Elle1994

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Hello,

Im 24 years old and new to the forum.

Ive had IBS since I was 14 years old (10 years) and honestly it cripples my life.

I have been with my current boyfriend for nearly a year and he does treat me really well. However, I am starting to have doubts.

Because of my IBS, I display unpleasant symptoms and he makes comments and mocks me. Hes even said he finds it unattractive and has shown me no affection, compared to at the start.

Ive cried a few times about it because if he loves me he shouldnt make me feel so low about myself. Its my biggest in security. Im starting my masters in Occupational Therapy in Jan 2020 and I just feel like starting fresh, as a single person.. I really dont know what to do :'( Please feel free to message me or leave a comment (Male or Female). Does anyone have similar issues?
 

com7fy8

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You can be fresh with Jesus, right now, by doing things the right way and praying and trusting Jesus.

"'Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.'" (Matthew 11:28-29)

If he does not know how to love you, I would say do not get isolated with him. But invest in sharing with mature Christian people who help you yourself to walk with Jesus.

And do not depend on this man for anything; he is not your friend if he is not a good example to help you find out how to live with Jesus and love any and all people the way God wants.

You need to get wise to whatever in yourself, which made you able to fall for him. Because even if you get away from him, your own ways could just get you with another one who does not know how to love.
 
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Yennora

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That's a powerful indicator that this person is:

1. Not mature.
2. Is not the right person.

The right person is someone who will remain unchanged with you over time. Changing over time is a very bad indicator because it gets even worse after marriage. I would expect divorce as a result of living with such a person.

Relationships are mainly about respect. And then love and harmony but respect matters the most. If he doesn't understand your real value then he is not the right person, just go beyond him and find someone that really deserves you and will be able to remain loyal to you at all times.

Prayers to you as for the IBS struggle.
 
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Sketcher

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I remember when my friend's girlfriend at the time had endometreosis and would sometimes have to go to the hospital. He would take her there and wait with her. Find a man that treats you like my friend treated her.
 
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Willing-heart

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You're too precious to be in a relationship with anyone who mocks you and treat you bad, especially considering you are not even married. I seriously think you're better off walking away and I also recommend even burning the bridges as you do so.
 
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Take Heart

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I'm so sorry sis.. IBS is no joke. It is degrading, disrespectful and rude to mock you like that. I'd say listen to the nudge of what I believe is the Holy Spirit. Trust me when I say your mental wellbeing and health will thank you for it later. It is liberating to be single and use that time to draw closer to the Lord. You don't need to put up with that type of verbal abuse.
 
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turkle

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I find it interesting that you first say your boyfriend treats you really well, and then immediately go on to say that he mocks you and says awful things about something over which you have no control. Which means that no, he does NOT treat you really well. He is rude and cruel to you.

I would not waste one more precious moment with someone who thinks that mocking me is acceptable behavior. I would be gone right now.
 
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Messerve

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I find it interesting that you first say your boyfriend treats you really well, and then immediately go on to say that he mocks you and says awful things about something over which you have no control. Which means that no, he does NOT treat you really well. He is rude and cruel to you.

I would not waste one more precious moment with someone who thinks that mocking me is acceptable behavior. I would be gone right now.
Maybe to him it's more a way of teasing. He may not be trying to be hurtful or aware that it's hurting her. And he obviously doesn't have IBS so probably doesn't understand what she's going through...

I would say he's being immature and rude. But I would stop short of cruel.
 
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Shesalright

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Hello,

Im 24 years old and new to the forum.

Ive had IBS since I was 14 years old (10 years) and honestly it cripples my life.

I have been with my current boyfriend for nearly a year and he does treat me really well. However, I am starting to have doubts.

Because of my IBS, I display unpleasant symptoms and he makes comments and mocks me. Hes even said he finds it unattractive and has shown me no affection, compared to at the start.

Ive cried a few times about it because if he loves me he shouldnt make me feel so low about myself. Its my biggest in security. Im starting my masters in Occupational Therapy in Jan 2020 and I just feel like starting fresh, as a single person.. I really dont know what to do :'( Please feel free to message me or leave a comment (Male or Female). Does anyone have similar issues?


Please Please Please leave. If you have any doubts. Let it go! I promise. A partner doesn’t make you feel bad about a health condition.. That’s sick. [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] my heart is breaking. I’m here for you! i wanted to personally message you but I didn’t know how lol :/
 
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Persis

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Hello,

Im 24 years old and new to the forum.

Ive had IBS since I was 14 years old (10 years) and honestly it cripples my life.

I have been with my current boyfriend for nearly a year and he does treat me really well. However, I am starting to have doubts.

Because of my IBS, I display unpleasant symptoms and he makes comments and mocks me. Hes even said he finds it unattractive and has shown me no affection, compared to at the start.

Ive cried a few times about it because if he loves me he shouldnt make me feel so low about myself. Its my biggest in security. Im starting my masters in Occupational Therapy in Jan 2020 and I just feel like starting fresh, as a single person.. I really dont know what to do :( Please feel free to message me or leave a comment (Male or Female). Does anyone have similar issues?

I am very sorry for your pain. My feeling is that you should seriously respect your intuition, with at the very least looking into it further. I wrote because this hits close to home, as this is what happened to my mother. My mother was quite elderly and a widow at 75 years, and she met a man who was also a widower, same age. Although he displayed many wonderful qualities he had some disturbing qualities. First, he wanted to keep their relationship secret to their church body to keep tongues from wagging (they never had sexual relations as far as my mother told me) and second, he also didn't want any of his neighbours to know she was living there. So she always had to stay inside the house. This made problems for me when church members would call her/me and I could never tell them where she was. It made me look bad, and often my mom would tell them that I had forgotten to tell her that they called. She could never call them back because she couldn't call from his house, or else they would know.

More applicable to you, is that as my mother aged in the 15 year relationship it was clear that her friend deemed her appearance and her clothes to be very important to his self esteem. In fact my mother starved herself at one point in the very beginning of the relationship,raising concern for us children, because he wanted to have her look like a doll, because his 1st wife was overweight. As my mother continued to age and her posture deteriorated due to several factors, one of which was contracting a stroke, he stopped wanting to go dancing with her because he was ashamed of her. As a woman..you cannot BELIEVE how hurt she was. (AND PLEASE note: he was nothing to look at. Didn't look like your most handsomest movie star). It really really pained me especially because I understood her pain being a woman.

He also didn't want to take her to church because 1st he wanted to keep the relationship private (although I recently learned EVERYBODY knew) and again because she was no longer beautiful and he was ashamed to be seen with her. I think he used her for his own purposes from many different views and information that I know about but recently after her death he said she was the love of his life.

He also maintained tight control of her in other areas in that he never allowed her to buy the healthy food she wanted, even though she had her own money, and he was very hard on her when she wasn't standing straight. He would command her to stand straight like she was a soldier but she could not even if she tried. I talked to him about this many times but he never gave in. He also would say that he liked certain clothes she wore because they made her look attractive and hid her posture when they were out.

All of this went on because my mother accepted this and it was her choice to continue to stay with him and since she was an adult we let her do as she wished. There came a time sometime this year however where she started to be more aware of his behaviour for some reason, and things started turning sour and she no longer wanted to stay with him. In the end she was SO glad she never married him, but at that time she was more concerned about his many children and didn't want any conflict or trouble from them if he should die before her.

Naturally all humans are very flawed and none of us display the real Love that God is and has, but had she do it over again, she would not have at the very least stayed with him so long. She really didn't need him, so but life is messy. I think that who we choose as partners is very serious. We become attached to them just because it's comfortable, and we try to focus on the good things which is very natural, and this may be the reason that could stop you from looking at this deeper. Since you are still single and not married to him, I think whatever you do, please don't disregard your intuition, and seriously find out more about it, and don't turn a blind eye.

I hope that something I said here out of experience and hindsight helps you. Whatever the case, in my opinion, I agree with others that he is cruel. It is a valid concern, and there may be even more of this showing up in other areas. God Bless you and take good care!

p.s. I also suffered from IBS many many years ago, and mine was due to anxiety and a chronic situation I never dealt with.
 
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Newtheran

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... he does treat me really well...

... he makes comments and mocks me. Hes even said he finds it unattractive and has shown me no affection,

I'm thinking that you need a new definition of "treats me really well"... And probably a new boyfriend. Mocking someone for a medical condition is low.
 
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bèlla

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I think it takes a special grace to deal with a partner who is ill especially if you’ve never wrestled with the same. In an ideal world he’d admit his concerns and address them maturely.

But above all, you are your greatest advocate. You set the standard for how others behave. If you’re mistreated and remain in that position, don’t expect the other to change. In most instances it never happens. You must change your circumstances instead.
 
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Redwingfan9

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Hello,

Im 24 years old and new to the forum.

Ive had IBS since I was 14 years old (10 years) and honestly it cripples my life.

I have been with my current boyfriend for nearly a year and he does treat me really well. However, I am starting to have doubts.

Because of my IBS, I display unpleasant symptoms and he makes comments and mocks me. Hes even said he finds it unattractive and has shown me no affection, compared to at the start.

Ive cried a few times about it because if he loves me he shouldnt make me feel so low about myself. Its my biggest in security. Im starting my masters in Occupational Therapy in Jan 2020 and I just feel like starting fresh, as a single person.. I really dont know what to do :'( Please feel free to message me or leave a comment (Male or Female). Does anyone have similar issues?

Have you said anything to him about it? If you don't tell him it bothers you then there's nothing he can do about it. Some people like to joke around about serious things, I'm one of those people. When my wife had a miscarriage that necessitated a hospital stay i made endless jokes. My wife laughed, my endless kidding and commentary lightened up what was otherwise a horrific situation. Point being, some people try to laugh to keep from crying and if he's one of those people you should either roll with it because he recognizes the seriousness of it or you should tell him it bothers you.
 
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Michael972

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I understand. I have IBS. There are days when I can't got to work because it feels like someone is jabbing a screwdriver in my side. I would caution you on this relationship and possibly go to your pastor for further advice. I don't the exact story but I know that if my girl friend struggle I would do my best to support her not matter what. My ex-girlfriend had seizures and I accepted her the way she was. In my opinion, one shouldn't joke about health issues, mainly if you do decide to get married you don't want to be made fun off.
 
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RickardoHolmes

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That's a powerful indicator that this person is:

1. Not mature.
2. Is not the right person.

The right person is someone who will remain unchanged with you over time. Changing over time is a very bad indicator because it gets even worse after marriage. I would expect divorce as a result of living with such a person.

Relationships are mainly about respect. And then love and harmony but respect matters the most. If he doesn't understand your real value then he is not the right person, just go beyond him and find someone that really deserves you and will be able to remain loyal to you at all times.

Prayers to you as for the IBS struggle.
I
That's a powerful indicator that this person is:

1. Not mature.
2. Is not the right person.

The right person is someone who will remain unchanged with you over time. Changing over time is a very bad indicator because it gets even worse after marriage. I would expect divorce as a result of living with such a person.

Relationships are mainly about respect. And then love and harmony but respect matters the most. If he doesn't understand your real value then he is not the right person, just go beyond him and find someone that really deserves you and will be able to remain loyal to you at all times.

Prayers to you as for the IBS struggle.

Good point. I had some IBS issues ten years ago. Multiple surgerys a mo th in tje hospital. My wife was my rock, supportive and took care of me and the kids and worked ! I would have done the same for her had the situation been reversed.
(The church we were attending did nothing to help, BTW)
That is what love is and what a loving relationship is. Putting yourself aside to help the one ypu love.
 
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FutureAndAHope

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Hello,

Im 24 years old and new to the forum.

Ive had IBS since I was 14 years old (10 years) and honestly it cripples my life.

I have been with my current boyfriend for nearly a year and he does treat me really well. However, I am starting to have doubts.

Because of my IBS, I display unpleasant symptoms and he makes comments and mocks me. Hes even said he finds it unattractive and has shown me no affection, compared to at the start.

Ive cried a few times about it because if he loves me he shouldnt make me feel so low about myself. Its my biggest in security. Im starting my masters in Occupational Therapy in Jan 2020 and I just feel like starting fresh, as a single person.. I really dont know what to do :'( Please feel free to message me or leave a comment (Male or Female). Does anyone have similar issues?

I am assuming IBS, is irritable bowel syndrome? Do you mind if I get the church to pray for it's healing. I had a friend who's daughter had Ulcerated Colitis a bowl disease, after prayer she recovered from the illness. I can't say 100% that healing would occur through prayer, for reasons that I don't fully understand, but it is worth a shot.
 
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