Help, so discouraged

Daniel Marsh · Jun 11, 2019

Dorothy Mae said:
Whether God brought you together or not does not matter. You are married now and God hates divorce. He didn't say He only hates divorce in good marriages.

I would suggest you spend time with the Lord and ask Him what He thinks of you. You need to have some truth in your heart and head and that man is not giving you truth. God will give you truth about yourself. THis will give you some strength to resist the lies that man is putting into your head. So when a human is not giving us the love we need, God will do so but we need to seek Him and ask Him to speak to us. It is how one endures abuse without being damaged.

Israel was abusing God, He Divorced Israel and then called them to repentance.

My Position is simple, go to a Woman's Shelter for help. They have real experience.
Follow God's example below!!!

Jeremiah 3 Easy-to-Read Version (ERV)
3 “If a man divorces his wife and she goes and marries someone else,
the first husband cannot take her back.
If he did,[a] it would make the land unclean.
Judah, you and all your false gods are like a prostitute with many lovers!
So why do you think you can come back to me?”
This message is from the Lord.
2 “Look up to the bare hilltops, Judah.
Is there any place where you have not had sex with your lovers?
You sat by the road waiting for lovers,
like an Arab in the desert.
You made the land ‘dirty’
with all the evil sins you did
when you were unfaithful to me.
3 You sinned, so the rain has not come.
There has not been any springtime rains.
But still you refuse to be ashamed.
The look on your face is like that of a prostitute who refuses to be ashamed.
4 But didn’t you just call me ‘Father’?
Didn’t you say, ‘You have been my friend since I was a child’?
5 You also said, ‘God will not always be angry with me.
His anger will not continue forever.’

“Judah, you say that,
but you do as much evil as you can.”

The Two Bad Sisters: Israel and Judah
6 The Lord spoke to me during the time King Josiah was ruling the nation of Judah. He said, “Jeremiah, you saw the bad things Israel did! You saw how she was unfaithful to me. She was unfaithful to me with every idol on every hill and under every green tree. 7 I said to myself, ‘Israel will come back to me after she has finished doing these evil things.’ But she did not come back to me. And Israel’s unfaithful sister, Judah, saw what she did. 8 Israel was unfaithful, and she knew why I sent her away. Israel knew that I divorced her because she committed the sin of adultery. But that did not make her unfaithful sister afraid. Judah was not afraid. She also went out and acted like a prostitute. 9 Judah did not care that she was acting like a prostitute. So she made her country ‘dirty.’ She committed the sin of adultery by worshiping idols made out of stone and wood. 10 Israel’s unfaithful sister did not come back to me with her whole heart. She only pretended that she came back to me.” This message is from the Lord.

11 The Lord said to me, “Israel was not faithful to me, but she had a better excuse than unfaithful Judah. 12 Jeremiah, look toward the north and speak this message:

“‘Come back, you faithless people of Israel.’
This message is from the Lord.
‘I will stop frowning at you.
I am full of mercy.’
The Lord says, ‘I will not be angry with you forever.
13 But you must recognize your sin.
You turned against the Lord your God.
That is your sin.
You worshiped the idols of other nations.
You worshiped them under every green tree.
You did not obey me.’”
This message is from the Lord.

14 The Lord says, “You people are unfaithful, but come back to me because I am your master. I will take one person from every city and two people from every family and bring you to Zion. 15 Then I will give you new rulers who will be faithful to me. They will lead you with knowledge and understanding. 16 In those days there will be many of you in the land.” This message is from the Lord.

“At that time people will never again say, ‘I remember the days when we had the Box of the Lord’s Agreement.’ They will not even think about the Holy Box anymore. They will not even remember or miss it. They will never make another Holy Box. 17 At that time the city of Jerusalem will be called the ‘Lord’s Throne.’ All nations will come together in the city of Jerusalem to give honor to the name of the Lord. They will not follow their stubborn, evil hearts anymore. 18 In those days the family of Judah will join the family of Israel. They will come together from a land in the north to the land I gave to their ancestors.”

19-20 This message is from the Lord:

“I want to treat you like my own children.
I want to give you a pleasant land,
a land more beautiful than any other nation.
I thought you would call me ‘Father.’
I thought you would always follow me.
But you have been unfaithful to me, family of Israel!
You have been like an unfaithful wife who leaves her husband.
21 You can hear crying on the bare hills.
The people of Israel are crying and praying for mercy.
They became very evil.
They forgot the Lord their God.

22 “People of Israel, you are unfaithful to me, but come back to me.
Come back and I will forgive[c] you for being unfaithful.

“Just say, ‘Yes, we will come back,
because you are the Lord our God.
23 It was foolish to worship idols on the hills.
All the loud parties on the mountains were wrong.
Surely the salvation of Israel
comes from the Lord our God.
24 That terrible false god Baal has eaten everything our fathers owned.
This has happened since we were children.
That terrible false god took our fathers’ sheep and cattle
and their sons and daughters.
25 Let us lie down in our shame.
Let our shame cover us like a blanket.
We have sinned against the Lord our God.
We and our fathers have sinned.
We have not obeyed the Lord our God
from the time we were children.’”

Daniel Marsh · Jun 11, 2019

Shadowprophet said:
I could be wrong, And I could be on the wrong page, just from my heart I believe sometimes Christians do have to fight. I can think of some examples, One example is, We aren't just expected to defend our families. It is our duty to do that, There is the Term Christian Soldier, Soldiers must sometimes fight.

As a Christian with love in his heart, If you witnessed someone Abuse a child or anyone. Your heart should feel charged to protect that individual. Fighting is not always A bad or evil thing. We from birth have to fight the devil and his temptations.

When you fight if you are fighting for the right reasons, Then you are doing Gods work.
We as Christians shouldn't seek things like pride or ego or fighting just to see who is the Alpha.

But as far as fighting does go, If you see someone male-female or child being abused or treated poorly, and you don't fight. you may be taking the wrong action brother.

Exodus 15:3 Good News Translation (GNT)
3 The Lord is a warrior;
the Lord is his name.

Daniel Marsh · Jun 11, 2019

StillGods said:
God is for you dear one, and is not disappointed in you. Be assured of this very much.
Roman's 8:31
Jeremiah 31:3

God is in your corner, He is helping and will continue to help you find your way through this. Even giving you this forum so you have support and giving you perspective so you are aware is God helping you.

it's a character issue with your husband sadly, his memory if fine. he is just messing with your mind because he seems to enjoy having control over you and putting you down so he can feel like a big man.. sorry I just dont think he's anointed at all. you're way more anointed for putting up with him for this long.

you are right not to believe his stories about the past about his interactions with people. he twists everything you say, sadly of course he will be twisting what really happened with other people to his advantage aswell.

but you are not alone, we are here and God is working in your situation.

it is however also a concern if you can not get away, within reason a wife should be able to go away with friends or to visit relatives by herself at times, or go to a counselor!.. that in itself says a lot about how he has trapped and isolated you so you cant get help, which is very unhealthy. I hope you are starting to see how unhealthy the place you are in is.

does he control all the money as well?

dear one we are all concerned for you, please start preparing in little ways in case you have to leave. if you can start putting some money aside for yourself in case of an emergency. you need to protect yourself because sadly your husband is not protecting you as he should.

God is with you Daughter of the King, and will fight on your behalf, but you also need to be wise and start to prepare a few things, research women's shelters or staying with friends. if you were in my country you (and your kids if you have children) could stay with me for a few days to have a break. I'm sure there would be many people near you who would be glad to help you if they knew the real story.

your husband does not see you as God sees you and God is not happy about that I can guarantee you that! you are very precious to God very precious. there are many verses in the Old Testament about people saying and doing things in Gods name that weren't God, especially shepherds of Gods people when they abused the sheep God had put under their care, and God wrought justice.

God is close to the broken hearted and is for you dear sister dont forget that. hugs for you.

Don't Let Jerks Get the Best of You
Book by Paul D. Meier

Daniel Marsh · Jun 11, 2019

Endeavourer said:
Topher, it can be very dangerous to advise someone to go to a pastor that you don't know.

I'm involved with volunteer work ministering to the abused and you would be heartbroken at how wretchedly too many pastors address women who are being abused. Sadly, there is a significant population of pastors whose main marital theology is that if the wife just submitted to abuse better her marriage would be great. I've even seen pastors excommunicate women for not submitting sufficiently to abuse, which is a terrible, horrible experience for abused wives. It can turn them away from God altogether. Such a pastor's work really has nothing to do with God.

I've learned that enough pastors are not safe for abused women that I've stopped recommending the first step be to go to a pastor. Particularly in a situation as terrible as this one.

A safe Christian resource for marital abuse is marriagebuilders.com. Dr. Harley is an experienced, Christian psychologist who's life work has been studying marriages. I always recommend an abused person go there instead of to a pastor.

Those of us ministering to the abused find the MOST difficult task in all of our work is getting an abused woman to take that first step out of her abuse. It would be very tragic if we poured all of our energy into getting @Itsahappyday to finally take that first step, and that step is to the type of pastor I described above. When that happens, generally a wife won't venture to do anything further about her abuse for another several years, after her health starts suffering.

Amen

Daniel Marsh · Jun 11, 2019

Shadowprophet said:
This is why I say people struggle with modern culture and views and what God has actually stated in the bible. In today's world, Society shutters at older concepts, What people call abuse today isn't the way God originally wrote the rule book.

In the original word, The scriptures are clear that divorce was given for hardening of the heart.

Feminists won't like this, PC culture shockers won't like this and most modern people, in general, won't like this, But the Man, Is the head of the household, Rights are not entirely equal, and the woman is supposed to be subservient to the man. That is the word.

This is the written word, So people asking for fair and equal treatment in marriage by today's culture is, in fact, perverting the actual word of God.

The man is flat out, On the top, in charge, outranking the woman. He is literally the king of his household.

These things about Leaving someone divorcing someone, By Gods Word, all someone is doing by suggesting that to a married couple is interfering with someone's marriage. I'm not being mean or contrived here, I am pointing out, That the things people want to be fair, The treatment people seek to be right and proper may not actually line up with Gods written word.

I'm not Neave here, I'm being literally scholarly about this. A man's bond with his wife is sacred. We should not be giving her advice on what to do in their marriage we are literally strangers on the internet., that's between her and him and God.

We no longer live in the culture of the Bible where the abusing husband, cheating spouse is taken out to be stoned. The Biblical Culture is all Generations under the same roof or in tents next to each other under the Authority of the oldest person. As I understand it one person left their family to live with the other. Separate tents but under the authority of the oldest in the clan. The Bible does not directly address our culture.

She needs to get help by those with the experiences to do so. Not by some Pastor who does not live in the real world.

Daniel Marsh · Jun 11, 2019

Contenders Edge said:
It sounds like your husband needs a lesson in humility and that is what I pray for on your behalf; that he will have a very humbling experience that will open his eyes to the way he is treating you.

What you describe in your post is not the loving and respectful manner in which the Bible says that a husband is supposed to treat his wife. (Eph. 5:25-33, Col. 3:19, 1 Pet. 3:7) He may say he loves you, but it does not sound like that his actions and attitude towards you reflects his professed love for you.

What is worse, and not just worse, but the worst part of it all is that your husband’s treatment of you is interfering with your time with God and making discouraged with your walk with Christ.

Yet it is under such difficult circumstances that we need to spend time with the Lord all the more.

It is easy to trust and spend time with God in the good times, but it is when we face adversity, in whatever form it may come that our faith is tested and the level of our devotion to Christ is tried.

Stand firm. Because if you don’t, then you really will be defeated and that would be a tragedy.

Continue to remain in the fellowship, find time to pray regularly and pour out to God all that is on your heart and mind as often as you must, and remain in a regular study of His Word so that you may continue to remain close to God. You may not always feel like it, but hold fast to those things anyway, even when you don’t feel like, for when you do these things, even when you don’t feel like it, the feelings can still follow.

Furthermore, if God has placed any calling, any set of goals on your heart to pursue, then pursue them with all the time afforded you and every chance you get. It may not be easy, you may feel the odds may be against you, and you may not get the encouragement and support in the pursuit of all that God has placed in your heart and spirit to pursue, but do not let that stop you.

You may not have much to work with, but still faithfully use and work with what God has already given you. It may not be much, but if you will be faithful in using and working with what you do have, you may be amazed at what God decides to do next in your life. Remember that God works all things out for the good of those who love Him. (Rom. 8:28)

Now, you may be wondering as to what good can come out of your current situation, but nonetheless, hold fast to that promise and continue to walk with the Lord as closely as you can and serve Him in whatever capacity He has currently placed you in.

And as scripture states, you as a wife still must continue to submit to your husband as is fitting in the Lord (Col. 3:18) but that is not to say you have to submit to the constant verbal abuse that he subjects you to.

When he asks you to do something and what you do does not meet his standards, no matter how hard you have tried to ensure the things asked of you are done to meet his expectations, the only thing that can be done is to tell him: “If you don’t like the way I’m doing this, do it yourself.”

Perhaps if you begin doing that enough times and leave him in a position to where he is stuck doing the things he would normally ask you to do, he just might start to get the message and come to realize that he has not been the loving husband to you that he should be. Perhaps he will begin to see that he has been making you miserable and begin to love and treat you the way that he should.

I love my wife dearly and thank God for her every day, but there have been times, though very seldom, that when she has asked me to do something for her and she didn’t like the way I was doing it, I would get so frustrated that I would simply tell her, “If you don’t like the way I’m doing it (washing dishes for example) do it yourself.”

It’s been several years since I’ve ever had to do that, but when I did, she got the message that there were certain things that were best done by her rather than me.

It is wonderful that your husband has the gifts and the talents that he has, but if only he would come to accept that God has given you a different set of gifts and talents and learn to be supportive in the dreams and ambitions that God has placed in you.

One person has been given a certain set of gifts and talents and another has their own. There is a reason why God did not create us all to be the same or has given us all the same set of gifts and talents.

But what I find most troubling is that your husband seems to think that if he is serving Him faithfully within the four walls of a church building that God must be pleased with Him. Does he not know that in order for his professed faith to be shown authentic, that the person he appears to be in the church must also be that same person outside of the church? Does he not understand that if his words of faith are to have any credibility, that the manner in which he lives his life, conducts himself, treats the people around him (including you), his interests, and priorities must be reflective of what he professes? (Jas. 2:17-26)

And as even one U.S. Senator of this current generation put it, "Religion that is contained only within a church building is a weekend hobby, not a personal faith." Religion that is contained only within a church building is a weekend hobby, not a personal faith. - James Lankford

I don’t blame you for calling your husband a fake Christian. I do not see how anyone who loves the Lord can blame you. You gave him the remarks he deserved at the time. I pray that those remarks may cause your husband to examine himself to determine whether he is really of the faith like he says he is. (2 Cor. 13:5)

The way you have said that he treats you much of the time is unbecoming of one who professes love for Christ. Yes, married couples, even in the best of marriages, will have a disagreement now and then, but what your husband is doing to you goes beyond that.

Have you yet talked to anyone within your church about how your husband has been treating you at home? If so, what have they suggested? If you haven’t, you should, for when two professing Christians are at odds with one another, even if they are a married couple, the fellowship they attend is the first place that they should go to resolve the matter.

Let us all join together pray that God teaches him Patience. smile

Daniel Marsh · Jun 11, 2019

ChicanaRose said:
I don't have a daughter (maybe someday), but I am wondering if anyone on here does. I know parents, particularly fathers, are protective of their daughters. So what would you recommend your own little girl were in this predicament? I think it's more of a rhetorical question. We really cannot know someone's unique situation unless and until it happens to us or our beloved ones.

If one of your Parents favors separation, have them take you to a shelter for help. Then those at the shelter can take you to another one, so no one knows where you are.

Daniel Marsh · Jun 11, 2019

Endeavourer said:
We are not here on this thread to preach but to provide advice to the OP.

What is your advice for a wife who has sincerely tried this but is being severely abused and mistreated by her husband, as this OP is?

In the context of this thread to which you are replying, you seem to be saying husbands have the absolute right to abuse their wives even if their imaginations on how to devise more miseries for her are twisted and warped.

Your advice is telling this OP that spitefully using her is his right, and that she is to be subservient to that.

More reinforcements from you that she has no human dignity other than that allowed by her cruel and devious husband.

Is this really how you meant to advise her, a precious daughter of our King?

Is the head of the house suppose to be a servant, dictator, abuser?

topher694 · Jun 11, 2019

Daniel Marsh said:
The experience of many people is Pastors lack common sense in this area, they do not have the resources you claim, And the people She needs to contact He will not send her to. Please post the packet. She needs to go a shelter for protection.

The packet contains local resources, so it wouldn't be of much use here. This is not an uncommon thing for churches to put together, it just isn't advertised for privacy and security reasons.

Contenders Edge · Jun 11, 2019

Daniel Marsh said:
Let us all join together pray that God teaches him Patience. smile

That too as well since successful marriages require both husband and wife to be patient and understanding with each other.

Itsahappyday · Jun 11, 2019

ChicanaRose said:
Do you have any outside influence, like friends and family, or are you isolated with him?

We do everything together and rarely do I see friends without him. I do not have a Christian friend in whom I can confide in.

Last time I went out with a friend he questioned me, saying "you said something to her that you regretted, didn't you?" as if I had told her things about him and regretted it.

I said no, because I hadn't. He said while I was away he felt like there was a moment I felt bad for something I said. Then I remembered feeling bad telling too much details to my friend what another girl had done to me but not about him.

Itsahappyday · Jun 12, 2019

Dorothy Mae said:
Whether God brought you together or not does not matter. You are married now and God hates divorce. He didn't say He only hates divorce in good marriages.

I would suggest you spend time with the Lord and ask Him what He thinks of you. You need to have some truth in your heart and head and that man is not giving you truth. God will give you truth about yourself. THis will give you some strength to resist the lies that man is putting into your head. So when a human is not giving us the love we need, God will do so but we need to seek Him and ask Him to speak to us. It is how one endures abuse without being damaged.

I wish I knew how God sees me. It is all getting mixed up with the way my husband sees me.

When my husband says the Lord speaks to him, I feel like, why Lord aren't you telling him not to treat me this way?
And then I get sad because the Lord used to speak clearly to me, but now I feel it's not clear or as often. To be fair, with all this going on, I am distracted a lot so I am the problem, not the Lord.

I just wish inspite of all my failures to not respond in kind, I wish I knew that the Lord forgives me and that He still doesn't approve of him calling me names and telling me I'm gay because I have a hard time responding to him at times in bed.

Itsahappyday · Jun 12, 2019

Peter J Barban said:
Based on what I have read, I agree with those who say leave your husband. You don't even have to divorce, just live somewhere else - a separation. Get help from family/friends, even the government.

However, you seem to what to stay, so I will give you some Biblical encouragement.
1. Be happy because trials make us stronger
James 1
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
...
9 Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position.
...
12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

2. Christ chose us because we are weak
1 Corinthians 1
26 Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him. 30 It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31 Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”

3. Pray these verses so God will aid you.
Philippians 4
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Final Advice
Write these verses down on paper and put them on your cell phone. Meditate on them and pray them back to God.

Will do. Thank you

Itsahappyday · Jun 12, 2019

Contenders Edge said:
It sounds like your husband needs a lesson in humility and that is what I pray for on your behalf; that he will have a very humbling experience that will open his eyes to the way he is treating you.

What you describe in your post is not the loving and respectful manner in which the Bible says that a husband is supposed to treat his wife. (Eph. 5:25-33, Col. 3:19, 1 Pet. 3:7) He may say he loves you, but it does not sound like that his actions and attitude towards you reflects his professed love for you.

What is worse, and not just worse, but the worst part of it all is that your husband’s treatment of you is interfering with your time with God and making discouraged with your walk with Christ.

Yet it is under such difficult circumstances that we need to spend time with the Lord all the more.

It is easy to trust and spend time with God in the good times, but it is when we face adversity, in whatever form it may come that our faith is tested and the level of our devotion to Christ is tried.

Stand firm. Because if you don’t, then you really will be defeated and that would be a tragedy.

Continue to remain in the fellowship, find time to pray regularly and pour out to God all that is on your heart and mind as often as you must, and remain in a regular study of His Word so that you may continue to remain close to God. You may not always feel like it, but hold fast to those things anyway, even when you don’t feel like, for when you do these things, even when you don’t feel like it, the feelings can still follow.

Furthermore, if God has placed any calling, any set of goals on your heart to pursue, then pursue them with all the time afforded you and every chance you get. It may not be easy, you may feel the odds may be against you, and you may not get the encouragement and support in the pursuit of all that God has placed in your heart and spirit to pursue, but do not let that stop you.

You may not have much to work with, but still faithfully use and work with what God has already given you. It may not be much, but if you will be faithful in using and working with what you do have, you may be amazed at what God decides to do next in your life. Remember that God works all things out for the good of those who love Him. (Rom. 8:28)

Now, you may be wondering as to what good can come out of your current situation, but nonetheless, hold fast to that promise and continue to walk with the Lord as closely as you can and serve Him in whatever capacity He has currently placed you in.

And as scripture states, you as a wife still must continue to submit to your husband as is fitting in the Lord (Col. 3:18) but that is not to say you have to submit to the constant verbal abuse that he subjects you to.

When he asks you to do something and what you do does not meet his standards, no matter how hard you have tried to ensure the things asked of you are done to meet his expectations, the only thing that can be done is to tell him: “If you don’t like the way I’m doing this, do it yourself.”

Perhaps if you begin doing that enough times and leave him in a position to where he is stuck doing the things he would normally ask you to do, he just might start to get the message and come to realize that he has not been the loving husband to you that he should be. Perhaps he will begin to see that he has been making you miserable and begin to love and treat you the way that he should.

I love my wife dearly and thank God for her every day, but there have been times, though very seldom, that when she has asked me to do something for her and she didn’t like the way I was doing it, I would get so frustrated that I would simply tell her, “If you don’t like the way I’m doing it (washing dishes for example) do it yourself.”

It’s been several years since I’ve ever had to do that, but when I did, she got the message that there were certain things that were best done by her rather than me.

It is wonderful that your husband has the gifts and the talents that he has, but if only he would come to accept that God has given you a different set of gifts and talents and learn to be supportive in the dreams and ambitions that God has placed in you.

One person has been given a certain set of gifts and talents and another has their own. There is a reason why God did not create us all to be the same or has given us all the same set of gifts and talents.

But what I find most troubling is that your husband seems to think that if he is serving Him faithfully within the four walls of a church building that God must be pleased with Him. Does he not know that in order for his professed faith to be shown authentic, that the person he appears to be in the church must also be that same person outside of the church? Does he not understand that if his words of faith are to have any credibility, that the manner in which he lives his life, conducts himself, treats the people around him (including you), his interests, and priorities must be reflective of what he professes? (Jas. 2:17-26)

And as even one U.S. Senator of this current generation put it, "Religion that is contained only within a church building is a weekend hobby, not a personal faith." Religion that is contained only within a church building is a weekend hobby, not a personal faith. - James Lankford

I don’t blame you for calling your husband a fake Christian. I do not see how anyone who loves the Lord can blame you. You gave him the remarks he deserved at the time. I pray that those remarks may cause your husband to examine himself to determine whether he is really of the faith like he says he is. (2 Cor. 13:5)

The way you have said that he treats you much of the time is unbecoming of one who professes love for Christ. Yes, married couples, even in the best of marriages, will have a disagreement now and then, but what your husband is doing to you goes beyond that.

Have you yet talked to anyone within your church about how your husband has been treating you at home? If so, what have they suggested? If you haven’t, you should, for when two professing Christians are at odds with one another, even if they are a married couple, the fellowship they attend is the first place that they should go to resolve the matter.

I recently started to say if you don't like it then maybe you should do it. I hope it works.

Itsahappyday · Jun 12, 2019

Today was really bad. We argued on and off all day, with me telling him we don't do anything fun and him telling me I am not fun.

He did ask me to talk to him and he pointed at my heart. He says I don't talk to him. He said that I don't like him. (he has said so many mean things to me that I don't bother to respond at times)

He says that's why he likes talking to other people more than me, they talk to him. They're fun.

I told him that of course they do,... call them dumb idiot etc... like you do to me and they won't want to talk to him either.

He didn't agree.

He wanted to be a bit intimate but I was tired, we argued all day, it's late, my back has been hurting me over a week, so I tried but he got upset saying I was not really into it.

At one point we got on the subject of something that happened a few years ago. He was at church and a girl he had dated before we were married walked by wearing a top with her shoulders exposed. As she walked by, with his index finger he quickly drew a fast line on her upper arm to shoulder, maybe 4 inches, while turning to talk to someone.

I mentioned it tonight and he said he was making a comment to her about the top. But I know for a fact that he never spoke to her, just did the finger flick.

She's been a bone of contention for awhile. Just today he spoke to her twice on the phone when I was not present / home. I think she still is interested in him.
She also texted him a few times today. He said during our argument that she's fun to talk to, she talks to him.

He accused me of attacking his integrity. He said he didn't build up his reputation as a man of God all these years only to have his wife question him.

He got rough, holding my hands at the wrist really hard a number of times. Poking me very hard in the chest a few times above my heart saying I hurt him there.

He covered my mouth with his hands too, telling me to s up, let him talk.

He said I have no goal, no desire to excel, no passion.

I said maybe it's hormones, (at my age. I'm not in my 20 or 30s anymore.)

I said I don't see Jesus in you. He said I was an angel of light.

At one point, I just stopped the arguing and apologized for doubting his integrity

He said I trust you, but you don't trust me. I said that's true. He said we're going to have a loveless marriage.

Then he left the room.

In private he tells me I am a big disappointment to him. In public he praises me.

I need a miracle. I feel like I am not enough for him. I feel like a lump of humanity. Not good enough

Sparagmos · Jun 12, 2019

Itsahappyday said:
Today was really bad. We argued on and off all day, with me telling him we don't do anything fun and him telling me I am not fun.

He did ask me to talk to him and he pointed at my heart. He says I don't talk to him. He said that I don't like him. (he has said so many mean things to me that I don't bother to respond at times)

He says that's why he likes talking to other people more than me, they talk to him. They're fun.

I told him that of course they do,... call them dumb idiot etc... like you do to me and they won't want to talk to him either.

He didn't agree.

He wanted to be a bit intimate but I was tired, we argued all day, it's late, my back has been hurting me over a week, so I tried but he got upset saying I was not really into it.

At one point we got on the subject of something that happened a few years ago. He was at church and a girl he had dated before we were married walked by wearing a top with her shoulders exposed. As she walked by, with his index finger he quickly drew a fast line on her upper arm to shoulder, maybe 4 inches, while turning to talk to someone.

I mentioned it tonight and he said he was making a comment to her about the top. But I know for a fact that he never spoke to her, just did the finger flick.

She's been a bone of contention for awhile. Just today he spoke to her twice on the phone when I was not present / home. I think she still is interested in him.
She also texted him a few times today. He said during our argument that she's fun to talk to, she talks to him.

He accused me of attacking his integrity. He said he didn't build up his reputation as a man of God all these years only to have his wife question him.

He got rough, holding my hands at the wrist really hard a number of times. Poking me very hard in the chest a few times above my heart saying I hurt him there.

He covered my mouth with his hands too, telling me to s up, let him talk.

He said I have no goal, no desire to excel, no passion.

I said maybe it's hormones, (at my age. I'm not in my 20 or 30s anymore.)

I said I don't see Jesus in you. He said I was an angel of light.

At one point, I just stopped the arguing and apologized for doubting his integrity

He said I trust you, but you don't trust me. I said that's true. He said we're going to have a loveless marriage.

Then he left the room.

In private he tells me I am a big disappointment to him. In public he praises me.

I need a miracle. I feel like I am not enough for him. I feel like a lump of humanity. Not good enough

I don’t understand why you think you need a miracle. It is your choice to be with this abuser. Just walk out the door. No one is going to swoop in and save you.

Itsahappyday · Jun 12, 2019

I don't believe in divorce

Itsahappyday · Jun 12, 2019

He said yesterday that the Lord speaks to him, that I should be scared.

He said that his anger is actually God's anger with me through him.

He said I'm lazy. He mentioned a girl we know who lost weight, that if she could do it, I should be able to also but I have no goal or determination. She's 31 I think and had 3 kids during her 20s. I'm in my late 40s and the weight doesn't want to budge much, just a few pounds. In addition I am tired.

He says I do nothing, but I do everything at home, meals, fetch his snacks, laundry, cleaning, etc.... and I help him at times with his work, typing things, etc...

He said I was a disappointment.

Just a few days ago he was saying that he appreciated all I do because it allows him to focus on his work.

He said someone told him before we were married that I would get on his nerves, and that they were right.

It's not fair that he has these fun texts with this girl 17 years my junior and expects me to be fun and happy and talkative, with the names he calls me.

Contenders Edge · Jun 12, 2019

Itsahappyday said:
I recently started to say if you don't like it then maybe you should do it. I hope it works.

Let us know how that things turn out. Remember that things will not be easy and do not expect your current struggles to be resolved over night, but also remember that if you will hold fast to your walk with the Lord, even in spite of your current troubles, the end will be a rewarding one for you.

The Lord be with you, I will be praying for you.

Endeavourer · Jun 12, 2019

Itsahappyday said:
I don't believe in divorce

Separation is not divorce.

Separation is often used as a tool by Chrisitan marriage counselors to prevent further damage to the marriage while things are worked on.

Help, so discouraged

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