How much do a man's looks help in the dating scene?

May 3, 2019
7
7
30
McAllen
✟16,179.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
A month ago I posted in frustration about whether God's calling for me was to remain single or to be called to marriage. After reviewing the desires of my heart and what I would be most capable in doing for His Kingdom, I figured that there were some aspects about myself that I needed to work on and I'm kindly asking people on CF to see if they can point in out. I believe the biggest problem is that I'm fat (210 lbs at 5'10) and therefore fail the first impression test when I talk with someone I'm interested in. Seriously


Just today, I had a (10 second) conversation with someone at Starbucks and could easily tell how it could've been different based on my appearance. Be advised, I approached the person with confidence and started the conversation.

Me: What kind of watch is that?
Her: It's a Fitbit.
Me: So you're trying to keep track of all your life steps.
Her: Yep
*The end*

If I wasn't overweight and had a buff physique, here's what our convo would've been:

Me: What kind of watch is that?
Her: It's a Fitbit.
Me: So you're trying to keep track of all your life steps.
Her: If I don't look after my health, oh my goodness, I'd lose myself.
Me: I get it, you're trying to multitask. We all do that.
Her: It's called multi-succeeding ;).
Me: Interesting! Your name?

Let me know your thoughts!
 
Last edited:

OldWiseGuy

Wake me when it's soup.
Supporter
Feb 4, 2006
46,773
10,981
Wisconsin
Visit site
✟960,122.00
Country
United States
Faith
Protestant
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Others
Dress, grooming, and fitness have always been important. But care for these things for yourself, not for 'her'. This will give you genuine confidence without having to 'muster it up'. You will become more outgoing and attractive to all those around you. What you are as a person, your character, your bearing, are most important. Also remember that you are seeking a woman to join you in your world. Therefore you should be building an attractive world for her to consider.

Proverbs 24:27
Prepare thy work without, and make it fit for thyself in the field; and afterwards build thine house.
 
  • Like
Reactions: bèlla
Upvote 0

Take Heart

Be encouraged ♥
Supporter
Jul 17, 2015
1,224
1,237
Toronto
✟335,020.00
Country
Canada
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Personally, if someone asked me that, I woild respond the same way. Not because of appearance but because there wasn't much room to elaborate. The question elicits more of a yes/no type of response. There are also many factors that may have contributed such as her being busy, has other things on her mind, is already in a relationship, is shy/introverted, doesnt know what else to say in that instance other than to reply yes/no. Hope that helps! :)
 
Upvote 0

NothingIsImpossible

Well-Known Member
May 22, 2015
5,615
3,254
✟274,922.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Alot of people look at the appearance. Even science says behind the scenes when we look at someone our brain we are seeing traits and stuff like that for a good "mate". I personally never have such thoughts, but what do I know.Now as for thoughts I actually think, I do notice appearance but don't care what someone looks like.

I'd add if someone is looking at your appearance first then they aren't worth dating. They should be looking at your heart. Looks fade with age. And sure a heart may change sometimes as you age, but still the heart is what matters.
 
Upvote 0

Sparagmos

Well-Known Member
Oct 19, 2018
8,632
7,319
52
Portland, Oregon
✟278,062.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
A month ago I posted in frustration about whether God's calling for me was to remain single or to be called to marriage. After reviewing the desires of my heart and what I would be most capable in doing for His Kingdom, I figured that there were some aspects about myself that I needed to work on and I'm kindly asking people on CF to see if they can point in out. I believe the biggest problem is that I'm fat (210 lbs at 5'10) and therefore fail the first impression test when I talk with someone I'm interested in. Seriously


Just today, I had a (10 second) conversation with someone at Starbucks and could easily tell how it could've been different based on my appearance. Be advised, I approached the person with confidence and started the conversation.

Me: What kind of watch is that?
Her: It's a Fitbit.
Me: So you're trying to keep track of all your life steps.
Her: Yep
*The end*

If I wasn't overweight and had a buff physique, here's what our convo would've been:

Me: What kind of watch is that?
Her: It's a Fitbit.
Me: So you're trying to keep track of all your life steps.
Her: If I don't look after my health, oh my goodness, I'd lose myself.
Me: I get it, you're trying to multitask. We all do that.
Her: It's called multi-succeeding ;).
Me: Interesting! Your name?

Let me know your thoughts!
Was her appearance in line with yours? If you are pursuing women who are “out of your league” appearance wise, you will likely be rejected. But there are plenty of women who are larger in size that have much to offer a mate, just as you do. Don’t insult a woman by expecting her to lower her standards for physical attractiveness if you aren’t willing to do the same.
 
Upvote 0
May 3, 2019
7
7
30
McAllen
✟16,179.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
Was her appearance in line with yours? If you are pursuing women who are “out of your league” appearance wise, you will likely be rejected. But there are plenty of women who are larger in size that have much to offer a mate, just as you do. Don’t insult a woman by expecting her to lower her standards for physical attractiveness if you aren’t willing to do the same.

I agree pretty much with your opinion. Except that I wasn't trying to pick on her or anyone for their appearance. I just used the watch as a talking starter. I'm not up-to-date with technology so I was eager to ask this type of question.
 
Upvote 0

Sparagmos

Well-Known Member
Oct 19, 2018
8,632
7,319
52
Portland, Oregon
✟278,062.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
I agree pretty much with your opinion. Except that I wasn't trying to pick on her or anyone for their appearance. I just used the watch as a talking starter. I'm not up-to-date with technology so I was eager to ask this type of question.
But if you know that you are equally as good looking as she is, then why would you ask about the importance of your weight? I, for instance am a little on the heavy side and I when I was single I would never hit on a man who was fitter than me. I knew that most likely he prefers a thinner woman, and if he is one of the guys that really love the extra curves, he can let me know. I see a lot of men repeatedly hitting on women who are physically “out of their league” and then getting frustrated. Meanwhile there are a whole bunch of average and below average looking women out there ready to meet another average or below average looking man.
 
Upvote 0

Not David

I'm back!
Apr 6, 2018
7,356
5,235
25
USA
✟231,310.00
Country
United States
Faith
Eastern Orthodox
Marital Status
Single
A month ago I posted in frustration about whether God's calling for me was to remain single or to be called to marriage. After reviewing the desires of my heart and what I would be most capable in doing for His Kingdom, I figured that there were some aspects about myself that I needed to work on and I'm kindly asking people on CF to see if they can point in out. I believe the biggest problem is that I'm fat (210 lbs at 5'10) and therefore fail the first impression test when I talk with someone I'm interested in. Seriously


Just today, I had a (10 second) conversation with someone at Starbucks and could easily tell how it could've been different based on my appearance. Be advised, I approached the person with confidence and started the conversation.

Me: What kind of watch is that?
Her: It's a Fitbit.
Me: So you're trying to keep track of all your life steps.
Her: Yep
*The end*

If I wasn't overweight and had a buff physique, here's what our convo would've been:

Me: What kind of watch is that?
Her: It's a Fitbit.
Me: So you're trying to keep track of all your life steps.
Her: If I don't look after my health, oh my goodness, I'd lose myself.
Me: I get it, you're trying to multitask. We all do that.
Her: It's called multi-succeeding ;).
Me: Interesting! Your name?

Let me know your thoughts!
Go to the gym, eat healthier and keep talking to girls. Don't lower your own value or girls will notice that.
 
Upvote 0

Temirlan

Active Member
Jun 28, 2019
198
41
54
Almaty
✟5,058.00
Country
Kazakhstan
Faith
Seeker
Marital Status
Private
A month ago I posted in frustration about whether God's calling for me was to remain single or to be called to marriage. After reviewing the desires of my heart and what I would be most capable in doing for His Kingdom, I figured that there were some aspects about myself that I needed to work on and I'm kindly asking people on CF to see if they can point in out. I believe the biggest problem is that I'm fat (210 lbs at 5'10) and therefore fail the first impression test when I talk with someone I'm interested in. Seriously


Just today, I had a (10 second) conversation with someone at Starbucks and could easily tell how it could've been different based on my appearance. Be advised, I approached the person with confidence and started the conversation.

Me: What kind of watch is that?
Her: It's a Fitbit.
Me: So you're trying to keep track of all your life steps.
Her: Yep
*The end*

If I wasn't overweight and had a buff physique, here's what our convo would've been:

Me: What kind of watch is that?
Her: It's a Fitbit.
Me: So you're trying to keep track of all your life steps.
Her: If I don't look after my health, oh my goodness, I'd lose myself.
Me: I get it, you're trying to multitask. We all do that.
Her: It's called multi-succeeding ;).
Me: Interesting! Your name?

Let me know your thoughts!

Crazy. :) These two conversations. :) Please, value yourself more. I don't accept your explanation of actual scenario 1 and possible scenario 2 if you looked different. Don't primitivize life so much.

That said, of course appearance matters. Not just as the first impression. Also as it can be a manifestation of your inner world. Not only tgat you are overweight because the way you are inside, it can be part or not part of the reason.

There's much more to appearance than physical characteristics. For example, money, power, strength, influence, social status, talent, charm, occupation, etc etc are factors too
 
Upvote 0

bèlla

❤️
Supporter
Jan 16, 2019
20,479
17,637
USA
✟933,127.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
In Relationship
I believe it depends on the value the individual places on physical appearance. There’s latitude within that preference. And you won’t know that without conversing.

Given the nature of your question it would seem you view your weight as a stumbling block to the women you’re attracted to. In that case, your choice is obvious: get fit or change your standard.

But it doesn’t help to build scenarios in your mind that have no real basis. You may find that enhancing your communication skills and addressing the weight is the winning combo.

Sign up for Toastmasters. And if the gym is not in your budget or you’re unsure of your commitment join Daily Burn and workout at home. Fitbit is a good tool and has supportive communities you may appreciate.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

HisGraceAbounds

Well-Known Member
Supporter
Jul 21, 2019
432
527
Central Illinois
✟267,200.00
Country
United States
Faith
Protestant
Marital Status
Private
Just to give you some encouragement, I am your height and weight, and I am at 15% body fat. You can change your appearance if it bothers you. I was at 250.

My advice with regards to meeting people is worthless since I have always been drawn to women who are out of my league and have never given a plain looking woman the time of day...but if you look approachable and friendly, conversation tends to happen easier and goes a bit further.
 
Upvote 0