Inheritance

Spring59 said:

I so need some advice from other Christians. I recently took care of my aunt that had a brain tumor for a year. She died and left me her estate. She and my mother had an ongoing bitterness and hatred for years for each other. It was over greed on my mothers part. My aunt begged me not to give my mother any of her estate. I did in the end state to her I promised it would only go for good. After her passing, my mother begged me and pleaded for me to pay off her car, which I broke a promise and did. She also got 10000 dollars. She is a spender and has always put herself in debt. She is 86 years old, and has lived her life spending more than she has. I grew up with that, repossessions, hot checks, bankruptcy, you name it, we lived it. My question is she cries to me everyday to pay her debts, and it hurts my heart. She tells me its not fair. Is it wrong for me not to, knowing she will only spend and get back in debt again. Or, because it is my mother and in Gods eyes I am to take care of her. But is this what he means by honoring your mother? I am struggling with this. Please give Christian advice.

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This sounds like a tough situation. I can tell that you love your mom and want to help her.

Maybe you could just help with necessities without giving her cash. Maybe buy food or help pay her utilities at times. This way, you can help her without contributing toward her irresponsible spending. Whatever you do, it sounds likes you're going to need to stand your ground in a respectful way.

I pray that you will have God's wisdom and direction in this.

Spring59 said:

Thank you for responding. She doesn't want help with necessities, I have tried that. I did pay her car off which freed her up 800 dollars a month, that was 2 months ago. She is back in debt. I had come to peace that I wasn't going to continue this cycle with her. I cant even honor what my aunt wanted. I would rather give it all to charity. I talk with my mother everyday, cause I feel the need to. She in returns though makes me feel ashamed, like I am doing something very wrong. She has gone to lengths to tell me the money is cursed, I better watch myself. I know better than that. Her and her sister hated each other, and it was all over money. I cant tell you how I have struggled with this, and why oh why was I put in this position with my family. I do not spend any of my aunts money on myself, and probably never will. She has made me fill so horrible. Thank you so much for your prayers, I do pray over this everyday.

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Sounds like the truth is ... she is irresponsible with money.

So, you have already go beyond what your aunt wanted ... and actually that is ok and I think a good choice on your part. Unless specifically directed by a written will making it a lawful issue, then what one receives is theirs and what they do with it is their business. You aunt wanted you to have what you have, so if you do want or need to use some it, don't at all feel bad about that.

As far as your mother goes .... it's not her money , it wasn't left to her. Difficult for her to accept evidentially.

So, just like a lot of us do, we make choices about how we spend. If you want to help her with something then do so with a happy heart (even if she is ungrateful about it). If you decide not to help her with something, don't let it hurt your heart, nor feel guilty about it. We are to give with a happy heart expecting nothing in return.

It is difficult, but basically, ignore her bad attitude and bad remarks about it, because it is her attitude and she owns it, and the attitude sounds like it always has been, so deeply engrained.

Needs and wants .... in helping her, or anyone for that matter, decide and be happy about it. Don't fall subject to "gift remorse". A gift is a gift, nothing expected in return. So if the gift is cash ... then it is her gift to spend however she wants. If the gift is not cash then she can accept it, use it, return it, grumble about it or whatever she wants to do with it as well.

Praying the Lord will help your mom to have a better attitude.

ATTITUDE

by

Charles Swindoll

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think, say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

And so it is ... we are in charge of our Attitudes”

God Bless.

If you made a promise to your aunt, you need to keep to the terms. If you didn't promise her that you wouldn't give your mum any part of her estate, she might not have left it for you, she probably would have given it to charity. You need to honor your words to her especially as a Christian. You can give your mum some weekly stipends out of your own earnings from other incomes or just assist her in getting her weekly groceries for instead of giving her money. Gos bless

Perhaps you can make one last purchase for your mom. A session with a debt counseling place.

I would make a deal. Tell her you will help her out to a certain, limited, extent, if she will let you or maybe a competent attorney, handle her affairs and decide which purchases she can and cannot make. In other words, she gives up control of her funds to someone else, probably you, with an attorney's advice. I'm guessing she won't want to do that, but she will have been given a choice. If she does make that choice you may need legal advice on how to keep your mother from later trying to say you treated her unfairly or took advantage of her, or whatever. I'm guessing that you would take good track of things and that would be a protection. Just some thoughts.

Some people are adjudicated incompetent to handle their funds. It doesn't seem your mother is in exactly that crowd, but you and an attorney could handle her pretty much the same way.

Your mother is apparently very irresponsible and it is not wise to pour good money after bad, of course. You can keep telling her gently that you made a promise and you need to honor it. When she argues, deflect, change the subject, say you have to go or whatever. "I love you very much Mom, but we both know you have never learned the skills for handling money responsibly. I'm sorry but I have to go now. We've already discussed this over and over and I have nothing more to say. Catch you later." Or to put it another way, just say No!

Apparently you love your mother and that is great, but we know being an enabler to her is bad for her, not to mention being very stressful to you.

P.S. It seems that from childhood your mother has been, and is still being, abusive to you. I pray you will get healing from that and any possible "trauma bonding" you experienced as a result.

Do you have power of attorney? I am 82 years old and recently had heart valve replacement. I made sure my daughter had power of attorney before that. Sounds to me like your mother does not have a sense of responsibility regarding her finances. So I hear you. Not many people do as they reach old age. Many realize that they need constant guidance and help. Obviously your mom isn't or maybe is unable to do this.
Having said that I think your generosity toward your mother is praise worthy; but also exercising caution about how much or even if you continue to do so is needed. In other words, stop giving in to her. It is doing neither her or you any good.

Is is really sad that your Aunt died when there was such bad feelings between the two of them. Try best you can to not let that bad attitude bring you down. And, above all, don't let your mother put you on a guilt trip. You are still her daughter but you are now the adult in the relationship and she is acting like a child.
I think it is okay to help your mom sometime; but that you also need to guide her constantly in where and how she is spending money. Perhaps if you tell her you need power of attorney you will be better able to do so. Maybe you can find a "home for Mom" some place (if you can afford it or use your aunt's inheritance) where others will care for her and she won't have the opportunity to run up debts. You may actually need a lawyer in all of this. Mainly though you need to keep praying and seeking what God wants you to do one step at a time. I can only imagine how hard this can be. Praying for you from here today.

Joined2krist said:

If you made a promise to your aunt, you need to keep to the terms. If you didn't promise her that you wouldn't give your mum any part of her estate, she might not have left it for you, she probably would have given it to charity. You need to honor your words to her especially as a Christian. You can give your mum some weekly stipends out of your own earnings from other incomes or just assist her in getting her weekly groceries for instead of giving her money. Gos bless

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hmmmm .... I respectfully disagree

I don't find anything in Gods Holy Word where it says to honor anything about the dead, or carrying out their wishes, other than giving them a proper burial.

Psalm 146:4

When his breath departs, he returns to the earth; on that very day his plans perish.

Ecclesiastes 9

10 Whatever you do, do well. For when you go to the grave, there will be no work or planning or knowledge or wisdom.

Ecclesiastes 9

For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing, and they have no more reward, for the memory of them is forgotten.

Psalm 115:17
The dead do not praise the Lord, nor do any who go down into silence.

Upon a persons death, when an inheritance is received (without any legal "strings" - and even then it can be challenged & changed), the person receiving makes the decisions/plans from there on out and are responsible for them.

Spring59 said:

I so need some advice from other Christians. I recently took care of my aunt that had a brain tumor for a year. She died and left me her estate. She and my mother had an ongoing bitterness and hatred for years for each other. It was over greed on my mothers part. My aunt begged me not to give my mother any of her estate. I did in the end state to her I promised it would only go for good. After her passing, my mother begged me and pleaded for me to pay off her car, which I broke a promise and did. She also got 10000 dollars. She is a spender and has always put herself in debt. She is 86 years old, and has lived her life spending more than she has. I grew up with that, repossessions, hot checks, bankruptcy, you name it, we lived it. My question is she cries to me everyday to pay her debts, and it hurts my heart. She tells me its not fair. Is it wrong for me not to, knowing she will only spend and get back in debt again. Or, because it is my mother and in Gods eyes I am to take care of her. But is this what he means by honoring your mother? I am struggling with this. Please give Christian advice.

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Tough situation, easy answer. The more you bail out your mom, the weaker she becomes. Your job in life isnt to be her savior. Thats the LORDS job. Your job is to be her daughter. Stop trying to save her from her situations. As tough is it might be, youre actually doing more damage bailing her out than he having to see what its like to deal with her own problems.

"Mom, i love you, AND i wont give you any more money because i love you."
She wont understand. But your job isnt to make her understand.

Spring59 said:

I so need some advice from other Christians. I recently took care of my aunt that had a brain tumor for a year. She died and left me her estate. She and my mother had an ongoing bitterness and hatred for years for each other. It was over greed on my mothers part. My aunt begged me not to give my mother any of her estate. I did in the end state to her I promised it would only go for good. After her passing, my mother begged me and pleaded for me to pay off her car, which I broke a promise and did. She also got 10000 dollars. She is a spender and has always put herself in debt. She is 86 years old, and has lived her life spending more than she has. I grew up with that, repossessions, hot checks, bankruptcy, you name it, we lived it. My question is she cries to me everyday to pay her debts, and it hurts my heart. She tells me its not fair. Is it wrong for me not to, knowing she will only spend and get back in debt again. Or, because it is my mother and in Gods eyes I am to take care of her. But is this what he means by honoring your mother? I am struggling with this. Please give Christian advice.

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You made a promise. Keep it.

Your aunt said to not give the money to your mother, and you yourself just outlined exactly why your mother should not have any money given to her. The is irresponsible.

Now keep your promise before G-d, and do what you said you would. Don't give your mother the money.

Honoring doesn't mean breaking promises and blowing the money G-d has give you, to give it to a person who will blow it all and be poor again.

Life isn't fair, and shouldn't be. When you live irresponsibly, you should be poor and impoverished, and that is morally right.

eleos1954 said:

hmmmm .... I respectfully disagree

I don't find anything in Gods Holy Word where it says to honor anything about the dead, or carrying out their wishes, other than giving them a proper burial.

Psalm 146:4

When his breath departs, he returns to the earth; on that very day his plans perish.

Ecclesiastes 9

10 Whatever you do, do well. For when you go to the grave, there will be no work or planning or knowledge or wisdom.

Ecclesiastes 9

For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing, and they have no more reward, for the memory of them is forgotten.

Psalm 115:17
The dead do not praise the Lord, nor do any who go down into silence.

Upon a persons death, when an inheritance is received (without any legal "strings" - and even then it can be challenged & changed), the person receiving makes the decisions/plans from there on out and are responsible for them.

Click to expand...

eleos1954 said:

hmmmm .... I respectfully disagree

I don't find anything in Gods Holy Word where it says to honor anything about the dead, or carrying out their wishes, other than giving them a proper burial.

Psalm 146:4

When his breath departs, he returns to the earth; on that very day his plans perish.

Ecclesiastes 9

10 Whatever you do, do well. For when you go to the grave, there will be no work or planning or knowledge or wisdom.

Ecclesiastes 9

For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing, and they have no more reward, for the memory of them is forgotten.

Psalm 115:17
The dead do not praise the Lord, nor do any who go down into silence.

Upon a persons death, when an inheritance is received (without any legal "strings" - and even then it can be challenged & changed), the person receiving makes the decisions/plans from there on out and are responsible for them.

Click to expand...

eleos1954 said:

hmmmm .... I respectfully disagree

I don't find anything in Gods Holy Word where it says to honor anything about the dead, or carrying out their wishes, other than giving them a proper burial.

Psalm 146:4

When his breath departs, he returns to the earth; on that very day his plans perish.

Ecclesiastes 9

10 Whatever you do, do well. For when you go to the grave, there will be no work or planning or knowledge or wisdom.

Ecclesiastes 9

For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing, and they have no more reward, for the memory of them is forgotten.

Psalm 115:17
The dead do not praise the Lord, nor do any who go down into silence.

Upon a persons death, when an inheritance is received (without any legal "strings" - and even then it can be challenged & changed), the person receiving makes the decisions/plans from there on out and are responsible for them.

Click to expand...

eleos1954 said:

hmmmm .... I respectfully disagree

I don't find anything in Gods Holy Word where it says to honor anything about the dead, or carrying out their wishes, other than giving them a proper burial.

Psalm 146:4

When his breath departs, he returns to the earth; on that very day his plans perish.

Ecclesiastes 9

10 Whatever you do, do well. For when you go to the grave, there will be no work or planning or knowledge or wisdom.

Ecclesiastes 9

For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing, and they have no more reward, for the memory of them is forgotten.

Psalm 115:17
The dead do not praise the Lord, nor do any who go down into silence.

Upon a persons death, when an inheritance is received (without any legal "strings" - and even then it can be challenged & changed), the person receiving makes the decisions/plans from there on out and are responsible for them.

Click to expand...

During the transfiguration the dead were discussing with Jesus also Saul was able to summon Samuel through a diviner. The dead are not truly dead they're just no longer with us here on earth. We still need to respect their wishes

"Do not move an ancient boundary stone set by your ancestors" proverbs 22:28

God bless

Tie the money up in investment instruments that cannot be accessed (if you don't need it right away).

My ex-wife is like that, always broke. She's also an alcoholic. Our kids have little to do with her. I would help my daughter buy a house but her mother would 'beg' her way into her life in order to live cheap (or free) and make my daughter's life miserable. Such toxic people have no idea the damage they cause.

Joined2krist said:

During the transfiguration the dead were discussing with Jesus also Saul was able to summon Samuel through a diviner. The dead are not truly dead they're just no longer with us here on earth. We still need to respect their wishes

"Do not move an ancient boundary stone set by your ancestors" proverbs 22:28

God bless

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during the transfiguration some of the dead were resurrected (and appeared along with others that had been previously resurrected), they were alive unto eternity just like when He returns the saved will also be ... so they were alive AFTER resurrection, no longer dead.

Matthew 27
52The tombs broke open, and the bodies of many saints who had fallen asleep were raised. 53After Jesus’ resurrection, when they had come out of the tombs, they entered the holy city and appeared to many people.

When one is resurrected or translated and with Jesus/God, they are no longer dead.

Reaffirmed here:

1 Thessalonians 4

15By the word of the Lord, we declare to you that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who have fallen asleep. 16For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a loud command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will be the first to rise.

proverbs 22:28 - has nothing to do with the state of the dead.

Regarding Samuel and the WITCH (not a diviner) of Endor. God had stopped communicating with Samuel, that's why He sought out a "medium" of which he knew was totally unacceptable to do, that's why he was sneaking around doing it. He was in disobedience to God and He knew it.

The Lord is very very clear: there are many more verses on the subject

. . . Do not turn to mediums or seek out spiritists, for you will be defiled by them. I am the LORD your God (Leviticus 19:26,31).

Leviticus 20:6

“If a person turns to mediums and necromancers, whoring after them, I will set my face against that person and will cut him off from among his people.

2 Corinthians 11:14
And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.

1 Chronicles 10:13-14

So Saul died for his breach of faith. He broke faith with the Lord in that he did not keep the command of the Lord, and also consulted a medium, seeking guidance. He did not seek guidance from the Lord. Therefore the Lord put him to death and turned the kingdom over to David the son of Jesse.