above, Proverbs 3:5-6. Amen.

Alynn · Feb 18, 2020

How is everything going? Were you able to reconnect with the Lord. I am going through the same thing.

Tolworth John · Feb 18, 2020

Simon Nurminen said:
I felt totally His absence and the love in my soul was finally gone

What should give you hope is the certain fact that you are not abandoned by God, because you still care about your relationship with him.
The godless do not care about God or about knowing him.

May I suggest that you do several things.
Restart attending church and reading your Bible.

Investigate the answers to your doubts. There is nothing wrong with having questions or doubts, so long as one is looking for answers.

Don't trust your feelings, trust facts.
Jesus is real, that is a historical fact, he died and rose from the dead historical facts.
That Jesus loves you can be seen in Calvary and in the fact that you miss the relationship you had, so turn back to him and start again.

Simon Nurminen · Feb 18, 2020

Alynn said:
How is everything going? Were you able to reconnect with the Lord. I am going through the same thing.

Well a lot better now. I've visited my pastor after that horrible "cut off" feeling. When I was full of desparation, God spoke to me through her. He told me some words and my hope was recovered. After that I've received lots of words from the Lord. E.g. "This is a strenghtening of the faith". He has also told me that He won't leave me nor forsake me. So now I'm waiting when those promises will be fulfilled. Anyway, I still don't have a relationship with God which is sad. I hope that one day I'll get it back.

I hope that you will visit someone regularly, e.g. your pastor. God may use him or her to speak you like He did for me. Or any other person who has a relationship with God. Ask people also to pray for you.

N.B. I had to suffer a LOT before I received the first words of the Lord. I don't know if you have to suffer as badly as I had to.

I'd like to hear what kind of situation you're in. You can send your reply here or send it as a private message to me.

Do not fear.

Alynn · Feb 19, 2020

Simon Nurminen said:
Well a lot better now. I've visited my pastor after that horrible "cut off" feeling. When I was full of desparation, God spoke to me through her. He told me some words and my hope was recovered. After that I've received lots of words from the Lord. E.g. "This is a strenghtening of the faith". He has also told me that He won't leave me nor forsake me. So now I'm waiting when those promises will be fulfilled. Anyway, I still don't have a relationship with God which is sad. I hope that one day I'll get it back.

I hope that you will visit someone regularly, e.g. your pastor. God may use him or her to speak you like He did for me. Or any other person who has a relationship with God. Ask people also to pray for you.

N.B. I had to suffer a LOT before I received the first words of the Lord. I don't know if you have to suffer as badly as I had to.

I'd like to hear what kind of situation you're in. You can send your reply here or send it as a private message to me.

Do not fear.

Can you try and message me. I can't start a conversation

Belonging to Abba · Feb 19, 2020

I had a personal crisis of faith when I was in high school over Hebrews 10:26-31. Because of sin that had been deliberate in nature I was afraid that I had lost my salvation. Yet the Lord showed me He had never left my side. One of the ways other Christians helped me is to encourage me to not trust in "feelings". I noticed in your opening post that you said you "felt" the Holy Spirit leave you. However could that just be a feeling and not really your true relationship with God?

JennaB33 · Aug 6, 2020

@Simon Nurminen are you still active on forums? How are you doing?

Weaver71 · Aug 6, 2020

JennaB33 said:
@Simon Nurminen are you still active on forums? How are you doing?

Hey @JennaB33 I saw your post and i thought I have same problem like OP, do you struggle with that too?

Simon Nurminen · Aug 7, 2020

JennaB33 said:
@Simon Nurminen are you still active on forums? How are you doing?

Well, I get notification to my email if someone replies to my posts or something like that. I do watch then the forums.

I'm doing a lot better now than a year ago. God has NOT forsaken me. Could you email me? (Email: simon.nurminen@gmail.com).

Paul4JC · Aug 7, 2020

(Sorry I don't fully understand. Might be "The paralysis of analysis.") What is

Simon Nurminen said:
the perfect connection

? Maybe continue discussion in other forum.

Lord you know where Simon Nurminen is at. Help him understand you as you want him to. That fellowship with you is not so complicated. Restore his faith. In Jesus name.

JennaB33 · Aug 7, 2020

Weaver71 said:
Hey @JennaB33 I saw your post and i thought I have same problem like OP, do you struggle with that too?

Yes I do

Being cut off from the Lord

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