- May 9, 2018
- 761
- 621
- 33
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Protestant
- Marital Status
- Single
Please some prayers to make it stop. 10 years ago when I was 19 I started hearing voices. I thought Jesus was talking to me, and asked me to marry Him. I agreed to without testing the spirits. Long story short, now whenever I have psychosis I can feel this demon raping me while I'm awake. The meds make it go away, but I'm still feeling awful about it. I feel humiliated talking about it. it's something I've only mentioned online a couple of times and to my psychologist. I'm not even really sure if its real or just tactile hallucinations. Recently I prayed for God to sever any and all ties I had to that thing, and then it came back immediately after I prayed after having been dormant for six years, asking for me to let it in. i said no, but its been raping me anyways.
It's been trying to tempt me to give up my soul for different things. It keeps asking me to marry it again. I keep saying no. When its raping me I have a hard time not feeling aroused. I'm feeling guilty about it right now. I've been praying for forgiveness, but I just feel so awful about this whole thing. when I told it that it wasn't a legit marriage because it lied about its identity, it said that Leah tricked Jacob into marrying her by pretending to be Rachel, but that the marriage was still legit after it was consummated. It now refers to me as its ex wife. I had to almost double my meds and its starting to wind down, i think. i feel violated, but it says defiled. It laughs at me a lot, tells me it hates me, and refers to Jesus as "that bastard". I've never had sex with a person, I don't watch inappropriate content, I don't touch, I've never been married, so I don't know what keeps this thing coming.
It's so hard not feeling aroused when it's happening. I'm already sexually repressed enough as it is, and unlike a person I can't run away from it or slam the door in its face. I've been praying for it to leave in the name of Jesus Christ, and it is starting to wind down again, but more than anything I'm feeling guilty for being turned on by it. I've prayed for God to forgive me for my spiritual harlotry and to please take me back. And then two days after that i let myself enjoy it too much again. I feel so ashamed of myself. I feel like this is so unfair, cuz I'm already sexually repressed as it is. This level of temptation is bull and I'm having trouble fighting it. I keep failing. Please pray that it stops permanently.
I don't believe the demon is Jesus anymore. I've already been baptized fully immersed. I don't want to say my name, it's too embarrassing. Just call me sea, cuz those three letters are my initials anyways.
Please some prayers to make it stop. 10 years ago when I was 19 I started hearing voices. I thought Jesus was talking to me, and asked me to marry Him. I agreed to without testing the spirits. Long story short, now whenever I have psychosis I can feel this demon raping me while I'm awake. The meds make it go away, but I'm still feeling awful about it. I feel humiliated talking about it. it's something I've only mentioned online a couple of times and to my psychologist. I'm not even really sure if its real or just tactile hallucinations. Recently I prayed for God to sever any and all ties I had to that thing, and then it came back immediately after I prayed after having been dormant for six years, asking for me to let it in. i said no, but its been raping me anyways.
It's been trying to tempt me to give up my soul for different things. It keeps asking me to marry it again. I keep saying no. When its raping me I have a hard time not feeling aroused. I'm feeling guilty about it right now. I've been praying for forgiveness, but I just feel so awful about this whole thing. when I told it that it wasn't a legit marriage because it lied about its identity, it said that Leah tricked Jacob into marrying her by pretending to be Rachel, but that the marriage was still legit after it was consummated. It now refers to me as its ex wife. I had to almost double my meds and its starting to wind down, i think. i feel violated, but it says defiled. It laughs at me a lot, tells me it hates me, and refers to Jesus as "that bastard". I've never had sex with a person, I don't watch inappropriate content, I don't touch, I've never been married, so I don't know what keeps this thing coming.
It's so hard not feeling aroused when it's happening. I'm already sexually repressed enough as it is, and unlike a person I can't run away from it or slam the door in its face. I've been praying for it to leave in the name of Jesus Christ, and it is starting to wind down again, but more than anything I'm feeling guilty for being turned on by it. I've prayed for God to forgive me for my spiritual harlotry and to please take me back. And then two days after that i let myself enjoy it too much again. I feel so ashamed of myself. I feel like this is so unfair, cuz I'm already sexually repressed as it is. This level of temptation is bull and I'm having trouble fighting it. I keep failing. Please pray that it stops permanently.
Thanks everyone for the prayers. I think between the prayers and the meds kicking in it has stopped happening. When I’m hallucinating everything seems so real but you guys are probably right it is probably just psychological. Maybe there is a spiritual component to it but there is no way to really know. Thanks for all the prayers I hope this never happens again
Thanks everyone for the prayers. I think between the prayers and the meds kicking in it has stopped happening. When I’m hallucinating everything seems so real but you guys are probably right it is probably just psychological. Maybe there is a spiritual component to it but there is no way to really know. Thanks for all the prayers I hope this never happens again