Help, so discouraged

Brightmoon

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ChicanaRose

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No chance of getting away. I am having difficulty believing that God is for me. I really do need to know deep inside what God thinks of me and not what my husband says God thinks of me. My husband once told me that he was disappointed in me and because he know how God thinks, he knows God is disappointed in me too.

Do you have any outside influence, like friends and family, or are you isolated with him?
 
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ChicanaRose

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Thank you. I do want to honor God in all I do. The easy way out is leaving but I believe God can change things. It cannot be by my hand that divorce is done. Jesus said what God has brought together let no man put asunder.

Some may argue that God didn't bring us together but I believe He did.

Jesus also said to love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you, if someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other cheek, etc...

Now I am not saying I would say if he started really hurting me, but now he's just rough and pushy.

So what is your next step?
 
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Shadowprophet

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Update, As I tend to do, I ran this issue over with my parents who are both Christians. My mother took a harshly opposing side to my father's point of View, The lesson learned was for myself, This is a touchy subject and I want no part of it.

I wish Nothing but happiness and peace for all those involved in such matters as this, And I thank the Lord All mighty above that I'm not experiencing them myself.
 
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Dorothy Mae

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Thank you. I do want to honor God in all I do. The easy way out is leaving but I believe God can change things. It cannot be by my hand that divorce is done. Jesus said what God has brought together let no man put asunder.

Some may argue that God didn't bring us together but I believe He did.

Jesus also said to love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you, if someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other cheek, etc...

Now I am not saying I would say if he started really hurting me, but now he's just rough and pushy.
Whether God brought you together or not does not matter. You are married now and God hates divorce. He didn't say He only hates divorce in good marriages.

I would suggest you spend time with the Lord and ask Him what He thinks of you. You need to have some truth in your heart and head and that man is not giving you truth. God will give you truth about yourself. THis will give you some strength to resist the lies that man is putting into your head. So when a human is not giving us the love we need, God will do so but we need to seek Him and ask Him to speak to us. It is how one endures abuse without being damaged.
 
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Peter J Barban

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Based on what I have read, I agree with those who say leave your husband. You don't even have to divorce, just live somewhere else - a separation. Get help from family/friends, even the government.

However, you seem to what to stay, so I will give you some Biblical encouragement.
1. Be happy because trials make us stronger
James 1
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
...
9 Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position.
...
12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

2. Christ chose us because we are weak
1 Corinthians 1
26 Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him. 30 It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31 Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”

3. Pray these verses so God will aid you.
Philippians 4
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Final Advice
Write these verses down on paper and put them on your cell phone. Meditate on them and pray them back to God.
 
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Dave L

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your wisdom.
i may be wrong but from what youve said I doubt you've been in an abusive marriage.
I think I said "Christians always fled violence but never retaliated" or something like that.
 
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Shadowprophet

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I think I said "Christians always fled violence but never retaliated" or something like that.

I could be wrong, And I could be on the wrong page, just from my heart I believe sometimes Christians do have to fight. I can think of some examples, One example is, We aren't just expected to defend our families. It is our duty to do that, There is the Term Christian Soldier, Soldiers must sometimes fight.

As a Christian with love in his heart, If you witnessed someone Abuse a child or anyone. Your heart should feel charged to protect that individual. Fighting is not always A bad or evil thing. We from birth have to fight the devil and his temptations.

When you fight if you are fighting for the right reasons, Then you are doing Gods work.
We as Christians shouldn't seek things like pride or ego or fighting just to see who is the Alpha.

But as far as fighting does go, If you see someone male-female or child being abused or treated poorly, and you don't fight. you may be taking the wrong action brother.
 
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Dave L

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I could be wrong, And I could be on the wrong page, just from my heart I believe sometimes Christians do have to fight. I can think of some examples, One example is, We aren't just expected to defend our families. It is our duty to do that, There is the Term Christian Soldier, Soldiers must sometimes fight.

As a Christian with love in his heart, If you witnessed someone Abuse a child or anyone. Your heart should feel charged to protect that individual. Fighting is not always A bad or evil thing. We from birth have to fight the devil and his temptations.

When you fight if you are fighting for the right reasons, Then you are doing Gods work.
We as Christians shouldn't seek things like pride or ego or fighting just to see who is the Alpha.

But as far as fighting does go, If you see someone male-female or child being abused or treated poorly, and you don't fight. you may be taking the wrong action brother.
God will not lead us into temptation we cannot handle. But Christians always fled violence and never retaliated in the NT.
 
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StillGods

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No chance of getting away. I am having difficulty believing that God is for me. I really do need to know deep inside what God thinks of me and not what my husband says God thinks of me. My husband once told me that he was disappointed in me and because he know how God thinks, he knows God is disappointed in me too.

When I tell him things he's said or done that was not right, he denies he said or did it.

Or he'll reorganize the order of things that were said or done making him look like a victim and paint me as the bad guy.

This has happened so many times that I even started doubting stories about his past that he has told me where people were unkind and he the innocent victim.

Is that a character issue or a memory issue? He normally has an excellent memory.

God is for you dear one, and is not disappointed in you. Be assured of this very much.
Roman's 8:31
Jeremiah 31:3

God is in your corner, He is helping and will continue to help you find your way through this. Even giving you this forum so you have support and giving you perspective so you are aware is God helping you.

it's a character issue with your husband sadly, his memory if fine. he is just messing with your mind because he seems to enjoy having control over you and putting you down so he can feel like a big man.. sorry I just dont think he's anointed at all. you're way more anointed for putting up with him for this long.

you are right not to believe his stories about the past about his interactions with people. he twists everything you say, sadly of course he will be twisting what really happened with other people to his advantage aswell.

but you are not alone, we are here and God is working in your situation.

it is however also a concern if you can not get away, within reason a wife should be able to go away with friends or to visit relatives by herself at times, or go to a counselor!.. that in itself says a lot about how he has trapped and isolated you so you cant get help, which is very unhealthy. I hope you are starting to see how unhealthy the place you are in is.

does he control all the money as well?

dear one we are all concerned for you, please start preparing in little ways in case you have to leave. if you can start putting some money aside for yourself in case of an emergency. you need to protect yourself because sadly your husband is not protecting you as he should.

God is with you Daughter of the King, and will fight on your behalf, but you also need to be wise and start to prepare a few things, research women's shelters or staying with friends. if you were in my country you (and your kids if you have children) could stay with me for a few days to have a break. I'm sure there would be many people near you who would be glad to help you if they knew the real story.

your husband does not see you as God sees you and God is not happy about that I can guarantee you that! you are very precious to God very precious. there are many verses in the Old Testament about people saying and doing things in Gods name that weren't God, especially shepherds of Gods people when they abused the sheep God had put under their care, and God wrought justice.

God is close to the broken hearted and is for you dear sister dont forget that. hugs for you.
 
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Endeavourer

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@Itsahappyday I'm so sad to see you still here in the same situation without having mustered the courage to take a step away from this abuse. That first step is the HARDEST step you will take in this journey, but take it you must in order to start to recover and heal from your situation.

Could you please go to a women's shelter and tell them what you have told us? Can you please report back what they say?

Also, please never mind the posters on this thread with their 'no divorce' theology. Divorce talk is premature to your situation right now. We don't have to talk about divorce. You don't have to think about divorce until you are down the road. First you need to get help. Help from a shelter, or even separation is NOT divorce.

The Bible says to not keep company with an angry man, and to flee persecution. You, a daughter of the King, have EVERY right to reach out to a women's shelter for help rather remain captivated to an angry man who is persecuting you.

Proverbs 22:24:
Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go:

Note: there is not "unless he is your husband" exception to ^^this ^^ verse. God would have put the caveat there if He intended it.
 
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Endeavourer

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That's all good, but if someone comes to a Christian forum, my assumption is they are seeking spiritual guidance. Plus, a pastor may have resources readily available and contacts to direct people to locally. At my church we created an information packet to give to people for just that purpose.

Topher, it can be very dangerous to advise someone to go to a pastor that you don't know.

I'm involved with volunteer work ministering to the abused and you would be heartbroken at how wretchedly too many pastors address women who are being abused. Sadly, there is a significant population of pastors whose main marital theology is that if the wife just submitted to abuse better her marriage would be great. I've even seen pastors excommunicate women for not submitting sufficiently to abuse, which is a terrible, horrible experience for abused wives. It can turn them away from God altogether. Such a pastor's work really has nothing to do with God.

I've learned that enough pastors are not safe for abused women that I've stopped recommending the first step be to go to a pastor. Particularly in a situation as terrible as this one.

A safe Christian resource for marital abuse is marriagebuilders.com. Dr. Harley is an experienced, Christian psychologist who's life work has been studying marriages. I always recommend an abused person go there instead of to a pastor.

Those of us ministering to the abused find the MOST difficult task in all of our work is getting an abused woman to take that first step out of her abuse. It would be very tragic if we poured all of our energy into getting @Itsahappyday to finally take that first step, and that step is to the type of pastor I described above. When that happens, generally a wife won't venture to do anything further about her abuse for another several years, after her health starts suffering.
 
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topher694

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Topher, it can be very dangerous to advise someone to go to a pastor that you don't know.

I'm involved with volunteer work ministering to the abused and you would be heartbroken at how wretchedly too many pastors address women who are being abused. Sadly, there is a significant population of pastors whose main marital theology is that if the wife just submitted to abuse better her marriage would be great. I've even seen pastors excommunicate women for not submitting sufficiently to abuse, which is a terrible, horrible experience for abused wives. It can turn them away from God altogether. Such a pastor's work really has nothing to do with God.

I've learned that enough pastors are not safe for abused women that I've stopped recommending the first step be to go to a pastor. Particularly in a situation as terrible as this one.

A safe Christian resource for marital abuse is marriagebuilders.com. Dr. Harley is an experienced, Christian psychologist who's life work has been studying marriages. I always recommend an abused person go there instead of to a pastor.

Those of us ministering to the abused find the MOST difficult task in all of our work is getting an abused woman to take that first step out of her abuse. It would be very tragic if we poured all of our energy into getting @Itsahappyday to finally take that first step, and that step is to the type of pastor I described above. When that happens, generally a wife won't venture to do anything further about her abuse for another several years, after her health starts suffering.
Right, starting point is that most pastors at ignorant villains... Got it.
 
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Brightmoon

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Who determines what Abuse is? Old divorced people? Some guy one the street observing? This is why God was clear about Marriage and what the institution means, and what kinds of things make someone eligible for righting of divorce. What does the Bible say about when it's okay to divorce?

abuse was not mentioned in those scriptures. This is why I say people conflict their Ideas with Gods.

The fact of the matter is If someone abuses someone in marriage. Ie. Smacks the daylights out of them, That is still not Grounds for divorce. People should know what marriage is and what the promise means to God before they go around spouting about Divorce.

I'm not saying it's okay to smack someone, I'm saying the bible clearly does not address that issue. Therefore to assume That it is abuse is and it's okay to divorce because of that reason, is unstudied in Gods word.

Period.
yep you’ve never been in an abusive relationship nor have you seen one . A lot of us have seen abusers at work that why we advised her to leave if he doesnt stop.
 
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Endeavourer

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Right, starting point is that most pastors at ignorant villains... Got it.

I didn't say most. I said too many. Unfortunately I've had front a row seat on too many situations where the pastoral help was almost as abusive as the situation she was seeking help from.

Because of these experiences, I can no longer in good conscience recommend an abused wife go to "her pastor" when I have no idea who her pastor is and how he will advise her.

Many pastors are fabulous. Many are not. The ones who are not make blanket advise about "pastors" dangerous.
 
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Swan7

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at home for years he calls me dumb stupid etc...

He says I am not trying hard enough, not using my head.

He says not to go against God's anointing.

Today I failed Jesus. I got super angry and swore.

I am tired of being called stupid, dumb idiot., he says I never amounted to anything and that I have nothing to show for all my years. That I do nothing.

Unfortunately, this does bring back memories of my childhood with a father-figure like this one... I'm truly very sorry you are in such a dark situation. But there is hope!

He says I am demon possessed, angel of light coming against the man of God. He has said I was not saved. He said today if I left him I probably would go for a woman - which is so very much not true.

I used to spend so much time with the Lord every day when I was single but now it's so hard. I tried praying tonight but I didn't feel much. So then I tried worshipping and it just wasn't the same.

That right there is projection. This man is not anointed by God (the signs are clearly not of God), this man anoints himself - and there is no power from man as all have fallen short of the glory of God. Only through Christ are we made righteous by His blood, we are cleansed. Only God anoints.

Could the Lord be angry with me?
No.

I do ignore many things, even cutting remarks at times, but sometimes I just can't take it and respond back in anger.
This is a problem, do not ignore these things, but rather take them to God. God is our Judge in all things and all matters. Take these concerns to Him and He will act. Don't forget that God wants to hear us everyday with what ever is going on in our lives. He knows our needs and provides for us.

I struggle with anger as most of us do, but God can and will make it bearable. Sometimes He takes it away completely. We just need to ask Him. As the scriptures say: Ephesians 4:26 God can help us do just that.

Before being saved I dated men, one for a long time and he never called me names. I get married to a Christian and I am called names,put down, pushed around .... What's going on???

I questioned this myself having a dad like this in my childhood (he is different now, seeking God as before he was not a Christian when I was growing up). This actually led me down a path toward hating Christians. However, God saw and He pulled me toward Him - His true self. It took years, but I made it back to Him. The Bible, God's Word, is full of His character and what He looks like through actions.

Please get yourself to a safe place and away from this man who harbors evil in his heart. I'm afraid for your safety as you mentioned he has put his hands on you. Get to a place where you can be alone with God and allow Him to guide you in this marriage or out of it. :yellowheart:
 
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