Help, so discouraged

Mathetes66 said:

If he physically abuses you & leaves marks, then take pictures like you did in the past as evidence & if necessary, call the police, stating in these words, "I feared for my physical well being, I feared for my life.'

In my state, if the police are called in a domestic situation, one of them will be arrested. My niece had to do this & thus she had actual documentation of what was going on.

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Itsahappyday said:

I have a hard time being affectionate with him now, it wasn't so at the beginning and that upsets him. I like wearing flannel pyjamas and he wants me to wear sexy things. So he calls me a cold dish, says maybe I am lesbian and would prefer girls.
At one point yesterday he said if someone called him names like he does to me, he would work to show them that he is not what they say he is. It's like is he hoping to motivate me by callingmme names to show him I am not these things

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Daniel Marsh said:

We no longer live in the culture of the Bible where the abusing husband, cheating spouse is taken out to be stoned. The Biblical Culture is all Generations under the same roof or in tents next to each other under the Authority of the oldest person. As I understand it one person left their family to live with the other. Separate tents but under the authority of the oldest in the clan. The Bible does not directly address our culture.

She needs to get help by those with the experiences to do so. Not by some Pastor who does not live in the real world.

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Itsahappyday said:

I am so discouraged. How can my husband be so blessed and talented and yes, anointed yet at home for years he calls me dumb stupid etc...

He says I am not trying hard enough, not using my head.

He says not to go against God's anointing.

Today I failed Jesus. I got super angry and swore.

I am tired of being called stupid, dumb idiot., he says I never amounted to anything and that I have nothing to show for all my years. That I do nothing.

He keeps saying people at church think I am dumb too.

He texted me a month ago the following - - "That is my lot, spending my life with someone who doesn't get things. My fault for picking you.
I will NEVER be responsible for your lack of education, wisdom and excellence. Those mediocre attributes are yours and yours alone."

He told me that there are 5 types of people and the kind of person i am, he has to use the rod of discipline to beat the stupidity out of me.

I was super angry today because I have been having back pain and there he goes saying that I need to clean the floor by bending over and picking up any pieces, but bending over is difficult right now. And he's called me dumb, idiot. He wanted a particular kind of meat at a restaurant and I thought it was ok the one I bought but it turned out to be the wrong one. He called me names because of that saying I should have known. This is the second time I picked up from there.

He got a little rough by putting his hand underneath my chin hard and then downstairs too when he pushed me but he says he was just pushing me out of the way.


I told him to keep his "beeping" hands to himself. Not my greatest moment, I sinned bad.

I told him I don't want him to call me names anymore but he said he won't call me names if I don't do anything stupid. I toldhhim calling me names is not normal.

Sunday I realised that he doesn't call me names at church because he knows no one would agree with it so instead he calls me by endearments instead.

He says I am demon possessed, angel of light coming against the man of God. He has said I was not saved. He said today if I left him I probably would go for a woman - which is so very much not true.

I used to spend so much time with the Lord every day when I was single but now it's so hard. I tried praying tonight but I didn't feel much. So then I tried worshipping and it just wasn't the same.

Could the Lord be angry with me?

I am not happy at all. I thought marrying him was the Lord's Will. But from the beginning he was impatient with me and after 4 months the name calling began.

He even said he should not have married me.

To be fair, I was not the neatest or most organized person and he's super neat, but I have worked hard and he even said a few days ago that I have improved.

It's not always this bad. Just a few days ago he said I have improved and he appreciated the things that I take care of at home that he doesn't have to worry about. He sometimes says things like he's proud of me or proud that I am his wife. And during those times it's great as long as I don't mess it up, by dropping something by accident or saying something I know he won't like

But when I mess up its the names again, dumb stupid or idiot.

He says it's normal that married couples fight.

I did call him a fake Christian that thinks because of all the work he does for the Lord, that he is ok.

He even said something like, not exact words, but something along the lines of since what he does at church goes so well, the Lord must be pleased with him

Can the Lord be angry with me or not pleased because I don't keep my mouth shut all the time? I do ignore many things, even cutting remarks at times, but sometimes I just can't take it and respond back in anger.

Before being saved I dated men, one for a long time and he never called me names. I get married to a Christian and I am called names,put down, pushed around .... What's going on???

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Itsahappyday said:

I am so discouraged. How can my husband be so blessed and talented and yes, anointed yet at home for years he calls me dumb stupid etc...

He says I am not trying hard enough, not using my head.

He says not to go against God's anointing.

Today I failed Jesus. I got super angry and swore.

I am tired of being called stupid, dumb idiot., he says I never amounted to anything and that I have nothing to show for all my years. That I do nothing.

He keeps saying people at church think I am dumb too.

He texted me a month ago the following - - "That is my lot, spending my life with someone who doesn't get things. My fault for picking you.
I will NEVER be responsible for your lack of education, wisdom and excellence. Those mediocre attributes are yours and yours alone."

He told me that there are 5 types of people and the kind of person i am, he has to use the rod of discipline to beat the stupidity out of me.

I was super angry today because I have been having back pain and there he goes saying that I need to clean the floor by bending over and picking up any pieces, but bending over is difficult right now. And he's called me dumb, idiot. He wanted a particular kind of meat at a restaurant and I thought it was ok the one I bought but it turned out to be the wrong one. He called me names because of that saying I should have known. This is the second time I picked up from there.

He got a little rough by putting his hand underneath my chin hard and then downstairs too when he pushed me but he says he was just pushing me out of the way.


I told him to keep his "beeping" hands to himself. Not my greatest moment, I sinned bad.

I told him I don't want him to call me names anymore but he said he won't call me names if I don't do anything stupid. I toldhhim calling me names is not normal.

Sunday I realised that he doesn't call me names at church because he knows no one would agree with it so instead he calls me by endearments instead.

He says I am demon possessed, angel of light coming against the man of God. He has said I was not saved. He said today if I left him I probably would go for a woman - which is so very much not true.

I used to spend so much time with the Lord every day when I was single but now it's so hard. I tried praying tonight but I didn't feel much. So then I tried worshipping and it just wasn't the same.

Could the Lord be angry with me?

I am not happy at all. I thought marrying him was the Lord's Will. But from the beginning he was impatient with me and after 4 months the name calling began.

He even said he should not have married me.

To be fair, I was not the neatest or most organized person and he's super neat, but I have worked hard and he even said a few days ago that I have improved.

It's not always this bad. Just a few days ago he said I have improved and he appreciated the things that I take care of at home that he doesn't have to worry about. He sometimes says things like he's proud of me or proud that I am his wife. And during those times it's great as long as I don't mess it up, by dropping something by accident or saying something I know he won't like

But when I mess up its the names again, dumb stupid or idiot.

He says it's normal that married couples fight.

I did call him a fake Christian that thinks because of all the work he does for the Lord, that he is ok.

He even said something like, not exact words, but something along the lines of since what he does at church goes so well, the Lord must be pleased with him

Can the Lord be angry with me or not pleased because I don't keep my mouth shut all the time? I do ignore many things, even cutting remarks at times, but sometimes I just can't take it and respond back in anger.

Before being saved I dated men, one for a long time and he never called me names. I get married to a Christian and I am called names,put down, pushed around .... What's going on???

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Itsahappyday said:

I am updating so that you all can know what's going on. We had an unusual day. My husband made sure we all met with the girl he wants to hire and made it very clear to her that yes he thought she was a nice girl when they dated but he's married, that he loved me for a long time and he would not flirt with her. There's too much to go into but hearing him tell her this to her face in front of me was freeing.

She understood and equally told me that if ever she says something flirtatious and I hear it, to tell her right away.

This combined with his tears and apologies for being a vicious husband 2 Fridays ago plus the fact that he's trying to be kinder and less impatient, it's a miracle.

He did hint that the Lord spoke to him that Friday that he apologized to me.

Thank you all for your prayers.

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Itsahappyday said:

I am updating so that you all can know what's going on. We had an unusual day. My husband made sure we all met with the girl he wants to hire and made it very clear to her that yes he thought she was a nice girl when they dated but he's married, that he loved me for a long time and he would not flirt with her. There's too much to go into but hearing him tell her this to her face in front of me was freeing.

She understood and equally told me that if ever she says something flirtatious and I hear it, to tell her right away.

This combined with his tears and apologies for being a vicious husband 2 Fridays ago plus the fact that he's trying to be kinder and less impatient, it's a miracle.

He did hint that the Lord spoke to him that Friday that he apologized to me.

Thank you all for your prayers.

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Endeavourer said:

I'm sorry, sister, but I think he's giving you crumbs so he can enjoy the excitement of being the center of attention for two women who are attracted to him.
I would not be shocked if he started an affair with this woman. In fact, I'd be shocked if he didn't.
A marital boundaries hard and fast line is not to be in close relationships with people you've dated before.
Edited to add: I wouldn't be shocked if they are already in an affair and this little meeting was just cover for them.

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Sparagmos said:

You’re husband is manipulating you. There is no good reason or excuse for hiring this woman. This man has no respect or love for you, why are you staying with him?

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