Married Woman needs help and advice to stop Adulterous Feelings

mina · Jun 10, 2019

It's better to be without a job than to fall into adulterous thoughts. I do think you need to be honest with your husband as to why you want to quit your job and look elsewhere (you mentioned he might be mad). And as to anyone else in your family being mad; it's none of their business- it's between you and your husband as to if you work and what decisions you make concerning your job.

Girl4God86 · Jun 10, 2019

Dave G. said:
First if you are a born again believer then as such we are not what our flesh desires. We are what we are in our new spirit, in our spirit we belong to Jesus Christ and are ministered to by the Holy Spirit. As such, we give no place to the devil and if we do slip ( looking at this guy and allowing desire in that) then we confess that to God and move on. You need to look at this journey in that way and ask Father, Son, Holy spirit for the help to get through this.

You could use a good spiritual mentor or adviser. Everything you brought up is beatable but you're caught living in the flesh in a worldly system ( the term carnal Christian comes to mind). So get out of the flesh and into the spirit. Satan rules in the fleshly realm and will win if you give him a foothold. So give no place to him. Pray the blood of Jesus over this situation, ask Jesus Christ to deal with this, remove Satan and satanic desires. If let go this will ruin your life, it could ruin your marriage and all you have going for you with your husband. Read scripture, listen to sermons on this stuff vs things like soap operas and other secular shows featuring lusty people. Present yourself before God and ask Him to work in your heart.

This is going to be a test or it is a test already. Believe God can do this, because you don't win this by your strength but His. You just show up giving no place to those desires. You can only be a spiritually strong woman in Christ, So Focus On Christ ! From here on out your new boss is just a boss.

Thank you so much for your amazing response! I really, really appreciate you taking the time to help me and being so very kind. I especially like what you said about this maybe being a test. I do feel compelled enough by my conviction to obey God so as not to fall into an affair, but the temptation and feelings involved are what I dread. I do believe this is Satan trying to distract me from my calling to serve God, he's trying to get me caught up in an emotional mess and likely hopes it would lead me to ruin. But I will not betray my God nor my husband and I agree with you 100% that I need to give this over to God completely and let his strength sustain me. I will continue to pray more and more each day for God to deliver me from this because I don't want to let Satan win in making me feel helpless to sin or make me throw away what is potentially a really good job that God may be trying to bless me with, if I can only overcome this test. I don't want to let God down. Thank you again, your post is very uplifting and encouraging and gives me strength!

YesMe · Jun 10, 2019

This is what I try do to when temptation comes, I call the Lord: "Blessed be His Holy Name!!"; ( you can make your own words ) and I try to do it again and again, it's not easy, you have to train yourself by studying His Word, the power is in the Word of God.

I had this problem for years, but in my case, everything started because of inappropriate content, but now, I am free, blessed be Christ!!

Dorothy Mae · Jun 10, 2019

Girl4God86 said:
Hi I really need some help from fellow Christians, advice and scriptures that may support me in my battle against sin. First of all I want to ask for your's and God's forgiveness for this sin I'm about to explain which I need help with overcoming.

I am recently married and I love my husband very much, we've been together a long time before we got married and I know I want to spend my life with my husband. But I struggle with a deep-seeded sin of "wandering eyes" or romantic feelings for someone else to be more clear, for my future boss, who is a man of God that I met a couple years ago and now he's about to become my boss. I have tried applying to other jobs and looked into ways out but I didn't get hired and now I feel stuck in this company, and also I'm afraid if I leave the company now I'll lose out on my benefits and stocks and also I just started my 401k. But it seems inevitable I will be moving to this new location soon which technically I want because it's a good job and I have a friend who works there too. But I can't shake my romantic feelings and I feel so guilty because I don't want to be an adulteress. I want to obey God and remain faithful to my husband and I don't want to have feelings for someone else. And I know God wants us to stay faithful to our covenant of marriage and doesn't allow for divorce except for under extreme circumstances, and I don't want to get a divorce anyway but I bring it up because I respect how severely God thinks of the marriage covenant. I don't have lustful feelings but romantic feelings and romantic fantasies which I figure is also adulterous and very sinful as I should only be in love with my husband. I know the devil is whispering lies into my ears because he knows I am weak in this area and easily fall prey to it. I am praying for God to take this from me and help me be a good woman so I'm hoping because I couldn't get a different job that God will help me face my sin and overcome it. But in church today the pastor said to flee from lustful sin as it says in 1 Corinthians 6:18 and he said if you say that it's at your job then quit your job! I would imagine this would apply to me too as romantic thoughts for someone else other than your spouse are probably just as bad as lustful thoughts. I'm afraid if I quit my job I will be hurting us financially as I likely won't get hired elsewhere at the same rate I'm making now, I'll have to take a paycut and start all over with my benefits. My family would probably be mad at me too and my husband also wouldn't be happy and everyone would be confused, and how could I explain to them I am running from my adulterous feelings? They would be even more mad and probably quite shocked as I wouldn't blame them. But it seems more important to save my marriage over job security. I suppose I'll have to face my sin and overcome it and pray that God will help me get over it and I'll eventually stop having romantic thoughts and feelings about my future boss and start seeing him unattractively. But I'm afraid to even face this situation because I don't want to be tempted and end up hurting anyone especially my sweet husband who deserves better than this, or embarrassing myself. I even have bad dreams about being an adulteress that make me feel gross and dirty when I wake up and I know it's because of this deep-seeded sin in my heart. What would my fellow Christians and faith family advise for my situation and can you please lift me up in prayer because I don't want to be a sinful adulteress in my heart! I want to be good and Christlike and obey the Lord and to love only my husband romantically. Please forgive me for being a sinful, adulterous woman and please be kind in your responses as I am very sensitive and fear being digitally stoned for this, but I feel like God does want me to reach out to my faith family for help so I can overcome my sin and become a better Christian. Thank you and God bless!

Being attracted to another man is not a sin. I know, I was there. But as soon as I realized I was attracted to a married man, me being married too, I took steps to put the fire out. I never closed the door when we had to talk in his office. I made sure we were never alone in a room. I nipped the thoughts about him in the bud as soon as they started. If you feed a fire, it grows. If you stop feeding it, it dies. What you need is for God to put the fear of God in your heart so that you hate adultery more than you love the feelings. THis is your battle and the tactics are as I said.

1. make sure you are never alone if possible
2. stop all fantasizing about him
3. beg God to put the fear of God (hatred of sin) in you that is stronger than your feelings.

All the best!!

Endeavourer · Jun 10, 2019

Girl4God86 said:
I do feel compelled enough by my conviction to obey God so as not to fall into an affair,

Said every Christian who then went on to have an affair....ever. This "feeling" will not protect you from your temptations.

Girl4God86 said:
but the temptation and feelings involved are what I dread.

You are one flesh with your husband. By your description he is very sweet. Engage him to help you fight this battle. Ensure he has 100% access to all of your devices and social media passwords. The two of you together can guard your marriage against this. An affair will be a tremendous pain and disruption in your husband's life. Give him the information he needs to protect his marriage from one.

Girl4God86 said:
But I will not betray my God nor my husband

Said every Christian who then went on to have an affair....ever.

Girl4God86 said:
and I agree with you 100% that I need to give this over to God completely and let his strength sustain me. I will continue to pray more and more each day for God to deliver me from this because I don't want to let Satan win in making me feel helpless to sin

God gives you the knowledge and the tools to be wise and prudent. Don't be a fool and expect Him to stop you from the outcome of your foolishness.

Girl4God86 said:
or make me throw away what is potentially a really good job that God may be trying to bless me with,

God doesn't bless marriages by enticing one of the spouses to have an affair. Please consider who is doing the "blessing" here.

Girl4God86 said:
if I can only overcome this test. I don't want to let God down.

Perhaps your test is whether you will put your faithfulness to Him above your job. My sister, the reason I keep jumping in here, although you are not acknowledging my advice, is because I already detect foggy thinking in your posts.

All of your willpower and elevated Spiritual thoughts (or even intentions) will not be enough to keep you from a growing addiction of which you keep placing yourself in its path.

mukk_in · Jun 10, 2019

Girl4God86 said:
Hi I really need some help from fellow Christians, advice and scriptures that may support me in my battle against sin. First of all I want to ask for your's and God's forgiveness for this sin I'm about to explain which I need help with overcoming.

I am recently married and I love my husband very much, we've been together a long time before we got married and I know I want to spend my life with my husband. But I struggle with a deep-seeded sin of "wandering eyes" or romantic feelings for someone else to be more clear, for my future boss, who is a man of God that I met a couple years ago and now he's about to become my boss. I have tried applying to other jobs and looked into ways out but I didn't get hired and now I feel stuck in this company, and also I'm afraid if I leave the company now I'll lose out on my benefits and stocks and also I just started my 401k. But it seems inevitable I will be moving to this new location soon which technically I want because it's a good job and I have a friend who works there too. But I can't shake my romantic feelings and I feel so guilty because I don't want to be an adulteress. I want to obey God and remain faithful to my husband and I don't want to have feelings for someone else. And I know God wants us to stay faithful to our covenant of marriage and doesn't allow for divorce except for under extreme circumstances, and I don't want to get a divorce anyway but I bring it up because I respect how severely God thinks of the marriage covenant. I don't have lustful feelings but romantic feelings and romantic fantasies which I figure is also adulterous and very sinful as I should only be in love with my husband. I know the devil is whispering lies into my ears because he knows I am weak in this area and easily fall prey to it. I am praying for God to take this from me and help me be a good woman so I'm hoping because I couldn't get a different job that God will help me face my sin and overcome it. But in church today the pastor said to flee from lustful sin as it says in 1 Corinthians 6:18 and he said if you say that it's at your job then quit your job! I would imagine this would apply to me too as romantic thoughts for someone else other than your spouse are probably just as bad as lustful thoughts. I'm afraid if I quit my job I will be hurting us financially as I likely won't get hired elsewhere at the same rate I'm making now, I'll have to take a paycut and start all over with my benefits. My family would probably be mad at me too and my husband also wouldn't be happy and everyone would be confused, and how could I explain to them I am running from my adulterous feelings? They would be even more mad and probably quite shocked as I wouldn't blame them. But it seems more important to save my marriage over job security. I suppose I'll have to face my sin and overcome it and pray that God will help me get over it and I'll eventually stop having romantic thoughts and feelings about my future boss and start seeing him unattractively. But I'm afraid to even face this situation because I don't want to be tempted and end up hurting anyone especially my sweet husband who deserves better than this, or embarrassing myself. I even have bad dreams about being an adulteress that make me feel gross and dirty when I wake up and I know it's because of this deep-seeded sin in my heart. What would my fellow Christians and faith family advise for my situation and can you please lift me up in prayer because I don't want to be a sinful adulteress in my heart! I want to be good and Christlike and obey the Lord and to love only my husband romantically. Please forgive me for being a sinful, adulterous woman and please be kind in your responses as I am very sensitive and fear being digitally stoned for this, but I feel like God does want me to reach out to my faith family for help so I can overcome my sin and become a better Christian. Thank you and God bless!

Hello. If your boss is godly as you suggest, then he'll only treat you as an employee and hopefully sister-in-Christ. As for your own feelings, convert them from romantic to brotherly love. Put on the full armor of God and pray that the Lord will shield you from temptation. I'm always surrounded by beautiful female students. When I feel the way you're, I remind myself that they're like my daughters. Hope that helps. God bless.

gym_class_hero · Jun 10, 2019

find an older mentor to lean on. One you can trust. I do not think telling your husband is a good idea. I heard a sermon about this recently and the pastor said we are to confess our sins to one another except when confessing will cause problems to other people. If you haven't acted on your thoughts and you haven't treated your husband poorly during this time, there's no reason I can see to tell him about a sin that hasn't happened. Why cause him to doubt your marriage?

Above all, take logical steps to avoid committing adultery. Try to find a different job, or if you have to talk to this man, do so in an open area. Keep your conversations with him brief and only business related.

God bless you.

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. "

gym_class_hero · Jun 10, 2019

dqhall · Jun 10, 2019

Girl4God86 said:
Hi I really need some help from fellow Christians, advice and scriptures that may support me in my battle against sin. First of all I want to ask for your's and God's forgiveness for this sin I'm about to explain which I need help with overcoming.

I am recently married and I love my husband very much, we've been together a long time before we got married and I know I want to spend my life with my husband. But I struggle with a deep-seeded sin of "wandering eyes" or romantic feelings for someone else to be more clear, for my future boss, who is a man of God that I met a couple years ago and now he's about to become my boss. I have tried applying to other jobs and looked into ways out but I didn't get hired and now I feel stuck in this company, and also I'm afraid if I leave the company now I'll lose out on my benefits and stocks and also I just started my 401k. But it seems inevitable I will be moving to this new location soon which technically I want because it's a good job and I have a friend who works there too. But I can't shake my romantic feelings and I feel so guilty because I don't want to be an adulteress. I want to obey God and remain faithful to my husband and I don't want to have feelings for someone else. And I know God wants us to stay faithful to our covenant of marriage and doesn't allow for divorce except for under extreme circumstances, and I don't want to get a divorce anyway but I bring it up because I respect how severely God thinks of the marriage covenant. I don't have lustful feelings but romantic feelings and romantic fantasies which I figure is also adulterous and very sinful as I should only be in love with my husband. I know the devil is whispering lies into my ears because he knows I am weak in this area and easily fall prey to it. I am praying for God to take this from me and help me be a good woman so I'm hoping because I couldn't get a different job that God will help me face my sin and overcome it. But in church today the pastor said to flee from lustful sin as it says in 1 Corinthians 6:18 and he said if you say that it's at your job then quit your job! I would imagine this would apply to me too as romantic thoughts for someone else other than your spouse are probably just as bad as lustful thoughts. I'm afraid if I quit my job I will be hurting us financially as I likely won't get hired elsewhere at the same rate I'm making now, I'll have to take a paycut and start all over with my benefits. My family would probably be mad at me too and my husband also wouldn't be happy and everyone would be confused, and how could I explain to them I am running from my adulterous feelings? They would be even more mad and probably quite shocked as I wouldn't blame them. But it seems more important to save my marriage over job security. I suppose I'll have to face my sin and overcome it and pray that God will help me get over it and I'll eventually stop having romantic thoughts and feelings about my future boss and start seeing him unattractively. But I'm afraid to even face this situation because I don't want to be tempted and end up hurting anyone especially my sweet husband who deserves better than this, or embarrassing myself. I even have bad dreams about being an adulteress that make me feel gross and dirty when I wake up and I know it's because of this deep-seeded sin in my heart. What would my fellow Christians and faith family advise for my situation and can you please lift me up in prayer because I don't want to be a sinful adulteress in my heart! I want to be good and Christlike and obey the Lord and to love only my husband romantically. Please forgive me for being a sinful, adulterous woman and please be kind in your responses as I am very sensitive and fear being digitally stoned for this, but I feel like God does want me to reach out to my faith family for help so I can overcome my sin and become a better Christian. Thank you and God bless!

You are married. You are only allowed one husband. Maintain thoughts of celibacy towards men you meet in your workplace. Set your boundaries. Reject romantic advances, if they occur. Sexual harassment is an offense.

Endeavourer · Jun 10, 2019

gym_class_hero said:
the pastor said we are to confess our sins to one another except when confessing will cause problems to other people.

What about confessing your temptation to sin to another who would be profoundly hurt if you followed through with the temptation? In her case, NOT confessing could potentially cause perhaps the greatest and most devastating hurt to another person that they have ever experienced in their life.

If this were me, I would absolutely enlist my husband's help, get another job and enjoy a richly bonded, loving future with my husband in a marriage that escaped this blemish. The future together is irrevocably changed even if he forgives her of the affair and continues with the marriage. The marriage will never be the same. He will suffer from triggers and much pain.

Edited to add: The fact that she feels these temptations don't necessarily mean she is trying to sin. The guy could be grooming her. The end result will sadly be the same, though.

RaymondG · Jun 10, 2019

Girl4God86 said:
Hi I really need some help from fellow Christians, advice and scriptures that may support me in my battle against sin. First of all I want to ask for your's and God's forgiveness for this sin I'm about to explain which I need help with overcoming.

I am recently married and I love my husband very much, we've been together a long time before we got married and I know I want to spend my life with my husband. But I struggle with a deep-seeded sin of "wandering eyes" or romantic feelings for someone else to be more clear, for my future boss, who is a man of God that I met a couple years ago and now he's about to become my boss. I have tried applying to other jobs and looked into ways out but I didn't get hired and now I feel stuck in this company, and also I'm afraid if I leave the company now I'll lose out on my benefits and stocks and also I just started my 401k. But it seems inevitable I will be moving to this new location soon which technically I want because it's a good job and I have a friend who works there too. But I can't shake my romantic feelings and I feel so guilty because I don't want to be an adulteress. I want to obey God and remain faithful to my husband and I don't want to have feelings for someone else. And I know God wants us to stay faithful to our covenant of marriage and doesn't allow for divorce except for under extreme circumstances, and I don't want to get a divorce anyway but I bring it up because I respect how severely God thinks of the marriage covenant. I don't have lustful feelings but romantic feelings and romantic fantasies which I figure is also adulterous and very sinful as I should only be in love with my husband. I know the devil is whispering lies into my ears because he knows I am weak in this area and easily fall prey to it. I am praying for God to take this from me and help me be a good woman so I'm hoping because I couldn't get a different job that God will help me face my sin and overcome it. But in church today the pastor said to flee from lustful sin as it says in 1 Corinthians 6:18 and he said if you say that it's at your job then quit your job! I would imagine this would apply to me too as romantic thoughts for someone else other than your spouse are probably just as bad as lustful thoughts. I'm afraid if I quit my job I will be hurting us financially as I likely won't get hired elsewhere at the same rate I'm making now, I'll have to take a paycut and start all over with my benefits. My family would probably be mad at me too and my husband also wouldn't be happy and everyone would be confused, and how could I explain to them I am running from my adulterous feelings? They would be even more mad and probably quite shocked as I wouldn't blame them. But it seems more important to save my marriage over job security. I suppose I'll have to face my sin and overcome it and pray that God will help me get over it and I'll eventually stop having romantic thoughts and feelings about my future boss and start seeing him unattractively. But I'm afraid to even face this situation because I don't want to be tempted and end up hurting anyone especially my sweet husband who deserves better than this, or embarrassing myself. I even have bad dreams about being an adulteress that make me feel gross and dirty when I wake up and I know it's because of this deep-seeded sin in my heart. What would my fellow Christians and faith family advise for my situation and can you please lift me up in prayer because I don't want to be a sinful adulteress in my heart! I want to be good and Christlike and obey the Lord and to love only my husband romantically. Please forgive me for being a sinful, adulterous woman and please be kind in your responses as I am very sensitive and fear being digitally stoned for this, but I feel like God does want me to reach out to my faith family for help so I can overcome my sin and become a better Christian. Thank you and God bless!

First, If you desire to not become an adulteress sinful wife you must first stop calling yourself an adulteress sinful wife. Start calling yourself a loving faithful wife instead....and see how this changes your mood and your life.... When a thought of another man comes to you, say " I am a loving faithful wife" and watch it flee from your presence. Continue to feed the negative thoughts with affirmations of the same, and it will grow, stick around and eventually manifest itself in your outer world.

Second, I would not quit...and would stay at your job and overcome your temptation....pass this test.....and after you have overcome, God will move you to a new better job and you will be ready for your next test(of a different nature as you have already overcome this type and need experience it no longer).

Imagine if the only reason your husband hasnt cheated on you was the fact that He stayed away from girls he started having feelings for? He continues to run from place to place after seeing girls he wanted because if he stayed, he would cheat. Who would want to be in a marriage like this? What kind of marriage would anyone call this? You should be with a husband who is with you because no one can separate him from his love of you.......not because he runs from the people who can separate his love.......there should be no one.

Your husband deserves the same kind of wife.

And how can you become this wife if you run from temptation instead of overcoming them?

After you overcome, there is no more need to run.....and the temptation will not come to you again.

If you run, you will have to run all your life......and I would hate to be the husband of a wife who must run from other men, lest she cheats on me.

Endeavourer · Jun 10, 2019

Girl4God86 said:
I am very sensitive and fear being digitally stoned for this,

My sister, no one here should be digitally stoning you. We are here to help you gird up your strength in the Lord.

If you stay in the path of this addiction that is growing, you will likely succumb to an affair. The attention you will receive from your friends and loved ones in that case will be far different than what you are receiving now.

Girl4God86 said:
but I feel like God does want me to reach out to my faith family for help so I can overcome my sin and become a better Christian.

Amen!! You go girl, but go righteously. You are falling down a spiral of temptation that will lead to devastating hurt to you and to those you love. Arrest your fall and turn to a different path. We are all praying for your success.

LoricaLady · Jun 10, 2019

The feelings aren't the first area of problem. It starts with the mind. "The weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty to the destroying of strongholds..." as in inappropriate romantic feelings. What are those weapons? Fighting the feelings? Not really, instead we are told they are "..casting down vain imaginations and everything that exalts itself against the knowledge of YHWH" aka God "and bringing every thought captive to him."

It is not easy to reign in those wandering romantic thoughts as they give pleasure - though disaster in the long run of course if followed up on. But you can do it! "Be transformed by the renewing of your..." what? Do you know?

"...the renewing of your mind."

I also agree with those who advise you not to work with this man or share anything personal, cozy and familiar, with him and that maybe you should seek employment elsewhere.

Dave G. · Jun 10, 2019

I don't see the need to drag the husband into this at this time, it will just deflate him and bring in some dark shadows. Bring it to God ( He is more than capable), let the Holy Spirit work in the hearts. Besides, what we know of this fantasy guy is just that, fantasizing, no relationship. Now it's going to be a working relationship and I doubt he will match up to the fantasy world.

Suppose she leaves this job and lands someplace with another guy to fantasize over. No, temptation is everywhere, we have the power in Christ to stand our ground and Satan and his minions flee ( I worked for 44 years at a certain place and more than one beautiful woman came into my space there, you deal with it, don't act out, treat them with respect). An old pastors advice I once heard was " Never Quit" ! He would say that softly, then repeat it louder and louder till he finally yelled it out with a fist in the air " NEVER QUIT" ! Then softly in perfect composure state " We don't quit, we overcome by the blood of the lamb"..

Now if the Holy Spirit shows you another path, go for it. It's not beyond His capability. Until then hold your ground.

Andrew77 · Jun 10, 2019

Girl4God86 said:
Hi I really need some help from fellow Christians, advice and scriptures that may support me in my battle against sin. First of all I want to ask for your's and God's forgiveness for this sin I'm about to explain which I need help with overcoming.

I am recently married and I love my husband very much, we've been together a long time before we got married and I know I want to spend my life with my husband. But I struggle with a deep-seeded sin of "wandering eyes" or romantic feelings for someone else to be more clear, for my future boss, who is a man of God that I met a couple years ago and now he's about to become my boss. I have tried applying to other jobs and looked into ways out but I didn't get hired and now I feel stuck in this company, and also I'm afraid if I leave the company now I'll lose out on my benefits and stocks and also I just started my 401k. But it seems inevitable I will be moving to this new location soon which technically I want because it's a good job and I have a friend who works there too. But I can't shake my romantic feelings and I feel so guilty because I don't want to be an adulteress. I want to obey God and remain faithful to my husband and I don't want to have feelings for someone else. And I know God wants us to stay faithful to our covenant of marriage and doesn't allow for divorce except for under extreme circumstances, and I don't want to get a divorce anyway but I bring it up because I respect how severely God thinks of the marriage covenant. I don't have lustful feelings but romantic feelings and romantic fantasies which I figure is also adulterous and very sinful as I should only be in love with my husband. I know the devil is whispering lies into my ears because he knows I am weak in this area and easily fall prey to it. I am praying for God to take this from me and help me be a good woman so I'm hoping because I couldn't get a different job that God will help me face my sin and overcome it. But in church today the pastor said to flee from lustful sin as it says in 1 Corinthians 6:18 and he said if you say that it's at your job then quit your job! I would imagine this would apply to me too as romantic thoughts for someone else other than your spouse are probably just as bad as lustful thoughts. I'm afraid if I quit my job I will be hurting us financially as I likely won't get hired elsewhere at the same rate I'm making now, I'll have to take a paycut and start all over with my benefits. My family would probably be mad at me too and my husband also wouldn't be happy and everyone would be confused, and how could I explain to them I am running from my adulterous feelings? They would be even more mad and probably quite shocked as I wouldn't blame them. But it seems more important to save my marriage over job security. I suppose I'll have to face my sin and overcome it and pray that God will help me get over it and I'll eventually stop having romantic thoughts and feelings about my future boss and start seeing him unattractively. But I'm afraid to even face this situation because I don't want to be tempted and end up hurting anyone especially my sweet husband who deserves better than this, or embarrassing myself. I even have bad dreams about being an adulteress that make me feel gross and dirty when I wake up and I know it's because of this deep-seeded sin in my heart. What would my fellow Christians and faith family advise for my situation and can you please lift me up in prayer because I don't want to be a sinful adulteress in my heart! I want to be good and Christlike and obey the Lord and to love only my husband romantically. Please forgive me for being a sinful, adulterous woman and please be kind in your responses as I am very sensitive and fear being digitally stoned for this, but I feel like God does want me to reach out to my faith family for help so I can overcome my sin and become a better Christian. Thank you and God bless!

You need to be having more sex with your husband.

In the mean time, quit the job. Stop looking at money. All the money, 401K, stock options in the world, is not worth losing your soul.

PaulCyp1 · Jun 10, 2019

Feelings come and go, and are often beyond our control. Feelings are not sinful, in and of themselves. When they occur, try to turn your mind to other things, especially to God, and ask Him to help heal you of this tendency. They can become sinful if we intentionally hang onto therm and dwell on them and fantasize about them.

gym_class_hero · Jun 10, 2019

Endeavourer said:
What about confessing your temptation to sin to another who would be profoundly hurt if you followed through with the temptation? In her case, NOT confessing could potentially cause perhaps the greatest and most devastating hurt to another person that they have ever experienced in their life.

If this were me, I would absolutely enlist my husband's help, get another job and enjoy a richly bonded, loving future with my husband in a marriage that escaped this blemish. The future together is irrevocably changed even if he forgives her of the affair and continues with the marriage. The marriage will never be the same. He will suffer from triggers and much pain.

Edited to add: The fact that she feels these temptations don't necessarily mean she is trying to sin. The guy could be grooming her. The end result will sadly be the same, though.

welp..if she confessed to this, what's going to stop him from thinking she may develop feelings for the guy at the next job?

do you confess every sin to everyone who may be affected after fleeing thoughts of sin cross your mind?

if someone cuts you off in traffic and for a second you consider running into them, do you stop them and confess to them?

Girl4God86 · Jun 10, 2019

LoveGodsWord said:
Hello Sister Girl4God86,

Temptation to sin is not sin. All Christians have temptation to sin. Temptation only becomes sin when we act upon it in our thoughts and feelings. God's WORD tells us when temptation comes to our thoughts and feeling the first thing we must do is to submit ourselves to God (through prayer and faith in God's Word to deliever you from sin), resist the devil and he will flee from you.

JAMES 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore unto God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

When temptation comes to us, it comes to our thoughts and feelings, so when you are tempted to have sinful thoughts we are to submit ourselves to GOD in prayer asking JESUS to deliver us from temptation..

MATTHEW 6:13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil..

God's WORD tells us when temptation comes that we are to BELIEVE God's WORD and cast the temptation away from our thoughts as soon as they come..

2 CORINTHIANS 10:3-5 [3], For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh
[4], for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but mighty before God to the casting down of strongholds),[5], casting down imaginations, and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ

We need to remember sister that salvation is from sin not to continue in it. We are weak indeed but Christ strength is made perfect in weakness if you have faith in His Word alone to deliver you..

2 CORINTHIANS 12:9 [9], And he hath said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

We are weak but God's WORD is strong if you CONTINUE in by faith in God's WORD the promises of JESUS save us from sin...

JOHN 8:31-36 [31], Jesus therefore said to those Jews that had believed him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye truly my disciples; [32], and ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. [33], They answered unto him, We are Abraham's seed, and have never yet been in bondage to any man: how sayest thou, Ye shall be made free? [34], Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Every one that committeth sin is the servant of sin. [35], And the bondservant abideth not in the house for ever: the son abideth for ever. [36], If therefore the Son shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.

Let JESUS set you free from your sins. He has give you power today if you through his Word alone believe it. God's power is in His WORD. It is yours today if you BELIEVE. It is God who works in us to will and to do of His own good pleasure if we believe His WORD. BELIEVE God's WORD only like blind Bartemaus and you will see. When JESUS bids you come and you believe the Word only you will walk on water.

Remember sister, temptation is not sin until you make it your very own in your thoughts and feelings. When temptation comes to your thoughts and feelings, Cast them down *2 CORINTHIANS 10:5, submit yourself to God in prayer and BELIEVE HIS WORD *JAMES 4:7 resist the devil (TEMPTATIONS) and he will flee from you.

2 PETER 1:4 [4], Whereby are given to us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these you might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

1 CORINTHIANS 10:13 [13] There has no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that you are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that you may be able to bear it.

1 JOHN 1:9 [9], If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Not only does JESUS forgive us from our sins if you believe God's WORD he will cleanse you from them.

Your strength is made perfect in JESUS (the Word) if you believe..

May God bless you as you seek him through His Word.

Wow thank you so much for your wonderful post and taking the time to write such a sincere and kind response to my problem! I love all the scriptures you quoted and I especially felt 1 Corinthians 10:13 really hit home for me on this issue. I will take your advice and use the power of God's word when I experience these temptations! I am giving this over to God and allowing for him to take control, asking him to remove all these thoughts and feelings from my heart and mind. And keeping faith that he will be faithful and deliver me from these temptations and make things right again. Also thank you so much to remind me that the temptation itself isn't the sin but the thoughts are, being made more aware of this will definitely help me to be more conscientious about what types of thoughts I am having so if sinful thoughts do enter my mind I will cast them down as you said with God's word. Thank you again so much for offering your help to me as I deeply appreciate it and your words have given me hope and strength and encouragement to get over this.

Girl4God86 · Jun 10, 2019

GodsGrace101 said:
I agree fully with post no. 6
The only sin you're involved in right now is the romantic fantasies.

We can't control how we fell about a person, but we can surely control our thoughts.

I think if the feelings really bother you a lot and it affects your life,,,you might want to consider leaving that job. No one here knows you well enough to give proper advice.

Yes I think you are right, the sin is the romantic fantasy so I am taking the advice of @LoveGodsWord to use the word of God to cast out these thoughts when they enter my mind. Like when Jesus used God's word against Satan when Satan was trying to tempt him in the desert. When I experience Satan trying to tempt me I will follow Jesus' example and respond with God's word and keep faith God will deliver me from the temptation as 1 Corinthians 10:13 says.

Girl4God86 · Jun 10, 2019

Lost4words said:
Offer up your thoughts and feelings to God. Ask Him to replace them with His grace.

God bless you

Thank you so much, yes I am trying to do this!

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