I am so discouraged. How can my husband be so blessed and talented and yes, anointed yet at home for years he calls me dumb stupid etc...
He says I am not trying hard enough, not using my head.
He says not to go against God's anointing.
Today I failed Jesus. I got super angry and swore.
I am tired of being called stupid, dumb idiot., he says I never amounted to anything and that I have nothing to show for all my years. That I do nothing.
He keeps saying people at church think I am dumb too.
He texted me a month ago the following - - "That is my lot, spending my life with someone who doesn't get things. My fault for picking you.
I will NEVER be responsible for your lack of education, wisdom and excellence. Those mediocre attributes are yours and yours alone."
He told me that there are 5 types of people and the kind of person i am, he has to use the rod of discipline to beat the stupidity out of me.
I was super angry today because I have been having back pain and there he goes saying that I need to clean the floor by bending over and picking up any pieces, but bending over is difficult right now. And he's called me dumb, idiot. He wanted a particular kind of meat at a restaurant and I thought it was ok the one I bought but it turned out to be the wrong one. He called me names because of that saying I should have known. This is the second time I picked up from there.
He got a little rough by putting his hand underneath my chin hard and then downstairs too when he pushed me but he says he was just pushing me out of the way.
I told him to keep his "beeping" hands to himself. Not my greatest moment, I sinned bad.
I told him I don't want him to call me names anymore but he said he won't call me names if I don't do anything stupid. I toldhhim calling me names is not normal.
Sunday I realised that he doesn't call me names at church because he knows no one would agree with it so instead he calls me by endearments instead.
He says I am demon possessed, angel of light coming against the man of God. He has said I was not saved. He said today if I left him I probably would go for a woman - which is so very much not true.
I used to spend so much time with the Lord every day when I was single but now it's so hard. I tried praying tonight but I didn't feel much. So then I tried worshipping and it just wasn't the same.
Could the Lord be angry with me?
I am not happy at all. I thought marrying him was the Lord's Will. But from the beginning he was impatient with me and after 4 months the name calling began.
He even said he should not have married me.
To be fair, I was not the neatest or most organized person and he's super neat, but I have worked hard and he even said a few days ago that I have improved.
It's not always this bad. Just a few days ago he said I have improved and he appreciated the things that I take care of at home that he doesn't have to worry about. He sometimes says things like he's proud of me or proud that I am his wife. And during those times it's great as long as I don't mess it up, by dropping something by accident or saying something I know he won't like
But when I mess up its the names again, dumb stupid or idiot.
He says it's normal that married couples fight.
I did call him a fake Christian that thinks because of all the work he does for the Lord, that he is ok.
He even said something like, not exact words, but something along the lines of since what he does at church goes so well, the Lord must be pleased with him
Can the Lord be angry with me or not pleased because I don't keep my mouth shut all the time? I do ignore many things, even cutting remarks at times, but sometimes I just can't take it and respond back in anger.
Before being saved I dated men, one for a long time and he never called me names. I get married to a Christian and I am called names,put down, pushed around .... What's going on???
It sounds like your husband needs a lesson in humility and that is what I pray for on your behalf; that he will have a very humbling experience that will open his eyes to the way he is treating you.
What you describe in your post is not the loving and respectful manner in which the Bible says that a husband is supposed to treat his wife. (Eph. 5:25-33, Col. 3:19, 1 Pet. 3:7) He may say he loves you, but it does not sound like that his actions and attitude towards you reflects his professed love for you.
What is worse, and not just worse, but the worst part of it all is that your husband’s treatment of you is interfering with your time with God and making discouraged with your walk with Christ.
Yet it is under such difficult circumstances that we need to spend time with the Lord all the more.
It is easy to trust and spend time with God in the good times, but it is when we face adversity, in whatever form it may come that our faith is tested and the level of our devotion to Christ is tried.
Stand firm. Because if you don’t, then you really will be defeated and that would be a tragedy.
Continue to remain in the fellowship, find time to pray regularly and pour out to God all that is on your heart and mind as often as you must, and remain in a regular study of His Word so that you may continue to remain close to God. You may not always feel like it, but hold fast to those things anyway, even when you don’t feel like, for when you do these things, even when you don’t feel like it, the feelings can still follow.
Furthermore, if God has placed any calling, any set of goals on your heart to pursue, then pursue them with all the time afforded you and every chance you get. It may not be easy, you may feel the odds may be against you, and you may not get the encouragement and support in the pursuit of all that God has placed in your heart and spirit to pursue, but do not let that stop you.
You may not have much to work with, but still faithfully use and work with what God has already given you. It may not be much, but if you will be faithful in using and working with what you do have, you may be amazed at what God decides to do next in your life. Remember that God works all things out for the good of those who love Him. (Rom. 8:28)
Now, you may be wondering as to what good can come out of your current situation, but nonetheless, hold fast to that promise and continue to walk with the Lord as closely as you can and serve Him in whatever capacity He has currently placed you in.
And as scripture states, you as a wife still must continue to submit to your husband as is fitting in the Lord (Col. 3:18) but that is not to say you have to submit to the constant verbal abuse that he subjects you to.
When he asks you to do something and what you do does not meet his standards, no matter how hard you have tried to ensure the things asked of you are done to meet his expectations, the only thing that can be done is to tell him: “If you don’t like the way I’m doing this, do it yourself.”
Perhaps if you begin doing that enough times and leave him in a position to where he is stuck doing the things he would normally ask you to do, he just might start to get the message and come to realize that he has not been the loving husband to you that he should be. Perhaps he will begin to see that he has been making you miserable and begin to love and treat you the way that he should.
I love my wife dearly and thank God for her every day, but there have been times, though very seldom, that when she has asked me to do something for her and she didn’t like the way I was doing it, I would get so frustrated that I would simply tell her, “If you don’t like the way I’m doing it (washing dishes for example) do it yourself.”
It’s been several years since I’ve ever had to do that, but when I did, she got the message that there were certain things that were best done by her rather than me.
It is wonderful that your husband has the gifts and the talents that he has, but if only he would come to accept that God has given you a different set of gifts and talents and learn to be supportive in the dreams and ambitions that God has placed in you.
One person has been given a certain set of gifts and talents and another has their own. There is a reason why God did not create us all to be the same or has given us all the same set of gifts and talents.
But what I find most troubling is that your husband seems to think that if he is serving Him faithfully within the four walls of a church building that God must be pleased with Him. Does he not know that in order for his professed faith to be shown authentic, that the person he appears to be in the church must also be that same person outside of the church? Does he not understand that if his words of faith are to have any credibility, that the manner in which he lives his life, conducts himself, treats the people around him (including you), his interests, and priorities must be reflective of what he professes? (Jas. 2:17-26)
And as even one U.S. Senator of this current generation put it, "Religion that is contained only within a church building is a weekend hobby, not a personal faith."
Religion that is contained only within a church building is a weekend hobby, not a personal faith. - James Lankford
I don’t blame you for calling your husband a fake Christian. I do not see how anyone who loves the Lord can blame you. You gave him the remarks he deserved at the time. I pray that those remarks may cause your husband to examine himself to determine whether he is really of the faith like he says he is. (2 Cor. 13:5)
The way you have said that he treats you much of the time is unbecoming of one who professes love for Christ. Yes, married couples, even in the best of marriages, will have a disagreement now and then, but what your husband is doing to you goes beyond that.
Have you yet talked to anyone within your church about how your husband has been treating you at home? If so, what have they suggested? If you haven’t, you should, for when two professing Christians are at odds with one another, even if they are a married couple, the fellowship they attend is the first place that they should go to resolve the matter.
