Wow bro, this is way out of control.. I just feel that I really want to have a Skype chat with you and see if maybe I can figure out what change of perspective can help you, because you shouldn't be scared of God as a Christian. You should be walking strong with Him on your side (Psalms 23:4). So, if you can PM me (your privacy permissions do not allow me to PM you), then just a quick chat and a prayer will definitely help God to lift you up and fortify you.
my first advice would be to not yell at god.
since fear the lord is like the first thing you should learn when about being in his good grace's. Its a sign that you respect him. and believe he's real. Also Ive now seen why your suppose to love him more than anyone. because he's the one who can actually change your life. So your afraid of phobias. Well read psalms and proverbs. and make an effort to be in public. and apply wisdom where possible and appropriate. also pray when you wake up. when you have a meal. lustful thoughts are normal but they are less and less of a distraction as one centers themselves after an appreciation for the grace of god. But know that, that its a battle with no middle ground. as we get older it disappears and one finds that no one made it their appointed position to guide youth to understanding wisdom so that they may help and teach by example. iron sharpens iron.
You shouldn't be inside all the time. or online.
try to go to the park. try to resist looking at say. women and focus your attention to the trees and sunlight, skies. the road of course. and ponder the word of god. as this will help you establish strength. you may not be able to find else where and can not be sought out on this forum or in a self help book. but through your own strengthening.
the lustful thoughts. biggest defeat. If your a anime fan.
your not going to get far. I don't watch tv.
If it leads to action. back to being scared.
For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favor is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
Psalm 30:5King James Version (KJV)
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Praying for you. i used to have panic attacks. The breathing guide up there in the above post #27 might help, dear heart. Through God, i learned that it's all in the "breathing" and the balances of the gases, etc. Praying that God grants you calm and peace and bless-ed balance in your breathing, and that His healing commences. Father may it be so, in Jesus name, amen (((hug)))
Thank you brinny
I'm very sorry for what you're going through. I can relate and your post made me cry. That is so hurtful and I know it's restless. I recognize parts of your story as I too have been and still deal with a struggle with both desiring so much for relationship with Abba and Jesus but you don't seem to feel that connection and keep walking in the darkness of fear cluttering your mind, causing your days to feel miserable and restless. But the moment like you said, you would speak out your frustrations, you would feel judged and not accepted.
I believe the root of your problem is this:
"I fear God's Wrath and Punishment"
Fear has to do with the expectation of punishment (1 joh 4:18)
Deep down you feel God is displeased or angry with you. And it's causing you to live in fear. Indeed you need help, good thing you're sharing this with us
We are in the new covenant, under grace. Through Jesus we have peace with God. Even though your thoughts or emotions tell you God is angry with you, He says:
isa 54:9 For this is as the waters of Noah unto me: for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah should no more go over the earth; so have I sworn that I would not be wroth with thee, nor rebuke thee.
God is not the one rebuking you! Can be the devil (accuser of the brethren - rev 12:10) or our own guilty conscience (heb10:22). God once gave me a revelation of the 'god' of our evil conscience. Our conscience can portrait a God to us that is not real, even though it seems real to our heart. The Father heart is full of love and acceptance for you. To embrace you as you run to Him (luk15). Don't feed that evil conscience by giving your attention to it. It's important to have your mind renewed with the truth about Gods love for you:
1 joh 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
2 tim 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.Feed yourself with messages that focus on Gods love for you through Jesus finished work. It is what cleans your heart from an evil conscience, let Jesus wash your feet with washing of His word (eph5:26)
that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
Father thank you for helping this brother see your light in his darkness. In you there is no darkness, only LIGHT and I declare this brother is in You so standing in Your Light. The light of your love and forgiveness and your warm embrace. Thank You Holy Spirit for making him feel the Fathers embrace. Help him guard his heart from any thought that is not in line with Your thoughts about him (2 cor 10:4-5) and thank you for letting him see himself the way you see him: As perfectly righteous in Christ (2 cor 5:21), your son who you fully accept and love. Thank You that your Father heart will become a heart revelation to him. Thank You also for putting people around Him to help him in his needs, that he will not have to go through this alone. Thank You that you are with him even in his darkest days (ps 23:4, see below), and that from here on his path will get brighter as you'll bring forth a change in his situation. I curse the root of every fear and condemnation in your life and declare it broken in Jesus' name. Whatever his situation is, I declare You will turn this around and work it together for good (rom8:28).
Luk 4:18
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed,
Ps 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You are not alone in what you're going through. There are those who go or went through smth similar as you, and Jesus is with you in your darkest moments, to comfort you and set you at liberty. You're loved!
Panic attacks are sometimes related to adrenal insufficiency. I hope you will look up the symptoms and seek an understanding doctor if you have them. But whatever the cause I pray for your healing.
I know exactly what you're going through. I just woke up a moment ago while trying to fall asleep with the fear of dying in my sleep. The fear is there although we are children of God, but as I've learned up to this point in time, that fear or sudden jolts while trying to fall asleep fear of dying and waking up in hell is Satan's means of disturbing us of our peace. The Lord only wants peace for us so I've been making it a habit and maybe this will also work for you, everyone is different, but try getting up for awhile and make a cup of chamomile/peppermint tea, turn on k-love and open up your bible and read through Psalms. Psalms is made up of our ancestors records on their struggles and that they too also suffered from anxiety and panic attacks and called out to God in their times of trouble. This intense fear that you've been feeling and I myself and others have as well may be the Lord's way of drawing us closer to Him to help teach us to rely on His strength and comfort. Paul in the New Testament wrote a letter regarding our anxieties as God's way of strengthening our faith..I get panic attacks. I have an extreme fear of death and dying. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. I'm starting to have a fear of sleeping. What's the reason?
I fear God's Wrath and Punishment. I also fear of getting murdered. When I take a walk outside I get this fear that the Earth is going to open up and swallow me whole. I also get this fear that I'm going to fly into outer space. I have all these phobias and it's driving me nuts.
It has prevented me from living a normal life. Today when I was talking to God I yelled at him and said this is not fair that I deal with this.
And then after I yelled at God I feared his wrath again. I asked God's forgiveness for yelling at him and and asked his forgiveness for telling him how he is unfair. Of course God is fair. In scripture it says that God's judgments are always Fair. I know this. And I know I had no right to yell at God. And sometimes I feel like that was Unforgivable.
I need help and I don't know how to get it. I know there's not much anyone can do. But I still put myself in these situations even though I know I have a phobia. I still take walks outside even though I have a phobia that the ground is going to open up and swallow me whole. I'm just hoping that my phobia will go away. I still take walks outside even when I am dizzy, I just use a walking stick and I stay away from open areas.
I get severe panic attacks. And I don't want to die in my sins. I asked God's forgiveness but sin is a habit. It's hard to not get lustful thoughts. I asked forgiveness when these thoughts occur. I do find myself not lusting as much as I used to. And I am striving to have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. But I don't think I am searching for him with my whole heart. I'm may give him 20 minutes a day sometimes.
Does God even care how many times a day or how many hours I spent with him? I am afraid that if I don't spend this many hours with him that I'm just going to go to hell. So I tell myself okay I will give him 10% of my time, which is 2.4 hours a day. I keep failing. I am so depressed and miserable that I just want to watch TV. I like to escape from reality. But then watching too much TV may send me to hell.
I am striving to have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ and I am striving to turn away from sin, but I don't know how to seek him with my whole heart. As you can tell I have mental problems, and I need to be healed.
Please pray for me. I think I have agoraphobia. But it has not been diagnosed yet. I haven't seen a professional counselor. But I will. If I can get out of the house without panicking, Which I have been.
Again please pray for me. I even panic in my own apartment sometimes because I am afraid something terrible is going to happen to me. Like I said, I am afraid of sleeping because I am afraid of waking up in hell.